𓆩・༺ ꔫ ༻・𓆪
I have no clue how to act around him after what happened, but I force myself to leave the bathroom once my heart settles down.
Holding the bathroom towel as close to my body as I can, I step onto the white carpet of the apartment while exiting the room, seeing his back facing me while sitting on the ground.
I can tell he's lost in thought from here, so to pull him out of his mind, I shut the bathroom door behind me which causes him to stir from the noise in his position.
"We got lucky," he says, holding up a dark green backpack. "I didn't think anyone listened to me earlier before we left but someone did. They left behind clothes before the mission began in the locations I listed in case anyone had to stay behind. Hopefully, they will fit or at least should be good enough. Found them in the closet."
He stands up now, walks to the kitchen counter, and places the backpack down. He unzips the pack and pulls out the clothes.
Handing some clothes to me, he begins putting his on. I take the black t-shirt, which is super baggy on my body, and slide it on while putting on long pajama bottoms which are red flannel.
He wears a gray t-shirt, too, but he has black shorts that go a little past his knees.
After putting on the clothes, I take my towel and walk back into the bathroom where I hang it up to dry. He, doing the same, follows after me and puts his towel up, too.
Although we've been around each other since the bathroom incident, we haven't spoken. There's a clear awkwardness in the air. However, when we walk back into the living room and sit down on the floor, I hear him sigh aloud.
"I'm sorry about earlier," he rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact as best as he can. "My mind is wild tonight. You know, everything with Acid, the mission, and now an accident like that," he gestures to the bathroom without saying any more, "is a lot to handle," he admits.
"I'm not used to being in situations like this with other girls. Acid has been my one and only. I haven't gone all the way with anyone else," he mentions, while one of my eyebrows raises on its own.
"Weren't you two in an open relationship though?" I ask softly.
With a single nod, he agrees. "We were, but I felt wrong about it. It made me uncomfortable. I tried, of course, because she always urged me to or whenever I watched her in the hands of another man, I would try to make myself forget about how much her actions hurt me. I guess I'm weak for not following through," another sigh falls from his lips, and I find myself inching closer, wanting to comfort him, but I still leave distance between us.
"That doesn't make you weak, Jungkook. There's nothing wrong with you for not wanting to do that. Some people prefer open relationships, others prefer one partner, and even some choose to be alone. There's no right or wrong answer for how you choose to live your life. Just because Acid can do it doesn't mean that you can change your way of life for her. She shouldn't have been urging you into something you felt uncomfortable with,"
It only hits me now, but I remember the first time I met Acid and how her mind turned. She didn't care at all for Jungkook and me to sleep together, and now that I think about it, she even encouraged me, a stranger, into sleeping with her boyfriend.
"Other men can easily jump into something like this. I know guys who have no trouble sleeping around, cheating or being very open in these types of relationships, but I've tried and can't do it. The farthest I've gotten with another woman was when she fully undressed and told me she was on the pill. I couldn't go through with it, so I left." I watch the way his face turns grim from admitting it.
"I feel like a total idiot for being so embarrassed about not being with more women, but I'm the type of person who has to know someone before going through with something so intimate. I could never do a one-night stand, especially with a stranger, but Acid always made me feel like shit about it."
I watch the way his eyes lower to the floor, disappointment shadowing himself.
Finding my voice, I try my best to help. "It's not your fault that you felt wrong about it, Jungkook. Acid should have watched you around other girls and understood how you felt weird about it. And you're not an idiot for not sleeping around. That's your own choice, and no one should ever pressure you into something you don't want to do," I watch him turn to me now, a sad expression on his face.
"Do you think she wanted to be in an open relationship because I was never enough for her? I did so much to make her happy, and I know a lot of people never saw everything I did for her, but I did. Hell, if she called me right now and told me to pick her up, I probably would without complaining. I'm still hurting about the pregnancy and knowing the child isn't mine, but I love her so much, Vee."
There's a brief moment of silence between us. I have no idea what to say and neither does he, but I force myself to speak.
"It's not that you aren't enough, Jungkook. It's as you said—you did everything you could and still would do for her. Some people are in open relationships for different reasons, but it's not because you weren't enough for her—"
"She only does it for sex, Vee. Yeah, some people do it to find better qualities and for dating numerous partners, or to have a break from one person, or what other reason they do it, but she told me she only does it for sex. She was always interested in appearances only, so sometimes it makes me wonder if she's with me—was with me—for my looks."
That's a valid question and reason for a lot of ongoing relationships. However, I wouldn't know how to help since I've never been so close to someone to say I love them—in a romantic way.
Before I can think of what to say next, he gains my attention by putting his hand on my knee.
"I have to be honest, Vee. That one night in the basement with the lipstick, I wasn't testing to see if you were a pushover like I said. I saw Acid earlier hooking up with someone, who now I'm sure was Ghost, and I wanted to force myself into trying to be like her again. I'm sorry I used you that way; it was wrong of me, but you deserve to know the truth. I wasn't testing you, but I did want to try things with you because I thought I could really do it that time. I only called you a pushover because that's what I felt like... I do everything she says and even tried the open-relationship thing once more because of her."
Sniffing, he runs his fingers through his hair. With dry eyes that look so distant, he continues.
"I was embarrassed to see you after that, so I guess that's why I was such an asshole. I have issues sometimes with taking my anger out on people... like I did Yoongi that morning. I still think people should be wearing condoms, but I don't know why I was annoyed with seeing you two together like that. I guess because I thought he made a move on you, and I could tell from our first conversation that you weren't like that. I guess, at that moment, I saw myself in you. I thought Yoongi forced you into sleeping with him like Acid always forced me into doing things I didn't want to."
"But now I know that's not what happened between you. I'm sorry for assuming." He shuts his eyes momentarily, tiredness evident in his tone.
All the times he was an asshole was because he didn't know how to act around me?
My attention tears from my thoughts when he continues talking. "We've gotten closer since you've been staying at the warehouse, but I wanted to tell you this because it's been weighing on my mind lately. I am sorry for using you, and I know I'm an awful person. I just thought you have the right to know."
He stands from the carpet and doesn't look my way. "I'm going to bed. There's another bedroom across from the room I'll be in. There's only a bed frame and a mattress, but it should be enough for one night. See you in the morning," he walks away, heading down the small hallway and into the empty room.
When I hear the bedroom door shut behind him, I let out a sigh I didn't know I was holding in.
The conversation got so personal and deep. I had no idea how to respond or what to say, but I tried my best.
Regardless, I can't believe Acid would force a lifestyle like hers on anyone. How would she feel if Jungkook decided to push having a one-way relationship on her? I'm sure she would tell him, no, and he would understand, but despite Jungkook expressing his feelings, it's as if she doesn't care.
She acts as if he should get over it and because he's a guy, would love to be in bed with different women. However, that's not the truth. Not all men are like that. Of course, the world is full of men like that, but there are women who do the same, too.
Married couples commit affairs, or they don't. Some couples decide not to get married, others want to get married. People practice safe sex, and some people don't. It's how the world works. No one will ever understand that there are different kinds of lifestyles in the world and be perfectly accepting of them. People judge each other too much, and I can't see it when I look at Jungkook.
The only reason he kept trying to get with other girls, was because he thinks Acid would think less of him. Think he's a coward or weak for not going after more. He didn't have to tell me that to realize it, and I hate that he was in a relationship like that; no one deserves to be in a relationship while constantly trying to prove their worth to their partner.
I force the thoughts away as I stand to my feet. I walk into the vacant bedroom across from the room he's in and shut the door behind me.
Climbing on top of the bed, I face the window where I see the night sky. Tonight has been busy up until this point, but I hope tomorrow will be much better for everyone.
Maybe our message tonight will help point the city in the right direction and everyone, including Jungkook, can forget about their troubles, but until morning comes, I'll have to wait patiently like the rest of the crew.
𓆩・༺ ꔫ ༻・𓆪