it's been 8 days since Dylan and i first came to this cabin and was stranded. and only 6 since the conversation.
it was currently 5pm and i was sitting on the couch, my legs crossed with a blanket draped over me and a pillow with my laptop on my lap.
i move the pillow to the side, along with the laptop, and turn to face him. i stare at his angelic features. a single tear falling down my eye.
"why are you doing this?" i ask, "why are you being so nice to me, why are you complementing me and talking about how much you adore me?"
the past couple of days, Dylan had tried and tried again to get me to talk to him or at least acknowledge him.
he's told me how he adores me, and how he likes me. how he wants to hold and hug me, to hold my hand and give me a shoulder to cry on.
he's told me how much he hated me and how much he has despised me. he's said how he wants me out of his life, how me being in that bathroom all those nights ago ruined any chance of him getting back his girlfriend.
but he's also said how everything has changed once he got to know me, once every single one of his friends has told him how much of an amazing person i am.
how every guy would be dying to be in his spot, how much he wants to get to know me better, how even though i had a beautiful face and body, the only thing he hated about me when we met was my attitude.
how i was infuriating to him and how much he wanted to rip out his own hair just hearing my name. but couldn't because he didn't want to.
he didn't want to because the only thing preventing him from devoting his entire heart into hatred towards me, was the potential of getting to know the real me.
Dylan stared at me with those brown eyes of him, the eyes that hide so much from him yet show me everything. the eyes that tell me words he couldn't.
i knew what his answer was going to be. and yet i still asked, afraid to know if it really is the truth.
"because i have this feeling, the feeling i can't get rid of. i stay awake at night, wondering why you're still sleeping on the couch even when i suggested you sleep on the bed and i'll take the couch.
this feeling of worry when i wake up to find you nowhere in the cabin. this feeling of heartburn and pain inside me whenever you ignore me.
i spend the days i'm not with you wishing i was. wishing you were here, pranking me some way, yelling at me to shut up, or to just sit there and ignore me all together."
that wasn't the answer i expected nor did i want. and yet he still have it.
i give up. he is too kind and too precious of a man for me too be so crude towards him. he doesn't deserve my rudeness let alone my love.
i hold that for Myles. now and forever.
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DYLAN'S POV:
I was making pizza, by myself, in the kitchen. While Brooke just sat in the couch scrolling through her phone. i only just started making it, like 5 minutes ago.
about an hour ago, i poured my heart out to her. and for the last couple of days as well. i didn't expect to see what reaction she had on after. when i said those words, she flew towards me. and clung on tight around my chest, pressing her head against me. and we laid there for more than half an hour.
but what i also didn't expect for her to say it's her fault? there's something she isn't telling me. and i would give more than my heart to know.
I was almost done with the pizza as i have just finished putting on the toppings. It was now cooking and Brookes back was turned from me.
She had just gotten out of the shower while i was cooking and then came out and just sat there for the past 5 minutes, looking perfect as ever.
i wanted to kiss her. i wanted to express how much i like her. but that would only freak her out. i know she's scared to love again.
and i want to know why.
i heard the sound of an alarm going off, indicating that the pizza is ready. had i really just been staring at her for the past 15 minutes?
"Dinners ready!" I half yelled. She immediately turned her head and a sad smile grew on her mouth. She got up from her position and walked over to the bench.
I grabbed the pizza and the pizza cutter, cut the pizza and sat it on a plate. I handed it to her and she started to eat.
I guess she was really hungry.
she then got up from her seating position and walked over the fridge grabbing two beers. she walked back over and settled once in front of herself and i. she opened it with a bottle opened and started to drink.
and really thirsty i guess.
After dinner the time was around 10pm and i was low-key really out of it, so i changed into a fresh pair of boxers and sweatpants and climes into bed.
Brooke was...somewhere. I'm not sure where, probably on the couch again, where all of her stuff is. i was hoping she would come to the bedroom after what happened more than an hour ago.
and even though i was right, i didn't expect to be. Brooke opens the door and walks straight in, she then grabs her clothes and changes, but before she does so she moves into the ensuite to have some privacy.
She comes out smiles a little and carefully climbed into bed, like there was a ticking bomb next to her and if she moved the slightest but it would go off.
she rests her head on the pillow faces away from me. the covers at her hips, and her arms exposed to the chill air, i wanted to caress her arms but noticed marks.
they looked like scars, massive and thick scars. like stab wounds.
BROOKE'S POV:
"brooke..." he whispers, his hand coming up to my neck. it lightly brushed my skin and moves my hair off of the side of my face and away, onto my back.
i moved my neck slightly, the touch of hid fingertips against my cold skin gave me goosebumps. he let out a long breath, his hot breath falling onto my skin.
it gave me chills. we were at either side of the bed yet he felt much closer. much, closer. maybe he was much closer. i turn my head to face his and he was.
he had moved so that it was like he were spooning again. that night came flooding back to me and i tried to ignore it as best as possible.
but the feeling on his hands brushing through my hair, and gliding down my bare arms, down to my hips, made me want more.
i have no idea what came over me but i moved back, back into him. my hips moved towards his. my heart was pounding and i couldn't control myself.
it felt like my stomach was on fire and my breathing automatically became heavier.
we were both currently lying on our right side, and his left hand came to rest on my left thigh, he gripped it a little, not hard.
my eyes became even heavier and i couldn't control any of what was happening right now. Dylan's hand slowly but surely moved down my hip, down my waist and down my thigh.
then back up. then back down, then inwards. he was so close, but didn't dare to go any closer.
"Brooke?" he asked and i instantly snapped back to reality. i sucked in a quick breath and grabbed his hand in mine. and tore it away from where it was.
i was only wearing bike shorts and a tank top with no bra underneath. i don't know why i keep on wearing such revealing and bare clothes when i get cold in the night.
Dylan released me and i got out of the bed. i walked out and grabbed all of my bags, i brought them back inside and sat them down on the floor. i searched through one bag looking for a hoodie of some sort.
once i found one i threw it over my head. and then i searched through another bag looking for some grey trackies. once found, i was about to pull down my current pants, but remembered Dylan was watching.
"look away." i said and he did. i quickly changed and walked back over to him. i climbed back into bed. facing him, but not touching him.
i closed my eyes and felt his hand on my waist, pulling me closer until my head was readying on his chest.
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today was Wednesday and Jeff had finally agreed to bring us home early, and by early i mean 3 days early. so if you do the math, we're going home on friday. still to far away.
and right now we were at the end of playing Monopoly in the living room. I have around $9,000 and Dylan around $6,000. i was beating him by a mile. every property and train station was landed by one of us and almost every one had a house on it.
It was Dylan's turn.
"He rolled, and it was a...7! He jumps seven times and lands on a...CHANCE! he takes the card and reads it, saying...well what does it say?" I was going on like a dumbass.
since last night when Dylan and i resolved our problems with one another, we spent the morning getting to know each other.
"Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. That's not fair." He sadly said, i tried my best not to laugh. But I couldn't.
"Nothing's fair." I said, wanting to laugh, then eventually faking one.
"I don't want to go to jail...come in it's just us two...second chance?" He tried. But no.
"interesting proposition...but no." i simply state. smiling at him.
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I decided i wanted to watch a movie, to cheer me up. I've been missing Biscuit and the cast by the minute and it keeps getting worse.
and this feeling that is so familiar to me it won't go away. even when i want it to the most.
We finished Monopoly about 15 minute ago and Dylan decided on a movie i haven't seen before and neither has he. '127 hours' seems interesting.
He presses play and we were sort of hugging on the couch, his arm was propped up behind the couch, behind my neck and i was resting my head against him. and not even 10 minutes in and I'm already scared. And it's not even a scary movie.
I hate this movie. I mean it's a good one so far, i bet it is still a good movie, it's just, it's not for me. And i feel very on edge right now.
the actor James Franco had currently fell into a deep ravine and a large rock falling on top of his arm. causing him to be stuck. for 127 hours.
are you fucking kidding me?
"Rhodes..." i barley whisper out, getting to scared as the movie plays. burying my face in my hands, tears start to stream down my face into the cotton of my jumper.
"shit i am so sorry, i forgot and i didn't know. Here." He paused the movie and on the screen showed the guy in the ravine. And i didn't like it one bit.
He wrapped both arms around me as i felt my panic attack coming, and the stupid self i am, decided to look at the screen again. But it only got worse.
i've been on benzodiazepines for years. Amber making me take one every 48 hours to make sure things like this wouldn't happen.
last time it got this bad was when i was filming about a year. it was a role i was in and there was this scene where i was thrown in a closet and locked in there. in the film i was in there for 2 hours but for the scene. i was in there for 12 minutes with no cuts. and i had to do that scene for hours because i had forgotten to take my benzo's.
as i stared at the screen, all i could feel was my presence in his. my surroundings became very much more aware, i felt like i was trapped. trapped in his arms.
I couldn't keep it in any longer. I couldn't breathe, i was trying but at the same time i wasn't. Dylan let go of me and looked me in the eyes not knowing what to do.
I looked him in the eyes tears falling from my eyes unable to breathe. He turned his head and grabbed the remote, then turned off the TV so there wouldn't be the movie on there.
He tuned back to me, and the only light visible was actually the fairy lights outside.
"Hey it's okay, it's okay. Shhh." He cooed trying to calm me. But that didn't do anything. Then he did something that scared me.
He looked into my eyes cupped my face with his palms and stared at me.
He inched forward, then pulled back just slightly, then smashed his lips into mine. layering our lips together. My eyes wide in shock but then they slowly fluttered shut.
Kissing him back a little, he pulled away. i felt calmer. and more relaxed. the thought of being stuck still on my mind like it always is. but not where i got upset from it.
i furrowed my eyebrows together.
all this stupid vacation has done for me is give me meaningless and confusing answers.
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