"Should I be concerned that you have men's clothes in your bedroom?" Henrik questioned as River handed him a spare shirt so that she could wear his jumper.
"Nope." River deadpanned, "It's your brother's."
"Well that makes me feel so much better." Henrik mumbled, passing the shirt between either of his hands.
"The longer you take to get ready the higher chance there is of me carrying your child and after a while I think I'm just going to leave without you." River reasoned.
"The first part of that sentence didn't sound as bad as you're making it out to be." Henrik added as he put on the shirt.
"It's not happening." River denied. "If I find out I'm pregnant from last night or this morning, I personally will give you a penectomy."
"Don't you mean vasectomy?"
"I know what I mean."
-----
"It's your penis." River whisper-shouted at Henrik. "You're paying for it."
"I'll pay for it but I'm not buying it." Henrik tried to reason in a hushed tone.
"Why not?" River challenged.
"It's your-" Henrik started but cut himself off as one of the elderly ladies who worked at the pharmacy walked past the pair and their quiet argument. "It's your body." He continued once the woman was out of earshot.
"Now is the time men don't want to override women's bodily autonomy." River muttered, mainly to herself.
"I'm not doing it." Henrik stated, "Do you really need it?"
"Yes, we were hardly safe." River explained.
"We used a condom." Henrik objected before returning the glare he received from the cashier who had just overheard him.
"The first time." River added, "If only your definition of safe sex compared to your siblings' definition of keeping me safe from your mother."
"Firstly, we used a condom more than once, trust me, I remember." He continued.
"If your next sentence is about include the phrase 'condoms don't feel as good' I will kill myself and the possible clump of cells inside of me." River threatened.
"Secondly, " He started, ignoring River's comment, "I was still keeping you safe from my mother. If I had a dollar for each protection spell I did on you before we left I could pay for this overpriced pill and still have money left over."
"Well I can't buy it."
"Why not?" Henrik questioned.
"If I do it, society says I'm a slut. If you do it, society says you're a responsible dad. So...," She trailed off.
"Well that's one hell of a double standard." Henrik muttered.
"Welcome to being a women." River invited. "Now go." She added before pushing Henrik towards the cashier.
-----
"Thank you for paying." River apologised as she cuddled into his side.
"For the morning-after pill or for the pancakes you consumed in less than three minutes?" Henrik challenged as he tightened his arm around her side, his hand resting on her soulmark.
"Both." River admitted guiltily as she ate the rest of Henrik's pancakes which he couldn't finish.
"My siblings are going to burn me at the stake for this." Henrik muttered as he cupped the side of River's face.
"Screw them." River dismissed as she gently pecked Henrik's lips.
"You already have, my love." Henrik countered.
"Right." River uttered before eating the final bite of Henrik's pancakes. River paused for a moment, looking in between the now empty plate and Henrik.
"Do you want more pancakes?" Henrik pieced together.
"Yes, please." River blurted out.
-----
"What in the bloody hell were you thinking?" Rebekah snapped as she opened the passenger door of Henrik's car before helping River out.
"It's-" River started but she was cut off.
"Not you." Rebekah corrected. "Him." She added, flashing her vampire eyes at Henrik. Before Henrik could try and defend himself as he got out of the car, he was slammed against the closed car door, held up by the hand against his throat.
"Kol." River scolded but her remark was muffled as Elijah pulled her into his chest.
"So tell me, brother," Kol started, "What exactly were you thinking when you risked our mate's life? Explain precisely what went through your brain."
"I don't think that was the organ he was thinking with." Finn scoffed, noticing Henrik's scent rolling off of River which implied that they had completed the bond. Finn's comment merely encouraged Kol as he tightened his hand around Henrik's neck.
"Kol." River snapped but was held back by Elijah's arms. "Don't man-handle me." River warned, trying to pry off Elijah's arms. "And don't hurt him." She added, turning to glare at Kol. Reluctantly, Kol then withdrew his hand, allowing Henrik to drop down from his hold. As Henrik then straightened out his back, allowing him to reach his full height, he was backed down by a harsh snarl.
So much for being the 'gentle' brother.
"Finn," River started. "Don't. Growl. At. Him." She warned causing Finn to conceal the veins under his eyes which had flashed through. "And don't be a bitch about this." River scolded as she noticed Nik's irritated glare in Henrik's direction.
"Anymore requests?" Kol deadpanned.
"Don't talk back to me." She snapped causing Kol's smug expression to fall. "Now," River started once all of the Mikaelsons were relatively under control, "We are going to have a civilised discussion about our feelings because you lot clearly need it."
-----
"I would never hurt River." Henrik explained.
"Yet you went out of your way to take her into danger, intentionally making it so none of us would know." Nik argued.
"What I believe Niklaus is trying to say is: why did you deem it necessary to remove River from what we have made a safe place?" Elijah reworded.
"That's the point." Henrik started, "You thought it was safe just because she was locked inside with all of us and I had done some barrier and protection spells."
"So you thought you knew better than us?" Rebekah challenged.
"That's not what he's saying." Kol defended.
"She was going crazy inside. It wasn't fair on her that after a month of radio silence from mother that she couldn't even step outside."
I love being spoken about as though I'm not in the room.
it truly makes my day...
Please note the sarcasm.
"But you didn't just take her outside did you?" Nik challenged. "19 hours you two were gone."
"I did even more protection spells before we left." Henrik added.
Don't these spells start cancelling out at some point?
"Like I said, I would never hurt River." Henrik repeated.
"Tell that to the handprint on my ass." River muttered, mainly to herself.
"What?"
"Ew."
"That's hot."
"Oh God." Henrik muttered, simultaneously with the other comments. Nik groaned, allowing his forehead to fall forward and rest on River's shoulder who was seated on the lounge in front of him.
"You don't get to complain." River denied, flicking off Nik's head.
"Don't you think it's funny how Nik, the overconfident alpha male who daggered all of us for centuries, is the last one to complete the bond with River?" Rebekah thought out loud.
"One could almost say it was intentional." Elijah added, narrowing his eyes at River.
"You're welcome." River mocked.
"Ugh you're perfect." Kol sighed, dropping his head to River's lap.
"So I've been told."