I had asked Will to meet me in the library later in the week, and once he entered, I slipped the key into the lock and twisted it shut. I left the key, hoping that anyone who tried to listen might not be able to hear around it. Will had his arms around me in an instant, his lips on my neck. I sighed into his touch, wishing that I could have a small tryst here without everything being reported. But not now, I put my hands around his, gently tugging them away. "Will, please."
"Ana," He almost growled, his hands once again tight around me. "God, I missed you. You were in my every dream, what few ones I could have."
I blinked, pressing my head against his shoulder. "That's very sweet, Will."
"Get your dress off, I haven't seen you fully in ages." He pulled back a little, his fingers reaching for the buttons. He looked up as I clasped them tightly, "Ana, what is it?"
I let out a breath, "We need to talk."
"That's never good." He muttered, stalking over to a chair. I considered a chair near him for a moment, but lowered myself into his lap instead. There was no reason to make this worse that it needed to be. He let me lean back against him, "What do we have to talk about?"
"My mother knows, at least a little, of what we've been doing." I sighed, settling into him. "Reggie noticed the handkerchiefs, although he only thinks that you've been, ah," I flailed my hands for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Pleasuring yourself."
"She doesn't know about you?" Will sounded puzzled, "Wait, she actually talked to you about this?"
"Yes, I wanted to die when she started talking. She thinks you're going to try and corrupt me into doing things before we're married."
He chuckled, I could feel it in his chest. "So she doesn't know that you were riding me in the carriage, begging me to ravish you? Or how I almost bedded you the night before I left for the inquiry because you wanted me to?" He pressed his lips to my ear, "You're already quite corrupted my dear, you should just be glad I've been able to control myself and haven't left you tied to my bed every night."
"Will," I snorted, "I've never seen you lose control, except for when you stabbed Henry Reichster." I turned, pressing my lips to his ear instead. "I wanted you so badly when I saw that."
"Ana, I thought we were discussing how I was to stop seducing you." He murmured as I dropped my lips to his neck, "Not how you are currently seducing me." I felt him gran more than heard him as his hands move to my shoulders, gently pushing me away. "We should stop for now, you said that we can't go on like this."
"But I want to keep doing this." I mumbled, leaning back. "I don't want to give up you, and our time together."
"Then the house obviously isn't the place for it anymore." Will shifted me back out of his lap, more towards his knees. "Not if Reggie is making reports."
"We should just be glad the coachman didn't see us. Although he's probably going to be listening more closely now."
"Then where Ana? I will have only such short times with you soon," Will snorted, a grin breaking out. "I suppose we could begin searching for discreet hotels, places where they wouldn't ask questions. Arrange different times for us to arrive at the room, leave separately."
I smacked his shoulder, feeling myself grin too. "Will, we're not having an affair."
"It seems as if we are."
"There must be somewhere that we can meet without the servants noticing." He furrowed his brow, his nose even wrinkling a little as he thought. "It wouldn't be too odd for you to come and visit the ship when she's docked, would it? You haven't had a proper tour, I could arrange to take you on one."
"And ravish me in a coal bunker?" I shook my head, "I want you Will, but coal dust might get noticed."
"I was thinking my bunk." His hand snaked around my waist. "It's rather small, and the mattress is thin, but you'll enjoy it. And the stewards are rather used to dealing with, well, men's habits."
"And your fellow officers would greatly appreciate hearing me scream our your name in your cabin."
He winced at that, "Actually, James already knows."
"What?" I stood, looking down at him. "What do you mean?"
"Well, after we set out, he barely looked at me." Will shrugged, standing up and moving to the table. He could barely look at me as he spoke. "After the first two days of him avoiding me, I cornered him in the mess when he was alone and demanded he tell me what was wrong." I saw a flush rise on his cheeks, "He saw me come to your room the night before we left, he was pacing because he couldn't sleep and saw me slip in." The flush was making its way down his neck. "He said he thought we were just talking, but he wanted to check on everything so he went to the door and he, well, listened."
"Oh dear God." I felt my own cheeks burning. "He heard us?"
"He said it was only for a minute, just until he figured out what we were doing." Will actually tugged at his collar, "He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to, I told him it was alright and that we weren't doing, well, everything. But don't be surprised if he can't look at you for awhile."
"Jesus." I moved to the window, looking out to the Hudson. "I can't believe we really got so sloppy that even James knows."
Will slipped his arms around my waist, his head above my shoulder. "I don't know how often we'll be able to make it to the ship, and even then I'll have to make sure the others aren't around." He pressed a kiss to the side of my head, "But that's for later. How was everything else while I was gone? No other problems?"
"No, no." I patted his hand, "I took up the wireless while you were gone, I'll expect you to answer me right away when I send one to you."
"So talented, and using it solely to track me down." He chuckled, "I see that you took my advice for a carriage ride with the Vanderbilts."
"They were kind enough to take me to the docks when the call came that you were in." I leaned into his touch, "I didn't want to waste a minute. Oscar had to hold me back from rushing onto the ship."
He snorted, "But there were no issues with the Reichsters? I was worried, with my being gone that they would try something."
I shook my head, "I haven't seen them at all, and the papers only mentioned that Sophie has moved into the Ritz until her wedding. It's in early August by the way, after we'll be back from our honeymoon."
"Ana," Will groaned, "You say that like we're going to have to attend."
"We are." I shrugged, "And they're going to have to attend ours. Unless you want people to keep talking about you and Otto Metternich almost coming to blows in their ballroom. So far as the papers are aware, our families are friendly rivals. They don't know what they've done."
"Not his father." Will's hands tightened on me, his voice firm. "I refuse to have him at the wedding."
"Understood." I nodded, crossing my hands across my chest. "I wouldn't invite him anyway. Or her brothers. And besides, we'll have so many friends at the wedding that we can just ignore them. I picked out the embroidery designs for my dress by the way, I should be able to have my first fitting in the actual dress sometime in November."
He chuckled at that, "Good God, woman. I'd marry you in a rags, you know that."
"I know," I patted his hand. "I'm thinking about having a dinner every time you come in. For you, and James. Although this one may be a little sparse, Mother isn't letting me at my purse for the next few weeks."
"You did something, I just know it."
"Oh I did, I paid for the lessons on the wireless. I will admit I probably overpaid, well, I did overpay. But I hardly care about it." I chuckled, trying to imagine Will's face when he had gotten the wireless. "But I want to celebrate your safe return, especially after this first trip."
"When?"
"A few days from now, and I'm planning on inviting Liz." I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face, "Could you let James know? That he is invited, and that Liz will be there? Without Oscar?"
"Playing matchmaker, my dear?" Will stepped back, sitting on the edge of the table. "I didn't think that was quite your style."
Still grinning, I shrugged. "A bit, perhaps. But he always seems to focus on her, which means he hopefully won't be looking at me and thinking of what he heard." I heard a slight knocking at the door, and I sighed as I unlocked it and removed the key. I looked through the crack, "Peggy, we just needed to talk for a moment."
"Oh, I'm quite certain you were only talking." Sarcasm dripped from her every word. "You know you're not supposed to be alone with him for too long."
"Peggy, believe me. I know." I sighed, opening the door wider. "We were discussing holding a small dinner in a few days. Just Will, James, Liz and I. Surely that's within the budget for the month?"
"If you can go without breakfast for a few days, certainly." She replied primly, "And that goes for you too, Mr. Murdoch."
"Peggy-"
"Miss Anastasia, your mother wants to see some progress on your needlework by the next time she visits. Perhaps you and Mr. Murdoch could retire to the parlor in case we have any guests today?" She stood, quite calm, in the doorway. "And remember, your hands should be on your sewing, not Mr. Murdoch."
"Peggy!" Will snapped, "She is perfectly able to control herself."
"Are you?" Peggy raised an eyebrow. "Until you both can prove it to me, I'll have you watched every minute." Her stance was firm, as was her voice. "Parlor, in five minutes. The both of you, ready to receive any callers."
Will watched her go, mouth agape. He spoke softly after she left, "I will have to get you down to the ship when I return from my next trip, this house is quickly becoming a prison.
Going without breakfast for a couple days was manageable, although it made me promise myself to not let Mother catch me again. My time with Will was not the only thing I would have to hide, it seemed. But at least Will had gotten James to agree to come to dinner, and I had already called on Liz and invited her. Oscar, conveniently, was attending some function and would be unable to make it. I was currently pacing the parlor, waiting for Will and praying that James and Liz would not be too upset by the humble rack of lamb we were going to be having tonight, rather than the massive beef roast we had before they had left.
Will, in a dark suit, watched me from the stairs. "They'll be fine you know, although we probably shouldn't tell them that you're being punished."
"But it's only one course." I muttered, looking out the curtains at the darkened street. "Not even a soup! And no dessert. Lamb and peas, Liz is going to know that something is wrong."
"I think you're giving her a bit too much credit." Will caught my hand, stopping me in my tracks. "It will be fine, and if your suspicions are correct, then James should serve to keep her distracted." His brow furrowed, and he heaved out a breath. "Ana, I want to ask you about her. Is she simply stringing him along? I read about her having other men courting her, but it seems like nothing ever comes of them."
I sighed, "Liz has had her parents encouraging her to chose someone for quite sometime, and I've asked her about it. She says she just hasn't met a man she likes enough to marry, but that she doesn't want to discourage any of them. Just in case something occurs to make her view them differently."
"Does she act like she does around James with them?"
"Not that I've noticed, but I haven't really been around much when she meets with her suitors. You'd be better off asking Oscar about it." I shook my head, "He's part of it too, he's always been protective of her. A tad too much, and after the Reichster's party he's only going to get worse."
"But you don't think she'd do this to hurt him, do you?" He let go of my hand, looking me in the eye. "I don't know if I could forgive her if this was simply for her amusement."
"No Will, Liz isn't cruel like that." I gave him a smile, brushing my thumb across his cheek. I could hear an auto pulling up outside, and I turned to the door. "Now, I think that might be her." My guess proved true, a footman opening the door and ushering her inside.
Liz, stunning as usual in a light green dress, grinned at me. "Anastasia, are these dinners going to become a regular event? Aren't they leaving again tomorrow?"
"They are," I stepped forward, embracing her. "And they might. Sending them off with a good meal seems a good tradition to start."
"Well, make sure to invite me to them." Liz gave me a wink, "Your cooks does marvels, you know."
"I think you're just glad to get out of the house, as usual." I chuckled, "I think I see an item in the paper about you going out somewhere at least twice a week. Wasn't it the theater most recently?"
"Yes," She shook her head, "With the Fish heir who fell asleep and snored through the entire performance."
I winced, "Well, hopefully that won't happen tonight."
"I don't know, are you feeling particularly sleepy, William?" Liz looked to him, smiling. "If so, feel free to fall asleep at the table. I'm quite sure Anastasia won't mind." She looked to the two of us, "Well, should we wait for Mr. Moody in the dining room?"
"I think the parlor is fine." Will stepped up, offering his arm. "Ladies, care to join me?" Following his lead we occupied the settee in the parlor room as he took a chair, opening a paper and starting to read. Liz wanted to know about the dress, and as I began telling her about it, I noticed the pages of the paper slowly stopped turning. At one point, when I was describing the neckline of the gown, the paper dipped down and Will glanced over the edge. "Seed pearl embroidery? And your Mother thinks that you're excessive."
"Excessive?" Liz raised an eyebrow, "Seed pearls are not that excessive, Mr. Murdoch. I've heard rumors that Sophie's dress will have diamonds on it, would you rather she be wearing those?"
"I'd rather marry her right now, than wait for a dress like that." Will grumbled, flipping the paper back open. "Although I suppose June really is not that far off." Liz covered her laugher with a gloved hand, and past her I saw the footman moving to the door. I gave her a smile as I stood, going to the door and looking out.
James was standing on the step, a bouquet in his hands. "Ah, Miss Dalian. Thank you again." His face reddened after he spoke, and he quickly dropped his gaze to the ground. I took a breath, trying to banish any embarrassment and simply be the charming host.
"Oh James, it's nothing. Come in." I gestured for him to step in and he followed me to the parlor, "You remember Miss Vanderbilt?"
James hardly looked at me, not that he was before, gazing at Liz. "I could hardly forget her. These, these are for you." He thrust the flowers forward, a large number of daises tied with a scrap of twine.
Liz took them, her fingers grazing his. "How lovely, you know most men bring me roses." James's face fell, literally as he looked to his feet. He snapped back up when Liz grasped his hand lightly, "I much prefer daisies." The smile on his face could have lit up the room. She glanced to me, "Do you think these could get some water while we eat? I want to take them home."
"Of course," I gestured to the footman at the door, who stepped into the parlor. "Please, put these in a vase until Ms. Vanderbilt can take them later." I turned to Will, "Could you take Liz to the dining room? I want to speak to James for a moment."
I could almost feel James stiffen as Will lead off Liz, and he at least waited until the two of them were gone before launching into a speech that he had obviously practiced. He spoke so quickly though that it took me a moment to understand him. "Miss Dalian, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to make sure you weren't crying and I was going to come in and help Mr. Murdoch if you were, but then I-" He cut off, his face scarlet.
"I know, James." I felt myself blushing. "Really though, it was nothing."
"I swear, I didn't mean to listen. Please don't sack me for it."
"I would never fire you for something like that." I shook my head, "But, just please don't tell anyone."
"I won't, Miss. Again, I'm sorry."
I waved away his comment. "It's alright, why don't you go talk to Liz? I'm quite sure Will has her bored to tears."
"Oh, she doesn't want to talk to me, Miss Dalian." He shuffled his feet, his stance awkward.
"Come off it James, she practically started glowing when you gave her the flowers." I chuckled, "Now, escort a lady to the dining room?" He automatically held out an arm, and while he wasn't as smooth as Will, we did make it to the room in one piece. I took my place next to Will, and I watched Liz as Moody sat next to her. She sat a little straighter, glancing his way before looking away quickly. I caught Will's eye, raising an eyebrow and nodding at them.
He snorted. He at least took a sip of his drink before speaking, "I'm afraid you'll have to content yourself with a modest meal for tonight. Ana here doesn't want James and I to get too used to ten course dinners."
"I'm sure it will be delicious." Liz smiled, "Don't you think so, Mr. Moody?"
"Liz," I shook my head, "I think you could call him James, we are rather informal here."
She blinked, quickly. "Would that be alright, James?"
"Yes, Liz." James turned to her, his eyes wide. "I rather like it." Whatever else he was about to say was cut off as a couple of footmen entered, setting out our dinners. I contented myself that the lamb at least had a sauce to it, and that we could provide a decent variety of wines. James gave a small moan as he bit into his lamb, "Anastasia, this truly is something. We don't get meals like this aboard."
"What do you get?" Liz spoke quickly, although she tried to hide her interest. "I can lecture Anastasia about properly feeding you, if needed."
James shook his head, "Oh, the food is decent. But rather plain compared to this. It is welcome though, rich food is not something I need when working."
"He's right," Will grinned, "Makes us sleepy, not good for when you have to stand watches all hours of the night."
"No," Liz gasped, "You really don't have to do that, do you?"
James nodded, turning to look at her more closely. "It's really no hardship, you get quite used to it after awhile. Although I am glad that we get some time to ourselves here, a chance to catch up."
"I hope it's not too cold out there," Liz spoke quietly, and I noticed that James seemed to sit up straighter, his eyes moving to her again. "I can send a blanket for you, I can't imagine it's warm out there, even now."
James seemed to take a moment to find his voice, his jaw working. "I would appreciate that, Liz." I looked at the two of them, sitting close and yet so stiffly. With a small movement, I brushed my knife to the floor, bending down to grab it. I cut my eyes across, noticing that Liz had reached over and grasped James's hand. She had also lost her gloves, so her long fingers gripped him tightly without any barrier between them.
"And it's only going to get colder." Will was speaking when I rose back up, and he raised a brow at me. "I'll make Ana buy us some of those new electric heaters for our cabins, can't have us catching a chill if she expects us to have these dinners all the time."
James's eyes grew distant, "I can't imagine anything colder than that night."
"No," Will's voice was as distant as his eyes, and I quickly copied Liz by reaching for his hand. "I can't either." I fought down the memory of my feet swimming in that water, my soaked skirts clinging to my legs. The cold soaking into Will, the weight of his coat. The ice on his gloves. I swallowed and shut my eyes, taking a long breath before opening them again.
Liz blinked quickly and shook her head. "Now, we can't have any of that. Anastasia, could you have some cordials brought around in the parlor? And maybe some cigars for the men, get their minds more focused."
I sniffed, squeezing Will's hand. "Of course, of course. Why don't you head over and I'll send someone for it?" I watched as James helped her to her feet, leading her off and managing to not look like he was back in the water. I gently tugged at Will's hand, "Come on, we should follow them."
"Ana," Will breathed, "Don't let her hurt him. He's been through so much, and he's so young. That night, I thought I was going to lose him once. He was so cold. I gave him my spot, it was higher. He shouldn't have had to die because of-"
"Will," I stood, pulling him up after me. "That's enough. It's in the past, you both made it through. And I can't have you saying that to Liz, you'll scare her."
"I can't see him hurt." Will took my hand rather mechanically, "Not again. He almost lost a foot to the cold, did you know that?" He was breathing rather fast, his eyes still somewhere far away.
"No, I didn't." I shivered, remembering my own slightly blue toes after that night. "But I don't think you need to worry about Liz, really."
"Why do you say that?"
"I saw her, holding his hand here at the table." I grinned, slipping my arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. "Really, I think she likes him." He clasped me tightly, and I heard his breathing begin to slow. I held him to me, feeling him slowly come back to himself.
The footman in the corner was kind enough to not watch us too closely as Will lead me back out to the parlor. James appeared more focused, a pack of cards out and a few in his hand. Liz was sitting to his right at the small table between the chairs and the settee, her own hand of cards gripped tightly. I watched her glance to him, and I saw her lips moving as she softly spoke. I could only catch a few words at the end of what she was saying, "I'm so sorry, I upset you and I-"
James shook his head, his own voice louder than hers. "It's not your fault."
"It really isn't Liz," Will said, settling the both of us on the settee. "We never know when those memories surface, sometimes the simplest things will bring them forward. Don't think it was you."
I spoke quietly, "He's not lying, I can hardly look at my diamond earrings without thinking back on it."
"That's why you haven't worn them." Liz was still quiet, "You used to wear them all the time."
"Right," I nodded, "I've barely touched them since." I didn't even know if they were in the house, they might still be in the velvet bag with Mother's pearls.
It was quiet for a moment, before Liz turned to James. "Would you mind if I wrote you, James? That way you'd have something waiting for you in England, and I could even send some to the ship so you can have something to read."
"I'd like that, Liz." He gave her a smile, before looking back to his hand. "I'm afraid I'll have to fold this round."
I groaned, "Poker, really?"
"Deal me in," Will grinned, leaning forward. "I'll stake a cigar on this round."
"They're my cigars." I grumbled, settling back with a sherry and watching the three of them begin to bicker about who would be the dealer. "Fine, hand me the deck and I'll deal. As long as I don't have to play."