"Hindi ba? O dahil isa akong bayaran? Maruming babae. Oo nga naman, masisira si Luca dahil sa'kin. Siya ang mas masisira sa aming dalawa. I am someone who has nothing to lose at all." Napahawak ako sa bibig ko nang kumawala ang hikbi roon.
Nasasaktan ako hindi dahil sa aalis na ako o hindi ako karapat-dapat kay Luca. Nasasaktan ako sa lahat. It's hurts. Knowing that I killed my father for the sake of my freedom.
Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. Dahil lahat na yatang mga kamalasan ay sa'kin bumagsak. Ano bang ginawa ko noon para maranasan ang mga ito? Gano'n ba kagalit ang Diyos sa'kin?
"Umalis ka na bago ka pa maabutan ni Luca," malamig niyang sabi at tumayo na. "I'll keep everything, just don't ever come back again."
Walang buhay akong napaupo. I really should get away. I don't trust her. Sooner or later, the whole world will know me again.
Takot ako. Takot na takot ako. Dahil may isang taong nakaalam ng pagkatao ko. Ng buong pagkatao ko. Pakiramdam ko nawalan ako ng buhay sa lahat ng nangyari. I never seen this coming.
I was so mad. I was mad of everything. I started questioning everything. Bakit ganito? Wala ba talaga akong karapatang maging masaya?
I was really desperate to be happy to the point that I killed my own father. I really want happiness. I really want to be free from pain so I did it. All my life, I live with pain.
"I'll take care of everything you needed. Just stay away from here. I'll give you money, I'll support your needs and wants. Everything. Just don't ever show your face again. I'll send money to your bank accounts."
Wala akong kahit na anong maramdaman. Namanhid na yata ako. Kahit sakit hindi ko na maramdaman. Tulala lang ako at hindi alam ang sasabihin at gagawin. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Ang nasa isip ko lang ay ang lumayo at hinding-hindi na magpapakita pa. Iyon naman dapat. I took the risk and I should have prepared myself for the worst. Pero hindi ko naihandang mabuti ang sarili ko. Naging kampante ako masyado. Hindi ko naisip na mapapaaga pa pala ang lahat.
I wiped my tears. I can't do anything now. Hindi ko na maibabalik pa ang lahat. I stood up emotionaless and face Elme. "I'll leave right away. Tumupad ka lang sa usapan. Keep my secret and I'll stay away till your death."
I took my phone. Ito lang ang gamit ko rito kaya ito lang ang dadalhin ko.
"I'm a woman with her words." She turned her back and got out of Luca's condo.
I hope so. I don't trust anybody. Not even myself. Kaya ang kaya ko lang gawin ay umasa. Umaasa akong sana hindi niya sisirain ang sinabi niya. I'm so sick of liars. And she's not an exception. Everyone can lie. And she could.
I didn't bother fixing myself. Lumabas lang ako mula sa condo ng wala sa sarili. My mind was flying somewhere. I don't know where to start again.
I'm on the very top again. What now? Start building myself again and just live. Ang tinayo kong sarili ko ay natibag na naman. Pang ilang beses na bang natibag? And I don't know if I'm strong enough to rebuild myself again. I'm so sick of doing it again. I kept doing it but always fail.
I was walking on the side of the road. I don't even know where I was going. Kanina pa pala ako naglalakad. Saan na ako pupunta ngayon? I only have my phone and wallet.
I don't have a problem with money. I have still money in my own bank account and Elme will send some. My problem was how to rebuild my life again. Kung hindi pa rin para sa'kin ang kamatayan, hindi ko na alam kung saan pupulutin.
I can't go back in my apartment. Doon ako unang hahanapin ni Luca kung sakaling nalaman niyang wala ako sa condo niya. I stopped when someone beeped its car so loud. I looked back and saw a black car. I was out of my myself staring at it.
Nakatutok pa sa akin ang ilaw ng sasakyan. I didn't bother cover my face. What for? I felt so exposed. When Elme learned all about me.
The beeping of the car stopped. I saw the driver's door opened and the driver got out. That's when I realized it's Ezekiel. I was worried at first. What if he tells Luca and Elme will reveal all of me? I'm so dead.
He's looking at me coldly. Naglakad siya palapit sa akin. I couldn't move my feet to walk away. I stared back at him.
Tumigil siya sa harapan ko at kinilatis ang buong mukha ko. Ginawa niya iyon na walang kahit na anong emosyon sa mukha.
"Come with me."
I don't know what to say. Hindi ko na lang napansin na nasa loob na pala ako ng sasakyan niya. Luca and him are cousins. Kung tutuusin si Luca ang kakampihan niya kung sakali. Sino ba naman ako para panigan niya? I'm just no one. A murderer bitch.
Ezekiel was silent the whole ride. And I appreciated that. I'm kinda confused why he's doing this. We stopped and I looked outside to know where we are.
I saw a two storey house in front of us. His house? I thought.
"Luca doesn't know. Stay here all you want. I'm not using this rest house anyways. Don't worry, no one will know," he said coldly.
"Why are you doing this? Wala kang makukuha kahit na ano sa akin. Hindi mo rin ako madudurog dahil umpisa pa lang durog na durog na ako."
Namaga na ang mga luha sa mukha ko. And I couldn't cry more.
He only stared at me. May kung anong emosyon sa mukha niya and that's the first time I saw him putting emotion on his face. But I couldn't identify what kind of emotion is that.
"Stay here. No one will know. It's only between the two of us," sabi niya.
I felt something with that. He knew something, didn't he? What was it? The part I murdered the demon?
"I doubt it." Lumabas ako ng sasakyan. I have no choice. Sa kalsada ako matutulog kung hindi ko tatanggapin ang alok niyang ito. Ngayong gabi lang ito.
"Luca was so mad. What did you do?" tanong niya. Chismoso rin pala siya. At talagang pinaniwalaan nila iyon? Ano pa nga bang bago? Hindi nila ako kilala kaya madali lang sa kanilang husgahan ako.
I kept my mouth shut. I don't want to have a say about it. No one will believe me after all. Pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay. Hindi na siya nagtanong pa tungkol doon. This is what I like with him. He's not the kind of person who pushes someone to spill the beans. Madali siyang makaramdam.
"You can have any room here." He showed me the rooms at the second floor of the house. May apat akong nakikitang pintuan and I assumed it's all bedrooms. "Babalik ako bukas. If you're hungry, just call me."
He handed me his phone and I stared at it for seconds. And finally, I took out my phone from my pocket and unlocked it. This is the phone Luca gave. I copied his number. After saving it, he took my phone and type something on it. I let him.
Hindi na ako makaangal pa dahil na rin sa pagod. He gave me back my phone.
I chose the first door and got in. Mas malapit ito sa hagdan that's why I chose it. Madali akong makatakbo kung sakali.
Umalis na rin si Ezekiel dahil may gagawin pa raw siya. I was left alone in the room. What now, Denise? Nangyari na ang malaking kinatatakutan mo. Ano nang gagawin mo? And the only thing I could think of doing was die.
I was staring at my hands full of blood. What have I done? I looked where two bodies lying on the floor covered with blood.
I dropped the knife I was holding. It made a sound when it reached the floor. I was shaking. I was shaking in fear. I killed them. I killed them.
I couldn't control my emotions and I burst out crying. This wasn't true. I didn't do it.
I didn't kill them. I just took my freedom. I don't have any ways to have it. Unless they were gone in this world. And I did. I broke free but everything happened was still lingering on my mind.
I was staring at them doing nothing. I just keep staring at the two dead bodies in front of me. The demons who made me suffer a lot. They are the reason why I was desperate of my own freedom and happiness.
I thought killing them would give me the freedom and happiness I wanted. But I was wrong. I was wrong all along.
I heard loud sirens surrounded the house I called hell. Sirens were everywhere. Until someone aggressively opened the door. When he saw me, he unbelievably put down the gun he was holding.
He couldn't take off his eyes on me. Until other cops entered the house too. Shocked was all over their faces.
I felt numb. I just stand there doing nothing. When I looked down and met the devil's dead and wide eyes directing at me. I screamed so loud.
"Deniseis Mercado?" I only stared at the man standing in front of me. He's with Ezekiel.
I don't know him. Who is he? Kinilatis ko siya ng maigi. He's wearing a formal attire and holding a brief case. Lawyer? What's he doing here?
Mukhang nakuha ng mukha niyang wala akong balak magsalita kaya tumango na lang siyang nakangiti. Halata namang alam na niyang ako 'yung tinutukoy niya.
We sat down and he started unpacking what's in his brief case. Sa tantsa ko ay nasa mga late thirties na siya. Tahimik lang si Ezekiel sa gilid na pinapanood lang din ang lalaking nasa harapan ko.
"Alright, so you are Mrs. Minda de Leon's adopted child. I have here the documents she left with your name."
I was confused. What does he mean? I don't understand. Tumingin ako kay Ezekiel na nagtataka but he just shrugged his shoulders.
"She left an island and a mansion with your name before she died. The Falcons didn't know about this as Mrs. Minda requested not to let them know," he answered my questions inside my mind.
My eyes widen. What? She left me an island and a mansion? She never told me? How come?
That made me emotional. After all she really loved me. I've treated her my mother. I depended on her. She's the only person I've trusted but she hurt me too. She hurt me when she died. She left me alone.
I wiped the tears on my face and hardened my feelings. I don't want to cry again. Sawang-sawa na akong umiyak.
"Kailangan mo lang pirmahan ang mga papeles para malipat na sa'yo ng opisyal ang iniwan ni Mrs. de Leon para sa'yo."
I took the papers with shaky hands. I read it before signing. I can't believe she really left something for me.
Sinadya niya ba ito dahil alam niyang palalayasin din ako ng mga Falcon kapag nawala na siya o talagang gusto niyang may matira sa'kin kapag nawala na siya?
I quickly signed the papers after reading it. I handed him the papers.
"I want to see it."
He stopped fixing the papers. "Right now?"
I nodded as a response. She left me an island. She really knows what I really want. Bahay na malapit sa karagatan.
I fixed myself before going there. Sumakay ako sa kotse ni Ezekiel. He insisted to come. Wala ako sa sarili ko buong biyahe. And I appreciate Ezekiel's silence. He knows when to shut up and talk.
"We're here." That brought me back to reality.
I looked around but I realized something. Hindi ko mapigilang maging emosyonal. Dito ako unang nagsalita ulit. Nang dalhin niya ako rito, doon ko rin siya kinausap.
Napatakip ako sa bibig ko. Hindi ko man aminin, I loved her as much as she loved me. She's my mother. My only mother. She's not my biological mother but she's my mother.
"How did you know me, Ezekiel?"
Tumigil si Ezekiel sa tabi ko pagkalabas ng sasakyan. Alam kong may alam siya sa'kin. Siya iyong mukhang walang pakialam sa lahat pero but he's the only one who cares. I know he cares because I feel it.
"I know you from the first."
...