You had given up on trying to get to Levi, It seemed too pointless. You had bigger things to focus on now. Days had been ticking by too fast until your next expedition.
Things had been uneventful on that front before of course, but you knew it wouldn't stay that way forever. You knew exactly what the titans were capable of, and you would have to face it again eventually.
You went about your usual evening routine, albeit a little late. You arrived for dinner to find most people had already cleared out. You only saw two familiar faces in the room, so you took a seat with them.
Hange and Miche were clearly tense. Everyone was always tense during the days leading up to a mission and you were no exception. The impending doom and fear of the unknown hung over you all, and as time ticked by it got heavier and heavier, almost fully consuming you.
"Where are the others?" you asked
To your surprise, Miche was the one to answer.
"Erwin is in his office, Levi wandered off somewhere."
You simply nodded.
"So what do you usually do to cope before certain death?" Miche asked.
"Just live while I can I guess"
"I'll cheers to that" Miche raised his tankard and tapped it against yours. You smiled at him.
It was good to see he was capable of normal conversation, just like any other person, and he hadn't even sniffed you once.
You both continued having small talk, Hange still seated beside you in their own little world.
Miche was surprisingly clever and humorous, you were always so unsure about him before, but you decided now that you liked him. You hoped to become friends with him sometime soon. His quick wit soon had both you and Hange completely forgetting about tomorrow and laughing until your stomachs ached. You had tears in your eyes as you tried and failed to stop your laughter.
"I never knew you were this funny" you spoke between laughs
"You and me both sister" Hange spoke
"What gives? Why am I only learning this now big nose?" Hange prodded Miche's shoulder in joke accusation.
"Big nose? Have you seen yourself? your beak enters the room 5 minutes before the rest of you does." Miche replied, good naturedly.
At this Hange collapsed in laughter again.
Obviously Hange didn't really have a big nose, But it was good to see a higher up capable of taking a joke. It's clear Miche was doing this to lighten the mood, and you really appreciated it.
You cleared your plate and stood to leave.
"I'm going for a walk, I'm really glad I got to chat with you guys" you said gratefully.
"Hey no problem Y/N. Speak soon okay?" Miche replied.
Hange waved you off, unable to speak due to still being in a fit of laughter. You could hear this laughter even after you had left the room.
You headed outside, spent some time with the strays, and decided to go on a nighttime walk.
You reached the large steps leading down from the entrance of HQ and spotted 3 silhouettes sat halfway down.
As you neared, you noticed it was Eren, Mikasa and Armin. You approached them.
"Hey. May I join you?" You asked.
The three of them nodded in unison and you took a seat beside them as Armin continued reading out loud about the world from the same tattered book as before.
The three of them shared such a strong bond, you always felt out of place with them, but you couldn't deny that loved to see a real group of friends still alive and together after everything they had been through. It was bittersweet.
The four of you were gazing up at the night sky and theorizing what could be out there beyond the walls.
The sky was coloured a dark yet vibrant shade of blue, and completely littered with stars. It's as of someone had thrown a blanket over the sun and pin-pricked thousands of tiny holes in it. The moon was full and round, casting a subtle bluish white ethereal glow over everything around you, making all the pavement slabs and roof tiles look luminescent.
"Think about it guys, we aren't exactly certain just how big the world is out there. There has to be more human life still!" Armin's eyes lit up with that look of wonder and hope again.
You couldn't tell if his eyes were truly sparkling with enthusiasm, or if they were simply reflecting the stars.
"If there is, they're probably being devoured too, if they haven't already been wiped out" Eren had a sullen expression. He looked defeated.
"But what about other life? Not just humans or titans. There could be so many animals we've never even seen before!" You pointed out, repeating what George always said before.
"Yes you're absolutely right Y/N. there's still wild creatures even within the walls I have yet to see with my own eyes. It would be naïve to think there isn't more out there." Armin spoke
"So if you could go anywhere right now, if you could see any place with your own eyes, Where would it be?" You asked the trio.
"The sea. It's all I've ever dreamed of. Since we were kids, Eren and I always wanted that." Armin replied.
"Yeah. I'll make sure we get to see it one day." Eren added.
"Mikasa?" you asked
"As I've said. I go where Eren goes."
You nodded with false understanding as you thought her answer over. It was strange to you. Mikasa seemed to be all about Eren, She was a strong, talented and beautiful young girl, she could do anything she put her mind to, yet all she did was trail after Eren. Did she have no hopes and dreams of her own?
The way Eren treated her didn't exactly seem to make this all worthwhile to her either, the young boy only seemed to care about revenge and killing titans. These two wonderful people have been by his side all this time, yet he didn't seem very grateful for them at all recently.
You didn't want to judge too much as you hadn't known them long enough to be sure, but by simple observation, this seemed obvious to you.
"I want to see the glaciers" You spoke
"Yeah I've heard of those. Huge walls of ice stretching for miles and miles" Armin replied
"But not just that. I read once that the ice reflects light from the moon or sun back into the sky, causing streaks of all different colours to light up the night. I want to see that more than anything else."
You pictured this in your mind, without ever seeing even a painting or drawing of it before, you could see it clear as day in your minds eye. Green, Blue, Purple and Yellow glowing against a black canvas, dotted with clusters of stars, reflecting also in the frozen water below.
"Where did you read that?" Eren asked you.
"In an old book a friend gave me. I'm not sure where he even got it."
"I'd love to take a look sometime if you don't mind Y/N. Do you still have it?" Armin asked.
"I don't know where it is" You lied.
You can think of no better person to read this particular book with, But for now you wanted to keep it to yourself. It felt like the last thing you had of George and you didn't want to share that just yet.
You all continued to watch the stars and theorize, You spoke some more about these lights and what you imagined them to look like. You felt the same sense of passion and wonder you imagined Armin felt when talking about the sea.
It was now getting late and remembered that tomorrow was your next exhibition, and you needed plenty of sleep to be in top form. You stood up and said goodnight to Armin, Eren and Mikasa, leaving them still seated on the steps to continue their conversation.
As you turned around you spotted a figure sat almost hidden in the alleyway. As you neared this figure you knew exactly who it was.
Levi was leaning his back against the wall, arms resting on his knees, head hung forward, looking at the floor. He looked drained of all energy and emotion.
"Captain Levi? Sir? Are you okay?" You approached him cautiously.
He let out a deep sigh. "I'm fine. Go to bed we have a long day tomorrow."
You didn't believe him, but you didn't want to pry. You decided it would be best to leave him to it instead of wasting any more time on him.
"Goodnight, Levi"
He looked up at you between shiny black strands hanging in his face. The look in his eyes was unlike anything you had seen from him before. He was distraught.
You walked away from him with a flutter in your chest, Had he been listening to that conversation? Did he hear it all?
You couldn't deny that you cared about Levi, Annoyingly so as it seemed completely one sided. Seeing him like this had left you shaken, He was so strong and seemed to feel no emotion other than irritation on the odd occasion. Was it the expedition causing this, or something else?
As you got further away, you heard it, quiet as a mouse but you knew you hadn't imagined it.
"Goodnight, Y/N"