Dream slowly brought his thumb up to George's face and rested it on George's bottom lip, then swiped his thumb carefully from one side of George's lip to the other. George switched his gaze between Dream's eyes and lips as Dream did this.
Am I attracted to this? George asked himself, shifting in his chair a little.
Dream then started to bring his thumb that had just dragged across George's lip into his own mouth to lick the chocolate off when keys started jingling outside George's apartment.
This made George immediately get up and walk down the hallway, into the bathroom. Dream stayed where he was in the dining room, unbothered and wondering why George jumped up so fast. The truth was, George didn't want Dream (or Sapnap, even) to see him right now. His dick was hard. Just from Dream getting the chocolate off his lips. He didn't know why Dream did that. Why would Dream get that close to him and touch his lips? What the fuck just happened?
Back in the dining room, Dream listened as the man wrestling with the keys outside of the apartment finally got his shit together and opened the front door.
Dream nodded his head at the man he assumed was George's roommate. "Hey man. What's up?" Dream said nonchalantly.
"Uhh, hey? Who are you?" The man asked.
"Oh, I'm Dream." Dream said, realizing he should stand up and shake this guy's hand.
"Jesus you're tall." The man said as he stepped forward to shake Dream's hand. "I'm Sapnap, George's roommate. I assume you're a friend of George, and if you say no, I'm gonna have to call the police cuz I have no idea who you are."
Dream chuckled and then sat back down. "Yes, I'm George's friend. I think he's in the bathroom."
"Oh good, cuz I really didn't wanna call the police. That'd be kinda awkward. What would I even say? Probably something like 'There's a guy I don't know in my house...No, he's not stealing...No, he's not hurting anyone...I should just sit down and have a beer with him? Oh okay, thanks.' Like how funny would that be bro." Sapnap laughed at his own joke.
Dream liked this Sapnap guy- he was fucking funny.
George then walked into the dining room. "Hey Sap. How was work?"
"Yeah it was...good?" Sapnap said, clearly uncomfortable with whatever awkward, weird energy was going on between George and this Dream guy right now. "Did you guys make a five course meal, jeez. The kitchen's a mess."
"Oh I just made some quesadillas and lava cakes. There's an extra quesadilla in the microwave, if you want it its all yours." Dream said.
"Really? Thanks bro." Sapnap said, setting down the bag he was carrying and immediately heating up the quesadilla.
As Sapnap was distracted with his surprise quesadilla, Dream cleared his throat and George looked at him. Dream then nodded his towards George's room. Dream then got up and walked into George's room, and just a few seconds later George came in as well and closed the door behind him.
"Do you want me to leave?" Dream whispered bluntly, staring George right in the eyes.
George stared back, biting his bottom lip. "I-I...don't know what I want."
"Clearly." Dream said. He wasn't annoyed at George, just confused on what's going on between them.
"Dream, I'm not...I don't want-"
"Do you want this?" Dream said, leaning in extremely close to George's face and putting his pointer finger under George's chin to bring it up closer to his own face. Their lips were centimeters away from touching.
George breathed shakily as his own breath laced with Dream's, trying to steady his heart that was beating like crazy. George didn't mean to, but he let out a soft breathy moan, which caused Dream to smirk.
This was all too much for George. The contact, the shaky breathing, the tension. His head was spinning. George broke away from Dream's touch and backed up a few steps.
"I think you should go." George decided.
Dream said nothing but nodded, reaching past George to open up the door and walk out. He was stopped by Sapnap on the way out who was cozied up in a blanket in front of the living room TV, eating his now steaming hot leftover quesadilla.
"Hey, you leaving man?" Sapnap asked, not bringing his eyes off the TV while blowing on his food to cool it down.
"Yeah, I uh...I have to be somewhere, so. I'll see you later." Dream said.
"Ah okay man. Hey, nice meeting you by the way."
"You too." Dream said, quickly opening the front door to the apartment and shutting it behind him.
He let out a huge sigh as he started walking down the stairs.
That was it. Dream thought. He had fucked everything up with George. He crossed a line because he thought George wanted what Dream so desperately wanted, what he had wanted honestly since when he first met George at the café.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid." Dream said as he kicked his foot into a lamp post a few streets down from George's apartment.
He didn't want to leave George's place- he wanted to stay. He wanted George to want him to stay.
Was George not feeling the same things Dream was feeling? The ease, the desire, the need- the tension thick enough to choke on? It was so weird for Dream to process these thoughts. Not that he didn't date tons in the past- he absolutely did. Once as a teen, he had five girlfriends in a one-year period. It wasn't the initiation, the beginning stages, or even the actual dating that was confusing for him: it was the fact that George was the first boy Dream had ever thought about sexually.
And now for a short recap of Dream's sexual and/or romantic history with members of the same sex. In second grade, Dream kissed Gavin Hanson on the mouth, and seconds later Gavin started sobbing and called the teacher over to tattle on Dream. Dream didn't think the tears had to do with him, so he didn't take it personally, but he still cringes at that moment to this day. Then when he was twelve, his friends thought it would be hilarious to all run down the street late at night naked. Though on the night of the streaking, Dream couldn't bring himself to get all the way undressed, but still watched as his friends all had their dicks out, running and screaming down the dead-end street. When he was fifteen, Dream sucked off his student math tutor Drew Garley in the band classroom after school one day. "This is weird, right?" Drew asked Dream in the middle of getting his dick sucked. Dream shrugged, because he didn't seem to think it was weird until Drew said something. And finally, Christian Ross. Dream was nineteen, at a college party that he was for some reason invited to even though he didn't go to college, and he got absolutely blasted drunk. He finally worked up the courage all night to go up to Christian, and in the middle of Dream grinding on and making out with Christian, the alcohol finally caught up to his bladder and...yep. Dream had pissed himself. All over Christian's nice acid dye ripped skinny jeans.
But George was nothing like Gavin, or Drew, or Christian. He was...George. And Dream didn't want to touch George just because, he wanted this touch reciprocated. He wanted the emotions reciprocated. Because this was the first time Dream had actual feelings for another guy, and he didn't want to ruin it.
___
George stayed in his room with his door open still for a few moments after Dream left. He took a deep breath, then joined Sapnap in the living room and sat down next to him on the couch. They both didn't talk, but Sapnap was really into whatever he was watching on TV so George didn't want to bother him by talking anyway. George just didn't want to be alone.
George was so overwhelmed by the whole situation. He was confused by so many things. Why did Dream scooch his chair so close to George's and then touch George's lips? Why did Dream want to talk in private and then initiate a near-kiss? Did George like it? Did George like Dream?
George had an extremely toxic relationship with his sexuality. For one, there was the whole sister situation, so any thoughts he ever had about boys growing up (or even in adulthood) he repressed immediately. He would cut himself short in his thoughts if he even was just beginning to have romantic or sexual thoughts about a guy- any guy. His dad had beaten into his mind that being gay was a sin, and his dad was all he had left. So he dated girls. Not many, he only had three girlfriends in his whole life, but he dated them for years at a time. Nicole for three years when he was a teen, Ava for two years in university, and Bella for a year and a half just after he graduated. He had been broken up with Bella for several years now and never really put himself out there anymore to try and find a new girlfriend.
There was a common theme, though, between all of his girlfriends: he hated the sex he had with them and avoided it at all costs. With his first girlfriend, Nicole, he never had sex with her and she assumed it was because he was a virgin who just wasn't ready yet. So three years went by and after they still hadn't fucked yet, Nicole was done. That's not what entirely ended the relationship, but there was no arguing that it wasn't at least a part of the breakup. Ava and Bella he had sex with a few times, but only on times when he felt like he had to or else they'd break up with him- like on their birthdays, or their anniversaries, or New Year's Eve. Then there was the girl Dream caught him hooking up with at Emily's party the other night. George was actually relieved Dream walked in on them, cuz that girl just started making out with him and brought him into the bedroom and he didn't know how to say no. He thought he enjoyed the sex back then, with all those girls, but his body really only enjoyed the sex, not his mind. It was like there was a disconnect between his physical arousal and his mental arousal. He felt guilty, because they were all amazing girlfriends- so sweet and respectful to him, would buy him gifts all the time (even though he hated getting gifts, he still appreciated the gesture). But George soon came to realize there was no romance. It felt like he was just friends with these girls and had to go on dates and be lovey-dovey and have sex with them just because that's what you're 'supposed' to do in a relationship.
George had never allowed himself to have thoughts about any guy. And then Dream came along and understood his struggles, and listened to him, and he felt like he could just be in a silent room with Dream for hours and still feel like he's having the best time of his life. He felt more comfortable around Dream than even Sapnap, who he had known for literal years. But it was such a difficult situation given his upbringing. George knew he had distanced himself from his dad since he's been living on his own. His dad no longer has any financial or emotional control over him. But somehow he would still feel guilty for "betraying" his dad. George knew it was fine to be gay, or bisexual, or whatever, but he couldn't help to silence that tiny little voice in the back of his head that told him he's going to hell for liking boys, that he can't come back from this, that no one will ever truly love him because of his sexuality.
Later that night, Sapnap came into George's room.
"Hey did you mess with the thermostat? I'm freezing." He asked George.
"Oh yeah, sorry. I was hot so I moved it, you can change it back." George said, not looking up from his phone.
"Whatcha doin?" Sapnap asked.
"Nothing." George said sighing.
George had actually been staring at his phone for a good half hour trying to come up with a message to send to Dream. He wanted to say something at least, because he felt bad about sending Dream home. He didn't really want him to stay, but he also didn't want him to go either. He just needed time to figure things out.
"Okay." Sapnap said, and he started to walk out of George's room before George stopped him.
"Wait, Sap, can I ask you a question?" George asked.
"Sure, what's up?" Sapnap asked, now standing in George's doorway.
"How do you...know for sure that you're straight?" George asked.
"Are you hitting on me?" Sapnap asked, raising one eyebrow.
"N-" George laughed. "No, Sapnap, I'm not hitting on you. I just mean like you don't ever get thoughts about guys...in that way?"
Sapnap shook his head. "Nope, can't say I do."
Sapnap then stared at George. "Wait, do you?"
George waited a second then shrugged, avoiding eye contact with Sapnap. He had known Sapnap for years, but he never thought about what Sapnap would think if he came out as gay.
"Are you...gay, George?" Sapnap asked, concerned because now George had started to tear up. He didn't see George show emotions basically ever, so Sapnap was scared.
"I don't know." George said, his voice cracking a little from trying not to cry. "I don't fucking know."
Sapnap knew about George's religious trauma and what happened to George's sister. He was always there for George, but didn't know how to show it, so he would just sit with George when he knew he was having a hard time. George noticed this and always appreciated Sapnap so much for it.
"Is this about that Dream guy?" Sapnap asked
"Why do you think it's about Dream?" George asked.
"I mean you were acting really weird when I came home and then you went into your room with him for a minute, then he left so quickly. It looked a little sus." Sapnap said.
"He tried to...kiss me, kind of."
"What do you mean 'kind of'?" Sapnap asked.
"I mean he like...leaned in to kiss me twice, but nothing happened."
"Nothing happened as in you wouldn't let him kiss you or...? I'm confused."
"It's not really that I wouldn't let him I just...I haven't had feelings this strong for a guy, or a girl...for anyone, I guess- ever."
"So why didn't you kiss him?"
"It's not that easy. You know what happened to my sister...you know how my dad is..."
"I know and you didn't deserve to hear all of that and experience that shit. But your dad isn't here. You're away from him. He's not gonna hurt you or do anything to you. You're stuck with me though, unfortunately."
George didn't say anything and so Sapnap continued.
"I don't care if you're gay bro...really, I don't. I just want you to be happy."
"Should I text him?" George asked.
"And say what? Sorry I dodged your kiss, but I'm trying to figure out if I like dick or not so just bear with me."
"This isn't funny, stop joking, Sapnap."
"Okay, then tell me what you would text h-"
"I don't know, okay!" George interrupted. "I'm trying to figure that out. I think I just need to sleep on it or something."
"Okay, sleep on it then...George?"
"What?"
"Love you bro."
George cringed every time Sapnap said this. George hated saying "I love you" to his friends and family. He loved them, for sure, that wasn't even a question. But again, it's weird for him to show his emotions and be vulnerable in that way.
"Thanks." George said simply in response.
Sapnap laughed and left George's room, closing the door behind him.
For the next few hours (yes hours) George typed out text after text to Dream, but didn't actually send any of them. They all started out in a similar way.
"Hey Dream, can we talk?"
Eventually George got frustrated and just turned his phone off. After awhile of just laying in his bed and thinking, he hadn't realized, but he actually fell asleep.
___
Around the same time George had been talking to Sapnap and wondering what he should text Dream, Dream on the other hand was figuring out what he should make for a late night snack. This wasn't to say he wasn't still stressed about the George situation, but he had to get his mind off of it for a little. Dream ended up making some microwave mac and cheese while he waited to hear back from Danny. He had texted Danny about an hour ago asking if he wanted to hang. Danny texted him back finally just as Dream was finishing his final bite of food.
Danny Boyyy
12:54 am
"Hey mate been waitin to hear from ya! Honestly I'm tired as hell, was about to go to sleep but come around rn if you wanna smoke for a bit"
Smoke? Ugh. Dream thought.
He wasn't a big smoker, at least anymore. He tried to stay away from most drugs, even including alcohol, but since he's been in London he honestly hadn't done a good job in doing that anyway. Addiction is a slippery slope and weed and cigarettes and even vapes can lead to a lot more harsh and addictive substances, Dream knew this. But if all it takes is a blunt and a late night convo with a new friend to take his mind off of George, he'll absolutely do it. At this point he'd do anything to get George off of his mind.
It was nearly half past one in the morning when Dream got to Danny's house. It wasn't terribly cold outside and he had borrowed a pair of his mom's gloves (borrowed aka stolen for the night) so he was fine to walk to Danny's house.
When Dream got to Danny's house he was surprised at two things: first, the house had been totally cleaned up from the night before. The yard, the windows, the floors, the sinks- all sparkling clean. Must be nice to be able to pay people to do extensive cleaning like that for you. Dream hated cleaning.
The second thing that surprised him was that Danny was entirely alone, in the basement watching TV by himself, when Dream arrived. He didn't know why this surprised him, he supposed it was probably because he imagined Danny as the type of person who had people over every night, no matter if they were girls, friends, neighbors, or family members, and no matter if he had to work the next morning or not.
"Oh yeah, everyone was wrecked from last night." Danny explained, when Dream bought this up. Dream didn't mind, though. He preferred to be alone with Danny right now because he didn't know how others would react to the things he was going to talk about. He deemed Danny a trustworthy guy, he had only known him for just over a day, but Danny was so chill and acted like he didn't have a care in the world. In Dream's opinion, those were the best type of people to chill and smoke blunts with.
For a little while they both just passed around the blunt and munched on some chips and talked about random stuff. Then Danny mentioned something that happened during the party that Dream wasn't there for (because at that time he was upstairs throwing up next to George).
"Man, you were gone for awhile though. You went to the toilet and then I didn't see you for the rest of the night. I assumed you stayed over cuz your cousin stayed over, but I woke up this morning and searched the whole house for you but you weren't here."
"Yeah..." Dream said. "I got super drunk, like...way too drunk. So I just walked home."
"By yourself? Man that's a risky move in the state you were in."
"No, I uh..." Dream stopped for a second. He taken quite a few hits of the blunt at this point and totally forgot he was trying to forget about George. "I went home with your friend...George?"
"George!" Danny exclaimed. "Quality man, right there. You went home with him or you went home with him?" Danny asked, jokingly.
Dream laughed slightly. "No he just uh...he just walked me home."
"You sure that's all that happened?" Danny joked.
"Is he gay?" Dream asked, then immediately regretted it and said "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that. I don't know why I said that."
Danny laughed. "It's alright. Uhh I don't know. I mean he's had a few long term girlfriends, but none of them seem to last. I think he likes girls...I'd be surprised if he's gay."
"Why would you be surprised?" Dream asked.
"Well he has lots of past...with his dad and sister and-"
"Oh, yeah he told me about some of that."
"Yeah so...I think even if he was gay, I'm not sure he'd admit it to anyone. I don't care either way, man. He's my best friend, who gives a shit if he likes guys."
"Yeah I mean like...has he ever hinted at all, or shown any signs?"
"Shown any signs of being a homo? Man, what are you on about? You into him or something." Danny laughed a little once again.
Dream was silent, not meaning to be but he just didn't know what to say to that.
Danny saw this and tried to lighten up the subject a little. "Hey mate, gay or not, George is a ten out of ten guy. Very caring, super down to earth- he's saved me so many times. I trust that guy with my life. So if you hang with him again...you made a good choice."
Dream smiled, taking another hit of the blunt and inhaling as deeply as he could, letting the cloud of calmness float around him.
___
Dream woke up the next morning to someone knocking on his aunt's apartment door. The knocking wasn't terribly loud or annoying, it was just persistent. He ignored the knocks the first few times, hoping to get a few extra minutes of sleep, but the knocks kept coming.
His family had all gone out to brunch a few minutes before, so he assumed his mom forgot her wallet. He got out of his bed in just his boxer briefs with no shirt on and stretched his arms way up in the air while yawning. His family has seen him in his underwear so many times before, so he didn't care.
He got to the front door and and opened it up. "What did you forget-" Dream started to say before he realized it wasn't his mom at the front door.
"Hi Dream."