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C A Z H V Y R E
THE INSTANT I HAD SEEN THE MOVING STAIRCASE, I was already dreading returning to the dorms. Is it better if I avoid my friends for the time being? I'm sure there will be questioning and even a lot of worried looks, which I simply can not afford right now. I was already contemplating accepting my fate in the Hospital Wing, knowing that Madam Pomfrey would very certainly allow me to remain there without guests until tomorrow.
I may utilize that time to clear my head of all the distracting notions and allow myself to rest because I am not only emotionally but also physically drained. But there is a side of me that does not want to go since it will be another lecture from Poppy, and I've had my fill of that from Professor Luthox.
That sassy jackass just handed me another training regimen, and there's a high likelihood it'll be more hands-on and challenging than merely attempting to find out more about my gift-curse or whatever you want to call it.
"A-Are you going to enter, Ms. Ravens?" Our dormitory's portrait was the one that pulled me out of my reverie. She questioned me with caution like she was concerned about my reaction. She is, of course, more cautious now. The conflict was likely passed down from portrait to portrait.
"If you don't mind, please let me in," I gently pleaded. Despite my gloomy mood, I have no desire to vent it to anybody or anything. It's awful enough that I created a ruckus.
She eventually opens the door...to hell...with a nod. I'm referring to the common room of Gryffindor.
As soon as I walk through the door, heads turn to look at me, and some of those bulgy eyes are from my group of friends.
"Cazh!"
"Oh my Godric! Are you alright?"
"Who are we going to beat up?!"
Diverse voices pierce both ears as well as my brain with various contexts on their comments. I was feeling dizzy, and I hadn't even begun to explain what had happened earlier.
"Can you spare her a chance to breathe? You're all suffocating her with inquiries while she looks like she needs a nap," Remus said, as he was the one who first observed my displeasure with how they approached me.
Lupin is to be thanked! I assumed I would have to deal with it, but my friends quickly realized their mistake and allowed me to begin planning how I would handle the situation.
Before we started, I made sure no one was listening by giving my renowned look to the students who were still standing around expecting anything to happen. They ran away as soon as they could, not wanting to be subjected to my fury.
"It was nothing. We just got into a fight over a misunderstanding, and I'm pretty sure we're not in the right mood, location, or time to deal with our frustrations with each other," I said as clearly as I could. I know I can rely on my friends, but since this is a topic that involves more than just myself, I can't just tell anyone about it.
I'm also not in the position to talk about my past at the moment.
"But it was such a massive fight. It was terrible," Mary added, shivering as she replayed the incident in her memory.
"It was bloody, Cazh," Sirius commented.
"Just like how bloody she still is," Marlene observed as they finally get a better picture of the match's aftermath.
I excuse myself, saying, "Yeah, I truly need help to patch myself up. I don't want to go to the Hospital Wing because Jonathan might still be there." Although it is not because Jonathan is also present, the fact that I shall be stuck in the Hospital Wing once more makes me sicker than I already am.
"We can help you with all of that, Cazh," Lily remarked as she and Remus escorted me to my room. The others let us rest and heal while James accompanied us and stayed by my side, which I greatly appreciated.
Everything that happened to me seemed like it was part of a twisted game of fate as if I only had restricted access to happiness and freedom. It was telling me that I had a part to play in this war, in the approaching bloodbath, and that I had no choice but to embrace it because no button can help me escape this sick game.
I can't help but think that I'll have to step up my game in this warfare, and I need to do much more than relay information about the scenes I'm witnessing in my head due to my curse.
But...what exactly is it demanding of me?
I can't help but believe that everything about this effing curse has something to do with my purpose, my identity, my tale, and the destiny of everyone living in this divided society.
"Cazh? Are you sure you don't want to be checked into the Hospital Wing?" It was Lily who eventually drew me out of my reverie. James clutched my scarred hands with mild firmness as he looked at me, his eyes and emotions filled with anxiety.
I simply said, "Yeah, I can handle it."
Before nodding their heads, Remus and Lily exchange a knowing gaze. "Just let us know if you need anything," Lily added.
"We'll allow you and James some privacy. Have a pleasant evening, Cazh. You deserve to rest," Remus said, a soft smile plastered on his face.
While viewing them depart the room, I flashed both of them a grateful smile.
Fire engulfs both souls desiring to spend a lifetime of contentment with each other, filling the space with silence. As he moved me closer to him, with my head resting on the crook of his neck while he delicately found his hand weaving through my locks along with his other hand fiddling with my fingers, I couldn't resist but crave James' warmth.
No one dared to break the comforting silence as we melt into each other's arms without worrying about how late it is or what would the world will bring to us tomorrow.
Nothing is definite, but I am positive that I could not have asked for anything more as I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of my special person, even if it was only for a brief moment.
"Do you want to talk about it?" James asked carefully as he broke the silence. It was not forceful nor offending as his voice held so much care.
I shake my head as he felt my answer directly on his skin.
"Then you should sleep, love," James spoke as he caressed my hair and gently kiss the top of my head. "Don't think about anything else and let yourself take a break for tonight." Hundreds of butterflies released themselves from the confinement of my sentiments as a result of these simple, pleasant, and kind gestures. Even though the door was ajar, they managed to get out as a tear streamed down my cheek.
He didn't question it, and he didn't react aggressively to the turn of events. Instead, he wiped it down without probing about the source of my melancholy. He didn't tell me to stop sobbing, stop feeling, or stop overreacting; instead, he just held me so fragilely right there and let me cry like it was a routine we were both used to.
I want to smack the back of my head to finally confront reality and stop being so vulnerable, but a part of me continues to believe that tonight can be wonderful if I let it be.
He remarked as he was ready to get up after reassuring me, "Sleep, Cazh. I'll give you some solitude." I stopped him. I put on a brave face but I do want to savor my enjoyment with this person, regardless if it's only for tonight.
"Stay," I mutter softly.
He was taken aback at first, but he hugged me and placed me next to him on the bed. While I welcome his hug, his familiar aroma, and the butterflies that are dancing around my stomach, I grab his clothes securely.
"Goodnight, love," he said as he kissed my head, which seemed to have a magical effect as drowsiness came over me immediately, so I didn't think about anything but surrendering to the oblivion.
"Goodnight, James." I softly whisper before letting myself submit to sleep.
. . .
Warmth.
As the sun rays kissed the skin of mine and his grasp blazed the longing for security within me, this was the first sensation that was recognized throughout my entire body.
It was quite a sight to behold.
Diverse photographs heaped together into one scene, like a mist of images, a point in time where every second counts.
When he displays that trademark smile, it draws me in even closer.
Once he places his head upon that crook on my neck, he locks his grip on me even more.
He tickled my neck and sent thrills down my spine as he breathed sweetly to me.
It was a perfect opportunity to halt.
While he adjusts my hair, he teases me with jokes that make me want to laugh and taunt him back.
Once he lavishes me with affection, he stares down at my lips.
However, the vision was blurred since the light was overwhelmed by the darkness.
. . .
"Cazh, you okay?" a gruff though lovely voice awoke me from a muddled dreaming while I am overwhelmed with bewilderment, not from the voice that welcomed my morning but from the fantasy that visited me while I slept.
Notwithstanding his uncertainty, the person beside me seemed filled with concern, and with a bed-stated morning. He appears to require a brush at the moment, as well as his glasses, despite his adorable appearance.
I laugh silently at myself as I suddenly realized that I could get used to this. Every morning is filled with the same warmth, comfort, and the person that makes me feel unimaginable things.
"G'day, James. Would you like to borrow a hairbrush?" I asked, my spirits elevated from the previous day. He seemed to notice it but remained silent as he flashed his charming smirk.
Damn. He definitely needs to wipe that away, or I'm going to have to fight myself is craving for more.
He pouted as he rested his head on my shoulder, "Seriously? Your taunting is too early, love."
When I received his gentle affection, I was flabbergasted for a second. I thought it was something that came up in the spur of the moment yesterday night, but I guess it'll stick with us.
"Well, you could use one," I mocked him even more as I forced myself to rise from our morning stupor. I urge James to stand up as I pull him out of my bed.
"Come on, James, we need to go dine and meet our friends in the Great Hall, so you better straighten yourself or I'll abandon you alone," I tried to be stern with him, but the sneer on my lips wouldn't go away.
Damn his infectious optimism and vivacious demeanor. This black hole drew me in, and I couldn't stop myself.
"Don't leave me right now, Cazh. My poor heart won't take it well," James teases back, indicating that he is fully awake.
"Well, your heart can take a break because I need to wash," I remarked as I went over my personal belongings which I would need inside the bathroom.
"Oh, and if you don't get ready right now, James, there would be no next date for you," I joked as I walked into the bathroom, flashing him a mocking look.
I heard him stumble out of bed, trying not to fall over his own clumsiness, before exclaiming, "Yes Ma'am! See you later, Cazh!" and exiting my room completely.
I chuckle to myself at his antics.
"I swear to Godric, you will be the death of me, James Fleamont Potter."
. . .
I discovered James waiting eagerly outside as I ended my morning routine and exited my room. Look at him, all washed up and ready to flaunt his good looks on this beautiful morning.
"Are you lost, Puppy?" I asked confidently, leaning against a nearby wall and looking down at him.
"I presumed so," he joked when he saw me, "Are you here to fetch me back, Master?" he retorted back with a knowing look.
We could play this game all day long, and I'm confident that no one will give up quickly.
"Well, I suppose I could take you back in, but this master of yours is really starving, would you take lead, Puppy?" I grinned as I accepted his offer when he extended his hand in front of me.
He said, "Gladly," as he took my hand in his and led me to the Great Hall.
It didn't take long for everyone's gaze to be drawn to us as we entered the Great Hall. Many students saw us together at Hogsmeade, and everyone could tell we were dating just by looking at one other. We haven't decided if we're formal yet, but I guess you could say we're dating.
It's not like I'm in a rush, and labeling us right now won't change anything. Apart from the fact that I am still new to this, I am certain that James is doing his best to be patient and wait for the moment when we can make things official, as he respects my decision and would not cross the line without my consent.
"Prongs! Cazh! Come over here!" Sirius yelled in the Great Hall, directing our attention to our seats, which perplexed me because I'm sure that everyone knows where we sit and would never try to take it.
I just rolled my eyes as James rapidly walked over there, dragging me along with him.
Remus instantly noted, raising his brow at us, "You guys definitely took your time since yesterday night."
"Oh, Remus, you know how young people are these days," Marlene said, implying something.
"You do realize that we're all part of the youngsters you're talking about," Lily said. As she swings her arm around Alice's neck, Marlene simply pouts.
"Oh, come on, Lils, you know what I'm talking about," Alice and Mary look at each other, laughing at her outburst while shaking their heads.
"Are you feeling a lot better now, Cazh?" Alice inquired softly, smiling pleasantly at me.
I could see James grinning beside me, about to say something naughty, so I did what I needed to do. He grunted in pain and almost bit his tongue after I elbowed him in the stomach.
"I am," I simply said. "Sleep definitely helped, plus I had James beside me."
"Well, it's a positive thing we were able to prevent Sirius from entering your room because he was too curious of what was going on inside," Peter said, prompting Sirius to revert to his regular theatrical self.
"I'm sure I am still!" he said, "I mean, he didn't even go back to our dorms, which indicates he spent the night with Ravens!" Here we go with his usual shenanigans once more. I'm sure everyone is already accustomed to it.
"If I must say, he assisted me in falling asleep. Nothing more," I clarified, casting a side glance at James, implying that certain things must remain between us. He smiled at me as soon as he received the message.
Sirius was about to react when Remus slapped the back of his head, causing Sirius to halt and quarrel with him.
They're back in their own little universe.
As I moved my eyes towards their way, someone familiar cried out to me, "Cazhvyre."
"Theodore," I said, with a puzzled expression on my face.
Sirius said, "Am I finally witnessing another fight?" while the others coughed or rolled their eyes at him.
"I'm not here to fight with my friend. I'm here to retrieve you because Professor Luthox was looking for you," he explains as he casts a hard glance at Sirius, who immediately responds with a dramatic capitulation.
In between sighs, I responded, "Right, almost forgot about it." Because of what happened yesterday and the frequent visits of my curse, our training routine became more frantic.
"Perhaps we could accompany you as well?" Remus inquired, seeing a slight change in my demeanor.
"No need," I said, "Theo and I need to talk about things too," but I gave Remus a grateful grin for attempting to cheer me up.
"Right, the bastard Jonathan," Theo said flatly, his distaste for the impending issue evident in his words. "Well, it is something that needs to be handled in our circle, don't we?" I said honestly as he nodded in my way, shaking my head.
The rest gaze at us with admiration, knowing that this is something that only the two of us need to talk about.
Before James shows me his puppy eyes, I say my goodbyes to my friends, believing that it will affect me.
"Are you leaving me already, Cazh?" he teased.
"Stay, Puppy. Wouldn't want you misbehaving without me right now, aye?" I mocked back, and he grumbled in defeat.
The others were astounded by the unexpected turn of events. Sirius was the first to raise his hand and demand an explanation from James for what had just occurred during our talk. I didn't even reciprocate that look of helplessness on his face. I'm confident he'll be able to handle it on his own.
Theo and I quickly changed our approach after exiting the Great Hall, as we both became serious about the upcoming conversation.
"How did you know what happened exactly? I'm assuming somebody approached you," I remarked as we walked towards Professor Luthox's office.
"I assumed it was just an argument," he began, "but I have a feeling it's more severe than that since you wouldn't explode like that, especially when there's already an audience around you."
I was taken aback when he said, "That bastard contacted me." I didn't anticipate Jonathan—the alleged 'bastard'—to contact Green and explain what had transpired. I figured he'd forget about that or put it off until our next encounter.
"What exactly did he say in the letter?" I inquired, pondering my own thoughts.
He growls in irritation when he recalls the contents of the letter, "The truth that it was his fault in the first place," he says.
Jonathan, on the other hand, is likely to have come to his senses and seen the full picture of what had occurred.
I was halted in my tracks as Theo abruptly stopped walking and turned to face me, causing me to lean back a little. He sighs and grunts in annoyance as he messes up his hair.
"How could he do that to you? He even turned his fury on your encounter! The fact that he did that to you during the summer—" He was spouting all his ideas and pent-up frustrations when it dawned on him that I probably don't want to talk about what happened last summer.
He later apologized right away, saying, "Sorry, I got carried away."
"There's nothing to apologize for; it already happened," I responded with a casual toss of my head.
"Still...I shouldn't have said anything, and it'll be a long time until I can face that guy without getting upset," Theo said, crossing his arms. Despite the closeness he enjoyed with our other pals, I couldn't help but be amazed at how loyal he is to me at times like this. In a way, I suppose we complement each other as friends.
He inquired, "What are you going to do about him anyway?"
"Presumably confront him again this coming summer," I said without hesitation as Theo's face turned sour as he listened to me. "That idiot, he really doesn't know when to stop at times. Insensitive prick." Theo was already getting colorful with his words, so I tried to change the subject to him flinging as many insults at Jonathan as he could.
"Talking about confrontation," Theo's tone shifted as I noticed the hesitation in his expression. It must be something difficult to explain or link to me.
"Just spit it out, Theo," I advised as he contemplated whether or not to inform me about something.
He exhaled his last worry before staring at me in the eyes and saying, "Your brother," which made me furrow my brows.
"What about him?" I questioned, a little impatient and inquisitive what he'd been about to say in relation to my brother.
He responded, "He sent me a note this morning," as he weighed my reaction.
What? Why would he make touch with Theo once more? If this was just about him, Theo wouldn't have told me so anxiously, therefore it's almost certain that it has something to do with me. But why would he approach him right now, especially after the Jonathan incident? Is this why he didn't send it to me personally but instead to Theo?
"What did he say in the letter, Theo? Is it about spying on me again?" We both know that my brother only reaches Theo when he has a report on me, however after we reconciled, Theo stopped doing so.
He paused for a time being before saying something which stunned me to my core: "He's coming back."
Because I was still reeling from the shock, I didn't register what he said.
"What? What does he mean by that?" I rushed back, eager for more information.
"In his letter from this morning, he stated explicitly, 'I am coming back.'" he claimed again, adding, "That was the only thing written on the message."
No. No. No, there's got to be something wrong. My brother would never abandon his mission, especially now since the war is escalating slowly and surely.
"Something's going to happen, Cazh," Theo said, echoing a concept that is currently racing through my mind.
Something is about to happen, and I'm scared we'll be dragged through the event this time.
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