The ride home, though was short was probably one of the most uncomfortable situations Kihyun had been on. The air was so tense and awkward that Kihyun kept his head turned the other way, genuinely worried and slightly scared (though he won't admit) that the usually chill Hyunwoo might snap or get them on an accident. He's still young and handsome, even if with his broke pathetic life, he doesn't want to die just yet nor he want to be the recieving end of the other's bad mood. He doesn't want to end up being a murderer if ever, orange outfits and him should never be together, at least that's what Hyungwon had said a few weeks ago when Kihyun was wearing an orange sweater. Honestly though, if not Hyunwoo, the model might be the reason for Kihyun to go to jail. He's okay whenever he's quiet but the moment he open his mouth around him, Kihyun will not-so-randomly have the sudden urge to high five his head with a baseball bat.
Kihyun squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, scratching the back of his neck. He open his mouth to make a stupid comment, side way glancing at Hyunwoo. He saw the other look worse than he did just about half a minute ago. The older looks like a volcano about to erupt by the way he gripped the steering wheel and his brows furrowing so deeply, his dark brown eyes intently narrowed on the road, his mind seems to be drifting off. So with a deep frown of his eyebrows and an unconscious small pout on his lips, Kihyun decided to stay quiet and looked outside the window.
When they arrived, Hyunwoo hopped out of the car, not once glancing at Kihyun and leaving the little hamster behind as if he was with no one but himself. Kihyun scoffed and muttered incoherent insults and complaints under his breath before quickly following after the older, making sure to slam the car door to get any sort of reaction from him. But Hyunwoo didn't even look back at him when usually he will give Kihyun a disapproving frown whenever he slams any type of door.
With his sore feet, Kihyun took off his heels and half-run. Following the older with his feet bare, almost tripping as his dress now touches the ground more than it did before. He ignored how two middle age women gave him looks as they passed. Kihyun was too pissed and too tired to care. He was not sure if they're residents in the building. But if they are, they probably believe Kihyun has a twin as he would sometimes go out as Yeojoo and sometimes as Kihyun. It's a great wonder why they still haven't gotten caught yet.
Now, with also deep furrowed eyebrows that can easily rival the older's, Kihyun crossed his arms as he stood right beside Hyunwoo in the elevator. He gave a very audible huff, almost as if he was doing it to be noticed.
Despite being annoying, Hyunwoo is normally a very quiet man. But that's not Kihyun's problem. For some unknown reason, and as childish and questionable it may sound, he is annoyed because he was being ignored. Hyunwoo haven't given him a short one second glance since they left! When usually, small noises or subtle movements from him would make the older turn his head, whether to make fun of him or just see what's going on, the older would always turn his head in Kihyun's direction.
" Are you serious!?" Kihyun asked loudly annoyed, comically throwing his hands in the air, his heels one on each hand. Hyunwoo just closed the door right at his face after entering his home, leaving Kihyun outside the hallway. It was really as if he had forgotten he was with someone.
Kihyun grumpily punch in the code, entering with loud angry stomps. Now, he understands that Eun Hee girl might have been a past lover who broke his heart into specs of dust. But that doesn't give him rights to be rude and slam a door at someone's face. Kihyun does not excuse mannerless due to a broken heart, nah uh.
But then again, how would Kihyun understand what he feels? He had never had his heart broken in that sort of way. He had been hurt, sad and tired but he had never lost someone he knew and loved. If anything, they've lost him instead.
When he reached the living room Kihyun saw Hyunwoo's tuxedo jacket disregarded on the floor, the older probably took it off and threw it randomly, not even reaching the couch nearby. Kihyun sigh, parting his lips to call for the other and nag at him to pick it up but decided against it. Exhausted, he decided to left it ignored on the floor and he head to his room. His line of sight landing on Hyunwoo's closed door where he's sure the older is, probably on his way to hibernate or mope around. Kihyun sighed again, he shook his head and finally entered his room, retiring for the night.
________
Sometime at midnight Kihyun found himself randomly waking up from his slumber. His eyes adjusted to the darkling light of the room, seeing the digital clock on the wall. It had not been at least two hours since he laid down to sleep.
Feeling his throat dry and needing of water, he reached at the bedside dresser for the glass he places every night. Kihyun let his hand fall on the bed, tired and sleepy when he found no glass of water there. He forgot, he went straight to his bedroom and didn't prepare one before going to sleep when they got back from the party. He turned to the other side and closed his eyes once again, too tired to get up and get water from the kitchen. But he couldn't fall back to sleep so with an annoyed sigh he sat up, leaving his bed to quickly fetch himself some water.
Lazily, he walk out like a zombie. He jumped a little scared, mouth in mid-yawn when he saw a figure of someone sitting by the living room floor in dim light. He put his hand in his chest to calm his rapidly beating heart.
It was just Hyunwoo, by the looks of it he seemed to be drinking by himself. The older didn't seem to notice him as he did not flinched nor made any actions in his place other than pouring alcohol to his glass.
" tsk tsk aigoo.." Kihyun muttered, making a face that lacks sympathy and shaking his head before he made his way into the kitchen to get what he intended to.
Placing the mug down on the kitchen counter after drinking his water.He gave a slight frown staring at the mug, unaware he actually took one instead of glass. He was still half-asleep awhile ago so he didn't noticed. He shrugged and took another sip, deciding it doesn't matter as they function the same anyway. He glanced towards the doorway that leads back directly to the living room where Hyunwoo was drinking his broken heart out. He rolled his eyes, somewhat annoyed towards nothing in particular. Today is such a stressful day for everyone and the heavy atmosphere around the house gets to Kihyun.
He rummaged the pantry for some potato chips but remembered he put them in the fridge to keep them fresh, he decided to take two bags, he emptied his half drank water before making his way towards the living room. He paused in his steps for a second to watch the miserible looking Hyunwoo stare at the bottle of alcohol placed on the glass coffee table in front of him. He was sitting on the floor, back leaning against the couch. He was still in his clothes from earlier, minus his tie and the tuxedo jacket that was still laying on the floor where it was left before. The yellow-ish light coming from the lamp nearby casting shadows on his face. His face bears the typical Son Hyunwoo expression, non-existing of anything, making it hard to put a finger to what his mind is into. But Kihyun knew it's about that Eunhee girl, what —who else would it be?
Kihyun went and sat down right beside him, setting a small distance between them, opening one of the bag of chips he have. Hyunwoo seem to finally notice that he wasn't alone, his head turning an inch towards Kihyun's direction, his eyes moving sideways to glance at him.
" Chips? " Kihyun casually asked, almost a bit too brightly for Hyunwoo's gloomy mood, offering the bag of chips as if he did not utter a load of curses and complaints under his breath just a while ago.
Hyunwoo's eyes went down at what Kihyun was offering to him, he stared at it for a short time. Out of nowhere he let out a breath of laugh and single shake of his head, making Kihyun raised an eyebrow, thinking that the older must've lost his mind, laughing out of nowhere like that. Hyunwoo took a few chips from the bag, not questioning Kihyun's sudden presence. Then he reached for the bottle of alcohol, Kihyun catching on and hold out his mug for the older to pour him some.
" You should have gotten a shot glass. Why you brought a mug? this is too big" Hyunwoo says, after pouring a small amount on Kihyun's cream colored mug.
" It's the same, it'll do it's job just fine" Kihyun replied before taking a sip as if it's juice, somehow forgetting that it's liquor. He coughed and made a funny face, not expecting the spicy bitter taste the beverage brings. He had drunk a couple of times and knew fair well what alcohol taste like, but this one has such a strong taste for his liking or maybe it's because he drank it too fast he almost choked.
Hyunwoo chuckled at his reaction, the corners of his lips quirking up in amusement. Kihyun have this little gestures that never fail to put a smile on Hyunwoo's face. He's a funny guy he supposed.
Though the little hamster can't really see well due to the lack of brightness of the room, he still noticed the subtle smile. Kihyun shot him a look, not wanting to be laughed at which only made Hyunwoo let out a chuckle again. Kihyun muttered something under his breath and grumpily shoved a number of chips in his mouth.
They slowly drank in silence, both losing themselves in their own thoughts. Kihyun thinking a lot of random things, ranging from as simple as what to cook tomorrow to something as complex of what to do with himself after the contract ends. Whilst Kihyun was busy thinking of futuristic stuff, Hyunwoo was the exact opposite who is currently reminincing the past.
" So....Eunhee?" Kihyun had gotten tired of the silence and decided he wanted to be nosy and talkactive. He twisted his body to face Hyunwoo, resting his elbow on the coffee table and his cheek on his palm. He looked at the older from his face then down to his whole self before setting his eyes back on the other's face again. The shorter's face in a judging expression as if he's asking 'she got you that bad huh?'
Hyunwoo just gave him a glance before he took a shot of his alcohol again, answering him with silence for the first 5 seconds the question was asked.
How unsympathetic
Hyunwoo thought to himself seeing as Kihyun acted like it's not a big deal. It's not and Hyunwoo didn't need sympathy, but it was weird as everyone had always felt bad towards him about what happened.
" She was a friend " He finally answered.
" Doesn't seem like she was just an old friend " Kihyun commented, opening the second bag of chips he brought and dipping his hand to take some, placing them straight in his mouth, purposely and comically chewing, looking at Hyunwoo as if daring him to deny it.
Hyunwoo heavily sighs, snatching the bottle to pour himself another shot. Though he didn't drink it, he just held onto the glass. He thought for a while if he should tell Kihyun, the alcohol hasn't gotten to his head yet so he can still pretty much think sane. But if ever he was drunk, he'll probably spill out stuff whether it was asked or not. There's no harm in telling the younger he supposed. It's not like it's a secret, almost everyone knows and it's not like Hyunwoo still cares. Well he does, but not in the way others would think, he's just a little....disapointed.
" She was one of my best friends. Probably known her longer than Wonho" He started. Kihyun gave a nod, his mouth creating a shape of 'O'. From what the younger remember, the older met Hoseok in middle school. If he had known Eunhee first then that's really a very long time.
" Let me guess, you fell in love" Kihyun unknowingly interrupted Hyunwoo from continuing. Looking almost excited to know that his guess was correct as if the two of them were playing a guessing game "... typical "
Hyunwoo gave him a slight unimpressed glare which made Kihyun pursed his lips apologetically. " Right, sorry..." the younger says scratching the back of his head. Truth is, Kihyun just wanted to lift the mood a bit. He knows it's probably a serious topic to the older, it's probably a serious subject for everyone. But he still didn't want to make everything so depressing. He guess it's rude to do that but he can't help himself. That kind of story is not new to anyone. He himself is familliar with how it usually goes. But still, he have no idea how it feels to be like Hyunwoo.
Kihyun waited for Hyunwoo to continue, half expecting him to no longer do so. But he did, he took a shot before sliding down, he run a hand through his hair, resting his head on the couch behind him, looking up at the ceiling. " There's not much to tell. I liked her, we were together..sort of..or maybe not..I don't know.. doesn't matter really as we ended going on separate ways"
" Sort of? " Kihyun questioned a little confused. It was confirmed she was a special someone but what does 'sort of' means?
Hyunwoo breath out, one side of his lips lifted up again. He picked up from the short time of living together that Kihyun was rather nosy. He already knows Kihyun is the type to never shut up and just listen. He just always need to ask, too curious to wait for the rest to be said or left a detail unsaid. He always demands an answer, yet it's hard to get a serious answer from him without him being sarcastic. Hyunwoo didn't find that bad though, at least not on Kihyun. Weirdly enough, deep down he liked how the younger is intrested enough to ask. Whether he's just being his usual nosy self or he genuinley care, Hyunwoo didn't mind.
" Not official, we went on dates and all that couple stuff so everyone assumed were a couple, I kinda did too. She went to study abroad, I promised her I'll wait for her and she promised to come back quick...She did returned quickly, but with someone else"
Hyunwoo paused for awhile, staring at the half empty bottle in front of them. Thinking back on a lot of things that had happen over the years.
" I did asked her to be my girlfriend a lot of times before, but she always stayed quiet. I should have known no answer is an answer. But she was always there so I thought she's just...." Hyunwoo trailed off, his eyebrows frowning deeply as his thoughts went further. He shrugged lazily, not continuing to say his thoughts and just proceed with the little story.
"...turns out she never felt the same way. She just couldn't say no because she was scared to hurt me. Ironic right?" Hyunwoo ended with a chuckle. Genuinely, he found her logic funny no matter how sad it made him feel. She didn't want to hurt him but in the end she put more damaged than just giving him a simple rejection. She left with a promise, came back to hurt him then leave again. Now she returned acting as if nothing had happened.
Kihyun can't help but let out a small " ah.." finally fully understanding how the story went. It was a familiar path that believe it or not, he had ventured once. He had almost forgotten about it.
" Do you still feel the same way about her though? " Kihyun asked.
Hyunwoo shook his head. " It's been years, I grew out of it. I just can't help but feel so disappointed everytime I think about her, especially now I've seen her again. I trusted her the most and then she went and gave me false hope. When my father died, I had wished she'd comeback to comfort me but she only returned to make it worse. Not only did she lie to me but to everyone, and mostly to herself. I'm happy she found love, deep down I am. But I'm too disappointed I lost an important person. Our friendship could never be back and I could never forgive her for what she did." Hyunwoo felt bitter, despite saying he didn't feel the same way anymore. He was being truthful about it, but he's still mad remembering how she decided to be honest with her feelings when Hyunwoo was still grieving over his father's death. When he needed her the most. It was such a wrong timing and that made him more hurt and angry.
" But your friendship would not have been the same if she rejected you right? "
" Yes, but I would never had been angry about it"
Kihyun nodded, he move from his position, removing his elbows on the table and resting his back on the couch, almost copying Hyunwoo. No matter what she choose things would have changed, but it was always better to be truthful. Kihyun is sad for Hyunwoo to what had happened but Kihyun understands her side.
" It must have been hard for her.." Kihyun muttered under his breath, before lifting his mug to drink but paused when he realized it was already empty.
Hyunwoo lifted his head and glanced at him, eyebrows furrowing as he proccess the younger's words in his head. " you're on her side? " He asked, slightly betrayed. Not expecting Kihyun to symphatize with her and not him. He already accepted Kihyun is a little thoughtless and insensitive about the whole thing. But he didn't think he would choose to side with her.
Kihyun shrugged "Not really, I just understand why she had done that. " He answered, looking down on his mug swirling it around as if he's mixing the non-existent content. " Too scared to hurt someone she cares for and lose the friendship you both had. She probably believed she'll learn to feel the same at some point."
Hyunwoo sucks his teeth and let out a subtle harsh breath through his nose, sitting up staright. " Sounds like you're projecting " He commented, snatching Kihyun's empty mug from his hand to pour him some alcohol. He poured much more than he did last time.
" Do share " The older says, before giving it back to Kihyun.
The younger gave a careless shrugged. " Share what? it's literally almost similar to yours" He said before taking a sip, now quite used to the taste of the liquor, confirming that he was indeed projecting " Except, we were actually together and I was her in the story"
" I still wanna hear it " Hyunwoo responded. He talked about himself, it's only fair for the younger to do the same. " Go try and justify what you and her did "
" Is that bitterness I hear?" Kihyun playfully yet half heartedly asked. He can hear how the slight asperity linger around in the older's tone. He does not blame him for still being angry, despite the fact he said he feels nothing towards her now. He was hurt by her after all. But he didn't plan on talking about himself so he tries to shift the topic towards the other. It was obviously unsuccessful as the older just lifted his eyebrows waiting for him to talk about it. Hyunwoo talk about himself so Kihyun guess it's alright to talk about his own uninteresting and tiresome life as well.
" Well, you already know I'm an orphan.. " Kihyun started as if it was nothing deep, images of his younger self at the orphanage passing by quickly before his eyes. He blinked and shook them away.
Hyunwoo gave a nod at his words. His head wondering how this is connected to the story.
"..kids at the orphanage didn't like me because apparently in their eyes I was favored by the matrons while the kids at school makes fun of me for being parentless..and being favored by the teachers "
Hyunwoo listened well, unlike Kihyun he's not the type to ask too much questions. He felt bad by how Kihyun was treated, kids could be so adorably wholesome at times yet has the ability to be so horrible as well. But then again, that's how all humans are. Hyunwoo suddenly felt lucky to have his family and his friends, even if they were beyond annoying most of the time.
" During my high school days, he was the only one who talks to me and treated me like a friend. He was the only one I can tell my worries and my dreams. He was such a good friend, but he wanted more, and though I didn't felt the same way I tried to give it to him. I didn't want to disappoint him by saying no and thought I will never find anyone who would want me. I genuinely thought I'll be able to eventually learn how to feel the same way. How hard could it be? He was sweet, kind and he treats me well. I was sure I'll gradually fall at some point. I tried to, but as you can see, the heart is much harder to fool than the brain" A small sad smile was plastered on Kihyun's face, he lived such a busy life he almost forgot about that ever happening in his life. It may sound harsh, but Kihyun never thought about it for years, it was as if it never happened, and to think he left a broken heart back at his childhood town that may or may not have been healed up until now. It was just so mean, cruel even. He was guilty but he can't find it in himself to dwell too much. Maybe Kihyun will feel the shame crawl in his skin if he ever sees him again. He hoped not, it's better left forgotten.
" wait, he? " Hyunwoo asked with a raised brow, seems like that's the only thing that his brain absorbed fr Kihyun's words.
Kihyun let out a disbelieving breath through his mouth. His emotional thoughts dissappearing in an instant after hearing the older's question.
" Of all the sad stuff I said that's all you get? " Kihyun asked in disbelief, his chest rumbled as he try to keep down the small amused laugh that wanted to escape his mouth, keeping it caged in his throat.
Hyunwoo raised one of his hand in defense, while the other held onto his glass. " I thought you said you're straight so like...In Minhyuk's words, that's a big cup of tea"
Kihyun rolled his eyes at him and scoffed, a habit of his, Hyunwoo noted to himself. " I said I haven't figure it out. I just told you a story how I didn't like him back. So it's either I don't like him or I don't like dudes"
Hyunwoo nods his head, accepting his words. " makes sense "
He reached for the bottle of liquor and pour himself another shot, he lifted the bottle to show it to Kihyun non verbally asking if he wanted one, but Kihyun raised his mug and tilted it a little to show that he still haven't finished his. So Hyunwoo placed it back down, his hands finding it's way to the bag of chips Kihyun brought. His mood is cleary much brighter than before, talking and drinking with Kihyun clearly helped a lot.
To be honest, as serious their conversation is about, it somehow no longer felt like it. It seems like it suddenly became so trivial and less important to them than it intially was. Especially to Hyunwoo, it's as if he hadn't mope around about it for the whole night. As if he didn't hold a huge grudge for years.
" So how did you ended it with him? " Hyunwoo casually asked Kihyun, popping half a handful of chips in his mouth. Kihyun did mention the guy— whoever he is was officially his boyfriend.
" I didn't, I just left without a word"
" You ghosted him!?" Hyunwoo unbelievably asked him, his hand stopping mid air from taking a drink. He gave Kihyun a look full of judgement, not expecting his answer. At least Eunhee had told him she was leaving, though she was cruel for making him wait. She returned to tell him he wasn't the one for her. Kihyun just left a heart beating for him, hurt and wondering.
" what a jerk " The older muttered under his breath making Kihyun gave a small laugh and a nod. He wasn't proud of what he did but he agrees with Hyunwoo that he is a jerk. He could have handled it much better. Be more truthful and let him go the right way. But he was young and a coward, he only know how to choose the easy way out. He always pretended to be mature, that's the only thing he seem to be good at, no wonder it's his job now. Maybe that's the reason he's such in back luck all the time. Maybe it was karma for what he had done.
" I thought if I leave like that he'll hate me then move on more easily and quickly"
" Stupid, absolutely cliche and stupid " Hyunwoo commented, the tone of his judgement was too weak for Kihyun to be offended. Not that he thinks he have the right to be. He himself agrees it was indeed cliche and stupid. " You just caused him trauma over love, now he's probably scared to try again"
" Sounds like you're projecting" Kihyun lightly joked, using Hyunwoo's own words from earlier. He winced when Hyunwoo suddenly hit him on his chest with the back of his hand, telling him to shut it.
" Anyway, that explains our choices, at least mine, hers could be similar or not at all but either way it doesn't justify anything. I just understand how hard it must've have been to say no to a friend. Of course I acknowledge it's not a good thing, it will never be whatever the reason was, so you have the right to be as angry as you like " Kihyun says, rubbing the part of him that Hyunwoo had hit. He guessed the older didn't know how to control his own strength because that little hit was a bit too painful, or maybe Hyunwoo meant it to be felt like that as punishment for what he did. Though he knew it probably not even a quarter to the pain he caused to someone.
" I don't think I'll ever forgive her but I guess being angry for a long time would get me no where..." He wasn't sure how this talk with Kihyun gradually lessen his bitterness towards the whole thing, it was still there but not as much.
He looked at Kihyun and studied his side profile, silently thinking to himself.
" Aish! fuck love or whatever!" He ended up saying with evident frustration in his voice, scratching his head. The thoughts swarming in his head giving him a slight headache. Though he can't express them that well it surely is less gloomy than before.
" Cheers to that!" Kihyun suddenly declared happily, lifting his mug in the air, agreeing with Hyunwoo's words.
Hyunwoo can't help but smile at him. Even if he was quite unsure what the younger was so hyper about, he does kinda feel giddy too, maybe it's the liquor kicking in. They clink their glasses and laughed together. Both never thought their bad experinces in love would be such a fun topic over drinks.
" Kihyun? " Hyunwoo called for him after the short laughter they shared. Looking at Kihyun's smiling face that metaphorically brighten up the room.
"hmm?"
" Go get some more chips"
Kihyun laughed and stood up to get more from the kitchen, surprisingly he didn't complain and ranted about being ordered around like most of the time. The both continued to converse about random things over chips and alcohol until the early light of the sun comes out, unknowingly becoming much closer than they were yesterday. Finding ground for their friendship to finally sprout.
_____________________________________________________________________
look at them becoming bros ..
I'm not so sure about this chapter sksk felt like it went all over the place though I'm still happy about it. Just thought it spiralled a bit towards the end or whateves haha anyway. Hopefully no one's hating on Kihyun. He was stupid and a coward, yes 🤧 maybe a bear can change that 👀
I hope y'all enjoyed it. Have a nice day!