Ran was smoking in his balcony when Hikari came in his room. his back was to her, Ran ever tall that she couldn't help but admire him for a while, almost forgetting about why her heart was beating so fast.
well it always beats fast with him around, but this time she had a particular reason. he was mad, and she knew she's done something wrong, but logically speaking, she hadn't done anything quite wrong.
"Ran—"
"I'm smoking, go back inside," he cuts her off, not turning to face her.
she lets out a nervous chuckle as she walks to his side anyway, the man still refusing to acknowledge her.
"it's fine," she says.
"it's bad for your lungs, Hikari. go back inside."
"is this your way of telling me to fuck off?"
Ran rolled his eyes, but instead of telling her to indeed fuck off, he kills his cigarette in his ashtray before he crosses his arms over the ledge.
"mind telling me what happened, Hikari?"
the girl scans his face, and Ran looked back at her intently. she couldn't tell if it'd be wise to tell him now, what when he still reeked of bloodlust for his own younger brother.
"only if you promise me you're not going to start another fight with Rin."
his face soured instantly.
"Rin this, Rin that, why don't you just marry him?" he scowls.
"I'm already married. to you."
Ran almost smiled. almost. he only looks away from her. "I won't do anything rash, so please tell me what happened."
they stood beside each other, not touching, as Hikari told him about everything except the kiss. Ran's mood still didn't get any better even when she finished speaking, so they both looked at the skies quietly. the clouds were thick and gloomy. Hikari felt as depressed.
"are you still mad?"
"I think I'm more mad now than earlier, Hikari. but I can't do anything about it, you won't let me kill my brother."
"nothing much happened, Ran."
but that was exactly it, Ran thought. nothing happened. Hikari didn't do anything. she could've pushed him away, could've went back in his room, could've stayed with him the whole morning instead of cooking breakfast for his brother.
but that's not what happened. today, he wasn't so confident he could control his feelings. he was mad—at Rin, at Hikari, and especially at himself. this was however, the price he had to pay for leaving Hikari in the first place.
"Rin's never liked anyone before," Ran says quietly, "it's a shame that he just had to like the love of my life out of all people."
Hikari couldn't deny that his words were true. she knew how Rin must feel, the problem was that she didn't know what she felt herself.
"and it's an even bigger shame that the love of my life likes him back."
"Ran," she scolds, pulling his arm to have him face her.
he smiled, eyes challenging her. "am I wrong? I'd love to be wrong, so answer me. am I wrong?"
"I don't feel that way for Rin."
he hums in response as he steps closer to her. from the look on his face, she knew he didn't believe her, but indulgently, Ran tilts his head to kiss her. she let out a gasp as he pushes her to the ledge, pressing his body against her own.
he had wasted no time to slip his tongue inside her mouth, making a point of his feelings as he lurked so deep inside she wouldn't be surprised if his tongue touched the back of her throat. she could only moan into his mouth—against his tongue—as he ravished her without holding back.
but all of a sudden, the warmth and thrill of Ran's violation left her as quickly as it came.
"what the fuck," he laughed.
"what's wrong?"
"he kissed you?"
"what?"
"you taste like the whiskey I saw him drink last night."
shit.
at her stunned expression, he only runs a hand through his hair, trying his best to mask his frustration. he didn't want to be angry at Hikari. the last time he let his jealousy and anger get the best of him, he'd hurt her so much.
"Ran, you promised you won't start another fight."
and she's still thinking about Rin.
"did you kiss him back?" he asks.
"I didn't, Ran, he kissed me—we weren't kissing."
"you knew it would happen, but you had to have breakfast with him anyway."
she scoffed. "Rin's as good as my friend, do I have to cut him off just because you're back?"
his brows shot up at her words. it was a direct hit. deep down, it's what he wished for, it's what he believed would happen. but it was just his flimsy optimism—being in love made him so. the highs of love was every little thing that made him happy, when they'd kiss, when they'd talk, when she so much as breathed.
but this was the lows. his feelings. his feelings that she could so easily change in record time, feelings that were so pure and consuming that it was hard to control himself sometimes, that it was hard to think and make sense of reason.
"you can't have us both."
"what the hell are you talking about?"
"you can't tell me you love me, and go fuck around with my brother while I'm asleep!"
"you're overreacting! we usually ate together before, Ran, you can't expect me to ignore him when he's been here for me! because he was here, he was here when—"
thankfully, she was able to stop herself. but Ran gave her a twisted smile, one that made her heart throb.
"when I wasn't here?" he knowingly says. "it's always the same. when I'm not there, there's Kokonoi, there's Rindou. do you really even love me, Hikari?!"
they were yelling at each other, but both were so driven by their feelings that they couldn't stop. Hikari could only narrow her eyes at him. he had no right—no right at all to put it that way, because it was him who had left.
"look, Ran, I didn't want what happened, okay? I asked him the whole time to stop, I even slapped him in the face—god, I couldn't even hit you back then when it was you who had stripped me bare to humiliate me! and to think your brother only did such a thing out of concern!"
he purses his lips, looking at her in surprise. it wasn't such a beautiful memory, in fact, Ran thought that day had been the lowest they'd gone. he hated it so much, hated himself for it, and he knew he deserved it being thrown at his face. but the way she said it made him feel a thousand wrong things at once, and maybe it was because she was comparing him with Rin.
"I won't deny what I've done, Hikari, but he did it out of concern?" he sarcastically asks.
"I'm not trying to defend what he did, but the two of you have lived very fucked up lives, and taking that into consideration, Rin only wanted to see if I had any more wounds—he was just worried—"
"look at you, you're not even mad at him, Hikari! this was something you'd never forgive me for back then!"
"does it matter?!" she spat.
"of course it matters!" he yells, and it may have been out of desperation to be understood, but he grabbed her by her shoulders, not forcefully, but in a way that he just wanted to hold her even when they were mad at each other.
"it matters, because you care so much for him! you let him do as he pleases! I can't help but worry because it's so natural for you to be that way with my brother, but it took you so long and so much difficulty to fall for me!"
she was about to tell him he was wrong, that loving him had been the easiest thing in the world, to yell at him that she loved him so much no one could come close, but his phone rings and he steps back from her instantly. he takes in a long breath as he reaches for his phone, and Hikari knew that if they weren't in the middle of a fight right now, Ran wouldn't even bother to check his screen.
he sighed having read the name of the caller, then he walks back inside his room. she could hear his faint voice as she steps in to follow him. she wasn't particularly interested, not until she caught a hint that he had to go somewhere.
she was still mad, but there was something about the idea of Ran being away from her, being out of her sight, that made her so nervous that she unconsciously picked at the skin of her nails. Ran looks back at her, his handsome face crestfallen. she wanted to hug him. she knows neither of them wanted to fight, there were just so many things going on, things she still had to think through.
maybe they needed a bit of space too, she realized.
"yes, we'll be there. damn it, I said we'll be there, you don't need to come here...alright."
with that, Ran ends the call, tossing his phone on his bed.
"Ran—"
"let's not talk right now, Hikari," he quietly says, "I need to cool my head first."
"I'm sorry, Ran."
"Rin and I are leaving for a while, I'll have someone guard you while we're away."
"how long's a while?"
"I don't know yet."
the silence was painful. so many things they had to say, so many feelings they couldn't name. Hikari glanced at him, not knowing what to do, but he was just looking down on the ground. it felt like he was just waiting for her to leave his room, and so she wordlessly makes her way to the door.
halfway out, she looks back to call after him, but he'd already went in his bathroom.
fighting with Ran was horrible.
+++
"are they okay?"
"not sure."
"have they always been such alcoholics?"
"something must've happened."
the executives were gathered in the bar, but they were divided in three groups. first was that of Mikey and Sanzu who were discussing something to themselves, next was everyone else minus the brothers, and finally, there were the brothers, sitting right by the bar as they so quickly ask for more drinks again and again.
Kokonoi only sighs as he looks at the two. it wasn't hard to guess how complicated things must be now that Ran was back.
"oy, slow down you two, the mission's still not over."
both Rin and Ran ignore them as they down the contents of their glass. Rin was glaring at Ran, Ran was merely looking down on the table, his fingers anxiously tapping on the wood.
"you fought with her?" Rin asks.
Ran only shoots him a glare before he calls the bartender for another glass. oh how he wished that alcohol could solve all the problems in the world, but it didn't even make him feel any better. only Hikari could make him feel better.
but they were fighting, and he had yelled at her, and he wanted to turn back time and take back all that he's said.
"hurry up my glass is empty!" Rin calls for the bartender.
Ran only rolls his eyes before he buries his face in his hands. apart from their fighting, apart from whatever it was going on between her and his brother, he felt like they still had too many problems.
he needed to visit his therapist soon, wanting to get a higher dosage of his pills because they were ceasing to make him feel better. he's thought about just taking as much as he liked without prescription, but he couldn't really risk an overdose when Hikari's finally told him she loved him.
+++
the moment Rin arrived back home, he went straight to hug Hikari who seemed to be waiting for them in the living room. he hugged her tight, and as if he was floating on cloud 9, the girl hugged him back.
"where's Ran?" she asks.
"he went somewhere else."
that made HIkari anxious, but she doesn't show it. she only pulls away from Rin to look at him.
"go to bed, Rin, you're drunk."
"come to bed with me," he urges, grabbing her hand, but she tugs it away.
"I can't, Rin."
"but Ran's not here."
"Rin," she warningly says.
he only looks at her with a sad expression on his face, reminding her of a wounded puppy. and he hugs her again. Hikari only sighed as she pats at his back.
while she was alone, she's had much time to think about him—about both of them. she knew she cared for Rin, and it's exactly why she didn't want to hurt him. but she had to, because otherwise, she was hurting Ran.
"let's get you to your room."
"give me a chance, Hikari. give us a chance. we could work."
"sshh, Rin, you're just drunk."
"I'd say the same thing if I were sober."
she stills as she feels his lips brush against her neck, the man holding her still as he lightly sucks on her skin. Hikari pulled away immediately.
"I can't have this with you," she says, hand coming up to where he'd kissed her.
but Rindou was drunk, and he looked like he wasn't hearing a word she said. she pulls at his wrist, guiding him to his room, and he thankfully follows. once they were in his room, Rin immediately pulled her to kiss her, and she pushes him again.
"please, Hikari," he breathes.
"go to bed, Rin. we'll talk tomorrow."
it took her a while to get him to bed, worried that he'd just crash on the floor again. Rin had already fallen asleep by the time she stepped out of his room, quietly closing the door behind him.
as she turns to head back to the living room, she could barely stifle her surprise to find Ran waiting for her. like his brother, he reeked of alcohol, but in contrast to Rin, his tie was loose, his jacket nowhere to be found, and a few buttons off on his shirt.
"Ran."
he smelled of woman's perfume.
"you came from his room?" he asks.
she sighed almost instantly, sure that there would be a misunderstanding.
"I just put him to bed, how about you? where'd you come from?"
"work."
"sure."
she had initially waited to talk to him when he gets home, but seeing as he was drunk, she doubts they could reasonably talk to each other right now. much to her surprise however, he slowly approaches her from where he stood, taking her hand as he brings it up to his lips.
he looked slightly disheveled, his eyes hazy, but he still looked so pretty.
"I love you..." he mutters against her hand, "...it's all I can say for now."
"where have you been, Ran?"
he looked somewhat curious of her insistent questioning. "I just came from work, Hikari."
but why did he look like he came from a fuck?
she narrows her eyes at him, still clearly remembering the night he'd slept with the maid because they've been fighting. it wasn't like they'd established anything yet back then, she was making it plain clear she hated him, but she dreaded to think that he'd still do the same thing now.
"let's go to bed, Hikari."
"I'm sleeping in my room tonight," she shortly says, withdrawing her hand as she walked past him.
she could hear him let out a deep sigh.
unfortunately, her bedroom lacked covers, and it was cold. she didn't know where the maids would even keep them, so the girl decided to just sleep in the living room wherein there was at least a fireplace.
the couch was big enough, its cushions soft. despite the turbulence in her mind, she fell asleep without much heartache, exhausted from the stress of today.
then she slightly wakes up some time later. she doesn't know how much time had passed, but it was enough for Ran to have taken a shower and get changed.
because he lay next to her in the couch, holding her closely to himself as he brushed kisses on her face. he smelled clean—how he even managed to take a shower and dry his hair even when he was drunk was beyond her.
she snuggled into his chest, thankful that he brought a blanket to warm her up.
+++
the next week finally came, and Hikari was nervous as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. she put on light makeup, wearing the clothes that Ran bought for her a long time ago. she had to meet Mikey today, and on top of that, she still hasn't sorted things out with the brothers.
a knock calls for her attention, and she turns to find Rindou looking at her.
"Ran's already there, he says we should go now."
she nods. Ran wasn't home so often, and when she'd woken the day after they slept on the couch, he was already gone.
"your brother's avoiding me, isn't he?"
"I'd like to say yes but he's actually pretty busy. I dunno, Mikey's been torturing him."
she wanted to ask more, but instead, she walks with him to the elevators. she couldn't breathe properly, she felt like she'd make a mistake when she least expects it. Sanzu might even be there, and she knows down to her bones that she wasn't strong enough to act normal with him in the same room.
"you nervous?" Rin asks.
"no," she lies.
"you shouldn't have agreed to Mikey then."
she rolls her eyes. Rin could only look at her, both on opposite sides of the elevator. his older brother had been quite occupied trying to appease Mikey in hopes that their leader would leave Hikari alone. but he'd failed, and there was no turning back.
Hikari was going to walk right into the heart of Bonten, and the brothers knew it would cost them eventually.