Rayden
The technician's probe glides across the surface of her stomach searching for our daughter. I hold Olivia's hand as her attention stays fixed on the screen. We both have hope but that soon dissipates as we watch the expression on the woman's face.
"What's wrong? Is our daughter okay?" I say breaking the silence. "It was just a little smoke inhale, right? She should be fine?" I look down at Liv and her gaze averts mine.
The technician presses a few buttons on the screen before sighing and putting the prob down. "We should wait for the doctor to come in." Olivia's eyes dart to mine and I can see all the worry across her face. I rub her cheek trying to calm her.
"Are you not able to give us any information?" I plead.
"I'm sorry I..."
"Just tell me she's okay!" My voice is louder than I intended but it doesn't seem to faze her, almost as if she is used to parents yelling and screaming for answers. Tears slowly roll down my girlfriend's cheek as she lowers her shirt over her swollen belly.
"Your doctor will be here any mom..." and before she can finish her sentence the door opens.
"Good evening. How are you doing Olivia?"
"Okay..." she answers in a whisper. "Just my leg hurts."
"I see. I heard you had quite the day."
"No disrespect doctor but can we skip the chit chat and cut to the chase where you tell us our daughter is okay."
Our doctor nods and stands over the technician as she clicks through the screen. Liv and I watch attentively as if we know what's there but have no clue. Our doctor sighs, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but there is no heartbeat. It..."
"Wait, what...How!"
"Ray..." Olivia whispers with tears in her eyes. "I... I fell."
"Yeah, I know... that's how you broke your leg."
"No... Ray. I fell on my stomach." I look from her to the doctor.
"It seems the impact on your stomach was enough to cause the placental abruption. When something like this happens, it can cause the baby to stop receiving adequate oxygen."
Olivia breaks down crying and I quickly grab her. "It's okay, it's okay." I kiss her forehead while smoothing her hair down. I tried to control my own sorrow but failed miserably as Olivia's cries grew louder.
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Sweat drips down my body as I roll over to shut the alarm off. Ever since Roger and Dad told me the actual reason Olivia was taken, I keep having these damn dreams again. Losing Junie in that fire broke Olivia and I. I was only 18 at the time and she was 19, and we had to deal with what felt like an overwhelming amount of grief for our baby girl on our own.
Mom and Dad allowed me to stay with her at her new apartment for an entire month after that because she was so scared. We both continued to have bad dreams like the one I just had for weeks. The nights we were woken up by the dream of the doctor telling us she was gone for good; we'd have midnight cereal parties to calm our nerves. We'd test different combos and choose which tasted the best.
Then we'd take bubble baths infused with lavender and melatonin to help us go back to sleep. Thinking about this now makes me miss her so much more. It's been three weeks since she left me. I'm surviving so far, but it's hard. I haven't heard from her in a week and a half. I get that she's on a mission, but I'm worried because I know it's not safe.
She's staking out one of the most prominent drug lord families in Columbia, and shit, if she isn't scared for her life, I fucking am. I don't care how much training you have. You don't fuck with those families. I've just been twiddling my thumbs, waiting for her to get back. When Chelsea found out that Liv left again, she started blowing up my phone. I don't know why since I thought we ended on a somewhat good note.
I think she might just be taking it hard because she called me drunk the other night asking me to come over. She was saying she needed me to bring her a 'cocktail' but 'hold the tail'. I kid you not, I hung up the phone up so quickly it nearly gave me whiplash. I'm not bringing my cock anywhere! I did her wrong, I know that now. I should have told her sooner that I didn't want more but a part of me just wanted someone's comfort. I was wrong to drop her the moment Liv got back. I don't regret choosing Olivia, but I do regret hurting Chelsea.
Of course, everyone keeps asking me if we will give them an actual wedding, but I don't really want to. Our wedding was spontaneous and beautiful. The reaction on her face to her rings was everything to me. I had been staring at the same ring for years and for years the cost continued to increase, but nothing is ever too much for the woman I love.
My phone buzzes, and I roll over, but it's not my actual phone. It's the stealth one the government gave us. My eyes light up when I realize it's Olivia, and I immediately answer.
"Hi love," I say grinning
"Hi baby... did you have the dream too?" I frown, remembering we used to get them at the same time when we were younger.
"Yeah... are you okay?" she hums in response. We both sigh, but I don't want to talk about the past, so I change the subject. "To what do I owe the pleasure? It's been too long since I've heard your beautiful voice."
I hear her giggling on the other side. "I'm sorry, there was so much going on. We were trying to find ways to reach her."
"Who? Nazarena?" Since I was aware of what was going on now, the agency allowed her to tell me some things about the mission, but not everything. So far though, the only thing I've learned was that what Roger and Dad told me was correct. Also, that she was going to be stationed in Colombia for the mission. I might have ignorantly chased after her when I was younger, but I understand the importance of her mission and will wait patiently for her to get back.
She keeps quiet for a minute on the other side, then sighs into the phone, "Yes."
She stops, not wanting to continue. "What's wrong?"
"Ray, the mission is almost done."
"Okay, and that's good right?"
"Yes... but this next part of the mission is tricky."
"How so?" I get out of bed and begin pacing, already worrying myself before she says anything. It's just the tone of her voice that causes immense worry within me.
She sighs again. "I can't really go into detail but, what I have to do... it's dangerous."
"D-Dangerous...how?"
"I...can't tell you, Ray."
My chest starts constricting, realizing she is warning me that she could possibly die. "Liv, I don't want you doing this," I say, pacing back and forth.
"I have no choice Rayden. This is my job. This is what I have been trained for."
"But you could die Olivia. I can't live without you! I WON'T!" Tears start to form in my eyes as the anger rises in me. "This is fucking bullshit," I scream tossing everything in my path, glass breaking all around the room.
"Rayden!" I hear her voice on the other end, but all I see is black and I drop the phone on the ground. They take her at 19 years old, just to lead her to her death. I pick up the lamp and throw it, knocking over the crystal cube with our picture. I catch it just in time before it hits the ground and shatters. I run my fingers over the picture of us, pulling it to my chest and sobbing. "Rayden!" I hear her through the phone in front of me, and I reach over to grab it. I breathe heavily into it.
"Baby, listen to me... this is my job."
"But I don't want it to be."
"Rayden, this is no different than you running into fires. Both of our jobs are hard. Both of our jobs could kill us, but it doesn't mean we stop." I start to wipe my tears. "This next part of the mission could kill me, but I won't let it, Ray. I will make it out of there, I promise you. Just wait for me."
"I will Olivia."
"Good, because I need a honeymoon after all this shit." We both laugh into the phone.
"I miss you, please come back to me in one piece."
"I will baby. I miss you too."
She breathes into the phone, and I hear some noise in the background. "Hey, I have to go now. I love you."
"I love you too."
And with that, the call ends.