In the middle of the night I drive home after I talked to Jandro about the day. I hadn't any clue. Fuck how the hell would I know that? He fucked another woman god dammit!
I'm so incredible angry and kinda confused. My head is about to explode. Too much thoughts, nobody can erase. Too much questions, nobody will answer.
I quickly open my eyes as I hear someone behind me yelling. God the fucking traffic light is orange! Relax!
"Shut the hell up", I yell out of my window
"Son of a fucking whore", he yells back
Does he have a dead wish? I open my car door and walk towards him.
"What the fuck did you said?", I lean into the window, a gun in my hand
"What the?", he murmurs, "nothing!"
"I'll fucking kill you if you say another word", I threat and you all already know I never make empty threats
He just stares at me and I walk back into my car. Fuck I was so close to kill him. I still would but I don't have the strength to explain everything to my baby.
As I entered our home I see Juan sitting in the kitchen.
"Baby, why are you still awake?", I ask
"Why the fuck is a gun in the refrigerator?", he asks angrily but his face softened as he sees my expression
"What's wrong?", he asks now softly
I walk towards him and hug him tightly. I need him to calm myself down, to remind myself that I'm not the person I was before him.
"I have a step brother"
"You- what? From your father?"
I nod, not knowing what I should think about that.
"He was the reason of that car accident"
"He?! Why the fuck would he kill me? I didn't even know he existed"
"I also didn't know. I killed his father, so he probably wanted revenge"
"Is he seriously?"
"Looks like"
"Asshole...let's sleep, you look exhausted"
"I am, baby"
He softly grabs my hand and we walk upstairs. I let myself fall on the bed with everything on.
"You can't sleep like this", Juan murmurs, starting to take off my clothes
He's an angel.
"Thank you hubby", I grin
"Don't ever say that again", he's disgusted
We laugh out loud and he lays next to me. I wrap my arms around him and he snuggles into my naked chest. God I have a headache. I really have a step brother that wanted to hurt the love of my life. I'll fucking kill that piece of shit.
"Don't think so much and sleep", he whispers, stroking my back
"How did you know?"
"Your heart. It's beating uncontrollably"
"How would you know that's uncontrollable?"
"I know your heartbeat", he says as if it's a normal thing to say
Fucking hell my heart is beating like crazy.
"Now your heart is beating fast", he chuckles sweetly
I roll my eyes. "Yeah yeah now sleep"
I try not to think so much but it's hard. After an hour of trying to sleep I finally dream of Juan.
"Carlos, wake up", I hear his voice
I moan tiredly taking a few seconds before I open my eyes.
"What's wrong, Mi Amor?"
"You're- You're crying. Did you had a nightmare?"
"What? Crying?", I wipe over my eyes, feeling the wetness.
"What did you dreamed?"
I need a moment to remember what I was dreaming of.
"It was actually a good dream", I smile
"Then why were you crying?", he asks softly, running his thumb over my eyes
"Because it was too beautiful to be true"
"Tell me about it", he begs, kissing the last tears away
"It was you and me. We lived in a house, far away from Chicago. You could only see trees and green. It was a beautiful landscape. And suddenly two little kids were running across the meadow towards us", I have to smile, "They called you Dada and me Daddy"
Fuck, why do I have to cry again? Maybe it is the fact that we had children? Or is it just the fact that we were so incredible happy? It was just us. No danger. No Chicago. No pain.
"That's really beautiful", he sobs
I look at him and see his beautiful smile. It makes me so happy.
"You are beautiful and I'll do anything so that we'll be happy"
"I am happy, Carlos. As long as I'm with you I'm really happy. It's enough for me"
"I know Mi Amor, you're also enough for me. It's just that something is missing"
"What is it?", he asks and I know he's scared that it has something to do with him
"Peace"
Now he looks sad but it's the truth. I would never give up El Triunfador but Juan had to endured so much because of me. I want to make it safe for him.
"You're my peace", he suddenly murmurs, snuggling into my chest
"God", I breathe, not believing he says such things out loud
We lay in bed for minutes until Juan gets up. He has to work today and I'm going to El Triunfador. We get ready together and eat something.
"See you later", he gives me a quick kiss, before leaving out of the car
I drive to the El Triunfador house.
"Carlos", Alejandro greets
"Everything okay?", I ask
"Yes. We're washing the money and some people are already out selling drugs"
"Good. Are the new comers ready?"
"I trained them, so yes"
I laugh and we sit down talking about work and private life.
"Did you find out something more? I told Juan about this and he was as shocked as me"
"I couldn't find more about that piece of shit"
"He really had a second son. Unbelievable"
"He's not your brother. I'm-"
"I know", I interrupt his jealousy, "You're my only brother"
"Good", he murmurs and I have to laugh
"I still don't know how he found out about me? I mean how long has it been? Over fifteen years. God I can't even remember. I was so angry and hurt because of my mother that I killed him without a plan"
"It doesn't matter. You did the right thing. Maybe he just doesn't know your father how you know him. It could be that your father changed"
"Changed? I don't believe people will change into a good person. He took the whole fucking money, killed my mother with his dirty behavior and left me alone"
"But you changed, hermano"
"In which way?", I ask curiously
"You became a better person because of Juan"
I immediately think about him. About his beautiful face and his magical green eyes.
"Yes. He made me better but I'm still not enough"
"You are. Juan knows what you're doing and he still loves you, so just be happy with that"
"I am. I really am. It's just that it feels like something is missing"
"What?"
"I have no idea"
What is missing? Peace? Do I have to change more? Or is it my dream that I miss?
Fuck my head is about to explode! I can't stop thinking about what the fuck is missing and what the hell my fucking step brother is up to. I'm scared that he'll hurt Juan.
I spend hours there and we order some food, after making business.
"You think too much, drink", Alejandro says, giving me a drink
I nod thankfully, nipping on the glass. How long has it been since the last time I drank alcohol? But I would never drink a drip of alcohol again if Juan wanted me to. I will do anything for him.
The alcohol is making me dizzy, destroying my endless thoughts. God it feels good not to think. Someone is turning on the music, making my people dance wildly.
I watch them laughing as they fight playfully. Fuck I love them all. After they're done fighting we all sit down and talk about our past. I have so much memories with them.
After two hours I look at my phone and see that it's time to drive to Juan's restaurant.
"Hermanos I have to go"
"To your boyfriend?"
"No", I say
"What?! You guys broke up?!"
"He's not my boyfriend. Es mi marido", I smile
"What?!", they all yell
The whole familia runs up to me, hugging me tightly.
"Congratulations!"
They yell, laugh and clap their hands loudly.
"Thank you guys", I smile, kinda overwhelmed
"Now go and fuck your husband"
I laugh out loud and leave. Such idiots!
I stand in front of Juan's restaurant. I still can't believe he named his restaurant Mi Amor. The way he still loved me after everything I did. The way he never left me. I remember the days he was waiting for me to wake up. He never left.
The sound of rain is taking me out of my thoughts. I love the sound. It's peaceful.
I see Juan running to the car. He quickly opens the door. His face. Something is wrong.
"Baby, what's wr-"
And suddenly he slaps me across the face. What the?
I look up at him hella confused. My heart stops to beat for a second as I see his face. Pain. Disappointment. Betray.
He grabs his phone, holding it in front of my face. No. Fucking no.
It's me, fucking-
"You fucked Dante?", he yells, slapping me again
I need a moment to realize what the hell is happening right fucking now.
"It was years ago. I-"
"Did you knew it was him? Did you fucking recognized him?"
"Yes"
"So you both knew. You both recognized each other", he laughs
"I thought he didn't know it was me. He's nothing. It meant nothing. It was just-"
"Sex. It was just sex? God he's my fucking friend!"
"I know"
He opens the car door but I quickly grab his hand. Please, he needs to understand that I'm sorry. That he's nothing. That I regret it.
"Don't touch me now, Carlos. It's disgusting"
Disgusting? I am disgusting? He thinks that I am disgusting? Without realization I let him go and he shuts the door close.
I start to breathe faster, not believing what happened. Who the fuck send him this picture?
It's about eight years ago?
I hastily open the door and run after him. The rain is heavy and cold. Where is he?
"Juan!", I yell, "Please"
I run down the street. Where would he go? It's raining! He'll get sick if he walks through the rain. Fucking hell! I look hastily around, searching for him.
When he's not here he will be at home, for sure.
I run to the car, driving home faster than I'm allowed to drive. I tear the door open and look nervously around.
"Juan?", I yell, "Are you home?!"
Why isn't he here? My breathing gets uncontrollably, hastily and fast. Where is he?
I drop to the floor, starting to cry. I can't breathe. I begin to panicking because I can't breathe and because Juan isn't here. Where is he??
The sound of rain is so loud that it hurts. Stop! Stop the fucking sound! My heart is beating like crazy and I'm covered in hot sweat and cold rain. The sound is freaking me out.
I hate the sound of rain.