© Amber Kalkes 2015
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"Shambala" By Three Dog Night
* T W E N T Y *
“Lovely,” Brandon reads as I sit on the edge of his bed, my head cradled in my hands, “How can I tell you what you don’t already know? What can I express to you that has taken me a lifetime to understand. All I can say is that despite the anger I know you will feel at the presences of this letter instead of me, you will come to understand why I have done this.” He stops reading and tossing on the nearby end table, “Who the hell is she trying to fool with this shit?”
“Well it can’t be easy.” Mary says from beside me, rubbing my back as I stare at the dark wood floorboards blankly, “Besides we don’t know anything for sure yet.”
“Really?” Brandon asks sarcastically and I hear him pick up the letter again, “Shall I repeat? ‘How can I tell you what you don’t already know’, sounds like a positive on the maternity test there, Maury.”
“Still I think even you can admit that Nadine wouldn’t hurt Ruth without a reason.”
“There should never be a reason.” He growls.
Apparently one talking to Brandon, Mary decides to turn her attention to me, “Ruth, say something.”
I take in a deep inhale before sighing, “Something.”
“I meant more about the situation but who am I to be picky.” She mutters making me let out a reluctant laugh. “Well I made her laugh, all hope is not lost.”
I lazily pull my body upright before putting my head on Mary’s shoulder, “This is all just so messed up.”
“Shit.” Brandon groans before kneeling in front of me. His hands are placed on each ones of my thighs as his golden eyes look pleadingly into mine. “Jack just called me, I need to go help him with something.”
“No he didn’t.” Mary says while scowling at him, “You’ve been standing there like an idiot the whole time.”
I lift my head off her shoulder and put a hand up to stop Brandon’s retort, “They communicate through the pack link. That’s how they hunt and defend.”
“Oh.” She says carrying out the word before shrugging, “He’s still an idiot.”
“Mary.” I sigh before turning to Brandon and cupping his face. I can feel the prickly hair of his five o’clock shadow on my fingers, “Go. I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“Positive besides you’ll be back soon right?”
“I better be.” He grumbles with a scowl before it softens, “If you need anything you know how to contact me?”
I roil my eyes with a small smile, “I’ll figure it out.”
He leans forward and kisses my forehead, inhaling my scent. Pulling back he gives another swift kiss to my lips before getting to his feet. “Be back soon.”
I give him a small wave and he hesitantly leaves the room. I manage to keep myself together until I hear the door click closed and then I shatter. I slump forward and release a sob that’s been sitting on my chest this whole time. Mary wraps her arms around my shoulders as I drop my head into my hands and begin to break down.
I don’t even know why I’m crying. Does there need to be a reason though? After the initial annoyance of Nadine’s escape came the overwhelming sadness. Was she hoping I’d never know? Was she hoping to keep her distance because whatever reason she had for giving me up was still viable? What was her reason for giving me up in the first place? Did it even matter anymore? Of course it does. It’ll always matter. And who’s my father? Oh god, what if he’s the reason.
“It’ll be okay.” Mary mumbles as she holds me, “Nadine will come back and she’ll explain everything. She loves you enough to at least give you that.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” I ask Mary, not really expecting an answer.
“I don’t know, Ruthie. Maybe she was just too young to take care of you. Maybe she wanted a better life for you. What if she was saving you from some weird satanic sacrifice? You never know in these situations.”
I look up at Mary still hiccupping with tears rolling down my face, “Satanic sacrifice? Really?”
Mary smiles a little and brushes back some of my hair from my face, “Okay, maybe I’m a bit off on that one but I’m sure Nadine had her reasons. I think it’d be stupid of you to assume that it was simply because she didn’t want you. Anyone who sees with how much love she looks at you would never doubt that she cares.”
“Do you feel that way about mom and dad?” I ask as I lean my head on her shoulder again.
Mary rocks us as she thinks my question over, “Well that’s hard to say. I love them, they’re my parents but I don’t care for them. Not like I care for you. If dad broke his leg I’d think that sucks but I wouldn’t wait on him or anything.”
“What if I broke my arm?”
“Chocolate and cuddles all day, everyday.”
I get out a watery chuckle before reaching up to wipe my damp cheeks with a sigh, “Well where are my chocolates then?”
“Chocolate doesn’t heal a broken heart, silly. Vodka does that.”
I give her sarcastic look, “Sure it does.”
“It does. Its science.”
“Sure.”
“It is!”
“I’m agreeing.” I tell her as I fling my hands up in surrender.
Mary sighs and pulls me tighter against her, “No matter what, Ruthie, you’ll always have me.”
“I know.” I mumble as I wrap my arms around her waist, “But can you do me a favor?’
“I’ll be nicer to your guard dog.” She sighs.
“What’s your issue with him anyway?”
She shrugs, “I don’t know. He just rubs me the wrong way. Something about the way he looks at you is unsettling.”
“How does he look at me?”
“Like he’s afraid you’ll disappear any second. He looks like if you ever left him he’s crumble into a million pieces and go insane.”
“He probably would.” I whisper, knowing how true that is.
“And that doesn’t freak you out?”
I shake my head and frown as I think of a way to word it, “No. For wolves they only get one mate. If their mates reject them they can maybe settle for someone else but their wolves will never not be damaged. If Brandon lost me it would be like his heart was ripped out of his chest and it would feel the same for me. The world will drain of its color and nothing will ever feel right again.”
“Wow.” Mary says thinly before shaking her head, “Yeah, don’t sign me up for the mating program.”
“You don’t get to choose, Mary. It just happens.”
“So I could have a werewolf as a mate?”
I shrug, “Maybe.”
“Ugh.” She groans with a shutter, “I don’t even like dogs.”
I laugh as I take in her honestly disgusted face, “Oh my goddess, do you remember Buckley?”
She makes a face, “Don’t even mention that demon dog to me.”
“He kept shitting in only your room and it was always in your bed.”
“Eventually I couldn’t even sleep in that room it smelled so damn bad.”
I continue to giggle as I nod my head, “What made mom give him away was when he finally shit on her pillow.”
“It got in her hair and mouth too didn’t it?”
“Yes!” I yell before laughing harder, “She was screaming so loud I swear some of the glass panes started cracking.”
“That would explain the breeze you feel every winter.” Mary adds thoughtfully after a second. I start to calm down from my laughing and Mary’s smile soon falls. When she finally speaks its quietly, “We’re going to have to call them aren’t we?”
“They need to know your okay.”
“Why should they care? They kicked me out.”
“They didn’t mean it.” I tell her gently, “They love you.”
“Not enough.”
I sigh heavily and hang my head, “Maybe we should just get it over with, just call and tell them your okay. Then figure out what to do next.”
“I want to stay with you though.”
“I know that but you’re sixteen. Unless they say its okay, I can’t really just keep you here.”
Mary flings herself back so she’s lying on the bed with groan and whines, “Why?”
“Because its illegal and I’m not going to jail for you.”
“Selfish.”
I roll my eyes, “Whatever.”
Moving off the bed I head over to one of the bookshelves beside the fireplace to grab my charging phone. I click it on to see no missed calls and no texts from our parents or Nadine. Figures as much that they’d all be too chicken shit to call me. Pulling out the charger cord I pull up the house phone number from my contacts and dial it.
It only takes four rings.
“Hello Benson residence?”
“Hey mom.”
Her polite tone only increases, “Ruth, darling. I was expecting your call.”
“Were you now?”
“Yes. I trust Mary made her way to you safely.”
“Yeah she’s fine.”
“Is she there? Can I talk to her?”
I narrow my eyes at her innocent tone, “She doesn’t want to talk to you, mom. You kicked her out of the house.”
“Well something had to be done, Ruth. She was running wild.”
“So kicking her out seemed like the best option?”
“She needs to appreciate everything we’ve given her. I don’t expect you to understand. You were always rather ungrateful yourself.”
I take a calming breath and keep my tone steady, “Is dad there?”
“He is but he’ll only tell you the same thing I just did.”
“I’d still like to speak to him.”
She’s quiet a moment before she speaks again, “As you wish. Roger?”
There’s some shuffling before a deep male voice calls into the phone, “Hello?”
“Dad it’s me, Ruth.”
“Ah, hell darling. What can I do for you, Ruthie?”
“Mary’s here and—“
“Oh glad to see she made it there okay. How is she? Can I talk to her?”
“No, dad, she doesn’t want to talk to you.” I nearly yell, becoming extremely frustrated with their chipper attitudes, “She’s upset that you and mom would just kick her out like that.”
“She was smoking in the house.”
“Yeah but—“
“And skipping classes.”
“I get that but don’t you think—“
“Not to mention that totally inappropriate boyfriend of hers.”
My ears perk at that, “Boyfriend?”
“Twenty years old, riding a motorcycle and taking her to pool halls and bars.”
I turn around and narrow my eyes at Mary, “A twenty year old boyfriend?”
Her face goes pale and her hazel eyes go wide at my words. Oh she is so going to get it once I’m done with this phone call. But first I’m going to verbally smack some sense into our parents.
“He doesn’t even go to church. He’s highly unrespectable.”
“Okay I’ll talk to her about it but is kicking her out really the course of action to take? She thinks you guys don’t love her.”
“Of course we love her, Ruth. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not being—“
“She’s just taking a wrong turn so we think its best she comes to stay with you for a week. See how the other half lives and we have full faith she’ll come crawling back. There’s nothing out there but dead ends if she continues down this road and staying with you will surely show her that.”
I close my eyes at their lovely backhanded comments, “Well that’s great dad and what if she doesn’t come crawling back.”
“But she will.”
“But what if she doesn’t?”
“That’s where you come in.”
I frown at the phone, “Meaning?”
“Makes sure she comes back.”
“I don’t control her. She makes her own choices.”
“No, Ruth, she doesn’t.” He says sternly before warming his tone, “Your mother sends her love to you both, Ruth.”
“Dad—“
“Goodbye.”
The line goes dead and I just stand there looking at my phone in disbelief. So much for the verbal smack down but then again I really shouldn’t have expected anything less. These two are well-practiced avoiders of anything they deem unpleasant. Tossing my phone back on the bookcase I run my hands down my face and try to collect my thoughts.
“So…how did it go?” Mary asks hesitantly.
I narrow my eyes at her, “You are so dead.”
“Why?” She yells, getting off the bed, “I didn’t do anything.”
“You better not be, especially with some twenty year old biker!”
“Like you’re one to talk! Brandon is like thirty!”
“Is like, Mary, he isn’t actually thirty. There’s a difference.”
She puts her hands on her hips and stares me down, “I really like Jared, okay? He’s nice and he treats me really well.”
“I’m sure he does.” I scoff.
“You’re being a bitch right now you know that right?”
I glare at her for a second before growling in frustration, “That’s not the point. Why didn’t you tell me? I sounded like an idiot on the phone with them!”
“Because I knew you’d be mad.”
I roll my neck and exhale sharply, “I’m not mad. I’m annoyed.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I don’t know…violence?”
Mary sits back down on the bed and looks at her hands, “I really like him Ruth.”
“Well where is he in all this?”
“Back home. I, uh, I didn’t tell him about them kicking me out. I’ve actually been telling him I’m grounded.”
“Mary…”
“But I’ll tell him soon. I just don’t want him to break up with me over family drama.”
I hang my head as I see the heartbreaking look on her face, “You’re killing me.”
“Will you help me?” She asks, hazel eyes pleading.
“What do you need me to do?” I sigh, giving in easily.
Her face lights up with a grin, “Call him?”
I give her a flat look. Are you kidding me right now?
From the puppy dog eyes on her face right now, no, she is not.
Damn it.
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Waiting is never fun, so sorry for that. I'll try to be better about it, really I will. So, we got a better glimpse into Ruth's family life and her realtionship with Mary. Next chapter we'll get to hang out with Wren a little and see how she's doing. Spoiler alert: Not too hot.
Picture is Mary.
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