"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you, it's hard to survive"
❀
- V -
Taehyung sat on the wooden floor staring at the boy practicing in front of him.
2 weeks.
It had been 2 weeks since Jeongguk was avoiding him.
And he was not being subtle about it.
He wouldn't look at him, he wouldn't sit next to him, he wouldn't sleep next to him, he wouldn't talk to him except for practice or work related things. He actively tried not to be in the same room as him.
"What did I even do that night?" Taehyung thought to himself.
Taehyung had woken up with splitting headache the morning after he got way more drunk than he bargained for.
"I am never drinking again", he had declared that day like every other hungover person reeling from the effects of having too much alcohol, and the hyungs had just laughed at him, providing him with some hangover soup and patting his back.
"Taehyunga, you should be thankful to Gukkie for carrying you, otherwise you would have woken up on the sidewalk", Jimin had told him.
"You were so drunk that you thought a plastic wrapper was a flower", Hoseok reminded him.
And Taehyung kept on facepalming himself throught the day whenever his hyungs reminded him of the previous night.
Except Jeongguk.
That boy did not utter a single word about that night. And that is what scared Taehyung the most.
Did I say something inappropriate?
Or worse- did I DO something inappropriate?!
Did I break something of his?
He is very possessive about his stuff.
Oh shit did I wear his underwear?
No that's not it.
Man, this is giving me another headache.
He was sure he did something wrong. And he did try to talk to the younger, in hopes of understanding what had transpired between them that night but Jeongguk was avoiding him like the plague.
Maybe I should apologize.
But what do I apologise for?
The constant practices had been quite tiring for everyone. Without the maknae's attention the elder felt even more drained. His mind was always thinking about why Jeongguk was avoiding him, why couldn't he just come and say what was wrong to his face. This silent treatment from the younger was getting on his nerves.
These past weeks had not just been physically taxing but now became mentally taxing as well. Jeongguk had become his comfort, his solace in the middle of the storm, and without him, Taehyung just felt uneasy all the time.
He could not concentrate on the practice either, his mind already occupied by the maknae. The frustration kept on building, and Taehyung hoped it would dissipate instead of exploding.
He put his head between his hands and sighed.
- Jk -
Jeongguk looked back at the elder trudging his way towards the changing room. He had noticed the efforts the elder had been trying to put in to talk to him, but Jeongguk could not bring himself to do it, not when his own heart was in such turmoil.
The maknae replayed that scene over and over again in his head. The way his lips had captured the corner of Jeongguk's mouth in a hazy trance, and he could have brushed it off as nothing but there was something more to it. Even though it had lasted only a few seconds, it felt like an eternity to the him.
And even though all his life he had believed this to be wrong, in that moment, when Taehyung's warm lips touched the corner of his own, it felt like everything he had yearned for, had finally come to pass.
In those few seconds, the emotions behind that kiss, if you could call it that, were like a volume of passion that transcended the works of the great poets combined.
So many emotions, its waves thrashing around like the stormy seas. So many, that Jeongguk couldn't process it.
He wanted to believe that Taehyung did what he did because he felt the same inexplicable spark for the younger, but he was drunk.
And drunk people make mistakes.
Was that kiss a mistake?
Was it just a one time slip up caused by the effects of the alcohol?
Jeongguk's heart was divided. At one point, he felt relieved that they could just brush it off as a mistake and go back to being their usual self, but he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that a part of his heart desperately did not want it to be mistake.
Wanted it to be a choice of the elder.
Was it wrong for him to want that? Jeongguk wasn't entirely sure.
He needed time, time alone to think, and the best way he saw was to try not to even be in the same room as Taehyung.
Yep, Jeongguk made good decisions like that.
He could not bear to look the brown haired, the way he had memorized his face that night under the moonlight. Every thing the elder did, reminded Jeongguk in some way or the other, about the moment that was wrecking his brain.
"Jeongguka, let's go! Others have already left", Jimin called out from the lobby.
Jeongguk picked up his bag, still debating on how to talk to Taehyung but stiffened when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"You know", Hoseok said coming up from behind him. "If you have a problem with him, you should talk to him."
"Hyung?"
"Everyone can see it, you two always remain joined at the hip, and now you are trying so hard to run from him, it looks like you're playing tag."
"I am not trying to avoid him", Jeongguk mumbled.
"He cherishes you Jeongguka, more than anyone else, and it is hurting him in more ways than one because he doesn't understand what he did wrong. If he did something he would surely apologize, in a heartbeat, but he doesn't know what he did, talk to him Jeongguk, you can't run away from him forever, yeah?"
"Yeah-"
"Maybe on one of your rooftop dates", Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows.
"I- what- date? n-no hyung-"
"Oh please, you may sleep like a statue Kookie, but other people can sense when two people sneak out of the bedroom to meet in secret", Hoseok chuckled.
Jeongguk smiled, heat creeping up his cheeks and walked away, taking the route of the all too familiar flower shop he had been planning to visit.
After selecting some lilies and roses he paid the florist, who wrapped it in a ribbon, "For your girlfriend?", she asked with a sweet smile.
"Mwo? Oh-- No no, it's for a friend"
"Oh! Must be a special friend, hope they like it!"
Very special indeed.
Jeongguk smiled, "I hope so too, thank you and Goodnight."
With the little money he had left, he picked up some japchae on the way back, and after getting completely bankrupt, he rushed back home, mentally preparing himself to finally talk to the elder. He had no idea what to say. He would just have to wing it.
Stepping inside the dorm he saw Jin, Hoseok, and Yoongi having dinner.
Seeing him enter, Jin spoke, "Ya Jeongguka, have you eate--"
"Where is V hyung?"
"Uh- I don't know I think he is on the terra-"
"Ok see you later"
The maknae turned on his heels and walked out.
"Why do I even bother answering?" He heard Jin complain from behind him.
- V -
Taehyung sat on the rooftop feeling the wind on his face. The air had become quite chilly now, but it felt good, it made him feel like home. His grandmother made pumpkin pies after the harvest, before winter set in. They used to have it together sitting on their porch and looking at the stars.
He missed his grandmother.
When would he be able to go home?
"Hyungie", a soft voice called out, and Taehyung felt the warmth of the younger beside him as he sat down with a thump.
He didn't say anything, neither did Taehyung, both sitting in silence and looking up at the stars hoping for some divine astrological guidance to kickstart this conversation.
Taehyung finally spoke, "I am sorry Guk."
"For what hyung?" Jeongguk's tone was calm, almost detached.
Taehyungwas internally panicking. "For whatever I did wrong. I truly don't remember what I did. It's just in bits and pieces. But I am sorry if I hurt you in any way, I didn't mean to, I just-"
"I just don't remember " Taehyung said his voice dropping lower, almost shaking.
Jeongguk sighed. "Don't apologize hyung, you didn't do anything wrong, there is no reason to apologize."
"Then why have you been avoiding me Gukkie?"
Silence filled the air again, the leaves rustled, trying to make up for it.
"I just needed a little time-" Jeongguk looked at the skyline. "You know how I get."
Taehyung hummed, but the anxiety to know was killing him. "What did I do Jeongguka? Please just tell me- I just- need to know."
"You uh-", Taehyung could see the dilemma on the maknae's face.
That bad, huh?
"Just say it Guk, get it over with."
Life was cruel like that.
"Well you kinda- kissed me?", Jeongguk mumbled.
If a sculptor saw the elder, they would probably mistake it for a statue stolen from a museum. A beautiful boy, with soft features, perfectly shaped brows, angular jaw, and slightly parted lips. A sight to see, if not for the look of pure terror his eyes held.
There were a lot of things Taehyung had been expecting to hear. Maybe he had danced around naked, maybe he slipped and fell on his butt, maybe he had dropped soup all over himself, maybe he had fallen off the stairs, or maybe he had broken something, but nope. He didn't do any of that. He somehow grew a pair of steel balls and decided to kiss his maknae who made his heart soar, who made his emotions go haywire, and who happened to be his best friend, and now it was possible that friendship was destroyed.
If there was a God, and Taehyung's was surely a trickster, it was heaven bent on making Taehyung's life absolutely difficult.
And what the hell does kinda kissed me mean?
"I- kinda kissed you?", Taehyung nervously let out a laugh, "What does that mean?"
"Please just lie Gukkie, just lie, my heart can't handle the truth right now, I will melt into a puddle", Taehyung thought to himself.
"Well- you"
Rip the band-aid off.
"You took off all your clothes, then pulled me on the bed, and then sat on me and-"
Taehyung needed to dig a grave in the ground and bury himself in it.
"I did what??", Taehyung asked incredulously.
Dear Heavens, someone please keep all kinds of alcohol away from me.
"Well yes, you did- and then you leaned down kissed me."
"I- I kissed you- you mean your cheek right?"
Jeongguk's lips drew into a line, shaking his head with pity.
Kill me. Kill me right now please.
Jeonggguk seemed to register his horrified expression. "I mean- I think you were going to kiss my cheek but maybe you aimed it wrong- you were pretty drunk and-"
Maybe lightning would strike and incinerate him on the spot. Or maybe the ground would crack and swallow him whole. But no such events were happening so he would have to do the most treacherous thing, to face his stupid drunk self's out of control mistakes.
"Jeonggukshi- I-"
Now is a good time to start grovelling, Taehyung's inner voice told him.
"I didn't- I didn't mean to-", Taehyung mumbled looking down, hands clasped together. "I am sorry to make you uncomfortable- I was so so drunk Guk- and so stupid. Please don't be angry with me Guk, I am sorry I don't know what got over me."
Drops of tears fell down on his lap as he clenched his fists to try to control them.
Taehyung felt a pair of warm lips on the side of his cheeks. His eyes widened and he turned around to see the smile that could fix his heart in a second. "I am sorry hyung, I don't know what got over me"
And Jeongguk leaned in again and kissed the elder's nose, "I am sorry", he laughed.
Then he kissed his forehead, "I am sorry again."
Jeongguk was giggling in happiness, softly tickling Taehyung as he kissed the elder's ear, "I don't know what has gotten over me hyung".
Taehyung laughed engulfed in the arms of the maknae, "Gukkie, hajima- hajima-", until there were only tears of laughter left in his eyes.
Jeongguk stopped, but his arms still stayed wrapped around the elder.
They lay on the concrete floor,
"So you are not angry with me Guk?"
"Why would I be angry hyung? I--" Jeongguk paused, his voiced laced with something Taehyung faintly recognised. "I don't mind- I know you were drunk out of your mind. It's you hyung, I don't think I'll ever be angry with you."
"Thank you Gukkie", Taehyung whispered.
Jeongguk hummed as they lay there in silence.
"By the way hyungie- you saw a plastic wrapper on the road and thought it was flower."
Taehyung groaned and his his face into Jeongguk's chest. "I don't know how many stupid things I have done that night"
Jeongguk gasped dramatically, "Kissing me is not stupid! You should consider yourself lucky that you got to kiss this international playboy."
Taehyung laughed, eyes crinkling.
"So here", Jeongguk said getting up. He picked up a small bouquet from beside him. "You said you wanted flowers"
Taehyung's eyes widened, "Gukkie- you didn't have to-"
"I know, but maybe these will keep you from assaulting my back next time. You are quite heavy hyung, my back was sore for the past week and what am I? Your personal mule?"
Taehyung swatted his arm before tunring to hug him.
There was no way he was ever going to let some fleeting emotions destroy the friendship they had.
"Let's go downstairs before Jin hyung gets an aneurysm", Jeongguk got up to his feet, pulling the elder up with him.
Laughing at a funny observation Taehyung made, Jeongguk opened the door of the dorm. "I also got something else for you hyung," he informed, grinned widely.
"Ah Jinjja?", Taehyung raised his eyebrows, smiling back.
"Yes I got some japchae from-"
Jeongguk's smile dropped as he froze in his tracks. Taehyung followed his line of sight to find Jimin leaning over the counter, a bowl of japchae in his hands, and mouth full.
Jeongguk smiled at Taehyung, "Would you just excuse me minute hyung? I think I might have to murder someone," before turning back and charging towards his friend leaving Taehyung laughing at the door.