The door handle sent shivers down Vik's spine. Almost a week had gone by since his friend stopped talking to him. Ever since the wedge was driven between them, Vik has hated coming home to his dorm. This is where he's supposed to unwind. Now he finds the lecture halls more relaxing. Although, Harry surely felt the same way about their arrangement. Nothing ever happens when they're both home. It's eerily quiet and the tension is deadly. They had become strangers. Every time Vik faced the door he was drenched in dread.
The air was always freezing. Not literally, but anyone's core would be chilled to the bone if they spent one measly second inside. Vik carefully entered to find Harry hunched over his own desk. As per the new normal, Harry didn't greet Vik's presence. He didn't even wear headphones as an excuse. He wanted Vik to know he was purposefully ignoring him. Vik didn't even bother saying "hi" this time. He never got a response like he wanted. Vik dropped his book bag next to his desk and got ready to jump onto his bed. He suddenly hesitated. There was an itch to be scratched.
Today was different for some reason. He glanced over at Harry who had his left hand holding his head, and his right hand copying notes from his laptop. The first day Harry began the silent treatment Vik felt apologetic, but he refrained from saying anything to see if this would blow over. When it continued for a few more days, Vik went from uneasy to acting cold in return. Harry's harsh response to the secrets irritated Vik. He thought the meek roommate was being rather childish in his handling of the situation. It wasn't like keeping either of the secrets made Harry any worse off. And by today, Vik had enough. This game had become tiresome. He didn't want to spend the last three weeks of school with this wound untreated. An infection would grow, and thereby make it impossible for Vik to focus on finals. Yet again he found himself at the bus stop of unresolved tension, and this time the bus wasn't showing up. So Vik has to walk to the resolution himself.
"Harry. This is getting stupid."
Silence.
"Hello? I'm actually trying to talk to you." Silence again. Nothing. Not even an annoyed huff. Vik marched over to Harry's desk. He stood directly next to the seated boy as close as Vik felt comfortable with. "Are you going to keep acting like a stubborn baby or talk this out with me?" Harry finally broke frame. His head turned and Vik was met those baby blues that had been hidden away. A firework of hope launched inside of Vik when he saw Harry's lips part.
"It's kind of hard to block you out of my life when you keep talking to me." The firework was extinguished before it even had the chance to reveal its dazzling display. Vik's face scrunched in disgust. There was a hint of disbelief mixed in there too. Harry was unbelievably stupid for not taking this opportunity to reconcile.
"You're just being ridiculous now. Do you really need to block me out of your whole life?" Rejection is an abhorrent taste on the tongue.
"Yes. What's actually ridiculous is you still trying to prop up this asymmetric friendship. Let it go!" Harry seethed. Vik couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just "let it go?" Their friendship is doomed if they don't work together! Little does Vik know, that's exactly what Harry wants. "You were never the friend I thought you were. I thought, 'Sure, maybe he's not perfect but no one is.' Until you turned out to be a total control freak and liar."
"Look, I'm sorry if it upsets you that I had things I wanted to keep private in my life."
"And I didn't?!" He screamed so loud the whole floor could hear. The reaction scared Vik so much he nearly jumped out of his own skin. His wide eyes took in the whole scene of Harry standing with his fists clenched, chest aggressively rising and falling, and eyes piercing Vik's soul with bitterness. "I can't be here right now. I'm gonna go do homework somewhere else. And I'm not telling you where!" Harry hurriedly gathered his belongings into his backpack.
"I had to know where you were in case you had a panic attack and I needed to come get you."
"And when was the last time I needed your help?" he snapped.
"Two months ago. In fact right before you met Ethan. Then you suddenly didn't have an anxiety disorder any more."
"Maybe because he's actually healthy for me and helps me grow. Don't down play my mental health." he huffed, tying his scuffed white sneakers. He accidentally took some of his anger out on himself by tying the shoelaces too tight to his feet.
"Don't try to make me out to be the villain! I've been nothing but helpful and understanding!" Vik stumbled to the side when Harry knocked him out of the way using his shoulder. Harry, with one hand on the door handle, turned back to face him one last time.
"You've been nothing but two-faced and patronizing!"
"Fine. I don't give a shit about you then. Happy now?!" Vik shouted.
"Thrilled."
The door was slammed shut. Vik was left pissed off. He tried to do what he was supposed in a situation like this. He was just trying to talk it out like two adults. The mediation crumbled before one step could even be made - let alone in the right direction. Vik didn't see himself as the one to be blamed. He didn't stand a chance at succeeding. It's on Harry and his refusal to cooperate. What is Vik to do about that?
The only answer he could come up with was ask the same question to the most sensible, reasonable person he knows. And that guy happened to be perfectly in the middle of the situation, unbiased. Vik's arm had some force behind it while he put the books away. By the time he finishes this cart, Tobi will be done tutoring sociology. Then Vik can get some of that sweet, sage Tobi-advice. On the other hand, Tobi wished he could say "I told you so," but Vik wouldn't get it. At least Tobi can enlighten him to the cracks that had been there, growing.
Vik speed-walked the cart back the book return spot. He took a deep breath and collected his thoughts. He needed to remain level-headed. Emotions will cloud the logical answer he is looking for. The time on his phone hits 6:00 right as he checks it. Vik calmly finds Tobi sitting by himself at a table, organizing the notes he used. It's a Wednesday night so the library was moderately filled by students who either had a difficult major or a group project.
"Hey, Vik! I guess it's that time, huh?" Tobi grinned on the outside, but groaned on the inside. No matter how hard he tried to stay out of their personal business, he always gets sucked into the whirlpool somehow.
"Yeah, thanks for being open to this. I've really hit a dead end and I have no clue where to go from here." Vik sat next to Tobi. "I'm hoping someone from the outside has a different perspective that will help."
"I don't know how much help I'll actually be, but I can try."
"That's all I ask of people, Tobi. That's all I ask..." The tanned boy shook his head with an ironic smile attached. "That's part of my problem actually. Harry isn't willing to try. At all. He's created this massive distance between us by not talking, and when he finally did talk, all he did was push me further away. Am I doing something wrong I'm not aware of?"
"I'm sure waiting three days to talk didn't help your case." Tobi noted. He was probably right, Vik thought. He shouldn't have procrastinated. Harry must have took that as a sign Vik no longer wanted to be friends.
"Oh god, is that what messed everything up? That does explains Harry's attitude a bit. Maybe because it seemed like I didn't want to be friends, he just adopted the same attitude. How do I convince him that's not what I meant though?"
"Have you ever considered that Harry doesn't want to be friends on his own accord? Maybe he's felt this way for a while. Has he mentioned any concerns to you before?" A little voice in Tobi's head was yelling at him to tell Vik where he failed to be a true friend. He came so close to telling Vik about all the times Harry complained. Tobi knows better than to feed the drama-beast with talk from behind one person's back behind that other persons back. Just explaining it was messy enough, let alone actually doing it. If Tobi has to fill him in, then Vik is doomed to repeat his mistakes. It's best Vik learns this lesson on his own.
"No, not since he lost his temper with me in the elevator the night he talked to Ethan. I'm his best friend though. I'm the first and only person - well, I was the only person who he felt safe opening up to and asking for help." Vik reminisced on the times when he had to scurry out of class to find Harry hyperventilating behind a building. Or the time Harry excitedly called Vik to tell him he sent an email without deliberating for an hour. Vik was super proud of him that day. "There's no way he'd let some silly, little secrets break that bond."
"Well, the only advice I can give you is to say sorry." Tobi shrugged. Vik sighed, and his good posture wilted. "And be genuine with it! Leave your own perception of events out of it. Whatever Harry says you did wrong, just say 'I'm sorry for doing X, Y, Z.' Don't give some half-assed YouTuber quality apology."
"Okay. People do love apologies and I can certainly say sorry if that's what it'll take. Thanks Tobi."
"You're welcome man." Tobi was taken aback by how blind and clueless Vik truly was. It made Tobi glad he was always forward with Vik when he had an issue. That way he never has to deal with this flaw of Vik. The crumbling relationship between the roommates saddened Tobi. He always enjoyed having Harry around. He was an easy student to tutor too. That's life though, he thought and shrugged it off. It was time to get some dinner.
Vik walked back to his dorm hall with the setting sun blinding his brown eyes. Maybe Harry had returned home by now. Perhaps he will spend the night at Ethan's. That was more likely. But no, the truth was more shocking.
Vik came home to a half empty room.
Reality set in for Vik. Tobi was right. There's nothing Vik can do to try and mend the situation anymore. It's over. Harry isn't his friend anymore. That realization stabbed him in the gut, and his heart began to ache. This can't be how it ends. Not with the sorrow-filled wound still open unable to heal over. The least Vik can do at this point after being such a bad friend is put a band-aid over top.
Harry obviously doesn't want to see Vik again. That won't stop him from showing up at Ethan's dorm - whom is surely his new roommate - to give an apology. It won't change anything, but it's a nice gesture. Where Vik went wrong was long ago, and that can't be fixed now.
Nerves rattled in his stomach and chest. He did some breathing exercises that always helped Harry. All he has to do is knock on the door. His brain kept telling his hand to rise, yet he physically couldn't do it. It was like the wire between his hand and brain was disconnected. He managed to make the fist, but it hung there while his palm got sweatier. Then he remembered this isn't about him. This is for Harry. Shamefully, Vik knocked twice.
They were inside and they knew who was out there. Murmurs and hushed whispers drifted out from under the door. Vik hated that they were talking about him in such a manner. And what made it worse was he couldn't make out what words were being used. His head perked up when the door cracked open. Harry popped his head out. The silent game was back on. Vik didn't hesitate and immediately began with,
"I'm sorry-"
"Okay great. That fixes everything." Harry grumbled before trying to swiftly close the door on Vik who's hand shot up to keep it open.
"No, no, no, no. Please listen. This won't take more than two minutes. I'll never show my face again." Harry's harsh facial expression softened. The last comment must have appeased him. He slowly opened the door a bit more so the two could easily face each other. Vik noticed Ethan standing behind Harry in the middle of the room with his arms crossed. The ginger stared Vik down within an inch of his life. He wore that face that warned: one wrong step and you'll be at the dentist to have the tooth he just knocked out put back in. Vik didn't let Ethan get in his head.
"I'm genuinely sorry. I had no right lying to you. You deserve better than me. I know you're not going to turn around and be my friend again. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry and that you never deserved any of the treatment I gave you. So now we can have better closure." An enormous weight lifted off of his chest. It was incredible how much better he felt from doing that. It didn't erase any of the pain, however it will be easier to process it now since there isn't anymore guilt in the way.
"Well... thanks Vik." Harry really wished he heard this apology sooner. He hated it took this long. It shouldn't have taken until Harry moved out for Vik to act.
"I'm going to say goodbye now. You know my phone is always on if you need anything." Vik's eyes stung. He used a great amount of willpower suck the water rising in eyes back down. Despite being in mourning, Vik managed to put on one more smile for Harry.
The door softly closed on him. Harry didn't meet his eyes when he shut him out. Ethan was still frowning in the back.
Vik sniffled. The flood gates burst open. He fled for the stairwell so Harry and Ethan wouldn't be able to hear him.
He really thought Harry was going to be his friend for life. Harry thought the same thing. Rather than be sad, since he learned who Vik actually is, Harry felt grateful that wasn't the case. In fact, he was relieved. Besides he has Ethan with him now.
2 more chapters...