When I turned 18, I thought my life was nearing its end.
I was spent, with no interest to go on.
My siblings were not young children anymore; they were 14.
I was already taking care of them both, at 14.
They were basically adults, now! They didn't need me anymore.
Little did I know, one big change was waiting for me- for us all.
In fact, unbelievably, for them as well, my dad's wife had gotten pregnant again.
Of course, it goes without saying, it wasn't planned. They didn't want more kids.
They were finally seeing the end on the tunnel with us.
The last thing they wanted was another little brat to run around the house.
They were shocked, at first.
I remember they started telling us that we would be taking care of the baby, as soon as they discovered the pregnancy.
Of course, we would be: they didn't need to say it.
We, were a real family.
My siblings and I.
And families stick together.
....
When he arrived, he was a baby boy.
I went into hospital to meet him; my step-mum was exhausted. She held him, briefly.
Then, I took him in my arms.
He was a small baby, staring at me with his deep, hazel eyes.
He stared at me for a moment, as if he wanted to ask me something.
I nodded, and then he closed his eyes, and snuggled up to me, and slept.
I thought he was asking me if I was going to take care of him- if he was safe.
And I said yes, and he knew he was loved, and fell asleep.
That moment I first hold him, I still remember it.
It was one of the biggest emotions of my life.
...
The little buddy came back home, and our daily routine changed once more.
Now there was a baby to feed; to change; to rock to sleep.
My whole life was revolving around him.
Going to school was difficult.
But then, life goes on: so quickly, that it feels like it's escaping you.
It seemed like yesterday he came back from the hospital, and now he was crawling around the house. Grabbing things, and giggling.
Eating from his plate, and not only from a baby bottle.
God, kids grow up so fast.
And every sleepless night you spent, it feels like nothing now. You only remember the good things.
His first smile.
The first time he moved a step on his own, to try and catch the family cat.
I started actually feeling less depressed, in those months- but very, very tired.
I had no idea how to actually be a mom for a new-born. I had to learn on my own, fast.
But I started thinking, how many new, crazy things I was experiencing. How much joy.
I started thinking that if I had killed myself 6 months prior, I would never have met this baby.
I realized that you never know what life has in store for you.
I started thinking that yes, I did a lot for my siblings.
All 3 of them.
But they did a lot for me, too.
They loved me, comforted me, made me laugh. They appreciated me.
They gave me a reason to hold on. Something to cling to, to avoid getting crazy through my teen-age years.
If it hadn't been for them, if I had been alone with dad and the Mrs.
I think I would have really killed myself.