An emotional pandemonium raged through Hoseok's mind despite his calm exterior.
He couldn't believe it. He had lost control again and this time he actually hurt people and almost killed some of them. This was getting dangerous. He was turning into a monster everyone made him out to be and there was nothing he could do about it. Soon, he would gradually turn and he would lose control and he would turn into a devil and would never be himself ever again--
"Seok," Sia whispered, concerned. He clenched his fists as he looked up.
"I can put an end to all of this if only I let Namjoon take me to Hell. I'm being selfish."
"What do you mean?" Her voice prodded him gently. He bit down on his lips.
"I should stop this. Everything. And let NJ do his job. I should just go to hell."
"So... you're giving up?" She questioned softly. "After coming all this way? Just like that?"
"I-it's not that easy," he gritted out, fingers fisting so hard that his knuckles turned white, "You don't know me."
Sia breathed out a deep breath, "I may not know you or what you have been through, Hoseok. But I know that you're being a coward if you decide to give up now. You do realize that you won't ever come back if you went to hell, don't you?"
Hoseok didn't have a response. He was aware that it would be impossible to come back once he went with NJ. He knew that he may never get another chance to live but now that he stared at his fingers that were stained in red, the fingers that hurt people, the fingers that would hurt people in the future, he didn't so much know if it mattered. Did he deserve to live when he was turning into a vile monster?
"Hoseok, can't you see? We're all here for you. NJ, Adrean even if he won't admit it, Jimin, the time angel, Queen Yama, and I. We're all working on this for you." Sia placed a hand on his tensed arm making his eyes drift up to her, "And you know why that is? Because you matter too. You matter more than getting Vile One to Hell. Your life matters the most and they all know that."
"But..." Hoseok sighed. He was grateful that they were all trying but he didn't know if he deserved that treatment. Especially when he was being so selfish.
Sia seemed to have read his mind, "How's wanting to survive considered selfish, Hoseok? It's the basic human instinct of every human to survive."
Sia was right but he couldn't shake off the feeling that he could do something about it but was choosing not to do so. Because every time he hurt someone, he was doing it with his own hands. Even if they weren't originally his.
Sia must have sensed something in him. He didn't know how she did it. "Listen, you're more than just a sacrifice to the monster inside you, Hoseok. You deserve so much more. So don't give yourself up for him, Hoseok."
Hoseok didn't know what it was but something inside him broke and a wave of emotions washed over him. He was glad that he wasn't his naive persona at the moment for if he were, he would have certainly cried. So he walked away, not daring to look at Sia because he didn't know how much of this wave of emotions he could handle before he broke down as well.
"And I will never forgive you if you ever give up, Hoseok."
Hoseok halted and turned around. "Why?"
Sia stopped in her tracks caught off guard by his unexpected question. "Why do you care? Whatever happens to me, why does that matter to you?" His clenched fists trembled as he awaited her answer. "What's your motive? Why are you so hell-bent on helping me? What's your intention, Winters? Cause, I know there is one."
"Because--" Sia halted, looking away from his intense stare. She bit down on her lips. It seemed that her lousy excuses won't work on him anymore because he had never trusted her help from the beginning. And the only way to gain his trust was to explain herself. Open up to him truthfully as NJ said.
"It's for a selfish reason really," Sia began wincing as Hoseok's eyes lit up like he was expecting it all along. She sighed, "I'll tell you a story, so listen carefully."
Finding a nearby railing to rest against, she began her tale. "Years ago when I was in high school, I used to get bullied for being different. I was basically ignored most of the time but the upperclassmen didn't like it when Jin started hanging out with me. He was the popular guy of our school at that time, you see?" She added with a little smile. Breathing out, she stared up at the afternoon skies. "They thought I was dating him. They thought I was too weird to do so. So they picked on me sometimes. Locked me up in the bathroom. Even turned my best friend against me. It was messy, alright?"
Sia hung her head, "I started hating her for it. I hated her for not standing up for me even when I knew her future was at stake when they threatened her. So I got mad at her. Screamed at her. Told her she was a traitor. And she asked me a question, Hoseok. The same question you once asked me. 'What would you do if I were you?'"
She grinned though there was nothing humorous about the situation. "That's when something hit me, you know? Because I realized that I would have done the same if I were in her place. I was selfish like that and yet I expected her to stand up for me. I was a hypocrite. Being humane goes both ways. How can I expect it from someone when I don't do that myself?"
She took a deep breath and finished her tale quickly, "So I made a promise to myself then and broke the promise with you. The reason why I'm trying to help you is so that I can have some peace of mind, Hoseok.
"It's so that I can prove to myself that maybe I'm not that horrible of a person. Selfish, isn't it?"
Hoseok did not reply, choosing to watch her as she looked at him for a response nervously biting down on her lips. Her subtle gestures of anxiousness didn't go unnoticed by him.
"Do you pity me?"
Sia raised an eyebrow, "Pity you?" She laughed. "No. Maybe once, I did. But not anymore. Now I just think you're a giant a** prick." Suddenly, she brought her hands forward in denial. "But not Hobi though. Seriously, he's such a cutie pie."
Hoseok chose to ignore the last comment about his alter ego, chewing on the insides of his cheeks as he formed a final verdict. Sia watched anxiously as her little joke to lighten the mood went in vain. She clenched and unclenched her fingers as she watched him assess her. She looked away, unable to handle the tension in the air and for some source of relief but unfortunately for her there was none. At his prolonged silence, she figured that his verdict for her must be bad.
"I understand if you don't want me to help you anymore. I wouldn't want my help if I was in your place either. Don't feel obligated to take me along with you, Hoseok. So just tell me. I will leave you alone."
Sia looked up to gouge his expression as he stared at her ponderingly with narrowed eyes. She furrowed her eyebrows wondering what he was about to say when Hoseok finally opened his mouth and said.
"No. Stay here."
Hands in his pockets, he turned to walk away, "You're not completely useless, after all."
Sia was too stunned to move, staring at his back as he moved away, too shocked to register the meaning of his words. When they finally sank in, a brilliant grin spread across her face.
"Whoa...You just sounded so cool, Seokie. I got butterflies in my tummy."
. . .
"No, seriously. My heart just skipped a beat." She informed him, watching as his shoulders slowly rose, "It's beating so fast, I swear. It's going boom, boom, boom! I bet you can hear it from all the way up there."
His shoulders suspiciously began to shake and he hunched down, folding his hands over his stomach. Sia narrowed her eyes, "You're laughing."
"No, I'm not!" He coughed out, immediately bursting into laughter.
She grinned. "You are laughing!"
"You're so silly!" He cried back between laughter as she ran up to catch up with his strides.
"Aha, so you admit it!"
"I'm not laughing because of you."
"Yeah, sure."
"For real."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, sonny boy."
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A/n: Double update, yay!