[TW: Mentions and descriptions of death, violence, blood, and gore. Please be aware before reading.]
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|Year 850|
The year of familiar tragedy.
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SHE KEPT HER WORD.
Almost immediately after she had become Queen, Historia pushed for a change in how abandoned or orphaned children are treated. With Levi's guidance, they began with The Underground. Their job was to extract any children in need and bring them to a building that was funded by the aristocrats, residing in northern Wall Sina.
Kira jumped from building to building, using her gear to land on the different rooftops as she overlooked the ragged streets of the Underground. She hadn't been back since her first encounter with Levi. He didn't seem troubled by the fact that he was returning, so Kira chose to simply follow the orders he gave her rather than wait for him to bring up any issues he might've had.
"Hey! Stop!" Kira looked down, watching a man shout as he pointed to his left. "Boy! I saw that! Get back here!" The man sprinted after the thief, and it was then that Kira noticed how small the suspect was.
"You think you can steal from me and get away with it?!" It wasn't long before the man had snatched the perpetrator, shoving the boy to the ground and standing over him. He kneeled down, his arm raising to punch the young boy in the face before Kira kicked him in his side. With the force of her strike, his body flew away from the boy, crash-landing into the wall across the street unconscious.
"Sorry, I'm very sorry," Kira turned her head to the cowering young boy as he held a loaf of bread in his quivering hands. His voice was raspier than it should be for someone his age, and Kira could assume it was from dehydration as his skin looked as rough as his voice sounded. "H-hungry, I'm hungry." His large gray eyes filled with tears as he shook, showcasing his extreme guilt over his actions.
"Come on." Kira said, turning away from the child.
The city made her uncomfortable. She was only there because her and Levi were the most efficient choices of completing the task as fast as possible. Children made her uncomfortable, especially the ones who came from unfortunate backgrounds. This was the last round they were making in the city before they met up with the others as they helped Historia with the children who were already staying at the orphanage.
"N-no," Kira stopped as the child's voice spoke up. "I can't." Kira looked back at the boy as he stared at the bread in his hands.
"Eat it, then," Kira told him, flicking out a gold coin from her pocket and throwing it at the body of the unconscious vendor. "It's yours now. You can have more food later."
"Mama needs this," The boy said. "N-not for me. She won't eat."
"How long has it been since she's eaten?" Kira turned around and the boy took three steps back as he cowered in nervousness. Kira bit the inside of her cheek as the boy used his left hand to hold the loaf of bread, while his right hand displayed five fingers. "Has she had water?"
The boy whimpered as he shook his head. Kira's thumb stabbed into her index finger as she watched him, despising the ill swirling she felt in her stomach.
"Is she asleep?" The boy's breathing pattern sped up, but he didn't move away as Kira took a step towards him. He nodded his head as his eyes lowered to the ground. Stabbing at her finger again, Kira sighed silently. "Is she breathing?"
His reaction was instantaneous as he fell to his knees, rapidly shaking his head from left to right as he sobbed out for his mother over and over again. Kira looked away from the boy as he cried, her hands twisting into fists with each cry he let out.
She ignored the foul smell that came from his body–reeking of death. It was a smell she knew very well, and one she scrubbed off of her body every day and night until her skin turned red and her arms bled.
She carried him all the way to Levi's meeting point, where he waited with three other kids, all of them ready to move to the surface. He continued to cry as she walked him out of the city and up the large staircase to the surface, his hands clawing at her cloak-covered back as he wailed.
She was used to this feeling. He was much lighter than the girl that had gripped at her back many years before. Kira remembered how the girl entangled herself with Kira when she was first accepted into the school. When she had first latched onto her back, they had been the same age, even the same size, as if a reflection of herself. As the years went by, the girl remained the same age and size, and Kira was the only one out of the two that grew older.
The girl kept a tight grip on Kira's back, her small arms wrapping around Kira's neck with an inhuman strength. No matter where Kira went, the girl clung to her back. She grew lighter with time as Kira became used to the feeling of carrying her around everywhere she went. She was especially wary of new people, kept Kira on high alert whenever she was alone, and was the first to swipe at everyone around her when she felt pressured.
They never got along.
Kira understood that the only way to release herself from the girl's unfaltering grasp was for the man who brought her there to fix it himself.
As planned, Levi guided the other kids onto the final wagon before he got on his own horse and left to the regiment Headquarters to meet with Erwin. Kira allowed the wagon to go ahead as the child in her arms passed out from crying. Jumping on an extra horse that was lended to her with Poncho still recovering, Kira directed it to follow the wagon at a leisurely pace so that the starving, dehydrated boy sleeping on her wouldn't be moved too much by the terrain. He let out a few coughs in his sleep, something Kira recognized as he subconsciously took in deeper breaths while his body tried to get used to the cleaner air.
She knew exactly how he felt, but she would make sure he did not end up like she did. With Historia's orphanage, he would have a more comfortable roof over his head, one where he didn't need to worry about training or punishments.
Children only needed to worry about being children, and these children would be granted the childhood they deserved.
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"Thank god we're almost done!" Connie wheezed out a puff of air dramatically. "Man, how many of them were there?" He stared into the three wagons that were once filled to the brim with bags of different foods and ingredients. Luckily, they didn't have to stack the bags on top of each other, or carry them one by one, since they had been piled together in crates.
"It doesn't matter," Eren said, seeing Faith grab her eighth full crate of rice in ten minutes. "Let's just get this done." Unlike her, Eren was on his second crate. They were a lot heavier than he'd originally thought.
"Huh?" Jean turned his head to Eren, his face scrunched in irritation. "Who the hell put you in charge?"
"What are you talking about?" Eren snapped back. "I'm just trying to get this done as fast as possible!"
"Guys–"
"Oh? And why's that?" Jean interrupted Armin before he could get the chance to try and defuse their situation. "Trying to sneak away for your nightly training sessions?"
"W-wha–" Eren sputtered as a bag of flour almost fell out of his crate when he tripped on an uneven pile of dirt. "That's none of your business! What do you know?!"
"Are you even getting any better?" Jean pressed, smirking. "Or maybe you're just telling her stories of when 'getting on her level' was all you could blabble about at dinner time. Does she know you're a lost cause?"
"You're crazy!" Eren hissed. "Unlike you, who can't manage to do anything besides find a good opportunity to slack off, I train to be the best!"
"You guys, let's not–"
"You? The best?!" Armin's second attempt to stop their bickering was once again cut short by Jean, and the blonde boy sighed as he sped up his walk while shaking his head. "So, 'the best' is sitting in a cave, crying like a baby until your 'mentor' unties your bunched up panties for you? If that's your starting point, she's got her work cut out for her. You're gonna be training for the rest of your life!" Jean snickered as he adjusted the crate in his arms. "But, maybe that's what you want, isn't it?"
"You stupid horse–"
"What's this? Faith's got an admirer." Sasha cooed as she stepped in stride with the boys. She held some wood for the fireplace in her arms, since Faith told her that she couldn't even be trusted to not consume plain flour. Eren's ears burned as he tightened his grip on the crate in his arms.
"I'm telling you guys, it's not like that!" He pressed, his voice trailing off into a mumble as he stared at the dirt path in front of him to avoid meeting their eyes. "I–we're just training–"
"Isn't he so cute? He hasn't let go since he saw her!" Sasha continued.
"Wait," Eren furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced over at Sasha. "What are you talking about?"
"What are you talking about?" Jean rebutted, and Eren was a few seconds away from dropping the crate altogether so his hands would be free to punch the ever-growing smirk off of Jean's face.
"Are you looking for a fi–"
"I thought no one was allowed to get near her," Connie stepped beside Jean. "Let alone touch her cloak. Wait–when did she start wearing a regiment cloak? I thought her cloak was purple."
"What?" Eren shook his head at Connie. "It was black."
"Oh! Of course her 'training partner' would know, you've seen it the most out of all of us." Jean laughed.
"Everyone knew that!" Eren shouted, bumping his shoulder with Jean's to make him lose his balance.
"Huh?" Sasha hummed thoughtfully. "I didn't. I thought it was dark blue? Maroon maybe?"
"We were instructed to complete this by sundown," The four halted in their place as Faith appeared in front of them. "You're carrying the last two crates before we get started on organizing. If you're not going to be of any use, the least you can do is stay out of the way."
"Right!" Eren and Jean both stiffened, speeding up their walk.
Eren turned as he heard Sasha and Connie whine about the workload, even though Sasha was carrying no more than five sticks and Connie was empty handed. He spotted a young boy, barely reaching half of Faith's height as he stood next to her, with his right hand clutching at the end of her regiment cloak.
"Tough competition?"
"What?" Eren asked as he faced Jean, both of them finally making it into the large building.
"You're an idiot, you know." Eren had no reply as he turned back once more. Sasha was wailing out 'thank you's as Faith lifted the firewood she was carrying out of her arms with one hand.
He couldn't really argue with that, could he?
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"You came back." He'd been clinging to her the moment Kira had arrived. His small, frail hands latched to her cloak the second he was close enough to do so. He looked up at her as he spoke, a gap in his tiny smile from where his front baby teeth had come out.
"I'm here to move supplies and organize them." Kira answered as she washed the fresh fruits and vegetables that she carried into the kitchen.
Selim was the little boy's name. He'd told her a month and a half ago when she'd first dropped him off. He was still sobbing then, maybe taking a few seconds break to breathe so he didn't pass out before continuing.
Kira didn't blame him. He had been taking care of his mother's dead body for five days, crying was to be expected. His grief had jump started because Kira made him face the hopeless reality he placed himself in.
He was still extremely vulnerable, even if he wasn't crying about it much anymore. Kira saw it in the way he stuck himself to her like a snug-fitting harness. It wasn't right for him to wrap himself around her like this. Kira was not someone young children with impressionable minds should look up to.
The maids here were patient with the children, so Selim's separation anxiety was met with calm, unwavering care. It was better for children here. They were granted the childhood that made the girl who clawed at Kira's back angry.
She didn't understand why other children could get this treatment when she couldn't. It wasn't their fault, but it wasn't fair.
"Oh," Kira turned her head when a new voice entered the kitchen and Selim tucked himself on her left side, hiding away from the newcomer who had startled him. "All of the reserves are packed up."
"Did you tell Levi?" Kira asked Eren, looking back at the cleaned fruits and vegetables and preparing to dice them as the maids had asked for the younger toddlers.
"Uh, yeah. I did—he knows." The floorboards creaked as Eren rocked back and forth on his heels.
Kira hummed, making sure to keep her eyes on the task in front of her. The young boy to her left kept quiet, and his right hand held a tight grip on her cloak as he used it to cover his face.
Eren didn't need to update her on the status of the other food. As long as Levi or Historia knew, they could say what else needed to be done. Kira was not his superior, so she wondered why exactly he told her this as soon as he entered the room.
Had he been looking for her?
"I can help you here, since, you know, everything's done over there." Despite his words, Eren remained standing in place when he noticed the child who stood beside Kira clearly did not want him to come any closer.
Selim wasn't the only one who became distracted by the newcomer, Kira almost cut her next potato wedge unevenly due to his entrance. It made her huff quietly, as she was forced to put more focus into something she was usually more than capable of completing with her eyes closed.
Maybe if she didn't answer, he'd leave the room and take the pressure of his gaze with him. She was almost disappointed that all the reserves had been organized so fast, even though there was such a large number of crates to carry into the building.
Actually, having it finished that fast didn't make much sense at all. It took them two hours to bring in all of the supplies, but it only took twenty-five minutes to organize them all?
"Selim," One of the maids walked into the kitchen. "Why don't you come play with everyone today?" The boy beside Kira shook his head, and Kira could feel his small head rub the side of her leg as he moved it back and forth. "It could be fun, Selim, don't you think?" The boy shook his head faster, causing his hair to scrunch up and frizz around the front of his face.
"Go," Kira said, placing down her knife and wiping her hands on the dry towel she placed on the counter. "Socializing is important." Selim didn't seem to agree with her statement as his grip did not relent. Never had Kira experienced a grip on her like this. Not by someone alive, anyways.
He shouldn't look up to someone like her. She should tell him how many people she's slaughtered, then he'd find a better person to fit the 'role model' position. But, it just couldn't be her. Not after everything she's done.
Selim whimpered as he looked up at her. His black hair that reached his chin was sicking up from the friction of rubbing his head against her cloak. His tan skin, which was once pale with fatigue and starvation, was tinted with a light pink around his cheeks and eyes as they filled with tears. His gray eyes were misty and wide, pleading silently with her to let him stay for as long as he wanted.
She was not a good person. Kira could never be someone Selim, or any child should stay beside. He should run far away from her, and become a happier child on his own.
Kira didn't need any more children holding onto her.
"I'll be here when you get back." She patted his head once, twice, before stepping away from the young boy and giving him room to walk to the maid on his own. She watched him leave. He still struggled to look away from Kira but did not resist the light pull on his hand from the maid.
Selim was different from the girl who gripped at her back. He couldn't, and shouldn't, cling to her side any time he sees her. He needed to be able to go out on his own. But, maybe Kira wasn't opposed to him coming back every once in a while. She enjoyed observing his childish wonder when he allowed himself to have the confidence to try things on his own.
"There's another knife and cutting board in the cupboard." Kira spoke after a moment, as the person who entered before the maid had yet to move.
"R-right." Eren's feet shuffled as he moved forward, grabbing the spare tools he needed from a cabinet above the counter. Standing to the right of the sink, Eren grabbed a washed and skinned potato and placed it onto his cutting board.
"Divide them into fours," Kira said when she found him watching the vegetable, as if waiting for it to do the job on its own. "It's easier for the younger children to digest them that way."
"Okay." Eren nodded his head firmly, gripping the knife tightly in his right hand.
Kira waited for the extra sound of cutting to begin as she finished another three potatoes in silence. The sink placed in between them had a window behind it that caught the breeze and the smell of the clear sky in the late afternoon. The once blue horizon was beginning to change into a lavender shade as the sun slowly lowered, dimming the natural light that filled the kitchen.
"Do you–" Kira bit the corner of her lip, catching it before it could upturn and become an expression she had next to no familiarity with. "–still not know how to cut vegetables?"
Kira heard him gasp, watching quietly as his eyes glared at the counter in front of him. His lips parted as he let out the muffled sound of shock, and his body froze entirely–as though trapped in time.
It seemed like his actions had been getting more and more out of the ordinary with every passing day. He'd been spending most of his days with Hange and Moblit as they guided him through the experiments they'd set up to utilize his hardening ability, and their training had been continuing normally.
And yet, something about Eren was not right.
Not when he'd once shouted at her for following commands, getting an inexplicable migraine because of it. Not when he'd predict a move she hadn't shown him, and somehow forget the origin of where he got it from.
There were certain moments that seemed randomly spread out, in which Eren would look like everything inside of him had been viciously torn out. Once during dinner, after three experiments in a row, his eyes held nothing. Of course, transforming multiple times consecutively must've exerted a tremendous amount of energy. But, for some reason it would only affect him rarely. Sometimes, he would transform twice in a row like he'd been able to accomplish it since he was born. On other days, he wouldn't even be able to fully transform once.
Progress in training is something Kira knew well, but that level of inconsistency was odd.
And now she watched him curiously, staring back into his eyes as her eyebrows crinkled in utter confusion.
It was like he'd aged in the blink of an eye. His gaze was much darker than usual, and it lacked the gleam of courageous immaturity it normally had. It was too mature of an expression and it was too blank to be on a face like Eren's, who Kira had watched enthusiastically over exaggerate almost everything that came out of his mouth for months now.
But, she could read him better like this. She'd always found it easier to read the stoic expressions, anyways.
Taking the knife out of his tensed hand, and placing it on the counter beside her, Kira's eyes remained tracing his face as he finally seemed to return to his senses and meet her gaze.
"Eren, why are you crying?"
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With the new influx of incoming recruits from the newest batch of cadets, to the large mix up of transferees that came from the Military Police members who weren't arrested for being corrupt, things appeared more positive for the regiment. Due to his unrelenting workload, Eren and Hange had been able to create what the Section Commander labeled 'The Executioner from Hell', which would crush any given Titan's nape as soon as its head was trapped under an array of web-like hardened skin. Needless to say, Eren was more determined than ever to reach his hometown.
"We can win! We can beat 'em!" Marlo excitedly smacked his drink back down on the table. "With the new weapons, the Titans will crumble like paper!" He was practically glowing with energy, and even Eren could only watch as the teen sitting at the far side of the table got over enthusiastic with a false sense of security.
"You're so damn worked up," Jean noted lazily. "Only you would be happy about becoming a Scout. Oh–" He leaned into the table as he sent an irritating smirk Eren's way. "–well, maybe you're not the only one."
There's a reason Eren never agreed with his horse-face.
"That's right!" Sasha cut in. "Didn't Hitch try to stop you from joining?"
"Hitch?" Marlo asked cluelessly. "Why would she?"
"Why?" Sasha pressed, her and Connie's smirks looking eerily similar to the one Jean sent Eren just seconds ago. "Well, 'cuz you two are–you know?"
"I don't follow," Marlo disagreed. "Hitch did tell me off, though. Saying I wasn't cut out for it and 'not to act cool'. That if I stayed in the Military Police, I could coast along in life. I thought she was better than that, so I told her I was wrong about her."
"Both of you," Jean let out a muffled groan into his palms as he slowly wiped them down his face. "Both of you are dumb-shits."
"Marlo," Armin spoke, faster than Eren could ask why there were suddenly two airheads instead of it just being Marlo. "Are you stupid?"
"He's a bowl cut imbecile." Sasha agreed.
"Why?" Eren questioned honestly, looking at the other members at the table. "Marlo said nothing wrong."
"Anyways," Jean said after making a clear eye roll in Eren's direction. "The only ones as worked up as you are the recruits with zero battle experience."
"Whoa, whoa," A voice from another table reared their heads back. "Think you're some veteran hero now?"
"Compared to you, I am." Jean replied. Everyone else chose to remain silent as a few faces they hadn't seen in a while, who transferred from the Garrison, came up to their table.
"How rude. Weren't we in the One-o'-Fourth together?" Floch Forster said with a cocky tilt of his head. "Besides, we're not the only ones," Gesturing to the whole room with both arms, Floch let out a nasally laugh that grated on Eren's ears. "Everyone in the walls is pumped up about the idea of retaking Wall Maria."
"Is that so?" Jean hummed, uninterested.
"You all do seem different, though. It's your faces, I guess," Floch noted. "What–happened exactly?" Choosing to take a step back, Floch turned back to his table. "I–uh, think I'm gonna ask later."
Just a few moments later, Connie also stood up and headed to bed early as well since another search would be done on his village. It was still a mystery how the Titans could be humans, or how some Titans could transform while others mindlessly ate their own species. It didn't make much sense. Especially with the evidence of that new 'Monkey Titan' which Eren had yet to come into contact with, it shows that something or someone could be changing these humans against their will.
"A 'nightmare', huh?" Eren muttered, raising his voice when Armin became intrigued. "With all that's happened, it's been so vague but, who exactly are we fighting against?" He lowered his spoon into his bowl of soup that had been barely touched. "If the Titans are just people being tormented by some 'nightmare'? For a time, I was one of those Titans."
"Eren," Immediately raising his head at her voice, Eren watched as Faith sat across from him. "Eat properly. There's no training. Eat, then rest."
"Right." He agreed. She was much different than when they first ate together. Her arms weren't crossed and she sat up straight, rather than leaning back to put even more distance between them. She still didn't eat this time.
"I'm sorry, K—Faith."
What?
What...was I about to say? Looking across the table again, Eren's eyes connected with hers. She looked surprised, with her lips gently parted and her eyes widened. He didn't know if his stumble had caused her expression, since Eren wasn't completely sure what he'd said.
"I swear that's all you do lately," Jean leant against his palm, analyzing Eren through the corner of his eye. "Mumbling shit to yourself when you should be trying to remember that one guy. The one in the Scouts that you saw in those memories, who you think your dad met."
"Yeah," Eren sighed, shaking his head as he raised his cup to his mouth. "That day, I'm pretty sure he was with my dad. He's gotta know something," Taking a swig from his cup, Eren lifted his left hand to rub at his forehead. "The thing is, though, I feel like I've met the guy somewhere."
"You mean," Armin spoke up. "Not Doctor Yeager, but you, yourself?"
"I think so." Eren confirmed.
"Smack your head and see if you remember."
"Do you believe you met him within the last two years?" Choosing to ignore Sasha's response, Eren decided to respond to Faith instead.
"I'm not exactly sure, but maybe." He almost cringed at his own vague, unhelpful reply when he gazed at Faith's unimpressed expression.
"Considering you met the most recent generation of Scout Leaders after the discovery of your power in Trost, the only one old enough to know both you and your father, as well as be a member of the Scouts who isn't already dead, is Sadies." She deduced.
"Wow, Eren, how close were you to coming up with an equally logical conclusion? Be honest," Jean laughed snarkily. "That's right! You were here on that day, too! You numbskull, why didn't you ask her in the first place? Don't tell me, even after all that running around with Historia? I mean, I was starting to think you'd moved on–"
"That's–" Eren stood up, slamming his hands down on the table as he glared at the wood in front of him. "The Cadet Corps' Commandant, Kieth Sadies! It is him!"
"Focus on finishing your food," Faith told him as she calmly rose from the table, ignoring Sasha's plea to either stay or cook something for her. "I will notify Erwin."
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With Erwin's approval, they set off on horseback the morning after Eren's discovery towards the South Cadet Training Camp which had been led by Sadies shortly after he left the Scouts. Kira had never interacted with him while they were both in the regiment, save for their first meeting on her initial entrance.
The training facility was rather large, with acres of land surrounding the perimeter where horseback and maneuver gear practice would take place around the center cabins. Without having multiple people on watch, Kira assumed there was a constant fight for power with the vast number of young, simple-minded cadets that enrolled each year. There were too many crevices that were unaccounted for, and bigger groups would be able to hide away any slackers.
Still, it made her wonder if she would've chosen this route had her life taken a different path. To still fight if she hadn't been taught that it was the only way to prove her worth. Would she still be a part of the charge?
"What's wrong, Braus?" Sadies asked. "Not sitting?"
"No!" The girl answered, much louder than necessary. "I am quite fine standing here!"
When they'd first entered the room, Kira leaned against the far corner of the room closest to the door. When she watched Sasha force her back against the wall, sweating nervously despite the mild weather, the chair both Kira and Sasha had left open remained empty. Levi sent Kira a sharp look, his eyes flickering from hers to the chair across from Kirstein, and Kira subtly rolled her eyes as she took the last seat at the table.
"If I recall, back in the day, I always used to call you in here to chew you out," Sadies spoke calmly. "It's only been a handful of months. I hardly recognize you anymore," Looking around the room, Sadies' eyes locked on Kira before lowering to stare at the table.
"Commander Sadies, or–rather, Commandant," Hange began. "With preparations to retake Wall Maria underway, perhaps you can guess what brings us here today."
"Eren, you resemble your mother so much," Saides said, staring at the boy who sat at the other end of the table intently. His comment was enough to catch Eren visibly off guard, but the former commander seemed unfazed. "However, the fangs lurking deep in your eyes are surely your father's."
"Tell me about him!" Eren demanded, and Kira watched him hastily stand up. "Everything you know!"
"I know nothing in the grand scheme of things," Sadies confessed. "But, I can tell you a story that's utterly useless to humanity," Kira glanced at Levi, who seemed to be waiting for her to look his way just so he could shut her down with a stoic look. Not that she was going to speak but, if she was, she would've said how this was quickly turning into a waste of time. "The story of my past as a mere bystander."
Kira begrudgingly listened to his whole story, and every detail that went with it. As much as she would've preferred to wait outside – or not be here at all – Erwin needed every smidge of information he could get his hands on. He wanted to explore every single lead he could, and rule out the deadends on his own. For that, Kira would listen to how Sadies' life crossed paths with Eren's father.
She'd pay extra attention to Grisha Yeager's inexplicable entrance into Wall Maria, and disregard the regret that echoed in Sadies' voice and sagging-posture when he had introduced Grisha to Eren's mother, Carla Yeager. She did not care for his love life, or his personal insecurities. His self-pity weighed heavily on his storytelling, and it was growing increasingly tiresome to listen to, but Grisha's mysterious appearance was the only thing Kira thought twice about as Sadies continued his speech.
Grisha Yeager spoke of the world within the Walls as though he was an outsider observing a group of caged animals. From Sadies' explanation, even when Grisha became more comfortable after being disoriented for an elongated period of time, the man would refer to humanity as outside entities. As though he did not view himself to be a part of it.
"Normal people accomplish nothing," Kira watched the former commander lower his head as he clutched his hands into fists. "Special people do exist. It showed itself to me again when Erwin found a girl surviving by herself on a dead man's gear. Not much taller than this table, but didn't yield to anyone–definitely not me," Sadies lifted his head to look at her again, and Kira clenched her jaw as she stared back apathetically. "Special people find each other. This just means I was never one of them." Kira listened to him finish his story of bringing Eren back to the shelter in Trost with his father nowhere to be found.
"So, that's it?" Eren clarified, getting silence as his answer in return.
"Now we know the real reason you resigned," Hange said, turning to their ex-commander. "Not to atone for the soldiers you killed, but because you realized you were never special. That's the childish reason you're here."
"Quit it, Hange." Levi warned, but Hange disregarded him.
"Screw your inferiority complex," Hange scoffed. "Don't run from reality. Isn't that what vowing to give our hearts was all about?!"
"Please stop, Hange," Eren muttered before they could fully rise from their seat in frustration. "The Commandant was right, I was never special or anything. But, I'm the son of a special man. That's all it is."
"Pathetic," Kira clicked her tongue in irritation as she glared at the solemn expression that decorated Eren's face. "What kind of nonsensical goal is that?" Turning her head to Sadies, Kira scoffed. "You think wanting to survive constitutes being 'special'? The children who were brought back from The Underground, where they were days away from dying, are they only 'special' now that they've been given a chance to live another day?"
It wasn't fair. His foolish fever dream of becoming something 'special', something he views as an untouchable being, wasn't fair. Not to Petra, who taught her that words were more valuable than violence. Not to Nanaba and Gelgar, who risked their lives to show her that she was their comrade. Not to Abel, Keiji, and Nifa, who died because she refused to follow the orders that were given to her. Not to Clare, who allowed herself and her own dream to die in order for the rest of her bracket to escape to safety.
Those who survive are not special. Kira was not special. Saying anyone was inherently better than someone else was idiotic and unfair. Being 'special' never mattered, Kira was just grateful she met them at all. She was the one who got them all killed, someone labeled as 'special' would not be making those same mistakes over and over again.
"Who cares about being special? Isn't being born enough?"
"Maybe," Sadies said, his eyes unfocused as he stared ahead of him. "Carla thought the same."
Kira was the first to leave, waiting beside Poncho as the rest followed soon after. Kira brought him out since his injury was technically healed, he just needed to get back into physical training. He was still nowhere near ready for a real expedition, but he was ready to slowly shift back into running longer distances. She swiftly jumped onto Po's back as Levi and Hange signaled that they'd soon begin the ride back to Headquarters.
"Thank you." Eren said quietly, allowing his horse to trot beside hers. It was the first time he spoke since after he'd pleaded with Hange to back down.
"I didn't say that for you," Kira's eyes remained forward so the wind would brush her hair behind her shoulders, rather than have it tangle in her face. "But I do remember telling you that constantly belittling yourself will only slow everything down. I won't remind you again."
She turned to her right when Eren hadn't replied, only to see him looking at her. It was worse than seeing him smile. His eyes felt like he could really see her. There was a burning feeling deep in her stomach that came with the weight of his gaze. His mouth wasn't curved upwards but his eyes held a calm, indescribable warmth. It left her as surprised as she was at the dinner table the night prior. When she swore he was just about to say her name as if he had said it a thousand times before.
He looks at her like he knows her.
"Okay, you guys," Hange turned over their shoulder as they called to the rest of the group. "Let's head back."
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"This may be a special night, but let's not let the public find out!" With the preparations for their most highly anticipated mission yet being completed, the dining hall was absolutely bustling with palpable energy that every person who entered the room came with. "Behave like soldiers, without causing a ruckus!"
With the private orders from the remaining Captains of the Survey Regiment, they were given the rarity that is meat as their final meal before the expedition. Sasha was close to tears as the rest of the table stared at the evenly cooked meat that sat comfortably on six cabbage petals.
"Tonight's the night before we retake Wall Maria! Cheers–" The yelling that came from the soldiers overpowered the end of the Captain's speech. All at once, every table jumped at the meat in front of them and scrutinized every slice that came from it to try and get as much as possible.
"Don't you start pullin' that shit, potato girl!" Jean shouted. Not one person could react faster than Sasha when she grabbed the entire slab of meat off the table and shoved it into her mouth. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"Cut it out, Sasha!" Connie begged, his arms attempting to submit the girl with a light-pressure chokehold. "I-I don't wanna have to kill you!"
"You can't eat the whole thing alone!" Jean said, roughly tugging the meat from her mouth as she wailed in protest. "Y-You're eating me!" Jean cried as Sasha blindly bit at anything she could now that her mouth was freed. "Eating me! Eating me!"
"Sasha! That meat is Jean!" Connie yelled in shock. "Have you lost your mind?!"
"Do the Scouts never get fed any meat?" Marlo, who'd become a regular at their table, asked while eating a precut slice of meat. He was roughly punched in the nose by Sasha's flailing arms before he could take another bite, and his nose gushed out a shower of blood.
"Connie, could you knock Sasha out already?" Mikasa asked, getting a punch straight to her chest by Sasha's uncontrollable left fist.
"I'm trying!" Connie whined helplessly. "She should be unconscious, but she's still moving!"
With a speed that Eren couldn't describe as he made another attempt at pulling Sasha away before she could cause more harm to their table, Connie and Sasha were separated and Sasha's unconscious body was being dragged to a nearby pillar. Faith, who had previously sat at Hange's table with the other veteran Captains, casually dodged the chaos around her while crossing the dining hall in order to subdue Sasha's wrath in record time.
"You know," Connie said, turning to Faith as they both walked back to the table together. Eren, Armin, and Jean sat on one side while Faith, Connie, Mikasa, and Marlo sat across from them. "Believe it or not, but she did offer us meat once four months ago."
"It's only been four months since then?" Eren asked, watching Armin try and cut the meat as evenly as possible for everyone.
"Yeah, and we're already on Captain Levi's Squad!" Connie bumped his left shoulder with Faith's right. "Did ya' see how fast we climbed the ranks? Did ya'? Try not to get jealous, okay? I know it might be hard!"
"Okay." Faith calmly agreed, but Eren guessed she didn't really know how to reply.
"Now that I really think about it," Connie continued to tease, jokingly lifting his right pointer finger to rub at his chin. "We were placed in the elite squad at the same time you were!" He laughed maniacally as he pointed at Faith. "What do you gotta say about that!"
"I was enrolled in the regiment before Levi." Faith replied, much to the surprise of the rest of the table. Connie huffed childishly as he sat down to eat.
"Boo!" He whined, stuffing his face with food. "I'm gonna brag to you about something super cool someday!"
"Okay." She agreed again, placing three slices of meat on the plate in front of her.
Eren watched intently, ignoring the murmuring that came from the other side of the table as he waited for her to finally eat with him–with them. She chopped the cabbage leaves and mixed them into the bowl of rice that came as a side dish. Gently laying the three pieces of meat over top of the rice and cabbage, Faith grabbed the bowl of soup that every soldier got and stood up from the table. Walking over to Sasha, who began kicking and screaming under the cloth tied around her mouth, Faith placed the food at the girl's feet, twirling her dagger into her palm, and slicing the rope apart with one swing.
"I'm telling you," Jean pressed. Eren huffed to himself as Faith sat back down across from him, once again not eating. "You're the rear guard 'cause you've got no experience."
"I understand that I may be weak," Marlo agreed. "But, isn't the vanguard the best place to learn how the enemy moves?"
"It's not about how the enemy moves," Faith spoke up, and Marlo visibly tensed when he realized he was the one she was addressing. "You can read about how they move, it doesn't change. You're in the back because your focus should be placed on how those who are actively fighting are moving."
"So, putting me in the front would place the veterans at an unnecessary risk?" Marlo clarified. "I guess that makes sense."
"You 'guess'?" Jean scoffed. "Trying to act all tough talking about self-sacrifice?"
"Well, if we're all not of that mentality, how will we be effective as a unit?" Marlo rebutted.
"Didn't she just tell you?" Jean shot back, nodding his head in Faith's direction. "Everyone starts as a recruit at the back. If we throw recruits into battle like cannon fodder, they'll all be too dead to learn. Which is why your job is to sit back and study, so you can come back in one piece," Leaning in front of Armin, Jean not-so-subtly called over to the other side of the table. "But the most useless of all is the suicidal maniac who only know how to charge in. Right?"
"Jean," Attempting to keep his composure, Eren calmly lowered his cup after taking a short sip from it. "Who do you mean by that?"
"Who else but you?" Jean sassed. "Suicidal maniac."
"Actually, I found something out recently," Eren snidely remarked. "I'm quite a normal person, you know? So if you're saying that to me, that just makes you a coward, Jean." Hunching over as he glared across the table at Jean, both of them leapt up at the same time as they yanked at the collars of their shirts.
"You're so full of yourself, you pig shit!" Jean yelled.
"You trying to grow hair out of that mane, horse-face?!" Eren snapped back.
"You jerk!" Jean said, shoving him backwards. "Don't go trying to act all cool now that–"
"You're ripping it!" Eren cut in, shouting louder, even though his shirt remained totally intact. "You ass!" In an attempt to create more space between them, Eren reared his right fist back and slammed it into Jean's sternum.
"You bastard!" In retaliation, Jean's fist smacked Eren straight in the gut. Eren put his sole focus into beating Jean, ignoring the cheers from the crowd who gave both of them fake pointers so they could be entertained.
"But seriously," Jean sneered at him as they both paused to regain their breath. "If you didn't have Titan powers, you'd be dead ten times over. And every time, either Faith or Mikasa would swoop in to save your ass. That's the only reason you and Faith really needed to meet each other, isn't it?" His voice was low enough so that only Eren could hear him, and the comment itself caught Eren off guard as Jean pushed him backwards. "So, if you insist on being suicidal, I'll just have to kill you!"
"That's something I'll have to take to heart!" Eren wheezed after Jean sent another punch to his stomach. "You should start showing your mom some respect, Jean-boy!" Eren shouted as he punched him.
"Would you forget that, already?!" Jean cried.
Why isn't anyone stopping us? Eren heaved for air, as did Jean. Both of them were sending weak jabs at each other, too winded to do any more damage.
Honestly, since she had been sitting with them, Eren guessed that Faith would've stopped them at the peak of their fight. In the corner of his eye, he could see Faith still sat at the table, now sitting next to Mikasa as Connie had stood up to watch them fight. She looked unamused at the loud noise, but it didn't seem like she was going to try stopping anything.
Just a half-second later, Jean and Eren were both sent flying in opposite directions. Captain Levi had kicked Eren in the chest while Faith punted Jean in the stomach. Both of them immediately writhed in agony as humanity's two best knocked them flat on their faces.
"You're all too damn rowdy," Captain Levi spoke menacingly. "Go to sleep," The sheer force of Faith's strike caused Jean to roll over and vomit up his dinner. "And clean that up."
"Yes, sir!" The crowd shouted, and Eren caught a glimpse of Faith and Levi leaving the dining hall before Armin and Mikasa finally helped him stand on his feet.
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"What are you sitting out here for?" Levi lifted his head as Kira stepped in front of him. "Let's go."
That cloak used to swallow her whole.
"What? Excited to see everyone? Like you haven't been going to the same place for the past eight years?" Levi answered sarcastically as he stood up, not turning back to the three childhood friends he'd overheard.
"They're waiting for us." Kira said as they began walking back into the building and up the countless stairs to get to the higher ranks' personal kitchen and lounge.
"Oi," Levi stopped walking before they could enter the large room where Hange, Moblit, and Erwin waited for their return. "After we get to the basement, what do you think Erwin's going to do?" He stared at the back of her head as she turned around to face him. "After he fulfills his dream of getting to that damn house, what do you think he'll do after?"
"Does it matter?" Kira asked. Levi examined her blank face and the way her eyes would stay on his for a long moment before quickly shifting to look at the door. Right now, she wanted to go inside. He could tell that much about her. He always knew what she wanted in the moment, but what about after?
"And what about you, huh?" Levi pressed. "What are you doing after we find that basement?"
"The same thing I've done for the past seven years," She looked him directly in the eyes. "I'll come back to headquarters." Not waiting for him to ask another question, Kira opened the door enough for both of them to walk inside.
She used to be a lot smaller.
Levi watched her walk over to where Moblit was plating everyone's dinner. She wasn't like the other curious teenagers, who dreamed of the world outside of here. She didn't have a goal of watching their world crumble from its foundation. She didn't have an innate desire of tearing down their oppressors. Kira didn't care about what happened after they went to the basement.
She was honest when she spoke to Kieth Sadies, Levi now understood. She asked what being special mattered, what having a special dream or purpose mattered, because she, herself, didn't have one. Her goal was normal.
He watched her and Erwin play their stupid Chess game like he'd done one hundred times before. Moblit was reading a book, and only stopped when Hange tried to stand on a chair to catch a spider as it hung down from its web. They all ate at their own pace, and Kira would mindlessly take a bite or two in between her moves. Levi sipped from the tea Moblit had given him when he sat down.
There used to be more bodies in this room. Petra used to plate everyone's food. Gunther and Moblit used to talk about their books in extreme detail. Eld used to watch Erwin and Kira play, maybe even guess their moves or just keep score. Oluo would do his best to impress Petra by challenging her to a game of cards, and lose every time. Miche and Nanaba used to walk around the room like patrol officers, and Levi found it incredibly easy to poke fun at them for it.
Now, Levi watched as Kira made her final move. Her eyes widened as she looked at the board, standing up to see it from another angle.
"Checkmate!" She called to Erwin. Her voice sounded higher, more energized than Levi had ever heard it. She sounded younger. Or, maybe she just sounded more like someone who was her age who would get excited over winning a silly board game.
Erwin tilted his head back and laughed after he analyzed the board with great care. Hange loudly jumped from the chair they stood on and cheered for Kira, and Moblit congratulated her after calming down from letting Hange stand on such a wobbly piece of furniture for that long.
"Excellent strategy, Kira," Erwin said genuinely, still smiling. "It caught me off guard."
Levi watched, his own eyes widening in utter shock. The girl who never spoke a word for nearly ten years. Who never showed her face. The girl who never said even a hint of a sentence about her life before she met them for seven and a half years. Kira, who believed she should still be punished by whatever creep put lying words into her mind.
She smiled.
It wasn't a big smile, just an even upturn that caused her eyes to squint slightly, and Levi remembered just how young she really is. How young she was when she lost her mother to Kenny, who turned out to be her deadbeat father, and how small she was when he first saw her.
Kira's dream was just as normal as her pretty, youthful smile.
After the fighting was over, she just wanted everyone to come back home.
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"Why did you call me out here?" Mikasa asked. Kira and her stood on an empty balcony that overlooked the city lights that illuminated Trost.
"I shouldn't have threatened your life over Kenny Ackerman," Kira said, facing the foggy night sky and the gentle breeze. "It wasn't right." The stars were dimmed by the street lamps, but they could still be seen over the walls.
"It's fine." Mikasa answered.
"I left Eren and Historia behind because I prioritized my desire to hurt Kenny for what he took from me." Kira told her.
The girls faced each other, simultaneously turning back to the door that led to the inside of the building. Having a conversation like this was not her specialty, so Kira was appreciative of Mikasa's blunt nature that almost mirrored her own.
"My family was taken from me, too," Kira hesitated in taking another step towards the door as Mikasa spoke. "I understand your reasons. Thank you for telling me." Kira nodded silently, and both girls once again began walking towards the balcony door.
"Let's continue our morning workouts." Mikasa suggested as they entered the building.
"Okay." Kira agreed as they separated to head into their rooms.
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Next Up: Chapter Thirty - Their Hometown
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Note: Hello! Sorry about going silent for a short while, I had a couple medical emergencies, but everything's okay now!
This chapter is packed with a bunch of stuff because, as we all know, it's about to go down.
Just to be clear, Kira doesn't change into those regiment jackets like everyone else did to go visit Sadies. She exclusively wears her cloak, but she does make sure to find time to clean it regularly.
I hope you guys are enjoying Kira's growth! Her relationship with herself/her past is inspired by Yuta Okkotsu and Rika Orimoto.
Also, thank you so much for ten thousand reads and over five hundred votes! That's actually insane! Every read, vote, and comment means so much because I really do love writing this story and I'm glad there are people who enjoy what I write. I really can't thank you guys enough!
*Incorrect Quotes ➙ I felt like this really fit the vibe of the KiraxEren dynamic this chapter.
Eren: I take the ball.
(He trains with Kira every night for months alone)
Eren: I bounce it.
(Kira holds his hands in his recovery room to stop him from hurting himself)
Eren: I shoot it.
(He tells Kira in a moment fueled with emotion that he'd protect her until the end of time)
Eren: I miss it.
(Both of them continue to be oblivious to any and all romantic emotion)
I hope you liked this one! See ya!