ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN. GF-FORHIRE
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What is love?
It's the most abused word, that most people grapple to obtain, yet they do not fully understand the concept. This remarkable force often defies explanation, despite how hard people try to unravel its ruminations.
Love has different meanings for different people, places, and experiences.
Love could be need-based.
Love could be your passion.
Love could be fun.
Love could be happiness.
But...
Love can also be pain.
Love can be arguments at home, glass breaking against the kitchen counter at 12AM because dad came home drunk.
Love can be heartbreak, letting someone go not because you want to, but you must.
Love...
Love can be someone who forgot about you completely.
So, tell me...
Is love something we could authentically understand, or is it forever destined to remain as could-bes and can-bes; way beyond our grasp?
As a girlfriend for hire, there have been fragments in Ymari's life when a fleeting connection felt deeper, and when an unspoken understanding seemed to bridge the gap between hearts. She had encountered moments of tenderness, vulnerability, and care, both given and received.
But could these fragments truly be called love, or were they mere echoes of its presence?
Ymari slowly began to stir from her unconscious state, her mind gradually returning to awareness. Her eyes fluttered open, greeted by the gentle intrusion of light. As her surroundings came into focus, she realized she was in an unfamiliar room, a sense of disorientation washing over her.
Before she could fully orient herself, a voice broke through the silence, jolting her senses.
"You're awake," An unexpected wave of nostalgia washed over the ravenette's soul and caught the oxygen her lungs in a chokehold.
Her ocean blue and emerald green eyes bore holes into the walls of the unfamiliar room. As she continued to stare at the empty space, for a fleeting moment, she could physically feel her lungs gasping for air as though she was being purposely forced to drown in the ocean deep.
Silence hung in the air for a moment, as Ymari processed the situation. The brown-haired boy with bleached highlights' presence brought back memories she had long kept at bay.
"I didn't expect to see you again," The ravenette finally spoke, her voice measured and composed.
She didn't. After the ball where he looked at her and avoided her presence like she was nothing short of the biggest plague the world has ever known, she didn't expect fate to ever let them see each other again. They were supposed to repel each other. Isn't that how most strangers are anyway? You don't run into each other. You don't meet.
But then again, they aren't complete strangers.
They were friends.
They were lovers.
They were each other's normal.
The past tense in each statement made something in Ymari's heart tinge in pain.
Were. That's just how it is now.
What they have is nothing more than a memoir of the past.
"I did." The brunette boy said, making the girl look up at him.
Now they're strangers.
"Why?" The girl's voice was void of emotion, but it felt like a jab in Terushima's chest. "I thought you wanted nothing to do with me."
Somehow, it felt wrong to speak the truth- that now, they were just strangers who knew each other's secrets.
He was about to say something when she shrugged him off, "Where am I?"
Terushima's gaze softened as he realized her disorientation.
"You're in my hotel room," he replied gently. "After you fainted, I brought you here to make sure you were safe."
"I appreciate your concern," she acknowledged, her voice composed. Every cell in her body was in panic mode, as if it wanted nothing more than to get out of this situation. It was suffocating. "But I have to go."
"But Mari-chin– "
"I have to go." She got up, her heart banging against her ribcage at the endearment he once called her. She was starting to make her way to the door, still a bit dizzy from her fainting spell, but determined to get the hell out of here.
However, Terushima suddenly said something.
"I'm sorry."
She stopped in her tracks.
It was as though the weight of those words had cast a shadow over the entire room, slowing time to a crawl, and leaving the both of them in a suspended state of anticipation.
Terushima's breath got stuck in his throat when he saw her pause. He hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "I want to apologize."
"Apologize?" Ymari's voice was barely above a whisper.
The room fell into a heavy silence as Terushima processed her words, not quite grasping the situation.
"I never meant to forget you– " Terushima began, but Ymari's question interrupted him.
"You remember everything, right?"
The brunette boy suddenly felt his heart tinge in pain when he heard the way Ymari's voice trembled.
His eyes widened in disbelief, a heavy wave of guilt surged within his heart, threatening to overwhelm him, as he met her gaze. She looked up at him, her blue and green eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"If you remember everything, then you should know it was my fault." The weight of her confession hung heavily in the air.
Terushima met her gaze, his eyes seeing the pain etched across her face, the burden of responsibility she had carried for far too long. He didn't notice that his feet started moving on their own, soon he found himself standing in front of her.
"Ymari," he whispered gently, reaching out to wipe away a tear from her cheek. "I remember, but it's not your fault. It never was."
Ymari's expression wavered between confusion and disbelief. She struggled to comprehend his words; her mind clouded by guilt.
"If I hadn't lashed out on you, you wouldn't have driven a motorcycle in the rain, got into an accident, lost your memories, and lost your friends," she continued, her voice unstable.
Terushima's grip on her hand tightened as he shook his head gently, his eyes filled with sincerity.
"Can't you see, Terushima? It's not you. It's me," she whispered, her voice filled with anguish.
"No," he spoke firmly, his coffee brown eyes locked with her heterochromatic ones, his voice tinged with remorse.
"It's me," he admitted, his tone laced with regret. "I forgot about you."
Ymari felt a tinge of anger pinch her heart as her eyes bore into his with fury, "Terushima."
The sudden call for his name shouldn't have hurt this much, but it did. One of the only times for her to actually call him by his name correctly, and she said it with such vehemence that punctured through his aorta.
"Listen to me." She stepped forward, maintaining eye contact as Terushima involuntarily stepped back.
"Stop your idiocy and quit being blindsided by guilt that shouldn't even be there." She jabbed his chest, ignoring the sparks that erupted from where her finger met the area where his heart should be. "Be reasonable for once."
"It's my fault." She insisted, her voice trembling as her voice raised an octave. "I'm the one to blame!"
Terushima tried to pull her to him but he felt the girl's hands shaking as she tried to push him off, "Mari-chin–"
"You.. please, don't call me that." Her voice broke, her tear-stricken cheeks now on full display as she looked at Terushima, her tears taking him by surprise.
"Mari-chin I–"
"I said–"
"Fuck's sake, Ymari! Why don't you just let me carry the burden?!" Terushima burst out.
Ymari froze, knees buckling underneath her as she kneeled on the cold floors. Her eyes looked at him in shock. She'd never heard him speak with so much hatred. Not even when he pushed her away the first time.
However, as she stared into his coffee-colored eyes, she realized that the hatred that seeped through his words weren't directed towards her, but towards himself.
"I.." He started, letting out a heavy remorseful sigh. He apologized softly as he kneeled beside her, "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you."
Ymari simply looked at him, soaking in his presence and reveling in the nostalgia that his familiar scent brought.
"Please listen, Mari-chin." Somehow, hearing the familiar nickname didn't hurt so much anymore.
He reached out, his hand trembling slightly as he brushed her cheek. "I should have fought harder against my amnesia then. I shouldn't have pushed you away."
"I could have forgotten about anything," he continued, his voice filled with anguish, "just not you."
His words resonated deeply within her. It was as if he had peeled back the layers of her soul, exposing the vulnerability and fragility of their connection.
"I could have lost anything," he confessed, his voice laced with sorrow, "just not you."
Ymari's breath caught in her throat as his thumb delicately brushed her cheek.
"But I did," Terushima's voice quivered with a touch of self-deprecating laughter as tears welled up in his eyes. "I lost you."
The weight of his admission settled upon them, casting a shadow over the space between them. Ymari felt her walls crumbling, her stoicism giving way to the rawness of her emotions.
"And fuck," he whispered, his voice heavy with regret as tears slipped from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, "losing you was the worst mistake I have ever made."
Ymari remained silent, she could feel the depth of his remorse, the anguish he carried within him. His confession stirred a tumultuous mix of conflicting emotions within her.
"Because you were everything to me," He continued, his voice trembling with sincerity. His gaze never wavered as he met her blue and green eyes, his vulnerability laid bare as tears streamed down his face.
"You were my normal. You were all that mattered. You still are."
There was a long pause, and in that moment, time seemed to blur and fold back upon itself. The weight of the present dissipated, and it was as if they were transported back to a time when their connection was unburdened by the passage of years. Three years melted away, leaving only him, her, the moon, and the bittersweet reality they had once shared.
It was all so sudden.
Within a blink of an eye, it all felt normal again.
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