"Mom! I'm so happy you're here" I greet my mom at the door.
"Hey John" I smile at my mom's husband.
"Where's our little Eva?" My mother says while smiling.
"She's in the living room with Dana" I say.
They walk into the living room and Eva is busy playing in her playpen while Dana plays in his phone.
"Hey Dana" my mom greets him.
He nods his head and smiles then goes back to his phone. He leaves the house not long after to probably hang out with his friends.
My mom and John look at me but I just shrug my shoulder. Dana doesn't really make an effort with my parents.
"Oh my, Eva you've grown so much since I last saw you" my mom gives Eva kisses.
"How long are you going to be staying?" I ask my mom.
"We will probably leave after your birthday. We don't want to overstay. Dana doesn't seem to like it when we're here" she says.
"I'm sorry about that" I simply say not knowing what else to tell them.
"Are you two doing okay? Are you getting married soon? I see you're wearing a ring" John asks.
"We're okay and I guess? I kinda agreed to it. It seems inevitable. We've gotten along well enough so why not?" I answer him.
"You don't seem happy about it" my mom looks at me worried.
"I'm not worried for my happiness. Eva is the important one. Dana will provide for her as long as I stay with him."
They play with Eva while I decide to text Ryujin.
kitty_purrfect: Ryujin! My mom and her husband is here!
hard_carryy0: her husband? Not your dad?
kitty_purrfect: no. My parents split when I was young and he married John a few years ago
hard_carryy0: Any fun plans while your mom and her husband are visiting?
kitty_purrfect: Probably go out and visit different places with Eva. They're mainly here for her haha
hard_carryy0: You should come visit me sometime :)
kitty_purrfect: maybe one day I'd love to
"Yeji, are you okay?" My mom ask me.
I look up from my phone to see her looking at me weirdly.
"Yeah? Why?"
"Why are you smiling at your phone?" She questions me while moving next to me.
She tries to look at my phone and I quickly hide it.
"Who are you talking to? You're not cheating on Dana are you?"
"No mom. I'm not cheating on Dana. I'm just talking to a friend I met online."
"Yeji! That's so dangerous!" My mom panics.
"Mom, we're just talking. It's not like I'm dating him" I explain.
"A guy!? How do you know his intentions are good?" My mom now stands up in disbelief.
"Mom. I'm an adult. I can handle this. It's not like I'm giving him my credit card info" I roll my eyes.
"But would it be so bad if I do end up dating him?" I ask while my hiding face.
"What?" She sits back down.
"Do you like this guy? Didn't you say you're not cheating on Dana and that you agreed to marry him?" My mom is now glaring at me.
I look at her trying to stop myself from breaking down, "Mom. I'm so unhappy. If it weren't for Eva, I'd probably be doing drugs and drowning myself in alcohol. This guy makes my day better. He makes me feel heard and that I matter."
"Honey, why didn't you tell me you're this miserable?" She says in a mellow tone now.
"I already screwed up by getting pregnant by a guy who gives no shit about me or his daughter but because he cares about his image, he's trying to do the right thing. The guy I'm talking to encourages me and lifts me up while Dana points out all my flaws" I say now crying.
"Why don't you leave him then?" My mother ask.
"Because if I do then I can't support Eva. And he threatened to take her from me. He already talked about using my past with the drugs and alcohol against me. I can't afford a lawyer to fight him for custody, mom. I'm stuck in this hell" I put my head on her shoulder.
She rubs my back, "Tell me about this guy you met online then."
I lift my head off her shoulder, wipe away my tears and I look at her, "He's really nice. He's understanding. He makes me smile. He likes video games. He hunts. He has a nephew he adores. He has two sisters. He likes working with computers. He's good to Eva too."
"Where is he from?"
"That's the down side. He's from the US so even if I wanted it to happen, it won't happen" I slouch and pout.
"Are you and Dana still active in the bedroom?" I widen my eyes at my mom's question.
"Mom! Why would you ask that?"
"Just curious. Since you seem to be into this guy, I didn't know how badly it's affecting your relationship with Dana" she explains.
"We still do it or else he might suspect something" after I said that I choke remembering something, "Mom! I haven't had my period this month!"
"Oh no no. Mom this can't happen. Dana will kill me! Mom I can't be pregnant again!" I start to cry again.
I didn't tell her the real reason why I'm afraid. It's not really Dana. It's Ryujin. I'm afraid how he's gonna react. Even though, we're not together. I feel like getting pregnant by another guy is wrong. Maybe it's my problem. I just feel attach to him but then again he is seeing his ex again. I still don't understand that.
Why are things in my life never easy? I really hope I'm not pregnant. I already feel like a single mom with one kid, I don't know how I'll handle another kid.
kitty_purrfect: Ryujin, how would you react if I tell you I'm pregnant?
hard_carryy0: Congratulations? I mean are you happy about it or no?
kitty_purrfect: idk. Would you still talk to me?
hard_carryy0: Yea. Why would I stop talking to you? It's not like you're my girlfriend then cheated on me and got pregnant lol
kitty_purrfect: yea..
I cry even harder now and I don't even know why. Why did that hurt me? I keep telling myself we can't be together and I've accepted that. Am I the only one developing feelings? Does he really just see me as a friend and nothing else?