Heart racing wildly, her eyes fluttered close, trying to reign in her haywire nerves. Shudders skirting down her spine owing to his proximity, Anupama took in a flustered breath as she held his arms and tried turning around to face him but he refused to budge.
"Anuj..." She protested weakly. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and especially when the subject of her affections was so damn close,there was no way that her senses were going to stay intact. She needed to put some distance between them, lest her heart would slip.
"Anuj..plea—
"Why, Anu?"
That whisper of a question interrupted her and she ceased with her efforts, his uneven breathing alarming her.
"W-Why do you want to leave me?" Anuj whimpered, too afraid to face her, too afraid to be abandoned, too afraid to be crushed, too afraid of this moment being a dream that would shatter and she would disappear.
He had given up on living the second he had found her ID.But seeing her again, like that had ruffled all his feathers for good. He had survived without her, would have still breathed if the nightmare would have been true but living without her was not a possibility anymore. He had played it cautious and all he had achieved was distance. This distance was bearable no more. She was his oxygen, even a second without her now would choke him, gut him...cut him. He had been patient,satisfied with their status quo but now, he wanted her, in his life, he wanted that surety, that assurance that come what may she would not leave him, ever,ever.
"M-main aapko ky-u chodungi?" Anupama stammered, trying to feign innocence. Her heart was already at it ropes with that near brush of death, and now they were alone in this room, as a storm raged outside while an even greater one was going berserk within her heart. His proximity, his vulnerability was messing with her head.
He laughed bitterly then, turning her around by grabbing her shoulders. "Look into my eyes, and say that I am being paranoid. Keh do, ki aisa kuch nahi hai. Keh do, ki tum hum dono ke beech faasle nahi badha rahi ho.Look into my eyes and say it".
"M-main aisa ku— the words died as she looked into his eyes and found them curtailed by sadness.
He held her hands then, his fingers grazing her knuckles, a block forming in his throat. "W-Why Anu? Why must you punish me like that? Kya maine kuch galat kiya? Kya maine tumhara dil dukhaya? If I did, then I am truly very sorry. Tum kahogi toh main tumhare per—
He was about to go for her legs when she held him and shook her head in negative, tears of guilt flowing out of her eyes. To think, she had made him feel so insufficient, so small and so lacking that he had to apologize,for no fault at that.
"Aapne kuch galat nahi kiya Anuj. Aap bahot ache hain. Aapse acha toh koi aur hai hi nahi—
"Fir kyun, Anu? Kyun?!' He asked as he stepped closer and cupped her face, her eyes fluttering close at the cool touch of his hands against her warm face.
"I-I—
"Is it because of Mukku?"
Her eyes flew open then and her silence spoke to him as he shook his head at her stupidity, "You stupid women, tum mere aur mukku ke beech nahi aa rahi ho. Why must you think like that? As a fact, tumhari wajah se hi there is some semblance of stability in her life. She needs you more than she needs me"
She was amazed to have her thoughts read to the T. No wonder she fell in love with him. "Anuj, she needs you fully. The counselor said that she needs as much love and care as possible. Mukku itni achi hain ki, mujhse gussa bhi nahi kar sakti shayad. Aap bhai hain, Anuj. Aur main koi nhi".
"TUM BHABHI HO USKI",Anuj replied instantly and surprised, Anu looked to his eyes only to find them absolutely sincere as always.
Anuj continued, "Anu, mukku ko sirf mera pyaar nahi, ek khush haal parivar chahiye jo maine usse cheen lia tha. Main bhai ban sakta hu,baap ban sakta hu par maa nhi, kyuki who toh tum ho, Anu. You are a mother figure to her. Mukku tum main apni maa dekhti hai, apni dost dekhti haan, apni bhabhi dekhti hai...tum mein wo mera jeevansathi dekhti hai".
She tried to step away from him instantly. Those words, his words, they were dangerous. But Anuj was having none of it, as he held her hand and puller her back into him, as she collided into his chest while he locked his hands behind her.
"M-Mujhe jaane dijiye", Anupama resisted weakly but he was determined.
"Nahi Anu, aaj nahi. Mujhe jawab chahiye, right here, rightnow! Agar mukku ko tumse problem hoti bhi, toh kya tumhare liye mujhe chod dena itna aasan hai? Koi nahi lagta main tumhara? Tumhare dil main kya meri itni si bhi jagah nahi hai, itni si bhi chahat nahi hai ki tum mere liye lado, mere saath ke liye lado, iss rishte ke liye lado..."
"Look into my eyes, Anu", He tipped her chin up when she tried to look away and added, "Dekho aur bolo, what do you see? Tum ho inn aankhon main! Pata hai, meri jaan nikal gayi thi jab mujhe landslide ke bare main pata chala tha. Mann main bure bure khayal aa rahe thhe, khud par gussa aa raha tha ki kyun nhi gaya tumhare sath...aur fir jab wo tumhari ID dekhi toh...", Anuj trailed, briefly closing his eyes,trying to shrug that horrible memory off. A single tear escaped his eyes and he opened them to look at her with a shattered look, "...Main toh jeete ji hi mar gaya tha usi samay. I had lost the will to live. Kya tumhe meri feelings ki koi kadar nahi hai? Mujhe lagta tha ki tum mujhse pyaar karti ho, kya wo mera dhokha tha?"
He looked at her questioningly and her eyes widened as he put into words, the feelings she had been cradling for too long.
"Kya main tumhare saath ke qabil nahi hoon?" Anuj loosened his hold, starting to get dismayed by her lack of response. He had overstepped his limits today but if she still refused to take his hand, than what more could he do?
Anupama shook her head then as Anuj pulled his hands away and wiped his eyes.
"Kya kami hai mujh mein? Kya main tumhare pyaar ke layak nahi hu? Not even a chance?!"
His voice broke at the end, and he had almost turned away when she held the lapel of his shirt and her lips parted.
"Aap main koi kami nahi hai. Aap har khushi ke haqdaar hain.Aapki har chahat par aapka haq hai...m-mujhpar aapka haq hai". As she said that,Anuj whipped on his heels to face her instantly and she held his hand this time, deciding to open up her heart for good.
"Main thodi si gadhi hu. Nahi bahut badi wali hu. Mujhe darr tha ki agar maine aapko apne jeevan ka hissa bana lia aur fir agar aap mujhse dur hue, toh main bikhar jaungi. Mujhe laga ki aap mujh mein aur mukku main batt rahe hain aur main aisa bilkul nhi chahti thi" She trailed, sniffing as he shook his head in negative.
"Nothing like that, Anu. Tum dono ki apni jagah hai meri life main. And let me repeat again, Mukku loves you more than she loves me. So be at ease. Now, if that is all it was, and if I deserve everything, as you just said, can you please reply to my earlier question?" Anuj took a step towards her, and tilted his head to get a clear look into her eyes, "Kya tum bhi mujhse...?" He left the question hanging, his fingers clamping down on hers.
Anupama lowered her gaze under the weight of his expecting one. She wanted to run away in the moment but held her ground still and squeezed back his fingers to derive strength. This was the moment. Drawing in a deep breath to collect her thoughts, she exhaled slowly and finally allowed her heart to come to her lips.
"Aap mujhe kitna p...prabhavit karte hain—
"That again!" Anuj complained in between, his eyes crinkling in annoyance at the word.
Anupama laughed, enjoying his irritation and continued,"—ki main shabdon main bata nahi sakti".
He visibly relaxed then, on seeing her continue. Most probably, this time the pyaar won't become prabhavit!
His exasperation amused her and took off some of her nerves."Aap ek baar muskura dete hain toh bure se bura din acha ho jata hai. Aap pareshan hote hain, toh mujhe itni tension ho jati hai ki kya batau. Saans bhi leti hu,toh sirf aapka naam sunai deta hai. Aap saamne hote hain toh naa koi aur dikhta hai naa hi kuch aur samajh aata hai. As a fact—" Anupama chuckled as she added,"Kayi baar toh main mukku se milne ka bahana banakar, sirf aapko dekhne ke liye uss ghar aati hu. You know, to have my fill of your sight. Aur aapki aankhon main dekhti hu toh..." She paused and peered into his eyes. His penetrating gaze,infused with the rapt attention painting his features, trapped her at once and she barely caught herself before losing herself in their depths.
Shaking her head, for feeling so lightheaded at a mere eye contact, she resumed "—I feel like I am floating in the air. Everything ceases to exist and your eyes, they compel me to drown in them. The point being, that everything is about you. Even today when I had such a close brush with death, I was.."
"Anu, please ye sab mat—
She shook her head then, "...I wasn't afraid of dying but I was afraid of losing you. The thought that I will never see you again, scared me. I thanked kanhaji for saving my life, for giving me another chance to see you. I saw people getting hurt but the only thought in my head was relief, that you weren't here, in this situation. But when...when Mukku told me about you coming here, I felt my heart drop. The calls wouldn't connect and the situation was so grim, I could only pray for your safety. Aapko sahi salamat dekhkar hi meri jaan main jaan aayi".
She was an open book that he could read without even trying.And yet, hearing those emotions put into words were such a rush that Anuj felt exhilarated and peaceful all at the same time.
Her eyes reflected her heart, piercing his with their sincerity."Pehle main kanha ji se kuch maangti nahi thi, par ab har pal, aapki lambi zindagi maangti hu, aapka saath maangti hoon. Aapse khud ko dur karna saza se kam nahi tha mere liye, I didn't even know till when will I be able to keep this up. As much as I was afraid of breaking down in front of you,I-I wanted to breakdown in your arms and be consoled and placated".
"Then say it, Anu" He implored, his heart beats escalating,"then say those words and I promise you, ki tumhe kabhi kuch kehne ki zaroorat nahi padegi. Main tumhe chupa lunga apni baahon main...bachaunga har dard, har taqleef se".
She nodded then. She had held herself back for too long already but she had to tell him that he was her world. "Har cheez main aapka khayal hota hai- aapko kesa lagega, aap kese react karenge, everything...everything in me is about you. Aap mujh main mujhse zyada hain, Anuj".
On one side her words were filling his empty heart and on the other, the buildup, the anticipation of what was to come, was killing him.He was eagerly awaiting those sweet words, words that once spoken would allow him to give up on the leash he was holding down his feelings with and let them loose. Those words were that final confirmation, he needed to let go of his hesitation and take her as his, with full rights.
"I cannot wait anymore, Anu. Ab aur mat tadpao!" Anuj begged,"Kaho na! Kaho na ki p—
"—prabhavit hu?!" She completed, her eyes glittering with mischief while Anuj whined, "Yaar, Anu! Not fair! Don't tease my poor heart! Ab bol bhi do na!"
She could see the excitement in his eyes. "Bol du?"
"Please!"
"Bol du!" She asked again.
"Anuuu!" Anuj grumbled as Anupama smiled, "Theek hai bol deti hu. Main aapse...."
"Tum mujhse..." He repeated, at his wits end by now.
"Main aapse...."
"Yess..."
"Main aapse py..."
"Py...", Eyebrows high on his forehead, lips pressed, he waited.
"pya.....bolna zaroori hai kya?" Changing her words suddenly,she grinned.
Anuj smiled tightly, pissed for good measures now. Raising his hand in exasperation, he turned his face away, "Fine! Sata lo mujhe! Mat bolo! Kuch mat bolo!"
"Aap naraz ho gaye?" Anupama asked laughing, offending him further.
Brows rising in incredulity, he gave her a stink eye,"Nhi!Bahot khush hu main! Tum mujhe pagal jo bana rahi ho!"
Anupama stifled her laugh. He looked adorable, pouting like that. "Acha, sorry!" She held her ears in apology, "No more jokes. Main bol deti hu".
"Nahi, mat bolo! Ab nahi sunna mujhe!" He sulked, crossing his arms to show his protest, low key wishing for her to placate him.
"Theek hai!" She acquiesced, shrugging nonchalantly and Anuj turned to look at her accusingly.
"Ek main hu jo har roz izhaar karta hu, har dusri line mainI love you bolta hu. Aur ek tum ho? Kitni kanjoos ho! Main idiot ki tarah request kar raha hu ki kaho na pyar hai, kaho na p-
"—pyaar hai"
The dent in his brows dissolved while his mouth remained half open as he stared at her, shocked.
Taking a step closer, she smiled. "Pyaar hai. Mujhe aapse bahot bahot pyaa—
--ar hai...!" Before she could even complete her sentence,Anuj had taken her into his arms as he swayed right and left, with happiness.
"I love you too Anu! I love you so so much", Anuj laughed,his eyes getting misty. She is his now. Forever.
And done!
With the second last part that is. One more to go!