It was so insanely ironic and completely unfair, in Taylor's mind, that she had found herself leaning up against the exact same wall in the exact same house when she made the decision to try and get laid several months ago. Not even kidding, here she was, with the same damn red cup, filled with the same damn cheap beer, watching the other party goers with disinterest.
Why she had even agreed to come to Nate's stupid party had been a complete and utter mystery. Well, agreed would be the wrong word to use. She had been physically abused into a dress, forcefully strapped into Mitch's car, and getting driven, kicking and screaming, right up to Nate's front door.
So 'agreed', was certainly not the word she would have used.
"Why are you being a party pooper?" Kally yelled as she appeared next to her suddenly, and Taylor sighed, taking another sip of her beer.
"Am I pooping?"
"No?"
"Then I'm not a party pooper, am I?"
Kally snorted, staring flatly at her best friend. "Your jokes are getting drier and drier by the day, T."
"I don't care. And I also can't believed you forced me to come to this stupid party." Taylor said, hoping Kally understood how much she resented her right at that moment. Kally, being herself, however, was focusing on her eyes on Taylor's red cup.
"Are you going to-"
"Just take it." Taylor said, holding it out to her. Kally grinned, taking a huge gulp, then frowned again.
"Oh come on, T! I thought you'd be happy we dragged you along. Well, you did get the invite, which Nate would have told you himself if you stopped ignoring his calls, and it's the perfect opportunity to make things right with him!" Kally ranted, and Taylor waited patiently until she was finished, searching the crowd unwillingly.
She really wasn't trying to look for him, but her eyes just didn't want to listen to her brain.
"It's been a week, and you won't answer his calls, you avoid him at school, hell, he even went to your house on thursday, and your mum had to lie and say you were out with me. When are you going to stop avoiding him?"
"Are you done?" Taylor said tiredly, and Kally shot her a glare.
"Depends on whether you've decided to stop being a thick headed mandarin."
"How much have you had to drink exactly? A mandarin?"
"It's the first fruit that popped into my head, okay? And four, this is my fifth."
Taylor sighed. So she was being a thick headed mandarin, but she was actually scared. Scared to talk to him, because of what he might say. She didn't even understand it herself, but she knew if she talked to him, then it would be final. They might be final, and as much as Taylor had convinced herself over the past week that she would be fine with that, she wasn't.
She wasn't ready for finality with Nate, not yet. Because finality would mean no more Nate, and she knew her heart would truly, as corny as it sounds, break into thousands of pieces. It was already in two, she didn't want to make it double figures.
Just as Taylor opened her mouth to reply, she spotted Adam on the dance floor, smiling and laughing with a brunette girl that she didn't know. Taylor smiled slightly, glad he had found someone else. He deserved it, as much as he had been a dick in their relationship, he was a good guy.
She hadn't even thought about him in months, too focused on Nate to think of anything else. Glancing around at all the guys in the room, whether they be single or taken, Taylor couldn't help but critically compare them to him. One had the same coloured hair, but his wasn't ruffled enough. Another had the physique, but nothing like Nate's. One even wore the same smirk, but it didn't have nearly the same effect.
Then her eyes landed on Nate himself, and she completely froze against the boring beige wall.
He was leaning up against the opposite wall, and she could see through the gap of the dancing people, that he was having just about as much fun as her. Ankles crossed, arms folded, his signature half scowl on his face, she bit her lip as a wave of pain hit her.
She loved that man.
It was just a pity he didn't feel the same.
She watched with pain as Alexis sidled up to him, scooting herself under his arm and leaning in to whisper something in his ear. Taylor couldn't look away, even when she tried.
So he had moved on, in a week. He really wasn't going to try and fight for her. But what did she expect? She'd ignored him since the track competition, tried to avoid him when ever possible, he was bound to get the hint that she didn't want to talk to him, even if that's all she wanted.
God, she was confusing herself, no wonder Kally said Nate was.
You told him how you felt, and you gave him more then one chance. Don't feel like it's your fault he's over there with Alexis instead of with you, Taylor reasoned in her head, using the ever logical side of her brain that she really should have just used at the start of the year.
Because if she hadn't given into her stupid libido, then she wouldn't be feeling like someone had just thrown her heart under a sander.
Just as she went to turn away from Nate and Alexis, he moved, which froze her in place again. He pushed Alexis away gently, but his scowl had deepened. Taking a step away, he watched her with disinterest while she started to yell at him, then before she'd even finished, he walked away.
Just like that.
Alexis turned in rage, staring at his retreating back in unhidden anger, before storming off towards the kitchen area of the house.
Taylor would have laughed at her reaction if she wasn't still pining. Looking around hurriedly for Nate, she couldn't find him anywhere in the room, and sighed in defeat.
Maybe she should just go home. She was the sober driver, she had Mitch's keys in her purse. If she went home until the party finished, she could always just come back and pick them up.
"Don't you dare even think about leaving." Taylor sighed, speaking of the devil.
"Mitch, I haven't been this bored since Kally made us watch 90210 re-runs. Please just let me go for a few hours, then I'll come back and pick you two up." Taylor said pleadingly, and Mitch's eyes flashed in understanding.
"You don't have to worry about getting me, I'm staying at uh, friends." He smiled wolfishly, and Taylor couldn't help but laugh because she knew he was getting lucky tonight.
"Do I know her?"
"Not well enough to tell me no."
Taylor nodded, then sighed again. "So can I please go?"
"I'm not your dad," Mitch scoffed, "but no, you can't. T, we didn't drag you here to rub it in your face, we dragged it here for you to sort it out." Mitch reasoned, and Taylor stared at the carpeted floor, listening to his words.
Kally may be her shoulder to cry on, but Mitch was her place of wisdom. If he said something, she always took it into account.
"But he's with Alexis, I just saw them together."
"No, Alexis thinks he's with Alexis. Nate's been avoiding her advances all night. I've been with him for half of it. And trust me, that kids not himself."
Taylor nodded, her mind even more confused. "So what are you saying? I should go talk to him?"
"I'm saying," Mitch said, grabbing Taylor's hands and holding them to his chest. "that you should do what you think is right. Don't you dare laugh at me, this is me trying to get your relationship back on track. Nate feels the same way you do, he told me before. Admittedly, he got himself pretty drunk, but I have a feeling he's telling the truth. But if all else fails, you can always live with me when your fourty, instead of seventy cats."
Taylor rolled her eyes. "Jerk," she muttered, but pulled him in for a hug.
"I'll pick my car up in the morning from your place," Mitch whispered in her ear. "You do whatever you feel you need to do."
"You're the best, Mitchy."
"So you've told me repeatedly." He grinned, then let her go, walking away to find his mystery sleepover buddy.
And Taylor was back to the wall, thinking.
It didn't take long for her bladder to call, however. Cursing it for being so weak, Taylor headed towards the stairs, glad for the noise of the music and party goers to lessen dramatically once she was up on the second storey. Walking quietly down the hallway towards the bathroom, she entered and did her business.
As she walked back out into the hallway, there was a shattering sound coming from one of the rooms. Taylor jumped, her heart racing when she realised it was Nate's room the noise had come from.
Should she go and see what the noise was? Or leave it?
God she asked herself some questions.
Creeping towards his slightly ajar door, Taylor peeked her head in, spotting a figure sitting on the double bed, head dropped in his hands, and she suddenly felt no other urge then no step into the room and see what was wrong with him.
She crept in, watching as his broad shoulders rose in a deep breath, his shirt pulling taut over his back. Biting her lip, Taylor thought fleetingly of just leaving the room, but she spoke before her feet could carry her out of the room.
"Nate?"
He shot up so fast that he almost fell over. Stumbling slightly, Nate straightened, but his body still had a slight tilt to it. She judged by the bloodshot eyes that Mitch hadn't been lying when he said Nate had had a bit to drink.
"Taylor, what are doing you in here?"
Yup. The alcohol was speaking.
"I-I heard a crash. Are you okay?" She asked carefully, and he laughed, throwing his arms wide.
"I'm dandy. Like a dandelion!" He shouted happily, laughing at his own bad joke. "Because danelion's are always dandy, therefore, I am a dandelion."
"Well that speech was very moving and all, but what was that sound before?" Taylor asked, still curious. Her eyes noticed the broken window a second later, then his sheepish drunk face.
"I threw my soccer ball too hard."
"What were you aiming for?"
"My bed."
Taylor stared at him flatly. "You're bed's on the opposite side of the room."
Nate looked to the window, then his bed, then the window again. "Oh. Right. Huh. Guess I misjuggled."
"You mean misjudged?"
Nate looked at her wide eyed, nodding. "That's a big word."
Taylor couldn't help it. She laughed slightly at his state of cuteness. There was no superior, cocky Nate, no mocking look in his eyes. Just Nate being a very funny, drunk version of his real self.
"How much have you had to drink?" Taylor sighed when he started to sway slightly on his feet.
"Am I on a boat?" He asked, genuinely curious. He brought his hands to his face, examining each slowly. "Fingers are so weird. Even the word; fingers. Fingers." Nate drew out the word, rolling the r and laughed at the sound. "See? Fingers."
"So I'm guessing there's a lot of alcohol in your blood system?" Taylor tried again, and Nate shook his head roughly, but it unbalanced him, so she stepped forward and grabbed his arms before he could fall.
"My hero." He grinned, and Taylor rolled her eyes before setting him back upright. "And there's no blood in my alcohol system! I'm perfectly sober." He nodded, as if it verify his last statement, and fell back onto his bed.
Trouble was, he grabbed Taylor just as he was falling.
They landed in a heap, Taylor half on top of him, and Nate sighed, looking up at her with wide, vulnerable eyes. Taylor's breath started to quicken, because she'd never seen him like this, so open and adorable and young, even if he was so drunk.
Then she realised she'd never forget this Nate, not his laugh, or his smile, or his incredible way to make her blush. She wouldn't forget any of Nate's personalities, from his intolerable arrogance to his cheeky humour.
The room became suffocating so suddenly, Taylor gasped and tried to push away from his chest, scrambling to sit up. Nate moaned, wrapping his arms around his waist and making her still.
"Stay. Please." His voice was softer, a little more clearer, and Taylor almost gave in.
But he was drunk, and he wouldn't remember this the next morning. Taylor shook her head, close to tears. "I can't."
"Why not? I want you to."
"But I can't, Nate."
"I promise to keep my hands above the shits."
"Sheets?"
"Yeah, them. I promise. I just want to sleep with you here."
Taylor shook her head again, trying to loosen his grip, but even drunk Nate was strong. "Taylor," he whispered as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, inhaling shakily. "I miss you so much."
Taylor couldn't breath. Her eyes swam with unshed tears, and she forced the sob down her throat. "You're drunk, you don;t know what you're saying."
"Why haven't you answered my calls?" He ignored her, his breath warm and welcoming and familiar on her skin. "I miss you with me."
"Me too." Taylor whispered back as the tears started to fall.
"Why are you crying?" He asked softly, wiping her cheeks clumsily with his thumbs. "I hate it when you cry."
That made her cry harder. Nate sat up, taking her with him. He wrapped an arm around her back, the other resting on her thighs, and he stared at her with such worry that for a minute, Taylor truly believed he might feel the same.
Then she remembered he was drunk.
Nate didn't know what he was saying. He wouldn't remember, and if he did, he'd probably regret it and take it all back, and Taylor couldn't handle that.
"I'm fine, seriously. I just...I need to get up." Taylor said, scrambling out of his warm embrace, and this time he let her. Nate stood up wobbly too, his eyes filled with pain as well.
"Why don't you love me anymore, Taylor? I want you too. I love you." He said earnestly, and Taylor's breath hitched, her mind in overdrive and her heart about to burst from too many emotions.
"I love you. I do. I'll go tell everyone right now." Nate said, and took a step forward, but Taylor stopped him by putting a hand on his chest and pushing him back slightly.
He's drunk, he's drunk, he's drunk, she repeated in her head, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply through her nose to clear her mind a little, but all that did was inhale his cologne.
"For gods sake, Nate!" She half yelled, putting her head in her hands. "This isn't fair! You're drunk! You can't just say this sort of thing!"
"But I mean it," He said quietly, flopping back onto his bed. "I pinky swear." He held his pinky up, with a look of such honesty on his face, Taylor almost started crying again.
She had been praying for this to happen all week, for him to confess and it was a miracle she'd gotten her wish. But he was drunk, so it didn't count. All it was was a drunken miracle, something she'd wished so badly for but gotten in the worst way.
Nate's eyes closed tightly and he groaned, clutching his stomach. "It hurts."
Taylor laughed, watery, and quickly found the waste paper basket in his en-suite bathroom before bringing it back out to him. "Throwing up is never pleasant."
"My heart hurts too. Is that normal?"
Taylor closed her eyes. He's drunk. He's drunk. He's drunk.
"Just lie down, I'll get you some aspirin and a cup of water." Taylor walked back into the bathroom and got the supplies before pausing at the door again. Why was she in here with him? It was only causing both of them more pain.
But she loved him, and she would look after him whenever he needed it, because she didn't have enough strength to walk away from him, no matter how many times she tried.
She almost dropped the cup of water when she walked back out, because Nate had managed to strip out of his jeans and had half pulled his shirt off, but he'd gotten it stuck around one arm. She sighed, sitting the water and aspirin on the night stand before trying to tug his shirt of his arm.
Once successful, she got him to sit up and drink the cup of water, refilling it up to sit on his night stand again so when he woke up he could drink it.
"Just stay with me for a while." He whispered when she went to walk away. Taylor stopped, biting her lip. She stared down at him lying on her back, one arm clutching his hard stomach while the other gripped her wrist. He hair was a mess, his eyes open and pleading.
She couldn't leave him.
Sitting down gingerly on the side of the bed, Taylor watched as Nate sighed in relief and pulled her closer, making her lie down next to him. "Thank you." He breathed, his arm snaking around her waist.
Taylor couldn't reply, so she just concentrated on his breathing until it got steadier and steadier.
"I love you," he whispered, before his breathing became even and he was snoring slightly.
Taylor looked over her shoulder, satisfied he was asleep before gently removing his arm and getting up from the bed. She looked down at him again, a swell of tenderness moving through her body.
He was such a mess.
"I love you too." She whispered into the silent room, before pulling his comforter over his slumbering body and leaving the room gently. Once out in the dark hallway, she sighed and felt a stray tear escape, before she wiped it away and squared her shoulders.
It was time to head back to reality.
I just wrote this is one sitting so I hope it's not too bad! I just want to get this story finished, because I haven't actually finished one on here yet so it would be cool to do so! I hope you liked it, I could have spent more time working on it but hey, this is what was in my head and I might come back and edit it a little, who knows.
There will be only one more chapter left, so stayed tuned to those people who have continued to read! Vote, comment, do whatever, have a great day/night/evening/afternoon/morning, just have a good day in general :)
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