the railings of the bridge were cold beneath her touch. it was only dawn, the sun having just peeked from the horizon ahead, and yet despite the oranges and reds in the sky, everything felt bleak. and dull.
ordinary; painfully ordinary.
she used to be a sucker for sunrises and sunsets, hence her constant lounging in his balcony back then. but nothing was beautiful anymore. as if her eyes were only there to see but not admire.
maybe it was because she had laid her eyes on beauty, much more often than she'd ever have expected—when he was asleep beside her, his face peaceful and free to stare at shamelessly. but now, the most beautiful thing in the world was gone, having slipped right through her fingers.
who would admire a lesser beauty? she most certainly can't, not anymore; for what was a painted sky compared to the enchanting man that has disappeared? nothing. just ordinary. and bleak. and dull.
the ocean below was intimidating, yet oddly so welcoming. she looks down on the dark blue waves, the breeze blowing her hair behind her like ribbons. she shivers, tightening her grip on the metal.
they were calling her in and she felt like she had to oblige. whatever the ocean had to offer, she's in for it. the numbing coldness, the burning in her lungs, the darkness as one sinks deeper—anything. it's a small price to pay for salvation.
just a jump. two steps approximately, and a little effort from her her arms to actually lift herself over the rail.
she leans over, faintly smelling the sea. she bets it'd be lonely down there, which wasn't any different from up where she was. all that's left of her is a gaping hole, a void that consumed her entirety without sparing space for redemption and happiness.
a second could make much of a difference. for example, half a second ago she was above ground, and the next half she was in mid-air.
she's sure it was quick but the fall seemed to slow things down. perhaps it was the air rushing against her face, or most likely the false sense of freedom pumping adrenaline throughout her system. for half a second it was relief, the next half it was emptiness.
she tightly grips the ring in her hand as she sinks deeper down. eventually, the dark values of the bridge started to get less distinct against the sky. she doesn't know how to swim, though even if she did she wasn't sure she'd even try.
she blankly watches everything around her get darker, calm and acceptant of her impending death. she was right. it was cold, and dark, and lonely here. yet she felt like this is where she belonged, not necessarily at the bottom of the ocean, but a place she shouldn't try running away from—isolation.
it's her curse. she'll always be alone. even when she didn't jump down with the intention to die, she knew that ceasing to exist was the only way she could know peace.
.
.
.
all of a sudden, the sound of a splash fills her ears as a shadow from above blocks what minimal light seeped through. she's well halfway into unconsciousness but she forces herself to remain awake. the figure swims nearer, his dark hair of purple streaks flowing as his limbs bring him nearer to her.
maybe I'm already dead, she thought. his face was how she remembered it, his gaze—the one of all too familiar worry and concern—making her smile softly up at him.
she thought of how he must feel, having died to save her only for her to chase after him. it couldn't be helped, he's only left her with too much agony.
his arm extends to reach for her, and faintly, with the thought that it was a nice death, she reaches back. the tips of their fingers touch, and with more effort he was able to hold her hand completely and pull her to himself.
her lungs were already past the point of burning and she truly felt dead. because now she felt peaceful, like war was over and she had safely returned home—it could only be death. or maybe she felt the way she did because he was holding her.
all she sees is darkness, and she was a mere small consciousness away from having no thoughts. but with what was left of her, she leans in and presses her lips against his neck, despite the coldness of the waters and the heaviness of the sea.
Ran.
.
.
.
it was difficult but she could breathe if she tried, her lungs were hungry for air. death was surprisingly tiring as she felt her whole body overwhelmed like she was fatigued. but that wasn't what was alarming.
her clothes were wet and the breeze sent chills all the way to her bones, and she felt like passing out again if it weren't for the voice she couldn't believe she was hearing.
"wake up, Hikari." his voice was filled with so much desperation that it made her heart throb. she felt lips over her opened mouth as he fills her lungs with air. she felt sick, not that she was completely conscious of everything.
"Hikari, please."
constant compressions on her chest, his lips, his desperate begging, the breeze—all that amidst her intermittent trips from life and death yet all she could think of was his name.
Ran...
she felt sicker than ever, and involuntarily her throat immediately ejects the water in her system through coughs. tears fall from her eyes as she grips her throat, her head feeling light as darkness rimmed around her already blurry vision.
"you're fine, you're alright, I'm here," he rushes to say, his faint voice a mixture of relief and shakiness this time as she felt herself being enveloped in his arms. he was panting, and his hands shook as he cupped her cheek.
...you're alive?
a heartbeat. an erratic one. she could hear it all too well, hammering against his chest. despite the urge to pull away and confirm his existence, she frustratedly slips back into her inescapable unconsciousness.