Home sweet home is no longer sweet home, since dad's back. I was getting used to him being away. I didn't need his lying cheating ass here.
But I am in no way in the clear I knew along about his lying cheating ass. So what does that make me if I go around judging him?
"Enjoy school" he says as he hands me my school bag.
"You really didn't have to do this" I say as another student enters the school.
"I wanted to", he smiles and right on cue the bell rings. First things first I have to get rid of this notebook. Finding Jake is not difficult at all. He's wearing the same black hoodie and sweatpants from the past three weeks.
As bodies walk past me to class I walk right behind him. It's as if my heart can fall out of my chest. I have to give this back to him and not only that but confront him too about the relationship he had with Ava. But I'm held back by my fear which paralyzes my hand from tapping his shoulder.
He turns into Mr. Bavis's class and I still haven't made any attempt to catch his attention.
I'll give him the notebook after class. The class fills in Mr. Bavis hands out our tests. A big fat 85% is written at the top right corner. My eyes search for Mazin's and he turns back to look at me. He smiles and I smile back. I should study with him often never have I had a 85% before.
"Congratulations to those of that got above 60" he clasps his hands. "You make my work easier. The rest of you on the other hand..." Mr Bavis's eyes land on Skyler's. Skyler's paper is turned over, that's when I know that she got a bad mark.
"I would like to see the following students this Saturday for extra classes. Skyler and Ameria"
"Damn they failed the test" somebody yells and the class bursts out laughing.
"Skyler no longer the top achiever."
"Okay, okay that's enough" Mr. Bavis says firmly. "This is no joke guys if you fail this year's literature you fail the year. So let this be a lesson for all of you to start paying attention in class." He looks sternly at Skyler and Ameria.
The news spreads fast about Skyler failing the test. Well, technically she didn't fail she got a 50% which isn't her usual standard. And it's eating her alive. I knock on the bathroom stall as soft cries pass through the door.
"This doesn't mean you're a failure you know."
"I know but, ugh I've never gotten anything like that", she says with what sounds like a stuffy nose.
"What am I going to tell my mom? She's going to have my ass, I'll never hear the end of this. I even have Saturday classes."
"It's not the end of the world Skyler," I say as I hold on tightly to Ava's notebook. I still don't know how to approach Jake.
"I know that! But it feels like the end of MY world."
I can never relate to Skyler. If I got that fifty I would have been fine. After all, that's what I get for math on a good day at least. Skyler's self-worth has always been in her grades even though she doesn't like admitting that.
The restroom door swings open, and from the sound of the slow drag walk I know it's Ameria.
"How is she?" She asks coldly
"Not okay" I whisper to her.
Ameria rolls her eyes, she walks closer to the stall and starts banging on it.
"Skyler it's just a bad mark doesn't mean you're going to die. Get over it."
"Seriously." I look at Ameria "Can you try to be more gentle?"
Ameria chuckles with malice "look who's talking? You want to talk about being gentle after what you said to me?"
"You were bitch too you know." I bark back.
"Whatever I'm still not talking to you until you say sorry."
"Then I guess we won't be talking at all."
The toilet flushing makes us back away from the door.
"I can't believe you would think I would do that to Ava."
I roll my eyes. "I thought you were not talking to me and quit playing the victim."
The stall opens up. Skyler's eyes are blood shot red from the tears she's cried as well as her cheeks. She's still clinging to the tissue.
"What are you guys catfighting about?"
My eyes meet with Ameria's "nothing", we both say.
This clearly isn't the moment to hash things out with Ameria.
"You'll get over it. It's just a bad mark and-"
"And it's not the end of the world I know I know. How are you not a mess right now?", she throws away her tissue in the bin.
Ameria folds her arms, "to be honest I don't know. I guess I didn't study hard enough."
"I guess so too", Skyler says in defeat. Anyways let's get out of here I'm sure they have started without us.
Art was the many languages that Ava used to express herself. Which seems so fitting that a mural in Miss Morgan's class (Ava's art teacher )is a great dedication to her.
"Is everything okay" She asks as soon as the three off us walk in. "Yeah sorry we just really needed the bathroom", I speak for us. Miss Morgan's eyebrows crease into confusion and her eyes immediately look at my hands. I know she recognizes Ava's notebook.
"Anyways", she goes on "as we all know the year is coming to an end.A couple of students, as well as teachers, have agreed that a mural would be a great remembrance for Ava. I know majority of you can't paint" she walks from one side of the room and then to the other side with her arms crossed by her back. "Which is why I will have some of my art students paint something, but it can't be anything random. Which is where you guys come in. What are we going to paint for Ava?"
Silence fills in. Eyes look around at each other.
"I knew you guys would have this reaction. Which is why I will spilt everyone into a groups of three."
"First group titled group A will be Nora, Skyler and Ameria"
Ameria sighs loudly clearly trying her best to make me feel bad. Miss Morgan calls out other names and places them in groups. By the end of this meeting were told to come up with an idea on what the mural should represent.
"Think you guys could come over to my house after school?" Skyler asks.
I nod my head statting a yes and Ameria agrees.
"Okay you guys are dismissed see you next week Friday. You guys have time to come up with an idea, do not disappoint." Feet begin to shuffle out of the class.
"Nora stay behind." I squeeze my eyes shut at Miss Morgan's stern voice.
The class finally empties
"What are you still doing with that?" she looks down at my hands still holding on to the notebook.
It's Jake's property you know that."
"I'm holding on to it until", I sigh and give up my lame excuse.
"You went through it didn't you", she crosses her arms
"Yeah", my eyes shoot down to my feet, a question burns my throat and I need to know if she knew.
"Did you know" I look at her.
"Know about?" Her eyebrows crease in confusion.
"Know that Ava and Jake dated."
"Oh that", she begins to scratch the back of her head. Her eyes are no longer staring into my soul instead they are circling around the room.
"I take that as a yes. What was she like with him?" The real question I want to ask was why didn't she tell me she had a whole ass relationship with Jake.
Miss Morgan looks to the ceiling and lets out compressed air. "She was happy she walks closer to me and places her hand on my shoulder "that's all that matters."
"Who else knew about their relationship?"
"I don't know honestly but what I do know is that you need to give this to Jake. He needs the closure."
I chuckle, "don't we all need the closure I think finding her killer will be better."
"Yeah perhaps your right, but this is different Nora. Ava made this for Jake. You can't hold on to it"
"I'm just trying to figure out why she didn't tell me about her relationship with Jake"
Miss Morgan remains quiet.
"I feel like there is this whole side of Ava that I do not know. And it bothers me a lot. We were best friends. We told each other everything. Did she not feel comfortable with telling me about this?"
"Nora come on. Let this go. I know you upset. I know you have so many questions for Ava. But I think you should make peace with the fact that you will never know. Just accept it. It will bring you peace. No one can answer why she kept this from you. You just have to find a way to accept that okay."
"I'll be taking the notebook from you." Her hands slide down to mine. She gently takes the notebook. I don't put up a fight because, I know she's right.
But why didn't she tell me? I can't help but wonder who she was with Jake? Did she have inside jokes with him? Did they have sleepovers like we did? Was she able to be herself with him?
I'll never know and I have to be okay with that.
I walk out Miss Morgan's classroom with one person in mind. Detective Adams
I might not know who she was when she was with Jake but I do know that I can find out how she was murdered. And later I can find the killer.
The day goes on in Skyler's bedroom. Where a shelf of golden trophies and academic achievements sits. That's where she places her worth She's been a part of the science team, spelling B team and surprisingly the ice hockey team. Didn't know she had that in her.
"Sorry guys rooms a little bit of a mess", Skyler apologises as she slides her hockey stick under her queen sized bed.
It doesn't look messy. Next to her shelf of trophies stand a bookshelf with encyclopaedias
Her room is far bigger than mine it has a walk-in closet, that's dull in colour. I assume bright colours are not her thing.
Ameria immediately makes herself right at home she takes off her shoes and jumps onto the bed. Skyler messes around on her phone until some soft music starts to play.
"You better not play any of that classical music shit", Ameria removes some pillows off the bed.
Skyler chuckles, "relax I'm playing some Drake, your favourite."
"Thank you" Ameria grins.
"Make yourself at home", Skyler looks at me, letting her hair loose. "You've been here before."
"Yeah but not to your room. "
"Understandable but please sit you're making me feel weird" Skyler nervously laughs.
I go to the far corner of her room and sit at her desk. I'm tempted to open up her laptop to read more articles about Ava's disappearance and death.
But this isn't the time.
I'll be downstairs getting us "snacks. Would you like cranberry or Apple juice?"
"Cranberry Juice", Ameria and I say in unison.
Skyler leaves her room, and atlas the tension begins to build up between Ameria and I. I am not going to apologise for anything. I firstly need to know what that fight was about at that party.
"How's your dad?, my chest tightens I don't know if this is a low blow or she's generally asking.
"His fine" I answer. "Why you ask?"
"Just wondering my mom told me he back home so I was just seeing if you are okay."
"Y'all talk about us?" I question her.
"Out of concern honestly. I know you and your dad are not close."
"Yeah, but why do you care? I'm just a lot puppy in Ava's shadow."
Ameria rolls her eyes, "can we have a normal conversation without you trying to bring up yesterday?"
"Are you serious right now I scoff. Bro we can't just forget yesterday. I'm still waiting for an answer!"
"And I'm still waiting for an apology." She yawns, "but anyways looks like we not getting what we want so let's just leave it."
"You are such ughhh" I sigh.
Skyler walks back into the room with cookies and Cranberry Juice.
"Everything okay?" she asks I know she can sense the tension but, we both say "yeah everything is okay."
Even though it's not
When I finally get home I rush up to my room.
Where is it
Where is it I open my drawers?
The one time I actually need that stupid card that detective Adams gave me it disappears.
I even look under my clustered bed. Nothing.
That is when it hits me it might be in mom's drawer. I rush over to her room hastily opening her drawers and there it is like a pot of gold. I quickly enter in his numbers and it rings after two rings he answers,
"This is Detective Adams", his gravelly voice makes my bones shake. He still has that effect on me.
"uh Hey, I say it's Nora."
"Nora?" Confusion laces his tone.
"I have a couple of questions" I go on.
"oh," It seems like I have caught him off guard which is no surprise, because I have never said much to him.
"You could come down to the station" he finally says
"I was thinking of us actually meeting some place else I don't only have questions. I do remember some things."
The line remains quiet
"hello?"
"Where would you like to meet?
"have you heard of the café called Small Bits?"
"Hmm" he hums in response
And just like that the butterflies in my stomach flutter but, not from excitement but from terror. Revealing what I remember might not make Ameria look good and finding out how Ava died might bury me alive instead.
After pacing back and forth in my room, creating scenarios that will never happen and picking my nails. Mom calls me downstairs. That only makes my jaw lock in place, my stomach rumble like a motorcycle and my palms to begin an ocean of sweat.
"You okay Baby?" mom looks at me with her eyebrows drawn together and her lips twisted.
"Yeah I lie." I really want to scream if they are getting divorced or not. I do not want to be sitting at a table acting like we are a happy family from modern family. I want the truth to be spoken now.
"Okay just go place the salad on the table for me."
I Grab the bowl of salad, As soon as I am away from her I dip my hands in the salad. The cool sensation and leafiness bring my focus onto the salad. I place it on the table next to the gold roast chicken. The front door opens and I know from the heavy footsteps It's dad.
Shit is getting real. My chest begins to clench on to itself. The air is limiting in my temple known as my body. Mom walks into the dining room now she looks far more tired with bags under her eyes and small yawns that escape her mouth. I sit down, so does mom and even dad when he gets into the dining room.
DIVORCE IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DIVORCE IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DIVORCE IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
DIVORCE IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my mind will not shut up and so far as we eat I've only touched the chicken not the mash or peas or even the rice.
"You not hungry tonight?" mom asks
"No", how can I be hungry when there is this cloud of uncertainty that sits over me. I think my uncertainty is the one that is hungry tonight, instead of me. So just tell what is going to happen with this family
I can not help but think that all of this I my fault. There is this heavy load that sits on my chest and on my shoulders. If only I told mom about the cheating maybe things would be okay right?
ugh no my anxiety is talking that does not even make sense he cheated not me, but why is there this burden on ME!
Atlas when mom and dad finish up their food. The waves of fear raise higher into waves that could drown me.I swear my anxiety evokes so much fear I could eat my hands off.
"DIVORCE My anxiety sings"
"DIVORCE and It's all your fault" my anxiety sings
ugh fuck shut up!
"Nora your father and I."
From that one sentence I hold my breath and my heart goes berserk.
"Do not panic Nora keep it cool" I tell myself. "Keep it cool. Keep it cool."
Nora moms eyebrows again knot up. "Nora breathe" she places her hands on my lap
what does she mean by breathe?
I am breathing,
"Go get her some water she's hyperventilating."
Wait hyperventilating? that's when I hear my breath. It's quick and runs short. I look down at my hands they shiver. BREATHE NORA.
I Tell myself just breathe I squeeze my eyes shut, two tears drop down quickly.
no oh my gosh no. MY chest attacks itself it, squeezes itself and proceeds to even stab itself. Am I having a heart attack? No I open my eyes I can barely hear what mum is saying all I see are her dry lips moving. A glass of water makes its way in my hands.
Mom pushes the glass up to my mouth and that is the sign I need to drink it.
Two gulps later and I take a deep breath. "Are you guys getting a divorce?" I ask winded?
"No," they say in unison.