The entrance to Sherry's was subtle and understated, but that vanished the moment you stepped inside. Mrs. Brown had seen fit to order not one, but three hothouses worth of flowers and it was almost overwhelming to have the different scents assault you as you walked in. White was the theme though, the color of innocence and purity, things that were lost during the sinking. It was also the color of sacrifice and remembrance, which was evident when I was immediately presented with a small posey of white roses to pin to my dress. Mrs. Brown grinned as she placed it on me, "All us survivors are wearing one, and it looks so nice against the black of your dress."
"Thank you, Molly." I tried not to twitch under her hands as the pin gently scraped against my skin. I could see her own posey pinned in place of a brooch on her dress. I brushed my fingers against the flowers, enjoying the light scent that wafted up. "Have our targets for tonight shown up?"
She laughed, "Our targets, lovely term there dear, are fashionably late as ever." A passing waiter stopped by, and she handed Ezekiel and I flutes of champagne. I sipped at it, knowing that it would have to last me half the night. Molly took a healthy swallow of her own, "But there are some smaller fish to go after."
"Well, we had better get to fishing then." I looked around the small crowd in the ballroom. Some of the finest of New York society was present; Astors, Vanderbilts, Fishes, and I could even see old Theodore Roosevelt sipping on a whiskey in a darkened corner. Aside from him, none of the ones present were the scions of their families, which meant a limited income to spend on charitable causes. But Mrs. Brown had worked her contacts well, and was assured the prominent members of those families would attend. I looked over to Ezekiel, "You don't have to be by my side the whole time, and I don't think you'd have much fun trying to weasel money out of their pockets."
"Annie," He offered me his arm, "There's one thing I fear more than these society types, and that's your mother in a temper." I smiled as I took his arm, and we made our way over to the group that had gathered around a small display of items from the sinking. Survivors had been more than willing to lend these morbid souvenirs for the ball, and I spotted my own seawater stained stockings displayed next to a pocket watch. Other items littered the table; cards, shoes, jewelry, gloves, menus from the dinner that night. A collection of detritus that seemed so ordinary before, now only memorable because of a tragedy. The gathering around the table quickly turned as I came up, and immediately began to pepper me with questions. I tried to smile and be patient as it seemed I answered the same question three different times, and I could feel Ezekiel twitching under my hand.
A minor Astor daughter flashed a smile at him, "And would this be your dashing suitor?"
"Oh, I'm afraid Mr. Murdoch was unable to be here tonight." I looked over to Ezekiel, "This is a family friend, Ezekiel Fields."
"Of the Boston Fields?" She turned her eyes toward him, batting her lashes.
"My family was from Rhode Island before we moved here." Ezekiel had turned a delightful shade of red, "My father is a captain on one of her ships." At the admission of his lower status any thoughts of flirting seemed to vanish, but I was able to get her to agree to a small donation. As we moved away from the display table I looked to him, "You know, you could have lied to her. Might have been able to get a dinner out of it."
"You know I get uncomfortable around these types." He shrugged, pulling out a chair for me at a table. I sat, setting my champagne on the silk tablecloth. Ezekiel almost fell into his chair, reaching for his tie again. "All that money, they'll never use it all. And here I am, in a borrowed suit and completely out of place"
"You aren't uncomfortable around me."
"Well Ms. Astor back there wasn't confined to my room for two weeks with chicken pox when she was twelve."
"You gave them to me," I took a sip of champagne, "It's hardly my fault my mother made us stay in the same room." I sat back, watching more people file in. The survivors were easy to mark, all of them sporting a pin of flowers from Mrs. Brown, which made it easier to determine who to approach for donations. First though, I was starving. Sherry's had apparently not planned for a massive banquet, but merely a delightful array of light foods that could be carried as you circulated among the attendees. I helped myself to a small crab cake before collecting Ezekiel to make our rounds, as it were.
After a while, I had the pattern down pat: approach, accept their condolences, speak to them about rowing the lifeboat, mention how so many who survived had so little and would they please consider helping them? The women who were there seemed vastly interested in Will, and I was a little uneasy about that. Mrs. Vanderbilt had a litany of questions that she rattled off, "How did you ever meet an officer? And what drew you to him? Is he here? I would love to meet him and speak to him about what happened."
I took a large swallow of champagne, sadly noting that my flute was empty. I replaced it on a waiter's tray, grabbing a fresh one. I would have to make this one last as long as I could. I gave Mrs. Vanderbilt a smile, "I actually tripped when getting onto the ship, if you can believe it. He was kind enough to stop me from falling."
"Oh, how romantic. Is that what you found most charming about him then?"
Ezekiel covered up a chuckle with a cough, and I gave him a glare. "His kindness, most definitely. He was always willing to take me for a promenade, or a tour of the ship."
"He must be quite handsome, too."
This time he didn't bother to cover up his chuckle, and I waved him away toward the buffet. "If you can't behave, you may as well do something useful. Bring back some of that caviar." I turned back to Mrs. Vanderbilt, "In my opinion, he most definitely is. Fair, with brown hair and blue eyes."
"A man in uniform is always tempting." She gave me a wink, "Even the old Commodore still looked dashing when he put his on."
"Well, I'm afraid Mr. Murdoch was one of the ones to lose much in the sinking." I looked away and sighed, "Including some of his uniform. But there are so many who lost more than simply clothes. Could I ask you to please see your way to donating something to the charity?"
"Oh, of course." She simpered, "But you will have to bring your Mr. Murdoch around when you've got ahold of him again. Tell me, have you been to the cinemas lately? There's a picture on the sinking playing, the actress was actually onboard!"
I tried my best to keep my face calm, "Unfortunately I have not been able to, have you seen it?" I had seen the picture being discussed in the papers, and I had been rather angry about it. Releasing a film, barely a month after the sinking, seemed vulgar and I felt rather disgusted at seeing the articles written.
"Oh yes, that lovely Dorothy Gibson is quite charming in it." Mrs. Vanderbilt simpered, "And the sinking is very moving, in fact it made me want to come tonight."
"Well, we are certainly glad to have you." I took a sip of champagne, trying to keep from rolling my eyes. A picture, not the chance to actually meet survivors and help others, made her want to come. It was all I could do not to snort at her statement.
"Oh, and your article, of course." Apparently she had actually realized her faux pas. "It was a delight to read." She suddenly looked over her shoulder, a quartet had started playing softly from a corner and some people were beginning to pair up for a waltz. "Oh, I must go find my Richard. Please, excuse me." She dashed off, collecting an older man from the alcove where a great many of them had gathered to drink whiskey and talk of whatever men did as they drank. I could still see Ezekiel at the buffet, collecting far more than caviar, but a swirl of dancers passed in front and I lost him.
Instead I set myself to watching the dancing, the elegant sweep of ballgown skirts as they glided across the floor. I couldn't help but sigh a bit, wishing I could join them. I would have made Ezekiel dance with me if I was able to, if only to torture him. But I hadn't danced in months, the last time being on the deck of the Titanic, Will guiding me around deck chairs to the sounds of an imaginary band. I tried to picture myself out there, with him, in a new dress and jewels, dancing like we hadn't a care. My daydream was interrupted though, a pair of trousers stopping before me. I looked up, immediately souring. Zachary was standing before me, looking remarkably sober for once. No red eyes, his skin wasn't flushed, and I couldn't smell alcohol coming off of him. He sat down in the chair next to me, a glass of water the only thing he had on him. "'Stasia, I don't know what to say."
"I don't think there is anything to say." I muttered, sipping at my champagne. I was going to need it to get through this. I could see Ezekiel barely ten feet away, the plates from the buffet in his hands. I shook my head, I didn't want him to hear whatever this was going to be, but he could watch from there. He glared, more at Zachary than me, but nodded.
"I was wrong when I saw you last, although I am glad to see you sent that sailor packing." Zachary smiled, "He really was quite ill suited for you."
"He's in England for the British Inquiry, I'm planning on him returning soon." I kept my voice clipped, I hardly cared if he was offended. In fact, if he was offended and left, I would be quite pleased.
"Ah." Zachary quieted for a moment, looking out at the dancers. "I don't suppose you'd want to-"
"No."
He winced, moving his chair closer. "I am sorry for how I acted the last time I saw you. I was hurting, I didn't know what I was saying."
"You were an ass." I said, looking away. "As you always have been."
"I have never understood this hatred you have toward me, 'Stasia-"
"Don't call me that!" My voice was loud, and I saw a few people look over. I lowered it, trying to take a calming breath. "I hate that nickname."
"I'm sorry, I thought it was something fun, between the two of us." He sipped angrily at his water, crunching a piece of ice between his teeth. "But why do you insist on this hatred?"
I had to carefully set my flute down, to avoid shattering it and hurting myself. "What you did the night of the Vanderbilt party, it was vile. You tried to take advantage of me."
He actually paled, even as I felt my own face flush from anger. "Oh God, I thought you knew what I meant." He reached across, trying to grasp a hand that I quickly withdrew. "I swear, I thought you wanted it." He pulled his hand back, "Is there any way I can make up for it? I do like you Anastasia, and I want to marry you."
I couldn't help the harsh laugh. "Make up for it? You marrying me?" I actually snorted as I shook my head, "Never in a million years will that happen."
"But Anastasia, think about it. It would be better for us to get together than for you to stick with that sailor, think of how the columns would love it." He stood, adjusting his suit. "We could combine our families' businesses, it would work. Come, dance with me. Let's begin anew."
I looked away from the hand he was holding out to me. "It will never work Zachary. I have told you multiple times. And I hate dancing with you."
"I was told to be nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to kindness." He fairly growled, "My father wanted me to let you know, this is his last olive branch." A sneer risen in his voice, a sudden rush of conversation muffling what he said next. "After you played the whore for him, he simply wants you to see the advantages of our marriage."
A hot coil of anger wrapped itself around my heart, "Your father tried to force himself on me, as did you. I would sooner lose everything than marry you."
"He's giving you a chance, 'Stasia." Zachary stepped closer to me, looming over my chair. "A chance to save your name. He doesn't want to ruin you, but he will." He took my hand, but I pulled it back, standing and shoving my chair back as I did. "Marry me, Anastasia. It would solve everything. Your business would be safe, your mother taken care of, and," He leaned close, whispering right into my ear, "my father won't let everyone know what you did, how much of a little slut you are. Would it really be so bad to be my wife? To marry someone of your own set and not some common sailor? Think about it, 'Stasia. If you did marry him, you know he'd never be accepted here. Not after what he did. And him accepting you, after what you did?" He stepped back, chuckling. "You've only got one choice if you're going to save yourself."
Zachary turned to look at the crowd in the ballroom, I could see a few people that had been watching us while we spoke, but more turned towards us as he knelt. I couldn't believe the audacity he had when he actually pulled a ring from his pocket. It was a garish thing, plastered with as many stones as the band could support. He smirked up at me, "Last chance 'Stasia, will you marry me?"
A hush had actually come over the crowd, and I could feel hundreds of eyes on me. I could also hear Ezekiel coming up behind me, and I turned to catch his eye. I gestured for him to wait behind me, as I reached for my champagne flute. It was going to be a waste of the absolutely delicious Moet that I had helped Mrs. Brown decide on, and the last drink I was allowed tonight, but there was nothing for it. I pitched the whole of it into Zachary's face, and I couldn't help the grin that broke out as I heard gasps and excited whispers begin. I spoke loudly, not caring who heard. "I despise you, and your family Zachary. Maybe you'll finally understand that now."
He came up with almost a shout, grabbing my arm and pulling. The champagne flute flew from my hand as I staggered forward, shattering across the marble floor, and I tried to pull away from him but he yanked hard on my hand. "You ungrateful-"
"Release her, now." I had never heard Ezekiel's voice so low or fierce, but he didn't take his eye from Zachary as his hand moved to the butt of the pistol, clearly seen beneath his jacket. He didn't so much release me as I was able to pull my arm back from his suddenly limp hand. I moved back by Ezekiel, noting the crowd around us. None of them seemed fazed, merely waiting in a expectant silence for the next scene. Ezekiel didn't care about them, "If you come near her, any of you Reichsters, you're dead."
"What, you're the new man she's taken up with?" Zachary brushed champagne from his shirt, "She's moving awfully fast now."
I caught Ezekiel's arm before he managed to connect with Zachary's chin. I shoved him back, although he barely moved. "Don't, let's just go." I wound up actually having to pull on his arm to get him to back away from Zachary. I could feel the tension in him as we started to make our way through the crowd. I stopped at Mrs. Brown, close to the inside edge of the ring of people around us. "Thank you for tonight, I'm sorry he ruined it."
"Oh honey, this is just some lovely drama." She gave me a smile, "You get on out of here though, he doesn't look like he's one to take rejection well."
And he wasn't, he started yelling at our backs as we made our way out. "She's a whore, you know! Tried to seduce my father yesterday then had him arrested! A lying Jezebel, taking any man she wants to her bed! Go on fellows, you might be able to have a turn with her, long as you're not too rich. She likes them poor and rough." I kept my eyes ahead, gritting my teeth. Responding would only make it worse. If I didn't respond he would just look like an angry, rejected man, but if I said something, if I tried to defend myself or explain, it would give him some credence.
I could hear Zachary follow us, unrelenting. "Had six sailors at once I heard, but she didn't even wait to get back home! Already claimed one on the rescue ship, saw them head off for a cabin, bold as brass! You hear me, Anastasia? You're a whore, and we all know it! How much for a night? A week? You play your cards right and she might just take you off in her private rail car, wonder how much that would cost? Oh, she'll open her legs for a sailor as easy as any dockside slut, but a rich man wants to marry her and she's a nun! Not good enough to get under her skirts, just-"
We had managed to get outside, the sudden burst of noise cutting off whatever filth he was continuing to spew. Ezekiel handed me up into the carriage, bolting the door behind him and finally silencing any last words from Zachary. He kept staring out the window as the carriage started on its way home. "You should have let me hit him."
"Ezekiel, no. Then you'd have been arrested." I tried to keep my voice light. I suppose I should have felt ashamed of what Zachary was saying, but it was so ridiculous that I couldn't take it seriously.
"You're right, I can shoot him in the dark. Catch him on his way home."
"No." I shook my head, "He's only embarrassing himself right now."
"Annie, you heard him!" Ezekiel slammed his hand against the side of the carriage, "How can you not want him dead?"
"Oh, I do want him dead." I reached out, taking Ezekiel's hand. "But I don't want it done by you. Besides, do you know what the papers will say? The young Reichster heir caused himself a significant embarrassment tonight at the charity ball, having overindulged in drink and slinging insults at the young Ms. Dalian who assisted with the ball, who remained calm and removed herself from the situation. That's how it goes."
"Wouldn't you prefer to see it as; Reichster heir found dead in alley after causing scene?" He gripped my hand tightly, "I just don't understand how he can say those things, and how you can just sit there and take it."
I squeezed his hand back, "Because I know it's not true, and so do you."
"And that makes it better? Just because we know he's lying? What about the company men at his offices, those men who read the gossip sheets to get through a boring day? They don't know he's lying, what if one of them decides that he's right and he tries something?"
I flinched, "Zeke, that's enough."
"No, Annie, it's not!" He almost stood, forgetting about the roof. "He's just going to keep saying that filth until someone silences him."
"And that will not be you!" I fairly shouted, "Not only as your friend, but as your boss, I forbid you to try anything."
He slumped back into the bench, "Annie, please. Please, just let me do something, I won't involve myself, I promise. There are people I could pay, they'd take him away and we'd never see him again."
"And how do you know these people?"
"I hear things, at the docks. I could ask around, very discreet." He looked over, the carriage starting to make its way to the front of the house. "But you can't keep letting him say these things. Or let his father get away with what he did." Ezekiel move over to my bench, and I started as he brought his hands up on either side of my face. They felt like Will's hands, calloused and work roughened. His green eyes were bright as he stared at me, "You were my first sister, Annie. I've always loved you, and I can't see this done to you."
"Zeke," I dropped my gaze from his, "I don't want you to get in trouble."
I felt my skin twitch as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "And if I do this right, I won't be." He moved away as the footmen came to the door, getting out and handing me down. I let the maid take my wrap, and moved to the parlor. Mother was sitting in the rocking chair by the fire, a shirt in her hands. I recognized it as one of Father's, and I flinched as she suddenly ripped a sleeve off of it. Her scissors began to snip at the seam, the fabric unrolling as she moved along. Ezekiel stepped forward, "Mrs. Dalian."
Her scissors kept snipping, "Oh, I had thought you would be home much later."
"There was an incident, ma'am." He immediately backpedaled though as Mother stood up fast, "I didn't mean that, but he started saying all these lies about her. Everyone could hear him."
"Ezekiel, thank you but I need to speak to my daughter. Alone." She watched as he nodded, heading back out. "Anastasia, explain." She indicated a chair for me to sit.
I settled into the tufted velvet, "Zachary was there, he proposed, I refused, and he acted out."
"What did he say, exactly?"
"That this was their last olive branch." I shivered, remembering his lips against my ear. "That they were going to tell everyone I had tried to seduce Mr. Reichster. So he offered me a deal, marry him or have that come out."
"And after you refused him?"
"He started yelling, calling me a whore." I folded my arms, "I left, and we came home." The fire crackled in the grate, and I watched Mother's fingers travel over the now flat piece of fabric in her hands. Her scissors started cutting, triangles and squares fluttering into her lap. I sniffed, "What are you doing?"
"I'm making a memory quilt." Snip, snip, snip. "From your father's old clothes. My grandmother did it for my grandfather, and my mother will do it for my father." The other sleeve was ripped off, falling under the blades.
I watched as she ripped the seam, "Ezekiel wants to kill Zachary."
"I can understand that." Mother set the sleeve down, "Did he go into exactly how?"
I blinked, "He wants to hire someone. I told him not to."
"It would make things simpler," She sighed, "But unfortunately it's just not done anymore. I'll speak to him, or get Abraham to. But I'll want you to close yourself off for awhile here, at least until the talk dies down."
"I can still go to the offices, right?" I had come to like that brick building, the windows looking out on the docks and the ships spread before me.
"With an escort." She nodded, considering the pile of cut fabric in her lap. "I can start a few blocks with this. Go get some sleep, it's getting late." I rose from my chair, a sudden tiredness sweeping across me as I began climbing the stairs. I was tired of Zachary constantly waiting around me, looking for an opportunity to pounce. I was tired of not getting enough sleep, and then having to cram my head full of Mr. Keller's lessons. I was tired of not having my old life back, of being able to be carefree and do what I liked without taking risks.
I was tired of not having Will by me, not being able to count on him to support me when I needed it. I looked at myself in the vanity mirror, wiping at my face with a cloth to remove the rouge and powder. My eyes looked dull, my skin red where I had rubbed it with the cloth. I could even see some small wrinkles around my eyes, smile lines Mother had called them. But there was nothing smiling to them now, they just made me look haggard. Twenty-five years old and I was already growing haggard. Perhaps I just needed some more sleep. Or maybe I just needed a break, a break from all these responsibilities I hadn't been ready for. I plucked the plume from my hair, running my fingers through and pulling the pins out. A break was something I couldn't afford, and I knew it. I just had to keep going, keep moving forward and hope that Will would be able to come back sometime soon. That was all I had at the moment, hope, the hope that things would get better shortly and that I would be able to handle it.