"Are you okay?" Lia hands me a cup of tea as she sits across from me in their dining table.
I'm at Lia's house right now since I have nothing to do.
"Yea, I just don't know what to do with myself, you know? I feel somewhat lost now that the kids are all in school. For years, at least one kid is at home so I'm busy taking care of them" I take a sip of my tea.
"Do you have like hobbies you want to try? Or go back to school or work? What did Ryujin say?" Lia ask.
"I haven't told her that I'm feeling like this. I know she will support whatever I want to do. I feel like I should be working to help out around the house. I can't be that shameless and continue to live off her when the kids are growing up now and don't need me as much" I say.
"You're not being shameless. You two are married and it's not like you're taking advantage of her. You do a lot for her too but if you really want to work, what do you have in mind?"
"I'm not sure" I sigh.
"For years, I've just been focused on being a mother. I don't know how to be anything else" I add.
"You're still a mother. Just because they're grown up, it doesn't mean they won't need you anymore. Especially with how close you are with your kids."
"If I do start working, I'm worried that I might not be able to take care of them well. I had two working parents growing up and they always seemed busy. I know a lot of parents can do both, work and take care of their kids but I don't know if I can be one of them" I say.
"If Ryujin doesn't make you work then I say don't work. Just find hobbies to do while the kids are in school. They're not gonna be in school all year long. Elias is still pretty young too. He's only five."
"That's true" I think about it.
"Or have another kid" she chuckles.
"I don't know about that" I shake my head, "I love being a mom to young babies but I also like the idea that I'll still be young when my youngest either go to college or something else."
"But enough about me though, how are you and Chaeryeong enjoying motherhood?" I ask.
"So well that I sent my kid off to my mom so I can have a break. I don't know how you did that. Going through their baby phase three times" she laughs.
Lia and Chaeryeong adopted a baby through private adoption last year. The two finally decided to start a family together.
"I was lucky. None of the kids were really into crying" I laugh with her.
"But I do love being a mom. Those brief moments where he's not crying makes everything worth it" Lia shares.
"If you ever need help or just want someone babysit, feel free to let me know" I smile at her.
---
"Mom, we signed up for stuff today" Ervin announces right away while he gets in the car. Eva is busy helping Elias with his seatbelt.
"What did you sign up for?" I look back at him.
Dropping the kids off and picking them up from school has been one of my favorite things to do. I just love this feeling of being their mom and doing things like this.
"I signed up for volleyball" Eva sits down in the passenger seat once she's done with Elias.
Eva has grown well. She's not a little girl anymore and that makes my heart sad and happy. She's still a very sweet big sister to the other two. Her personality hasn't changed much aside from her mood swings because of puberty.
"You did? I didn't know you were interested in playing volleyball?" I ask.
"I wasn't but I wanted to try something new. When the school year started, baba said to not be afraid to try new things. She said when we're young is the best time to try everything" Eva answers.
"And volleyball is that thing?" I chuckle.
"Just sports in general" she shrugs.
"What about you, Ervin?" I look at him through the rear view mirror.
"Football" he happily shares.
"Football?" My kids seems to be into sports out of nowhere.
"I didn't know that the school has football for little kids?" I question.
"They have everything, mom but I chose football because baba likes watching football so this way she can watch me play too" Ervin smiles.
Ervin is a happy kid. He's also very considerate. He likes doing things that he thinks will make Ryujin and I happy. It's sweet but I also don't want him to make decisions in his life because of us. It should be because it's something he wants.
"Do you like football though? Or are you doing this because your baba likes football?" I know Ryujin doesn't make him or even talked to him about ever joining a football team so this is really a surprise for me.
"They also have soccer but that's more running than football so I'll pass. Baseball is not until spring and that's the one I really want to do."
"But why football? You could just wait for spring for baseball" I say. I don't have anything against football but I don't know if I like the idea of my kid being tackled by other kids.
"It's only flag football for their age group, mom. Don't worry" Eva says to me. She must have noticed my worried expression.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"They don't tackle each other. They'll have flags around their waist and if the other players takes off that flag then the player will be considered down" she explains.
That information brings me relief but if Ervin enjoys this then he might continue this until his older and something about that just worries me. Especially with his personality of being unbothered but sometimes can be careless.
"Are you not happy?" Ervin ask.
"I'm happy, baby. I'm just a bit worried but that's normal because I always worry about the three of you. I want to make sure all of you are happy and safe" I say.
"I'm gonna be okay, mom. I'm strong" Ervin flexes his arm.
"Strong or dumb. You've broken your arm twice. The same arm too" Eva laughs.
"It's not stupid. It's consistency" Ervin argues with her.
Ervin did break his same arm again last year. Not long after the first time it healed. He said he wanted redemption climbing the tree, he did but failed again.
"How was school for you Elias?" I ask the youngest while the other two argue with one another.
"Good. I ate with friends."
Elias just started school this year so he was very excited about it because he hears from his older siblings about school. Just like Ervin, Elias also admires and adores Eva. The two really look up to her. He's also the quietest out of the three. It doesn't mean he's quiet but compare to his siblings, he's pretty quiet.
"Is baba coming home today?" Elias ask.
Ryujin has been gone for a week now for work. She's actually in Canada right now because that's where her client is.
"I think so" I say.
"Good, I miss her" Elias says.
"We do too" Ervin chimes in.
We get home and the kids notice Ryujin's car so as soon as I park the car, the three kids rub out the door and into the house, leaving me alone.
"I miss Ryujin too" I say to myself.
I walk into the house and the kids are bombarding my wife that's sitting on the couch.
"Hey, give baba some space. She probably just got home so she needs to rest" I say. The kids gives her some space and I take that opportunity to sit next to Ryujin.
"Mom, I thought you said she needs space" Ervin furrows his brows.
"She doesn't need space from her wife" I smile and Ryujin grabs me by my waist.
"I missed you too" she kisses my neck.
"Eww. Egg is here. He doesn't need to see that" Eva fakes being disgusted.
Everyone still calls Elias, Egg. I thought once he can speak then he will tell them no, don't call him Egg but I was so wrong. He actually likes it. He even writes his name as Egg.
"So what did I miss?" Ryujin faces the kids while she continues to hold me. I missed being in her arms. Being away from her for a week is too much.
The kids starts talking at once and Ryujin has to tell them to stop to take turns on who goes first. To make it fair, Ryujin has them play rock, paper and scissors. She always does that whenever the kids can't make a choice together.
Ervin wins so he tells Ryujin about his plan on playing football. Then Eva went after about volleyball.
"It sounds like we need to go shopping for some gears" Ryujin chuckles.
"What about you, Egg?" Ryujin ask Elias.
"I learned, ate then played" Elias lays his head on Ryujin's lap.
"Did you miss me?" Ryujin rubs his back with her free hand that's not holding me.
"Yea, don't go away again" he says.
"Mom, since baba is back, can Ervin and I make dinner?" Eva ask.
Eva still enjoys cooking. Ervin, not so much but he will if he has to or if he's in the mood. I'm good with knowing he at least knows how so he can feed himself when he's older.
"Do you need help with anything?" I ask.
Eva is almost thirteen and knows how to be safe in the kitchen so she has full access now. She doesn't need us to watch over her. I remember the first time we let her turn on the stove for the first time, she was so happy.
"We're good. Ervin is gonna help, right?" Eva glares at her brother.
"Yes, I will be your assistant Eva" Ervin sounds like he's being forced.
"Thank you. I feel so special" Ryujin smiles.
"You are, baba. We miss you when you're gone" Eva goes around the couch so she can give Ryujin a hug and Ervin does the same.
"I should leave more often so I get this type of treatment more" Ryujin laughs.
"Do that and you won't be sleeping in the same room as me" I playfully threaten her.
"Oh no. We can't have that" she squeezes me tighter and kisses me on the cheek.
"Again, there's an Egg in the room" Eva scolds us.
Eva is so strict with us sometimes that its funny. Her sass has only grown the older she gets but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love that she's not afraid to voice out her opinion and she's not afraid to say when someone or something is making her uncomfortable.
"Egg doesn't care. Look at him. He's just happy that baba is back" Ervin points at the comfortable Elias.
In some way, all three kids have become a mini version of Ryujin. Elias even more because he looks like her.
"Let's go, Erv or we might not eat until tomorrow" Eva jokes.
"If you need help, just call me" I say.
"I want to help too!" Elias sits up and follows the other two kids into the kitchen.
"We're you okay while I was gone?" Ryujin ask once we're alone.
"I was. I missed you a lot and it got pretty lonely at night even though we were on the phone. Kinda brought me back from when we were still doing the long distance thing" I chuckle.
"Ryujin, stop smelling me" I try to push her away but she just holds on to me tighter.
"What? I forgot your scent so I need a refresher" she smells the crook of my neck and occasionally kissing it.
"The kids are growing up well, huh" she says.
"They are. I couldn't be more proud" I just let her continue smelling me.
"Ryujin, are you expecting me to work now since the kids are growing up?" I ask.
"No, why? Did someone say something?" She stops smelling me.
I share my concerns with her about feeling lost, now that all three kids are in school.
"Yeji, I think the question is, do you want to work? I'm okay either way. It's your decision" she says.
"I'm not sure. I guess I have to think about it" I say.
"That's fair but don't think that you have to work though. If you don't want to then that's okay. If you do then that's okay too. Don't feel pressured, thinking that I think you should because I don't think that. I want you to do what you wanna do, okay?"
"I love you" I try so scoot closer to her.
"I love you more. My sole purpose in this life is to give everything to you and our kids, support all of you and love every single one of you with all I have."
"We will do the same for you. I think you can see how much the kids adore you. They're so excited now that you're back home" I say.
We wait until dinner is ready. We hear the kids laughing in the kitchen. Ryujin and I cuddling in the couch with the kids being able to do things for themselves now. I can see a glimpse of our future where the kids are all grown up and it will be just us two in the house.
It's sad but it's also exciting.
—next chapter will be the last. I've decided it's time to end this story.