By the time Seonghwa realized where his legs had brought him to, he was standing in front of the familiar door belonging to Yunho and Mingi.
Unconsciously, his mind apparently had calculated that he would be found if he went to Wooyoung's place.
Raising his fist up, he started knocking on the door and waited for someone to open it.
"Hyung?" Yunho greeted him with wide eyes, "Hyung, what's wrong?"
"Hey." Seonghwa gave the younger a strained smile, "Can I come in?"
"Of course!" Yunho opened the door wider and let the other male in.
"Oh? Hwa?" Mingi came into sight with a frown.
Seonghwa broke down, bursting into tears, and he knew he surprised the pair with his sudden cry.
But, he was grateful that none of them demanded an explanation.
Yunho simply put his arm around Seonghwa and brought him into the spare room.
Mingi fixed the sheet on the mattress while his boyfriend kept his role to be the 'pillow' for Seonghwa to cry into.
Seonghwa was sat down on the bed and he was busy trying to stop the tears by pressing his palms over his eyes.
"You got us." Yunho cradled the shorter male's head.
"We're here to listen whenever you're ready. Please get some rest for tonight, okay?"
"O-okay." Seonghwa said breathily.
After a few pats on his shoulder which Seonghwa assumed were coming from Mingi, the door was closed and he was left alone.
Yunho knew him so well that he knew Seonghwa needed time for himself to cry his sadness away.
His cry eventually subdued into small sobs and he finally laid his back on the bed, staring at the white ceiling with swollen eyes and stuffy nose.
He knew he had overreacted and he felt ashamed of that.
But, he just couldn't hold his emotion anymore.
Hongjoong's absence had been the last blow which had made him finally explode.
He knew he was acting unfairly to Hongjoong, and he was sure the lawyer was now worried about his whereabouts, but he just needed time for himself.
Time for himself to mend his bruising heart.
His phone kept going off and it didn't require any effort to know it was Hongjoong.
Seonghwa pulled his phone out from his pocket and turned it off.
He didn't want to think about the lawyer for now.
He just needed to sleep.
He was stressed.
He was exhausted.
The throb in his heart was dull, but it hurt nonetheless.
God, he hated this feeling.
Maneuvering his position, finally Seonghwa could lay comfortably on his side without his legs falling off the bed.
The sheet smelled fresh and it helped him relax and finally, after all of the tossing and turning, Seonghwa fell asleep into another restless slumber, forced to give into the exhaustion.
__
"Hyung, we need to go to campus." Yunho announced carefully in the morning, "Are you sure you're okay by yourself?"
Right, the summer break had been over for nearly a week by now, he almost forgotten about that.
But he couldn't bring himself to care about it for even a moment.
He needed more time to fix himself first.
Missing a day or two wouldn't do any harm, it wasn't like he would be the only one prolonging the break anyway, noting that some students also did that every year after the break.
"I'll be okay, Yunho. I'm not a child." Seonghwa gave him a small smile.
"I just need a little bit more time. I'll leave tomorrow. Is that okay with you, guys?"
"Of course! You are free to crash here anytime, Hwa! You know we'll be happy to have you here!" Mingi nodded.
"Thanks. You're the best."
"We're leaving, yeah? Don't forget to eat! I've left some money on the coffee table." Yunho waved.
The pair disappeared behind the front door, leaving Seonghwa standing with a sigh and the background sound coming from the TV.
He put the leftovers from Mingi's homemade fried rice into the microwave to heat it up and then waited for it, leaning on the kitchen counter.
Turning on his phone, he was bombarded by many messages coming from both Wooyoung and the lawyer.
Both were worried.
Ignoring the notifications from Hongjoong, Seonghwa opened his chat to Wooyoung's messages and grimaced to see how his friend was asking him whether he was okay or kidnapped because he hadn't messaged him for more than a week.
Wooyoung could be such a drama queen.
Deciding it would be better to talk with his friend over the phone, Seonghwa pressed the green button of Wooyoung's contact and waited for the other male to pick his phone up.
"Goddammit, Park Seonghwa! I swear to God!"
Seonghwa chuckled upon hearing the profanity, "Hey, Woo."
"Don't hey me, you ungrateful child! I thought I taught you better than to leave me worrying about your wellbeing for more than a week! I thought you were kidnapped!" Wooyoung hissed.
"I'm sorry, Wooyoung. I-uh, I went for vacation with Hong- my boyfriend. I was kind distracted."
Wooyoung sighed, "It's okay. Just worried. But, I'm glad you're okay-you're okay, right?"
No.
"Yeah."
"Very well, then."
Seonghwa played with his hand and then said, "Hey, Wooyoung, will it be okay if I stay at your place for a while?"
He could hear Wooyoung sigh on the other side of the line, "I knew it. Something happened, right?"
"Kind of..."
"You're free to come anytime, Hwa. When are you going to come? Where are you now?"
"I'm at Yunho and Mingi's place right now, but maybe I'll go there tomorrow? If that's okay with you." Seonghwa pursed his lips, he really hated to burden his friend but he didn't have any other options.
"Of course! I'll drag you here myself if you don't come here tomorrow, Hwa."
Chuckling, the student nodded even though he knew Wooyoung couldn't see him.
"Thanks Wooyoungie."
After a simple goodbye, they hung up since Wooyoung was at work, and Seonghwa was left alone again.
He took the fried rice from the microwave and brought his meal to the living room.
He kept changing the channel until he stopped on the news where he could see the lawyer giving his statement about the trial he was taking care of.
He gave the media such firm answers, not giving them space to break his arguments.
Seonghwa smiled softly as he watched how professional Hongjoong was.
After giving his heart enough pain, he turned the TV off and continued eating his breakfast in silence.
Staying at Mingi and Yunho's place alone was boring, so Seonghwa decided to take a walk and refresh his mind.
Yesterday had been a chaotic day anyway.
Seonghwa remembered that all of his books were still at Hongjoong's place, and there was no way he could go to his classes without them.
Glancing at the clock, Seonghwa decided he would go to Hongjoong's penthouse first, it wasn't like the lawyer would be at home anyway.
Taking the money Yunho had left, Seonghwa took whatever shirt Yunho had and Mingi's jeans, he would tell the pair later, he was sure they wouldn't mind.
__
"Uhm, hey, Mingyu." Seonghwa approached the bellboy once he had arrived to Hongjoong's apartment building.
"Oh, Seonghwa-ssi! Hello, good afternoon. What can I do for you?" The ridiculously tall boy smiled brightly.
"Is Kim Hongjoong-ssi home?" Seonghwa asked carefully.
Mingyu hummed, "I don't think so. I saw him going out this morning. Wait, don't you live with him though?"
"I crashed at a friend's place last night. Well, okay then. See you around." Seonghwa smiled and the boy saluted.
Looking around the penthouse, it seemed that Mingyu was right.
Hongjoong was nowhere to be found and Seonghwa exhaled the breath he had been unconsciously holding in.
He took the biggest travel bag he had and began gathering his books and papers, and the clothes he could manage to shove into another bag.
He shouldered the heavy bags and stood at the foyer to look around the penthouse once again.
He knew he was acting like a coward; sneaking into Hongjoong's penthouse and escaping with his belongings, but he just couldn't face Hongjoong and cut him off.
Not that easily.
He was still trying to live his life without Hongjoong's presence, but at the same time he still needed a backup so when it felt like too much to handle, he could go back to Hongjoong's arms.
Yeah, he was cowardice and selfish and basically the worst person in the world.
But, it was the last thing he wanted to care about right now.
__
Seonghwa wasn't a person who usually ran to alcohol when he was stressed.
He usually sweated himself out until he dropped down at the gym with a speaker blasting songs and dancing to the hardest choreography he knew.
But in this moment, he just wanted to get lost and get drunk, and if he was lucky, get laid.
He knew his way to cope with his stress was bad and unhealthy, but he just needed something to forget about Hongjoong's sweet smile, Hongjoong's soft lips, Hongjoong's warm embrace - Goddamnit, Park Seonghwa, stop!
So, that was how he found himself all dolled up in front of the full-body mirror in the bathroom with Mingi crossing his arms over his chest proudly because that eyeliner lining around Seonghwa's eyes was absolutely smoky hot and the tight skinny jeans were so inviting.
So tight they were almost like a second layer of skin.
Yunho was running late from a project meeting and that had left only Mingi and Seonghwa at home.
When Seonghwa had told him he had been in the mood for club, the taller male had instantly jumped onto the bandwagon and volunteered to dress Seonghwa up.
Seonghwa smirked at Mingi's reflection, "Does Yunho know you're such a clubber?"
"Who says I am?" Mingi asked back.
"Seriously? This is the proof you go to clubs often, Mingi." Seonghwa spread his arms to show himself.
Mingi laughed, "We met at club, Hwa."
The shorter male raised one of his eyebrows upon hearing the new piece of information and stored it in the back of his mind as blackmailing-Yunho material.
"You look hot!" Mingi gave his verbal thumbs up.
"I would love to join you if I hadn't promised Yunho I wouldn't go to club without him."
"He's worried about you, maybe?"
"Nah, he's just a possessive bastard."
"He's your possessive bastard."
Mingi exchanged glances with Seonghwa and then both of them laughed.
"Yeah, okay, you have a point." Mingi wiped the tears from his eyes and then patted Seonghwa's ass.
"Get some fine dick but don't forget protection."
"Who says I can't be a top?" Seonghwa challenged.
"Okay, find some fine ass then."
Seonghwa chuckled and hugged Mingi, "Thanks, Mingi. I owe you."
"Nah." Mingi hugged him back and sent him off.
__
With the amount of money he had on his debit card, Seonghwa knew he couldn't go for an expensive club, but Mingi had told him there was this club, a college student-friendly one or so he said, and it had a great vibe.
So, Seonghwa went there and he could hear muffled, loud music from outside of the building.
Flashing his ID card to the bouncer who barely looked at it, Seonghwa got stamped on the back of his hand and went into the building.
And, wow.
Okay.
He hadn't been to a club in a long time.
It was safe to say that he had missed the ambience.
The sea of people was moving together on the dance floor, grinding and pressing together, and music was blasting all around the building at an eardrum-bursting volume.
Seonghwa was a little bit surprised that it was so full there even though it was weekday.
"Hey, what can I fix you with?" The bartender asked him with a lazy grin.
Seonghwa had to blink for a few seconds because, shit, he was hot; built body, dark green hair with a hint of silver highlights, pale skin, and plump lips.
"Surprise me?" Seonghwa said, sending a smile to the taller man.
"Okay." The bartender took a bottle from under the counter without looking away from Seonghwa's eyes and Seonghwa could feel the intensity from the stranger's eyes.
"I've never seen you around, are you new here?"
"You wouldn't even recognize me even if I was a regular with the amount of people here." Seonghwa shrugged.
"But, yeah, it's my first time here."
"With a face like yours?" The bartender chuckled while rattling the metal shaker expertly.
"I don't think I could miss it."
Seonghwa raised his eyebrows and the bartender grinned wider.
"You have distinct features. And you're cute."
"Are you hitting on me? In my very first minute here?" Seonghwa challenged, "And what makes you think I'm into guys?"
The bartender only responded with a smirk and poured the cocktail into a tall glass and put the garnish prettily on it.
He pushed the glass towards Seonghwa, but also he was leaning over the counter to whisper.
"On the house in exchange for you name?"
Seonghwa threw his head back in laughter.
He grabbed the glass and leaned closer to the bartender to reply.
"Seonghwa. I'm Park Seonghwa." Then he took a glance at the bartender's nametag.
"Nice to meet you, Leedo."
"Yeah, nice to meet you too, Seonghwa." Leedo said, biting his lower lip while leaning away.
Seonghwa found the cocktail Leedo had made was tasty and he finished it in no time before ordering a second one.
He exchanged flirty chit-chat with Leedo for a few good minutes before deciding to hit the dance floor when Leedo had to serve other guests.
It was hot there, crowded and burning, bordering claustrophobic, but Seonghwa loved the feeling of how strangers were grinding over his body, feeling the bumps and wandering hands and hot breaths.
The alcohol had started seeping into his veins and he threw his head back to see the lasers dancing on the ceiling, painting it in sensual colors.
He closed his eyes and let himself be drowned into the rhythm of the EDM tracks, moving his body together with the people around him.
Suddenly, there was a strong arm around his waist, a hard chest against his back, and a velvety voice whispering in a low, seductive voice in his ear.
"Enjoying yourself, Seonghwa?"
Seonghwa turned his head around to find it was Leedo behind him.
He chuckled and put his hand against Leedo's over his stomach.
"Yeah, I am. Aren't you supposed to serve guests or something?"
"I have a short shift on weekdays so I can go home and sleep. But, I hope I won't get much sleep tonight." Leedo answered, and Seonghwa swore he could hear a sexual innuendo underlining Leedo's words.
And by the way that those plump lips were grazing the shell of his ear, Seonghwa knew what the bartender wanted.
"Yeah?" Seonghwa turned around and put his hands on the back of Leedo's neck.
"Why?"
He could feel the taller bartender's hands sliding to his lower back, on the border to his ass, and suddenly Leedo's plump lips attached to the length of his neck, nipping the sensitive flesh there.
"Want to get out of here?" Leedo asked right after Seonghwa had let out a gasp.
"Yeah." Seonghwa whispered.
__
It was kind of blurry and fast with the alcohol in his veins and Leedo's teasing on his skin.
He couldn't remember how, but they reached Leedo's place, and Seonghwa had a soft mattress on his back and hungry lips latching onto his neck, shirt off.
When Leedo leaned away just to throw his shirt to join Seonghwa's on the floor, the smaller boy couldn't help but look in awe.
Seonghwa was toned, yes, he had muscles under his skin from dancing for all of those years and he was proud of his body.
But, Leedo?
Holy Neptune, Leedo's body was built like a Greek god.
He had prominent abs and bulging biceps (Goddamn his biceps!) and shit, Seonghwa couldn't wait to be manhandled.
"It seems you like what you see?" Leedo teased, lightly spreading his palm over Seonghwa's torso.
Seonghwa spread his legs wider so the bartender could fit in between them and pulled Leedo by his neck to crash their lips together.
He could feel the bartender was hard against his thigh, and he could say the same with his own cock.
With a swift move, Seonghwa flipped them over and continued marking Leedo's pale skin with hickeys.
It was when he was about to work on Leedo's jeans that he heard;
"Hmm, good job, baby."
Seonghwa stopped his hand mid-air as soon as the familiar nickname escaped the bartender's lips, sobering him up from his tipsiness.
He lifted his head to see the other man and felt his blood run cold.
It seemed Leedo also knew something was wrong from how Seonghwa looked at him with wide eyes because he immediately pushed himself onto his elbows, looking down with a frown.
"What's wrong?" The bartender asked.
"I-" Seonghwa breathed, pushing away from Leedo, and got off the bed.
"Seonghwa?"
"I'm sorry- I've got to stop- I-" Seonghwa frantically looked for his shirt and put it on.
He snatched his phone and wallet that he had dropped during their foreplay.
"I'm really sorry, Leedo." He said again and stormed out of the apartment, ignoring Leedo's confused call.
He knew he left the man with blue balls, but Seonghwa couldn't bring himself to care as he kept running away from the building.
He knew it was only an expression.
He knew Leedo didn't mean anything by that.
But still, he felt disgusted to himself because it hadn't been Hongjoong calling him that.
He wanted to move on, didn't he?
He wanted to get his life without Hongjoong back, didn't he?
So, why did he feel like he was cheating?
Why did he feel guilty when he heard another man calling him by the nickname Hongjoong had usually called him?
It wasn't like the nickname was exclusive only for the lawyer, right?
God, what had Kim Hongjoong done to Seonghwa's life?
After a few minutes of running, Seonghwa stopped somewhere he assumed was far enough from Leedo's apartment building and leaned on the door of a closed store, panting heavily.
He slid himself down, crouching on the hard pavement, and covered his face with his hands.
"This is getting ridiculous." Seonghwa muttered to himself with a bitter chuckle.
He stayed there for a while just to regain his composure and then stood up to head back to Yunho's place.
__
Yunho asked him if he had gone to the club once he opened the front door just to find the pair watching an anime on TV and Seonghwa replied with a tired smile and a simple 'yeah'.
Mingi didn't say anything but he did something mischievous with his eyebrows that made Seonghwa roll his eyes.
They didn't have to know how his supposedly one-night stand had gone south.
He took a glass of water after cleaning off his makeup and changed his clothes into his pajamas and then bid goodnight to the pair.
He threw himself onto the bed and sighed.
Seonghwa wanted to cry, but he was sick of bawling his eyes out every time he remembered or thought about Hongjoong.
Now the ache in his chest had become a dull throb in his heart which was annoying yet apparently impossible to remove.
It was scary how strong the impact of Hongjoong's non-presence could fuck him up, and honestly, he couldn't believe he had let himself drown in the lawyer's charms despite his knowing of how he would've been hurt from the start.
He knew he shouldn't feel this way.
Damn, his life was messed up.
He had just wanted to finish his education, to graduate, to have a stable job.
How the hell had everything gone to shit in the span of six months?
His graduation was around the corner and yet he couldn't even focus on his education.
His essays and assignments were piling up on his desk.
His phoned chimed again and he saw a notification from Hongjoong.
He wasn't surprised to see what the lawyer had sent him.
Kim Hongjoong: I begin to wonder if my absence at your competition wasn't the problem at all.
Seonghwa chewed his lower lip as he stared at the screen of his phone until it automatically locked itself.
Hongjoong hadn't become an excellent lawyer for nothing; of course he would catch onto what was wrong with Seonghwa sooner rather than later.
He had ignored the lawyer's apology messages but he didn't think he could escape this one too.
He was going back to Wooyoung's place and university soon; it was only a matter of time until the lawyer found him, if he was to find Seonghwa, that is.
Contemplating for a few minutes, Seonghwa finally unlocked his phone and went to his and Hongjoong's chat room to reply to Hongjoong's message.
Park Seonghwa: You're right. But, I need time.
Hongjoong usually took time to reply, so when the yellow '1' next to his message disappeared as soon as he had sent his reply, he knew Hongjoong was waiting for him to answer, and it made Seonghwa feel bad for ignoring the lawyer.
He knew Hongjoong could be so worried about him, and yet he had disappeared on him without any warning.
Kim Hongjoong: Whatever it is, baby, we can talk about this, okay?
Kim Hongjoong: I'll give you time if you need it, I'll respect your space for a while and wait for you to be ready to tell me what I've done wrong.
Kim Hongjoong: I'm glad you're safe, baby.
Seonghwa curled himself into a ball, laying in the fetal position with his phone clutched to his chest.
The dull throb in his heart felt like a knife now.
Kim Hongjoong was too good to be true.
He was too perfect.
Look what he had said to Seonghwa even though he had been the biggest jerk in the whole universe.
And that was what made it harder for Seonghwa to move on.
He preferred Hongjoong to hate him and yell at him and to call him bad names so he could get over him.
But no.
Life chose to be a lot crueler and Seonghwa was falling more and more for Hongjoong.
The man he was never meant to have.
"Why are you being like this to me?"
Seonghwa whispered to no one.
[ A/N: hi so quick question! i have been working on a new story (i'm about 20k words into it as of now) and was wondering if you guys think i should wait to start publishing it until after this fic is done, or start publishing it later this week? let me know your thoughts! ]