[TW: Mentions and descriptions of death, violence, blood, and gore. Please be aware before reading.]
•
|Year 850|
The year of familiar tragedy.
━━━━━━━━━━━━
LEADER OF THE SCOUTS, Commander of the Survey Regiment, Erwin Smith watched both sides of the battle from on top of the wall. From the moment things appeared to be running smoothly with their plans, Erwin knew something was amiss. Sure it was pessimistic, but the Scouts were notorious for nothing ever going the way they wanted it to. This was definitely no exception.
They were completely surrounded. Reiner had transformed inside Shiganshina, while the Beast Titan formed a barrier by controlling over two dozen Titans that made a closed ring around their only way out. The Beast Titan's battle intelligence was not something Erwin could underestimate a second time.
The troops below were already struggling with finishing off two and three-meter Titans. With the countless deaths that had brought them to this point, the strength of the soldiers that were left was almost laughable. They lacked the experience, focus, and devotion. From down below, he could tell by Levi's hasty movements that he was getting frustrated with how things were turning out. No strategy, no matter how well thought out, could really be put to good use with the remaining soldiers.
Logically, he should've had his two strongest pieces fighting the Beast Titan. They already knew how Reiner acted with the Armored Titan, and they could even anticipate Bertolt's next moves based on his personality. The Beast Titan brought an entirely different game-piece to the board. He controlled the Titans, even made them appear with just one scream. Any smart commander would've put their best fighters against their toughest opponent.
And yet, Erwin sent Kira to the back.
He knew she didn't take positive reinforcement lightly. As he got to know her over the years, he saw how her traumatized mind was not capable of trusting words of encouragement. Anything that didn't have a cruel, underhanded punishment was something Kira did not see as normal. He wasn't entirely sure how long, but Kira's mind had been carefully manipulated until she came into the Scouts. He knew he had to meticulously watch how he phrased his words, but he said it anyway. He meant it.
Never did he think he would have his life saved at the hands of a child that lived in the forest while he was on an expedition. The second her small body jumped on the horse's back as they rode into Wall Maria, he understood that she would be a special puzzle to solve. After all, Erwin had always been smart enough to figure something out within days of finding a problem. But, he was only interested because of what discovering someone living out in Titan territory meant for his dream.
Erwin knew when he first saw her, almost completely enveloped in that large black cloak, that there was a child under there. Still, he put her on the front lines where she killed Titans like that was the reason she was born. And that was fine with him, because she was bringing him towards his dream.
He didn't need to sit down with her at that small kitchen table. They worked fine as two separate people, one Captain and one Soldier, and having a conversation with someone who hadn't spoken the entire year since she'd been enrolled was quite meaningless. To this day, he wasn't exactly sure why he sat with her then. All he wanted was to get his Chess Board. It was one of the only things besides showing Commander Sadies new strategies that kept his mind stimulated.
He got it from his father, the teacher who inspired him like no other. Long ago, when the house was quiet and his father plated up their meals before bed, Erwin remembered when the older man pulled out the foldable Chess Board. Every night, his father would teach him countless game plans that would help him win the game. He was given a warm meal, fresh clothes, loving words, and dreams of the future all at once.
Suddenly he was faced with a child who was capable of killing humanity's greatest enemy every day, and who kept her back protected by a solid wall at all times. The outside world didn't pique her curiosity, she didn't devote her heart for the survival of humanity or salute any of her superiors whatsoever. There was a child in front of him who seemed to have never heard of 'well done' before. A child who didn't eat with the rest of the regiment because of how little she trusted them. A little girl who kept a dagger bigger than her hand attached to her side.
Erwin taught her how to play a game.
He sat down across from her, unfolded his father's Chess Board and explained each piece and their significance. When they played one round from start to finish, she lost spectacularly. Barely six moves in and she was put in Checkmate. He remembered how tense she got after losing, like she was waiting for him to lash out in a fit of rage.
To counteract her anxiety, he made her eat while having a bowl of the food she cooked in front of him as well. Who knew if she would have eaten if she wasn't ordered to. She had ducked her head to lower the gray scarf that blocked out her face but, even if she crouched down to take a bite, Erwin still saw the outline of her face.
He could tell by her arms that she hadn't been properly fed in what he assumed to be years. It was like she was given the minimum amount of food that was required to keep a person alive and able to work. Her wrists were thin and her fingers were frail, but her cheeks still held a youthful round shape that only puffed out more when she chewed her food.
Suddenly, Erwin felt like a monster.
He was so enthralled with his dream of the future, that he allowed a child to be put on the front lines of battle for over a year. He had been ordering a little girl, no older than seven, to lay down her life if it meant he could get just a smidge closer to the truth that his father — he — always wanted to see.
As a child, Erwin was responsible for the murder of his father. Now, as a man, he would be responsible for ending a child's life in the same way.
No. That wasn't what he wanted.
He left after she finished her bite, quickly packing up the game and leaving the kitchen so she could eat how she was comfortable. He stared at the board game for hours in his office that night, glaring stoically at the unmoving game pieces that sat comfortably on the checkered floor.
Even if the thought of such a small being fighting beside him made a sick bubbling boil in his stomach, he saw how she worked. Every morning, just as the sun rose, Erwin would walk through the castle to get to his office. Every morning, the sound of wood snapping would cause his head to turn to the nearest window until it just became a part of his morning routine.
There she would be, practicing her punches and kicks. Though her knuckles must've bled from the sharp edges of the chipping wood, her form did not falter once. As Erwin sipped on his somewhat warm tea, watching the little girl train harder than hundreds of fully grown soldiers, he understood that some parts of her were unable to change.
Maybe, if he kept playing Chess with her, she'd stop waiting for him to tell her to eat. Maybe she wouldn't duck her head before she took a bite. Some things could be taught to her, and she could choose whether or not she wanted to adjust to new habits. However, the one thing that made Erwin's chest constrict with unease was the one thing that he knew she would not adjust to.
She belonged on the battlefield.
He couldn't be sure when her fight had started. Erwin's own fight began when his father was murdered. Maybe he would never find out from her what it was that came after her battle, but she wanted to fight. That much was painfully clear. Still, Erwin allowed her to fight at the front because that's where she was the most comfortable.
Until they met Levi.
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Jean watched as Bertolt's Colossal Titan completely emerged from his bomb-like transformation. From his spot on Eren's Titan-shoulder, he could see above the houses in front of them.
It looked as though every cannon that humanity had ever made was simultaneously fired in one spot. Black smoke rose ominously from the scorched houses surrounding the massive Titan. The fiery scent burnt his lungs even from his semi-comfortable position hundreds of meters away from the blast.
As the Colossal Titan rose to his feet, he used one arm to smash the buildings around them. Lifting up the shattered roofs and broken shards of glass, Bertolt threw the debris around like it was nothing. His whole attitude had completely flipped upside down. Someone who was once sobbing for mercy, begging for forgiveness, was now out to kill the people who once called him a real friend.
"You don't think one of those houses is Eren's, right?" Connie asked as the group continued to watch the ruthless havoc unfold in front of them. "Eren's house is eavesdropping!"
"Sasha, could you smack Connie?" Jean instructed, his eyes not leaving the burning town in front of him as he heard the dull whack of Sasha hitting Connie over the head with her Thunder Spear.
"I don't think he knows our location." Mikasa informed the squad.
"Yeah," Armin agreed. "He's making Shiganshina a sea of flames by scattering burning debris."
"A-Armin!" Connie stumbled as a few dozen rocks flattened the house next to them. "The fire! Your orders?!"
"Hurry it up!" Sasha pressured. Jean grit his teeth as he watched Armin begin the crumble.
For as long as they'd known each other, Jean understood that Armin Arlert would be one of the smartest people he would ever know. His greatest flaw, that seemed to creep up in the worst moment imaginable, was his insecurity. His lack of confidence that he came into the Cadet Corps with, still hadn't been dealt with because of everything that happened. They were thrown into the heat of war before they even had a chance to graduate, and all of their mentality suffered because of it.
"Jean, can you take my place? I just have no idea what to do," Armin bowed his head as he spoke, utterly ashamed. "I was wrong reading Bertolt, and look where it got us. Even with all of us here, we don't have the experience to carry out a full plan all on our own. Jean! You're better suited for this!"
"The river! Move to the river!" Jean blurted when everyone turned to look at him. "Everyone get on Eren! Conserve our gas!" Jean was counting the seconds as the rest of the squad followed his instructions. Beads of sweat trickled from his hairline as Eren came to a stop. The vibrations of Bertolt's footsteps rang in his ears when he realized another order had to be made.
"At some point, we'll have to get Bertolt's attention," Jean said as they all watched the massive Titan move to another part of the town, getting closer to the wall of the Inner Gate with every step. "Eren, until then, don't let him see you."
Armin was right. They didn't have the manpower for something like taking down the largest intelligent Titan on their own. Hell, the entire regiment only consisted of one hundred remaining soldiers when they first left Trost to travel to Wall Maria. They all knew that.
Jean could feel the tensed muscles in the shoulder of Eren's Titan. For a moment, he could've sworn his eyes had glowed a furious green. The only other time he remembers them glowing like that was when he fought Annie in Stohess. Jean was almost certain they just heard and seen the deaths of Hange Squad–of Faith. But, somehow, Eren remained compliant with what Jean ordered.
He didn't try to throw the whole objective, and he didn't make a complete fool of himself by running in head on after the blast. Eren stayed calm after watching someone he'd admired for years die in seconds. It was so out of character that it gave Jean the push he needed to try his best to set everyone straight. They all needed to be calm here. No matter what. If they didn't, they would die.
"Armin," Jean began. "I'm alright at reading situations, but I'm coming up empty with a plan to get us out of this," The petrified look on his friend's face made Jean let out a slow exhale. "We made it this far because of our own skills," Armin's face relaxed slightly at the words, and Jean nodded to him. "In the end, we're all counting on you."
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
When he first got news of an uncatchable mugger living in the Underground, Erwin didn't really think much of it. This was not the first case of someone being deemed untouchable and it wouldn't be the last. Around ten years before that story reached him, a drug dealer by the name of Remedy was the first person to be labeled as unreachable. Sure, a criminal who is unable to be caught was one thing, but a criminal who was unable to be caught in the Underground, where the Military Police are notoriously known for slacking off, is another.
However, the reason why this specific mugger had not been caught, was because they had learned to move around the city on stolen maneuver gear.
That caught his eye.
It meant that the Military Police were actively attempting to pursue the mugger on their own gear, and failing each and every time. The Military Police, who were made up of recruits who performed the best out of all the other Cadets on ODM gear, allowing them to choose that regiment in the first place, were losing to someone who only got their hands on it mere weeks ago.
Enrolling them into the regiment was his plan from the second he stepped foot in the dark city. He was sure that, just like the girl who he'd drafted a year and a half earlier, they would join on their own for reasons he wouldn't know until they told him. He was fine with that. As long as they could move like he hoped, he'll take what he could get.
Unsurprisingly, they joined with the means to kill him and Faith. The information he kept securely with him at all times was wanted by some cowardly noble who had bribed them with the promise of living above ground. Erwin couldn't blame them. He'd only been in that town for a few hours, and it seemed like life itself dimmed by the sight of the cockroach infested streets.
Bringing them on their first expedition was just as much of a test for them as it was for him. If he could be able to convince the trio that staying with the regiment was somehow better than living a mundane life hidden in Wall Rose somewhere, it would execute the next part of his plan.
Fortunately for Erwin, the strongest of the three survived. Unfortunately for Levi, his two best friends had perished that day.
As Erwin showed Levi the papers he kept with him the whole time, the ones the trio were looking for, Erwin realized a part of him had always been a bit of a monster. Here he was, taunting a man who just lost his two companions in one night with the objective they all failed, giving his life no meaning other than joining the regiment that got them killed. Maybe he had always been a little bit cruel, but he had to make sure he got what he wanted.
So on the next expedition, and every other after that, Faith's job was to support the rear, and Levi took her place on the front lines.
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
"Yell at him, Eren!" Jean shouted. The Colossal Titan hadn't stopped his assault on Shiganshina for a second. Every time they'd try to think of a path to either search for any available members of Hange's Squad or circle around the ginormous Titan to reach Commander Erwin and Captain Levi, Bertolt would throw heaps of rubble their way and block their path. "Don't let Bertolt get any closer to the wall!" Every chance they took, they came up dry.
Taking a deep breath in, Eren let out a loud roar, exposing both their position, and the number of soldiers they had left. The fifty-meter Titan turned his head, and the group braced themselves for his next attack. He turned back a second later, sparing them a mere glance as if they were a group of bugs on the ground.
"W-What?!" Jean gawked, baffled. "That bastard's ignoring us!"
"Well, now what, Jean?!" Connie pressed. "At this rate–"
"I know that!" Jean assured firmly. "Eren! Go stop his lanky legs!"
Everyone hooked their gear onto some open skin on Eren's Titan as he began running in the direction of their current enemy. Thankfully, since his body was so massive, the Colossal Titan wasn't able to move as fast as the other intelligent Titans. Hopefully they could find a way to exploit that before he made it to the wall and demolished the rest of the Scouts.
"But still!" Connie shouted over Eren's footsteps. "How the hell are we gonna defeat him?!"
"His gusts of hot steam make our ODM gear useless!" Sasha added. "Right?!"
"You don't think I know that?!" Jean yelled back. Every time he gave an order, he could feel his body tremble with anxiety. The last thing he ever wanted to do was stand aside as another body of one of his friends was burned in a pile of combined ashes. And if he was the one who sent them to an early grave? He wouldn't know what to do with himself. "But right now, we've got no choice but to try! We've gotta figure out his weakness!"
"I'll do it. You guys distract him," Mikasa instantly volunteered. "Connie, your Thunder Spear."
"Right." Connie agreed, hastily taking off his last weapon. With the soldiers they currently had, Mikasa was definitely the strongest out of all of them. Even if she had the same level of experience, her power wasn't something to take lightly.
"Armin, we need you to observe him from afar. So quit your moping. We gotta believe there's a way to beat him!" Jean turned his head to look over his shoulder. His friend still looked paler than a sheet of paper, and his face was contorted into a permanent expression of fear, but they were all out of options. Everyone needed to do their part if they wanted to win. "Now! Scatter!"
On his call, everyone used their gear to jump to any standing houses nearby. Eren pushed his run to a full sprint as he neared his enemy. Roaring, Eren slammed himself into Bertolt's left foot. Wrapping his arms as far as he could around the larger Titan's calf muscle, he pushed him back with all of his strength.
"He-he's actually shoving him!" Sasha stuttered.
"Go, Eren!" Connie yelled. "Knock him over!"
However, their celebration didn't last long. Eren wasn't pushing him over, he was being dragged back. The rest could only watch in horror as Eren's Titan was lifted into the air. As Eren lost his grip, Bertolt's leg swung back and struck Eren in the stomach. The fifteen-meter Titan was knocked back, nearly flying into the Inner Gate where he lay unconscious.
"Eren!" Mikasa screamed, staring up at the top of the wall. "Eren's not moving."
"He's not dead!" Jean guaranteed. The last thing they needed was for the current most powerful soldier to be forced out of commision. "Focus on the monster at hand!"
Their luck was running out. Their plan was a fluke, everyone was dying, and they had no experienced captain giving them orders. Their time was coming to an end, Jean could feel it as his hands cramped up. The noise around him was becoming deafening. He wasn't sure how long he would last, it was almost as if the fact that they were never sure whether or not they'd make it out of the next mission alive hit him all at once.
But, he refused to die laying down. He promised he wouldn't.
"Let's go on the attack!" He yelled. "He doesn't know about the Thunder Spears yet! Connie, Sasha, and I will distract him! Mikasa will strike in the opening!"
"Roger!"
Since he wasn't actively releasing steam from his body, the four of them were able to successfully hook themselves onto Bertolt without much of an issue. If they could somehow tell when he was going to blow steam from his body, it would've given them a much needed advantage in their fight. But, just like almost everything that's happened in the past four months, it looked like their only option was to go in blind.
"Hey, moron!" Jean shouted. "I'll poke out your stupid eyes!"
"You huge idiot!" Connie added.
"You massive pervert lord!" Sasha cried out after.
Their taunting was ridiculously obvious. It had to be. They weren't even trying to attack him with their blades. But, they could count on Mikasa's speed and aim. She was first in the class for a reason. Jean admired her for a reason. She could do her part, so they could be as obvious as they wanted.
Except, when Mikasa flung both of her Thunder Spears right at Bertolt's nape, a massive gust of steam forced them away before they could touch him. Everyone was forced to close their eyes as the heat overpowered their senses, just hoping that they weren't too disoriented to catch their own fall if their hooks detached.
They all shouted as their gear detached from the Titan's body, the impact of the scorching hot steam flung them in all different directions as they stumbled to recuperate before they could fall to their deaths.
"Shit!" Connie coughed. "Breathing it in burned my throat!"
"Mikasa! You're bleeding!" Armin shouted frantically as the girl kneeled while holding her arm.
"I'm fine. A bit of shrapnel from the Thunder Spears got me," She dismissed. "Got anything yet?" Jean watched Armin's shoulders sag as the blonde stared at his feet. "Have any clues for a counterattack?"
"Not one–"
Before Armin could finish giving them the bad news, a new problem emerged as it crushed two houses in its path. The Armored Titan stalked forward, its heavy footsteps announcing Reiner's presence as he rejoined the fight.
What made the group's eyes widen was how the front of his throat was still healing. Steam exited the open wounds as he pushed forward. It was a direct shot with the Thunder Spears that they've learned to get used to. One that, if it penetrated a few inches deeper, would've surely executed Reiner as they'd all intended. Only one person who was on their side of the wall would've been able to even dream of successfully killing him like that, but her attempt was in vain.
Faith had failed.
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Sending her to the back should've been the right choice. It had been for six and a half years. Hange's intelligence was often overlooked by their extroverted nature, but their plans were always well thought out and safer than his. Sending her to the back should've been the right choice but Erwin, even with his decades of experience, was faced with the reality of war: there is no right choice, only one slightly better than the other.
The right choice would've been taking the child out of the war and putting her into a good home. The right choice would've been removing her from the regiment at any point before now, keeping her far away from the man whose job is to order others to die. Two months ago, she was ready for that punishment after the deaths of Hange's other squad members. Instead, Erwin looked her in the eyes and told her that she wouldn't be leaving.
He didn't want to punish her. If she thought that leaving the battlefield was a punishment, then she would find a way to try to prove to him that she could fight again. What's worse is Erwin worried that she would return to the place she escaped from – her manipulators – and fight there just so she could be in battle.
She fought before she met him, she fought with him, and she would fight after him. But, if she ever left the war, he hoped it'd be a choice she made for herself. One that would make her happiest instead of waiting for someone to tell her which is right and wrong. All he could do was encourage her with his dream, and wish that it positively influenced her in the end.
"Is that Eren?" Levi asked. The sound of a massive slam caused both Levi and Erwin to turn, only to see their most important piece of this battle lying limp on top of the gate. "He got himself flung on top of the wall?"
Most of the newest recruits fell to their knees as the next wave of stones were thrown at them with the full power of the Beast Titan. All Erwin could hear in his right ear were the loud sobs and screams as another row of houses that separated them from their enemy was flattened. Some of them even gagged at the thought of losing their lives, vomiting entirely when some debris landed too close for comfort.
"Seems like that Beast Titan has a good idea of where we are. This place will look like a honeycomb soon." Levi stated plainly, before turning to his superior. "Erwin, if you're saying we've got no chance, let's get ready to flee," Erwin didn't bother following where Levi had pointed his finger as he continued to suggest what to do next. "Wake Eren sprawled out up there. Ride on his shoulders and flee with as many people as possible. At least we'll have some survivors."
Sometimes, Erwin would sit back and wonder why he was chosen as Commander. He was smart, sure. He knew how to effectively use his maneuver gear. He's killed plenty of titans. Those things make him a good soldier, a great one even. However, Erwin Smith is also a selfish man.
He's thought up almost every outcome of this fight before it started. Fleeing was one of those many outcomes. Maybe if he could choose who he'd flee with, he would actually ponder Levi's suggestion.
The better choice – the right choice – was staring him in the eyes. If it was a person, it'd be jumping up and down, waving their hands above their head to try and get his attention.
This time, Erwin blatantly ignored it.
"Hey! You let that horse get away!" He turned his attention to one of the recruits. Marlo Freudenberg, who came from the Military Police. Both Kira and Levi had commented on his unyielding passion for justice, and both of them had simultaneously rolled their eyes at it. That didn't make his motivation any less commendable, it was just naive. "That was your job!"
"Shut up! Like it matters!" Marlo held another recruit by the arm, trying to get him to stand up. "Those Scouts were insanely strong and they died in an instant! You know that as well as I do!" The redheaded recruit shoved him away, crying out with a shaky voice. "What good is protecting the horses, when there's nobody left to ride them home?!"
The others began to crowd around him as he trembled with grief. If they weren't already crying, the shameless disobedience of a soldier directly in front of his commander was enough to make their tears flow. All ambition had been lost in their eyes.
"It all made sense at one point. If humanity just hid behind the walls, we'd someday get slaughtered by Titans out of nowhere. Somebody has to bite the bullet and risk taking action. In order for others not to become victims, we needed people to become victims themselves," He wavered as he spoke, his chest heaving as he tried to soothe himself by letting out his emotions with words rather than tears. "'Who will be that brave soldier?' Hell, on the first day of cadet training, we were asked if we could become the next 'Faith'! And I–I really thought that could've been me! I actually believed that I could be that someone! But I never thought that being sent to my death would turn out to be so meaningless in the end!" He laughed as he choked on his tears, staring down at the grass below him. "I bet almost everyone ends up saying the same thing as me. Why did I ever think that I'd somehow be different?"
"What if whoever's left of the recruits and Hange's group scatter on the horses and try to make it home?" Levi suggested. Erwin's eyes remained on the sobbing recruit. "By using them as a decoy, you guys could escape on Eren."
"Levi," Finally looking back at the man in front of him, Erwin watched him intently. "What would you do?"
"I'm facing the Beast Titan. I'll draw him away–"
"Impossible," Erwin cut in. "You won't even get close."
"Probably not," Levi admitted. "But if you and Eren return home alive, there's still hope. Isn't that the best we can ask for at this point?" Levi had always had a good head on his shoulders. He was calm in the worst situations, his strength never faltered, and his priority was always trying to find the most realistic option. He makes a great captain. "What a huge defeat. Honestly, I doubt a single one of us is making it back alive."
"Yes," Erwin agreed. "Assuming we had no way to counterattack."
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
•• ⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰ ••
"She saluted with a potato in her hand?" The look of perplexity on Faith's face was so severe that she almost looked concerned. "Why?" The laughter that bubbled in Eren's throat forced its way out of his mouth when he saw the gentle furrow in her brow.
"She didn't want it to get cold." Eren told her.
They sat at the Survey Regiment's headquarters in Trost. On the second floor, there was a balcony that overlooked the city. As it was after dinner, any outside noise was quieted. They could hear the passersby below them, where couples and families made their way home for the night as the moon slowly climbed to its peak.
Despite Eren's firm belief that he was fine, Faith denied training him. Seeing that it was their second to last night before retaking Wall Maria, Faith deemed it best to not push his physical limit any time before then. So, they sat. Eren's legs dangled over the edge of the balcony, through the metal poles that secured the ledge to the main building.
Faith sat on the railing itself. Even though one trip up could send her falling to the walkway below, she remained perfectly calm as she watched the street lamps light up one by one. In fact, she was so comfortable with her positioning, that she had taken out her journal and began to draw. With everything that had happened, the last time Eren remembered her drawing was when his head was still healing.
"You know," Eren was known for a lot of things, and none of them were whispering. However, as he watched her draw quietly, and heard the precise strokes of her pencil, he found his voice lowering in volume. "I once told my mom that you couldn't die."
"You–" The pencil slashes came to an abrupt halt, but Eren kept his eyes on the many buildings in front of them. "You spoke to your mother about me?"
"She said that I should stop trying to be like you, or I'd die out on the battlefield," There was a drumming in his ears that he couldn't quite place. Suddenly, the chilly outside air was no longer cold as his body felt like it ran so hot that he'd melt through the balcony he sat on. "But I told her that you couldn't die."
"Is that how you view me?" He turned to look at her, but the breeze blew at her hair. She was looking straight ahead, and her windswept hair covered most of her profile. "An untouchable machine? My purpose is to protect the people who want me dead, right? They'll give me orders and I'll fulfill them until they choose to kill me?"
When she faced him, Eren had never seen eyes that were so sad. This was her, wasn't it? It wasn't Faith, it was deeper than that. Something on the tip of his tongue that he couldn't quite find. Her eyes looked like they were begging him to find her, the one who was underneath the strong, undying Scout soldier. She was reaching out to him, and Eren felt like he was balancing on a tightrope, determined to get to the other side. One wrong move, one wrong word, and she'd close up forever.
"No!" He scurried up to his feet when he realized she had jumped off of the ledge and turned back to walk into the main building. "Why do you make it seem like you have no right to choose what you want to do?" His hand held her outstretched arm, gripping it with a force that anyone else would've felt an uncomfortable amount of pressure on their wrist. "You get to decide! You don't have an assigned purpose, you're not a machine! You're not a slave! You're just a girl!"
The grasp on his collar was too fast for Eren to react as he felt his lower back make contact with the railing of the balcony. He placed his right hand on top of hers, which only made her tighten her hold on his shirt, but he didn't push her away. He didn't fight her hold. Instead, he only looked down at what he could see of her face. Her bangs swayed delicately on top of her cheekbones, blocking him from seeing her eyes. Her mouth was pulled back into a grimace, as though she was a cornered wolf that was making its final growl at its attacker.
"And you are so–" She kept her head tilted downwards as she slowly lowered her hand. Eren kept his on top of hers, and their clasped hands rocked in tandem with the breeze. "–stupid."
"Huh?" His body lurched to the side with the force of her kick, and he rolled back to his feet as he put his right hand over his ribs. "I thought we weren't training!"
"D-Don't think Kirstein didn't tell me about your first failures on the maneuver gear." Her body swiftly sped away from him as Eren was left alone to recover his breathing.
"He what?!"
•• ⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰ ••
"Eren, wake up!" Armin's voice called out to him, and he felt a slight pain in his right shoulder. "Let's go look at the sea!"
Eren opened his eyes, and he willed himself and his Titan to sit up as he listened to the instructions his best friend gave him for their final attempt at stopping Bertolt. Armin was the only one who could get them all out of this catastrophe, and Eren believed that wholeheartedly.
No matter how large the problem, if Armin was there, he would find a way for them to prevail. That's just what heroes like him did, and it's what Eren has seen him do since they were children. All of them could live, and they could all explore everything the outside world had to offer. Nothing would hold them back from living the life they wanted after this, Eren was sure of it.
And so, Eren was dead set on following his best friend.
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
"Is there a way?" Levi pressed, his eyebrows crinkling in irritation as Erwin nodded silently. "Why didn't you say that sooner? Why'd you keep your shitty mouth shut?"
"If the plan goes well, you may be able to take down the Beast Titan, but it will take the recruits and myself to give our lives. Either way, most of us will die," Turning to the cowering fresh troops as they screamed when more stones came their way, Erwin emotionlessly analyzed each and every one of them. "No, it's almost guaranteed we'll all be wiped out. In which case, we can stake our heroic deaths on a slim chance of victory," Walking to a more secluded section of what was left of the town in front of the Inner Gate, Erwin carefully watched the empty houses where full families must've once lived happily. "For this to work, to ask these young ones to die, it would take an expert con man and a whole slew of lies. If I don't lead the vanguard, none of them will follow. And I will die before anyone else without ever learning the truth about my father's dream."
"I–" His eyes widened as he sat on an old wooden crate, glaring at the ground. His father's dream. His father's dream was his dream. It had been since the night he told him about it. Getting to that basement, ending hundreds of lives in a few months, is what made him the commander he is. "I want to go to the basement." He was a cruel man, he knew that much about himself, but did he really have the audacity to reject the dream that ended the lives of thousands? "Everything I've done 'till now was because I thought this day would come. That someday, I could check if he was right." He clenched his jaw, tightening his left hand into a fist as he finished his sentence.
He was separating himself and the theory his father told him about. Why was he doing that? How could he do that? He was the one who got him killed over this theory – this dream – and now, all of a sudden, Erwin truly believes that he has the right to dream on his own?
But it wasn't all of a sudden, was it? It's something that's been in his left pocket for nearly a decade. It was something that Erwin, on his own accord, was allowed to nurture, support, and guide.
"Levi, can you see them? Our comrades?" Sighing as he relaxed his hand, Erwin watched the grass sway below his feet. "Our comrades are looking at us. They want to know what became of the hearts they gave because the fight isn't over yet," Even as he felt them crowding around him, begging him to tell them if their lives meant anything at all, he did nothing but think of his own dream. The one he created all on his own. "Is it all just inside my head? Nothing more than childish delusion?"
"You've fought well," Levi kneeled at his feet, bowing his head. "It's all thanks to you that we've come this far. I'm making this choice. Give up on your dream and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell. I will take down the Beast Titan."
"Thank you, Levi."
Yes, Levi was everything that made a great captain. But, he was an even better friend.
Standing up, Erwin walked back towards the sobbing recruits. Most of them were clutching their heads as they cried, waiting for the next influx of stones to graze them as it threatened to end their already short lives.
"I'm announcing our final operation! All troops, line up!" At his command, the soldiers sluggishly rose to their feet. "We will be doing a cavalry charge. Our goal: to rush the Beast Titan," They formed six stagered lines, each of them panicked to be standing in one place when shards of debris could be coming their way any second. "Of course, we'll be making ourselves ideal targets. So we'll wait until he's ready to throw and fire our smoke signals together. That should reduce his accuracy somewhat. While we're acting as a decoy, Captain Levi will kill the Beast Titan. That is our plan," Some soldiers covered their mouths, but others were unable to block the bile as it exited their throats. "Standing and waiting just means we'll be showered by more boulders. Get ready on the double!"
"Are we all heading to our deaths?" The redheaded soldier asked, trembling.
"Yes." Erwin answered.
"If we're gonna die, you're saying it's better if we die fighting?"
"Yes." He repeated.
"Wait, if we're gonna die anyways, no matter how we die, even if it's disobeying orders, it all means nothing, right?" His tears fell from his eyes as he smiled, but Erwin's expression remained void of emotion.
"You're absolutely right," He responded. "It's all meaningless. No matter what dreams or hopes you had. No matter how blessed a life you've lived, it's all the same if you're shredded by rocks. Everyone will die someday. Does that mean life is meaningless? Was there even any meaning in our being born? Would you say that of our fallen comrades? Their lives, were they meaningless?"
His left hand formed a fist at his side. His eyes searched the crowd of horrified soldiers. Long ago, a seven year old lived outside the walls on their own for two months. Not a single tremor ever left her body. Not one tear ever left her eye. A child with no meaning, dream, or hope entered his life. No matter what any Cadet Corps Commandant ever said when they entered, they would never be like her. They lost that game before they could even play it.
"No, they weren't!" He yelled. "It's us who give meaning to our comrade's lives! The brave fallen! The anguished fallen! The ones who remember them are us, the living! We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world!" Taking a breath as another downpour of boulders hit the wall and houses around them, Erwin looked on as not a single flinch came from the troops in front of him. "Prepare the horses!"
"Roger!"
"So, you want me to go after him with just ODM gear?" Levi asked as the recruits mounted their horses. "He's standing in an empty area. There's not even a house or tree in sight."
"Wrong," Erwin said. "There happens to be a line of objects at just the right height. Sneak up close using the Titans, and assassinate the Beast Titan," Taking a step forward, Erwin gave Levi a nod as he took off on his maneuver gear. Mounting his own horse, Erwin turned over his shoulder as he looked at the wall. Just behind that wall was his father's dream. His dream was there as well, but it wasn't tied to one place. "Charge!"
Splitting off into three sections, the Scouts moved at full speed as they rode straight to the enemy. Every soldier was screaming, but it lacked the lively enthusiasm it had when they'd first left Trost just a few hours prior. Now, They screamed in terror, thinking of their wasted potential and shortcomings as their time came to an end.
"Now! Fire!" Erwin shouted as he watched the Beast Titan prepare for another throw. The soldiers aimed their flares into the air as they charged, but the Titan seemed less than deterred. "It's coming! Move!" The three groups split in half as the Beast Titan threw another round of boulders their way.
As the Titan reared his arm back, Erwin thought of the dream that awaited him on the other side of the wall. His father's dream, and the answer to his theory that could be found in the basement, was something he didn't realize he let go of until he was made to face it head on.
"My soldiers, rage!"
Eight years ago, Erwin Smith had his life saved by a child living while out on an expedition. He enrolled her into the Survey Corps in hopes of finding out everything he could about the outside world for his father.
"My soldiers, scream!"
Six and a half years ago, Erwin Smith sat at the dinner table with the child, and taught her how to play Chess. Every night after that, at least one game would be played between the two of them as they ate their dinner just after lights out. With every game they played, the guilt of his father's passing felt lighter on his shoulders. Every glimpse into the way she saw the world and how he could guide her to view it differently showed him something he could never comprehend that he wanted.
"My soldiers, fight!"
As all guardians do, Erwin hoped that she'd take what she learned and expand on it in her own way. As all guardians do, Erwin was ready to do anything necessary to make the future better for their children.
As all parents do, Erwin Smith dreamed that Kira would live a long life just the way she wanted to.
So, as a shard of rock amputated his horse's right leg and another tore through his left side, he asked his father for forgiveness. He apologized for his stupid mistake that got him killed, and he apologized for giving up his theory in favor of his own dream.
Laid out on the dirt, his side mangled, his ribs penetrating his lungs, blood dripping from his mouth, Erwin felt no pain. His father forgave him, because parents understand that their children sometimes make mistakes. His father forgave him for letting go of his dream, because no parent should ever force their dream onto their child. He was glad Erwin had made one on his own.
As he closed his eyes, he allowed his breathing to fade while his eyes took in the sky.
I will always be proud of you.
━━━━━━━━━━━━
Next Up: Chapter Thirty Two - Meet Again
•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•
Note: A lot of pov jumps in this one. I kind of liked how it made the chapter a bit more chaotic of a read because everyone's scrambling in this fight.
The next chapter is going to be pretty difficult to write, so apologies ahead of time if there is a delay. I'm going to be editing the crap out of it until I feel like it's good enough to post. I really want to make sure that everyone's feelings are written how I want them to be perceived.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one! See ya!