Date: 11.10.21
Joke: I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
Quote: "No, I won't listen to you, do what I wanna do... Do I need to show you? Guess I gotta show you" - Show You by Shawn Mendes (This is a golden gem, please check it out!)
Summary:
Today was better. I slept through my alarm, but it's okay cause I'm on break. Then I got up and did math notes for the unit, not just this weeks worth, which was nice to get done. Then I had a Harry concert in my shower, which was very relaxing.
After that, I helped my brothers rake up all the leaves in our yard. It took like 2 and a half hours but it was worth it. I really like doing manual labor outside when I'm feeling like this because the fresh air clears my mind and the work distracts my thoughts, although my brother kinda pushed those limits today. I'll talk more about it later.
Then I came inside and made some M&M filled crescents, which are similar to croissants but just easy to bake. They were really good. Then I just kinda chilled out for a while. I have been struggling through After by Anna Todd here on wattpad because I want to see how much of a train wreck it really is. I appreciate the effort as an author, but it really is kinda all over the place. Also, I'm never reading straight Harry fanfics again. Part of it is I'm asexual, but gay *cough* is so much better to read, or easier to stomach for me. Larry fanfics are so much better.
After getting bored of that, I started painting with the colors of the asexual flag, to maybe hint at my parents what I am, and to show my pride to myself without being that obvious. It turned out really pretty, I think.
Also I wanted to introduce you guys to my comfort stuffed animal, Bear. They have kept me feeling safe and happy while I go through these mood swings. They keep me comfort while we are at the lake house, but I have Froggy at our main house that helps me.
Happy national coming out day!! I want to let everyone know that you are valid, no matter how you identify, or don't identify as! I have considered coming out a lot, and I don't know if I've discussed this here yet, but I don't think I'm going to come out in real life for a while. I am thinking about waiting at least until I graduate high school, right before Uni. That way, if I need to get out of a bad situation, I can support myself and not be helpless, I guess. I don't really know my parents viewpoint on LGBTQIA+ because whenever it is brought up, they say confusing stuff on it. I think religion plays into their viewpoint. It doesn't in mine because I have stopped believing in a higher power. Part of it is I just don't have time to go to church or pray or whatever is "important"But some of it is, it doesn't make sense. Sure, what goes around comes around but that is kinda how humans brains are wired. And just because we don't understand something yet doesn't mean it will never be answered. An example is ancient civilization, they thought the world was ending when a volcano exploded, but we know better now. I don't mean to offend anyone, and I accept whatever religion you may or may not have, just expressing my viewpoint. I consider my religion "Love." It just embraces love and kindness in all forms. Being nice and optimistic with everything, basically.
So I said earlier that my brother was pushing my emotional buttons again. When we were raking, we took a short break and he was telling me that he wanted to earn like $500 in a day so he could get a gaming laptop, an electric skateboard, and Birkenstocks (this was random for him, but yeah). I asked him why he earns money and then just spends it all on things that wouldn't help him in the long term. He said what else was he supposed to do? I said, you could save for a car or for college, and he was like yeah sure. Then I started thinking that I need to start doing work to earn for college/car, especially if I want to go to the uk for college. And that stressed me out a little bit because I don't have the time to get a part time job or something and I can't do it currently. Then I thought, next year we need to make some changes. I am going to cut my climbing days to only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, no more Tuesdays. Then I will volunteer at a local horse rescue over the weekends or thursdays, then get a part time job either over the weekends or tuesdays. I feel like school doesn't let us do these things because it takes up so much time. Idk, just hurt a bit.
I think that's everything. Thanks so much for reading! Love you guys!