I'm a little over 6 months pregnant now so its been a couple of months since we got back from Michigan. I'm still working at the warehouse and it's not too bad.
Ryujin and I are doing okay. She calls and texts me whenever she has time. I really miss her though. It's hard to be in a long distance relationship now that I know how it's like being with her.
Of course, I don't make it easy for myself either. All sorts of thoughts would enter my head such as if she's talking to other girls or if she's flirting with other girls or other girls are flirting with her and how is she reacting to that. Or does she still feel the same about me. Is she getting tired of me. Would she choose someone closer because it's easier.
So far I haven't ruined us yet. I've been able to stop myself from pushing her away. Which is really surprising for me.
I'm in the living room with Eva right now, we're watching her favorite show. My sister is at work and Travis is doing stuff around the house. He's been busy taking care of Karina and serving her. She's gotten even more irritable these last couple of months and poor Travis is suffering. He might not want any more kids after this.
The doorbell rings and I put Eva in the playpen so she doesn't wander around unsupervised. I open the door to see Dana's face smiling at me.
"What are you doing here?" I frown.
"I'm here to take you home" he softly say.
"Are you crazy?" I glare at him.
"I've given you space now, Yeji. It's time to come home. I miss you. I've made mistakes and I know that now" he says.
"You have to be crazy. Especially, for thinking that you can come here and expect me to go back with you" I scoff.
He tries to hold my hand but I smack his hands away and he looks hurt by my action. "Why cant you just come back? We can be that family you've always wanted. I've given you time and space but you're still not going back to your senses. I told you, no one else can love you like I do" he says.
"You know we're over right? I'm with someone else now who actually appreciates me" I cross my arms.
"You're still together?" He furrows his brows.
"Yes? Why wouldn't we be?" I say, feeling annoyed.
"I really thought its just a phase you're going through" he answers honestly.
"I have to go" I say about to close the door but he stops it using his hand.
"I'm trying to stay nice here, Yeji. So either you come with me or I'll make you come back" his tone changes now.
I look back to see if Travis is nearby but unfortunately I think he's in the backyard. "Don't make a scene here, Dana" I say.
He grabs my arm and pulls me outside. "Dana! You're hurting me!" I try to break free from his grip.
"I don't care! I tried to be nice but you're still being a bitch!" He says.
He walks into the house while still holding on to me. He shuts the door then presses me up against the door. He sighs, looks down then looks at me while trapping me, "I'm trying to be patient with you, Yeji. Do you really think I would let you go that easy? Eva is my daughter, that baby inside your stomach is my baby. What gives you the right to take them away from me?"
"You barely even showed that you cared for Eva" I say and he slaps me.
I touch my cheek and hold my tears in. I'm not letting him see me cry.
"Back away from Yeji before I kill you" Travis walks in from the backyard.
Dana turns around to face him, "Stay out of this. It's none of your business. This is family issues."
"Yeji is my family so it is my business and look at her, I see that you're not welcomed by her so get out before I call the cops" Travis threatens.
"Then I'll tell them Yeji kidnapped Eva" Dana smirks.
"Dumbass, you have no rights with Eva since you failed to put your name on her birth certificate" Travis walks to us. He takes my hand and pulls me away from Dana.
"Go upstairs" Travis tells me. I nod and start walking to the living room instead to get Eva but before I could take two steps, Dana grabs my hair and pulls me down to the floor. I feel a sudden sharp pain in my stomach but didn't think much of it.
Travis punches him and Eva starts crying, probably from hearing all the commotion. I see Dana try to run away but Travis tackles him before he could run out. He restrains him and at that moment, Karina walks in.
"What happened here?" She exclaims.
"Call the cops now!" Travis orders. My sister takes her phone out and calls the cops. It only took a few minutes and they already arrived.
"Yeji, you're bleeding" my sister suddenly says with wide eyes. I look down and there's blood running down my legs. My brain already starts thinking about worst case scenario. I just lost my baby.
"I'll take care of this. Take Yeji to the hospital" Travis says.
"Eva" I say.
I don't really want to take Eva to the hospital but I don't want to leave her here either with Dana.
"We have to take her" my sister looks at me. I didn't answer because I'm too afraid. I can't lose my baby.
My sister helps me into the car while holding Eva. She buckles her in and we drive to the hospital as quick as we can.
They take me in right away and start doing some test. Everything feels so surreal. Everything seems to be moving slow and fast at the same time. I'm praying to anyone or anything that my baby is okay. I keep enduring the pain in my stomach, imagining it's not there. I'm afraid this pain means something bad.
Moments like this is why I hate Ryujin being so far away. I need her but she's not here. I start crying hard with everything that's happening. The pain in my stomach is becoming unbearable.
"We need to do an emergency C-section" the doctor tells me. They prep me for surgery right away and my head is all over the place. I feel like this is all a nightmare but the pain is reminding me that everything really is happening.
In the operating room, they turn me to my side, "Are you ready?" The doctor ask and I give her a nod.
They stick a giant needle in my back and I almost screamed from the pain. This feels worse than when I gave birth to Eva.
After a short while, I'm laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. Everything feels weird, I can kinda feel what they're doing but it's not painful. I feel them moving my organs around, trying to get to the baby. This whole time, tears just continuously fall down my face.
After the procedure, they tell me that they have to take my baby to NICU (neonatal intensive care unit for premature babies). They take me to a private room where my sister and Eva are already waiting for me. I feel numb, I want to see my baby.
After checking my vitals, they finally say I can visit my baby. I'm sitting on a wheelchair and nurse pushes me to the NICU section.
We enter the room and I see my baby in like a capsule like container. There's tubes attached to my baby and my heart aches. My baby is so small and looks so weak. The nurse explains to me about my baby needing machines to help them breathe and the tube for feeding. Also how they need me to pump for my baby since I can't really breastfeed.
"You can't hold him yet but you can touch him" the nurse informs me. She pushes me closer to my baby and she opens something in the capsule looking thing, where my I can stick my hand in and touch my baby. My baby boy.
"Have you thought of a name?" She ask.
I shake my head and keep looking at my baby. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you well" I whisper, still crying.
"I'll give you some privacy" she says before leaving.
I cry even harder, the moment I heard the door closed. I hold my baby's tiny hand and I keep apologizing. At this moment, I feel so alone. I feel angry. I'm mad at myself. I'm at Dana and I'm mad at Ryujin for not being here. I'm mad at the world for doing this to my baby.
The nurse comes back and says I need to go back to my room. I need to get some rest. I couldn't argue because I did feel exhausted but the only thing in my mind is if my baby is gonna be okay. Being premature means that there's a chance they won't make it.
She pushes me to my room and help me get back into bed. My sister sits next to me and caresses my cheek. "Eva is with Travis in the cafeteria" she says.
"Dana got arrested and currently in the police station. When you're ready, they need a statement from you. I'm sorry, Yeji" she says on the verge of tears.
I ask for my phone to check if Ryujin texted or anything. I feel even more mad after seeing nothing from her. I need her and she doesn't even check on me.
I turn my back to my sister and silently cry myself to sleep.