Hello all! I am SO sorry for abandoning this fic for so long. I've had an unbelievable amount of personal issues and I had to prioritize many other things, not to mention writers block.
In all honesty, I had a whole list of plans for this fic, but I've lost it and have forgotten a lot of it, so I'm just gonna wing it from now and update whenever I can. I've been reading all of your comments though, and they've put many smiles on my face, especially when I've really needed that, so thank you so much, and thank you for all of your patience and support. <3
I think some part of this chapter could potentially be triggering, it involves unwanted advances but I can't specify without spoiling it all. If you'd prefer to skip this one just incase, that's totally okay! take care of yourself :)
This is quite a short chapter but I feel it's important to set up the events of the next few I have in mind, and I thought it was best to post something while I'm still finishing up the next. I hope you enjoy!
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Another day another expedition, only this time you wouldn't actually be going on it. You were partly relieved that you didn't have to worry about being lost and almost eaten again, but you were also unbelievably anxious about having to wait around in this abnormally large building completely alone, wondering who would return safely, and who you may never see again.
You were outside waiting with Levi for the time for them to go, so you could see them off properly. You tried to ignore the worries for their wellbeing eating at you.
He checks his straps while everyone was making their preparations, then an unfamiliar boy approached you.
"Y/N, Erwin has requested you in his office." The redhead grumbled.
You look to Levi in confusion, silently asking if he knew anything about this, to which he shrugs in response.
"It's okay, Go, we've got about half an hour until we leave"
"Alright, I wanna make sure I see you before though."
"You will. I forgot something in my office anyway. Meet me there when you're done."
The redhead grumbles, reminding you of his presence in an impatient manner, earning a cold glare from Levi.
What a douche.
You couldn't tell if he was annoyed or just uninterested in delivering this message, but you gave a swift nod and made your way nonetheless.
That guy had an awful haircut though.
"Come in" the familiar voice calls out after you knock on Erwin's office door, and you head inside to find him leaning against one of his bookshelves, fully dressed in his odm gear. He had one leg crossed over the other, holding a book with one hand, acting as if he didn't notice your presence despite actively requiring and expecting it. His entire stance looked forced and uncomfortable, and you were only just able to suppress a laugh.
"Y/N, Good to see you."
"Likewise Sir. Is everything ok?" you respond with a salute.
"Please, Help yourself to some tea." He gestures towards the pot on his desk without so much as a glance in your direction.
You busy yourself pouring yourself a cup, and then him, before taking a seat and waiting. Only he doesn't speak. He does nothing at all to indicate that he has anything to say to you. You eye the scouting formation plans on his desk, making note of where all your friends are. You wait in silence patiently until it feels like you've been sat there for at least 15 minutes.
"Sir, You wanted to see me. Are you going to speak anytime soon?"
he chuckles deeply.
"I just wanted to see how you're doing, considering you wont be joining us for this expedition."
Is that really all he called me here for?
"uh yeah I'm fine sir. I'll probably just get some cleaning done or something, not like there's much else to do is there?"
"Oh I'm assuming Levi made that suggestion"
He sounded almost... hostile?
"No sir."
"I mean, it does seem that you two spend an awful lot of time together."
Where is he going with this?
"Sir, with all due respect, did you need something or did you just call me here to make observations about my personal life?"
"See, that's what I like about you Y/N. You're quite fiery, aren't you?"
He finally looks at you, raising one eyebrow while a devilish smirk creeps across his face.
This entire situation feels wrong. You have the utmost respect for Commander Erwin as your superior, but this felt entirely unprofessional on his part.
Not that you were one to talk about professionalism while fucking your captain, but still.
"See Y/N, I thought you would of gathered by now that I harbor some sort of admiration towards you. Even taking my personal feelings out of this matter entirely, I just believe you would be a fool to lower yourself to someone like Levi."
You abruptly stand, making your way over to him.
"Sir, He's supposed to be your best friend. Please don't tell me that you've been so cold with him over a girl?"
"Not entirely."
"Then respectfully Sir, I ask that you don't use your position as Commander to drag me into your problems." You say firmly, despite knowing that he isn't telling you the whole truth.
"If you don't mind, I'm kind of in a hurry." You add, losing patience by the minute.
"Somewhere better to be?"
"Yes actually."
Before he has a chance to answer, you turn and swiftly exit his office.
Before you have the chance to turn the next corner, You hear footsteps approaching and then you're suddenly spun around and firmly pressed with your back against the wall as Erwin towers over you.
"This is the last time I miss my chance." he mutters to himself before dipping his head down. You barely heard him, and certainly hadn't had a chance to try and understand what he meant before his lips press to yours, and you're completely frozen in shock. You can barely process what's happening as his tongue flicks out to request entry, like he doesn't even notice that you aren't reciprocating at all.
This is so so wrong. This situation isn't entirely different to your first kiss with Levi, with it being a superior you'd just had a disagreement with, but Levi's kiss was too incredible to describe and you would have done anything to keep on kissing him, however with Erwin, you were frozen, upset, confused and disgusted. You would do anything to make it stop, but you fear that pushing him away may be insubordination.
Screw it.
You firmly shove his chest and he pulls away, a look of horror on his face.
"Oh..."
"What the fuck was that?!" your voice is shrill but you don't care.
"I'm terribly sorry Y/N. I must have misread this situation."
"You think?!"
"I don't know what came over me.. I just-" He fumbles for words.
He's quite clearly feeling a vast array of emotions right now, but you're way past caring. You don't give him any response as you walk away, You have to find Levi.
Fuck.. what am I going to tell him? Will he believe me?
It doesn't matter right now, But you have to say something. This has answered so many questions that have been clouding Levi's mind for quite some time, and you can't hold onto the weight of this being a secret, he deserves to know. But should you really tell him now, just before an important expedition? Or could it wait until he returns?
You don't want to keep this from him, not for a second, but you also don't want this causing tension in a dangerous environment. Levi doesn't need to be worrying about this, not when he's out in titan territory. You decide not to tell him just yet, for his own safety and partially for Erwin's. If Levi does believe you, you know for a fact that any previous friendship with Erwin would not save him from Levi's wrath.
But Erwin ... How could he do that? Erwin is better than this and he knows it, What the hell is wrong with him?
You'd expect this bullshit from Jean or maybe even Eren, but not Erwin. Never in a million years.
What did I do to make him think that..?-
You shake that train of thought off before it consumes you. This is in no way your responsibility. If he misread things, that's on him, he's a grown man and the COMMANDER of the scouts, he, if anyone, should know better.
"Y/N!" you hear several familiar voices call out as you pass the main doors, which are open to reveal your friends mounting their horses, but you didn't have time. You ignore them as you rush on, impatient to see Levi even if just for a second.
You didn't know how long you had until everyone leaves, but you're quite sure you were in Erwin's office for way longer than it felt.
You practically slide around the corner, the sight of Levi's door has seldom been more welcome as you hurriedly approach it.
You fling yourself into Levi's door, calling his name as you enter the room, but he's not there. You try the bedroom and the bathroom, but he's nowhere to be seen. Your heart drops in your chest.
He's gone.
Am I too late?
You quickly sprint back to where everyone was preparing in a panic. You were certain Levi would survive and make it back from this expedition, but you at least wanted to see him before he goes. He doesn't like goodbyes, of that you can tell, but surely he wouldn't just leave without a word?
As a scout, you're very in shape, but sprinting for this long still leaves fire in your lungs and legs, you're really going as fast as you can, but it's no use.
Just as you pass the threshold of the main doors, you notice that nobody is there. You can only see the faint silhouettes of the scouts on their horses far down the road.
You're too late, Levi is gone.