The door slid open, and Mara, Ford, and Aurora came back in, looking concerned. Sabrina looked at Mara and came to a decision. "Mara, tell Tirqwin he is not to agree to any conditions for Scotty's treatment until he has discussed them with me."
Mara looked taken aback, and Sabrina realized that the Queen was not used to being ordered so bluntly. "He knew you would say that eventually," Mara replied after a moment. "You will be consulted about anything that affects you personally, Sabrina, but...I am sorry to have to say this. Scotty's treatment is not your responsibility. It is mine and Tirqwin's, as his lieges. We will decide what is an acceptable price."
"Mara!" Sabrina exclaimed angrily, jumping out of her chair.
"I mean it, Sabrina," Mara said sternly, frowning at her. "You are in no position to know what concessions we can afford, and you are in no condition to make a rational decision. As your Queen and the head of your family, I will handle this. I will of course keep you informed, but the decision is mine."
"No!" Sabrina cried. "He's my brother, not yours! I'm his closest family! I should be the one to decide! He'd want that!"
"Would he?" Mara replied, raising an eyebrow.
Sabrina stopped, transfixed. She knew Mara was telling the truth: Scotty would want Mara, not Sabrina, in charge of his fate, if only to spare Sabrina the anguish of it. "Damn you!" Sabrina said thickly, turning to rest her hands on the table.
In the tense, unhappy silence that followed, Ford ventured, "Mother, shouldn't she at least get a vote? You can't really mean to cut her right out of the process, can you?"
"Niavar," Mara said, "try to understand. If this were only about Scotty...but it isn't. Everything to do with Homeworld is a state matter, of the utmost delicacy and importance. If this had happened right after the Regency, when Sabrina was fully conversant with all the ramifications, then yes, she would have a say. But she is long out of date. She does not have the information to make these decisions. Rassir and Tirqwin and I do. We will balance all the factors." She paused. "I suspect that you, my son, will be part of Homeworld's calculations in this. I could not turn your fate over to anyone, even Sabrina."
Ford's voice hardened. "I'm ready to face the consequences of building my ship, Mother. Even if it means destroying it. Never let that stand in the way of Scotty's treatment!"
"I won't. It is you, personally, they are interested in, I am afraid. Are you prepared for that? What Homeworld possesses, they do not release. If they ask me to trade you for Scotty, what then? Do you honestly expect Sabrina to be able to make that decision?"
"I'm not sure I expect you to be able to make it," he replied, with quiet frankness.
"Mara," Sabrina said, her voice choked but steady, "at least will you discuss it with me? With us?"
"Yes." Mara went to her and laid a hand on her cheek. "My dear friend, I am not trying to be unreasonable. But there are many political ramifications to this, and I must handle them. If you were in my place, you would insist on no less."
Sabrina couldn't argue with that. She nodded, swallowing hard.
"Now then," Mara said, "Aurora and I must go. We have a difficult itinerary ahead of us, returning Varla's captives to their homes. Sabrina, you are to travel to Praxatillus with Niavar. He will look after you and introduce you to the rest of the family." She held up a hand to forestall a protest. "I want you to go home, dear friend, and rest. Try to enjoy your homecoming. I will be along shortly. Your official homecoming, the receptions and all that, will be delayed until I arrive. Until then, you may live quietly, seeing only your old friends, if you wish."
"I...I don't want to go back by myself," Sabrina said, feeling her hands begin to shake again. "Mara, please, I—I can't."
Mara kissed her cheek. "You will not be by yourself. Niavar will be with you, and soon you will be surrounded by your friends and family. And I will not be long. I promise to see that you are informed of any news from Tirqwin as soon as I receive it. Sabrina, come now, my dear. You do not want to spend the next few weeks aboard a ship, do you, with nothing to do? Go home. Your apartments need redecorating; you will have many visits to make and receive. It's best for you to keep occupied. And," she added with a smile, "keeping my son in line ought to absorb even your considerable energies." She turned to Ford and kissed his cheek. "Take good care of your cousin for me. Don't let Aunt Imari lecture her, and do not let Rassir draft her into any political chores. And don't let your brothers and sisters plague her."
"Yes, Mother," Ford said, with a rueful smile. "Safe journey to you. And to you, Aurora."
"To you as well," Aurora said, "until we meet again. Lady Sabrina, my mother is waiting most anxiously for you. I hope you will allow her to assist you in anything you may need."
"Thank you," Sabrina said. "Mara...."
"It won't be long, Sabrina."
"That's what you said the last time!" Sabrina complained as Ford guided her out the door.
——————————
Sabrina nursed her feeling of injustice all through their departure, as Ford made some minor repairs to the Adventure, plotted a course that would keep the planet between them and Shahina as he opened a Way, and executed their escape. Then he set to work on Rudolf, who was a mess. Sabrina didn't have the expertise to help him with that, though he did allow her to stand watch on the control deck while he was in his workroom with the android. At other times, he kept her busy with conversation, either coaxing stories of her life with his parents out of her, or telling her outrageous tales of his own youth. It was relaxing in a way, being in this limbo with nothing to do but let herself be taken care of and amused, but she could not forget that Praxatillus was awaiting her, and Tassan. What would she say to him? How to even begin apologizing?
This anxiety, combined with worry for Scotty, and for what Tirqwin and Mara might do behind her back, expressed itself in vicious nightmares, equal to what had plagued her after Rayland's death. She couldn't sleep at night and found excuses to stay on the control deck drinking Praxatillian cocoa, pretending to review history or language texts to prepare for her return, or to wander into Ford's workroom and curl up in a comfortable chair in the corner while he worked. Sometimes she napped there; his presence seemed to help ward off the bad dreams.
One night, she dozed off in the workroom chair and woke the next morning tucked securely into her own bed. Blinking and rubbing at her eyes, she sat up to find Ford leaning against the wall, arms folded, as he watched her. "What?" she said, frowning. "I don't remember—"
"Going to bed? You didn't. I put you here." He pushed away from the wall and took the few steps to her bedside. "This won't do, Sabrina. You pretend to be all right, but you're not. And it's not just Scotty either, is it? There's something on Praxatillus you don't want to face."
She sighed, closing her eyes again. She felt the bed give a little to one side as he sat down on the edge of it. "You'd better tell me, you know," he said. "Perhaps there's something I can do to help."
"There's nothing anybody can do," she murmured.
"Well, tell me anyway," he said.
Sabrina took a deep breath. "I promised Tassan I'd be back. That was ninety-two years ago."
"Not by your choice," Ford pointed out. "I'm sure he understands—"
"No, Ford, it's not just that. It's—I—we were going to get married. When I came back. I told him maybe a month, maybe a year—not ninety-two! Oh God, he must hate me," she wailed.
Ford was silent for a moment. Then she heard him blow out his breath. "I am so sorry," he said. "I had no idea."
"Nobody did, I think," she said. "Ford, you won't tell anyone? He never did, not in all these years. Perhaps he's forgotten, or changed his mind, or—or—"
"I won't tell," Ford said. "But Sabrina, he has no reason to be angry at you. It's my fault, and I'll tell him so. You never meant this. You were horrified when you found out how long it's been."
"But how can I face him?" she cried. "Did I ruin his life? Will he ever understand?"
Ford took her hand in his and squeezed it. "He's not half the person his reputation claims if he doesn't. Sabrina, if he knew you that well, he must know this is not your fault. He's had time enough to think it through already." He paused. "Now, I want you to stop torturing yourself about this. And I definitely think I must take you to see him as soon as possible after we arrive. You can't keep living with this; best to have it over with."
"I'm not ready!"
"You never will be," he replied. "Listen. I'll call ahead, try to briefly explain things, shoulder the blame and apologize. You don't have to explain it to him."
"But I should be the one—"
"No," Ford said. "You shouldn't. You two will have enough to say to each other without having to get through the boring facts. I'm going to smooth the way for you, Sabrina, and you're going to let me. I owe this to you."
Sabrina looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to swallow her tears. "You don't owe me anything, you know. Rassir sent you for me. It wasn't your idea."
"No," he said. "But I was the one who did it nonetheless. Let me do this, Sabrina. I don't usually get to atone for my mistakes. I want to, this time."
"Oh, Ford," she sighed. "You're so good to me, so kind."
He chuckled. "Yes, and when we get home you're going to tell everyone that, and perhaps that will change some minds about me. At the very least, I'll enjoy their surprise!"