{ new chapter! ✉}
♪ song suggestion~ ♪
● BTS - Fake Love ●
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You did not know what to feel.
What were you supposed to feel when your heart was a mess of emotions? You had faced a lot of troubles and storms but nothing was worse than today. More than you could imagine, the world had hurt you.
Ring ring.
You glanced at your phone on your bed beside, wiping the stream of tears gushing down and noticed it was Sora calling you. You had promised to call her back later but never did because of your situation. Besides you were not in the mood to talk with anyone right now, probably prefer to be alone.
So you kept staring at the call until it turned into a missed call and the phone stopped ringing. Just when you thought you were in peace it started ringing continuously and you knew your best friend would not give up calling you until you pick up the call.
"Thank gosh you finally answered the call. What were you even doing?"
Hearing the familiar voice seemed to evoke a sense of desperation and struggle in your heart as you sobbed harder, not able to stop yourself.
"Yuna? Are you crying? Girl, talk to me. What happened?"
"S-Sora, what do I-I do?"
"What do you mean Yuna?"
"I feel like its all m-my fault-"
Your breathing pace increased and you tried not to let the lack of air choke you down. You hit your chest, hoping to get some relief and heard Sora speak with concern.
"Okay look Yuna, nothing is your fault. You are just overthinking so calm down and tell me what is going on? Damn it I am dying out of worry here!"
So half sobbing and half choking with a dry throat you slowly told everything to Sora who patiently listened to you cry and rant through the phone. In the end, you felt better to have spoken your thoughts aloud.
"I am sorry, it's just that I am out of my mind right now."
"Gosh, I wish I could hug you and tell you everything will be okay."
"You know I won't believe that." You let out a bitter laugh.
"Yuna, none of this is your fault. Do you understand? Not for your father who was a scumbag, not Seokjin for his anger issues or that you were fired without any reason which is a crime."
You wiped your tears, silently listening to your friend.
"Lastly, it is not your fault that Jungkook did not stand up for himself or you and that Eunji who is trying to marry both of them. She's a rat and I hate her."
"You mean fox?"
"Nah, foxes are clever. Eunji may be rich but she is not smart. She is instead like a rat who searches for company and comfort in dirty places."
"What if she was disposed of in the dirty places without her will?"
The memories of Eunji admitting how she was forced to enter the world of competition and got crushed until money and bad habits became her place of comfort. What if she was being forced into this marriage like the previous one with Seokjin since she seemed to love another ma?
Sora paused for a minute then continued with disbelief.
"What? Yuna don't tell me you pity that girl after everything she did to you, to me."
"No, it's just. . .nothing. You're right."
You pushed those thoughts out. Eunji already knows enough and you pitying her would help in nothing except fuel her misdirected anger. She was stubborn once she set her head on anything.
"I certainly think you should take this time as a break. Give time to yourself Yuna, treat yourself with a good time and forget about others. You know sometimes you are too worried about others to care about yourself. Time alone will help you sort out the matter."
By far that was one of the most serious advice which Sora gave you and you allowed yourself to internally thank the Gods for giving such a good friend in your hectic life.
"I will, thanks Sora."
"Oh- and Yoongi says he wishes you good luck."
"Tell him I appreciate it."
You end the call and set down your phone, wiping the remains of your tears as you set your mind on one thing; time for yourself. For that, you switched off your phone and kept it aside for any distractions from the outer world.
Your stomach growled in slight pain but you ignored it because your appetite was not back yet. So you opted for a long warm shower before plunging yourself in a world of darkness.
※
The sun shone above your head as you stretched, inhaling the fresh air after so many days of stress and work. It was around 7 something in the morning that you awoke and decided to go for a run around the neighbourhood.
It was weird but you preferred to head out rather than be depressed and stay cooped up inside. If no one cared, why should you care about them? With that, you started your jogging on the streets.
The cool wind soothingly blew about your face as you picked up your pace, running as fast as you could because your mind was starting to wander off to different thoughts you wanted to escape from.
My job. My father. My friends. Eunji and Jungkook's marriage-
All of a sudden a loud horn rang out in the air and you stopped running, turning around to see that a car was speeding towards your direction while honking. You froze, not understanding what was happening before you heard a voice call out for you.
"Yuna!"
Your body was pulled and yanked away from the spot before you could react and the next moment, you were rolling on the ground with a groan escaping your lips.
"Watch the road girl!"
You heard someone yell before the sound of a car passing by occurred. It took you a moment to gain your strength and stand up, glancing around to see you were running directly into the main road without knowing.
Another groan caught your attention and you glanced down to see a man rolling on the ground, brushing his clothes while he stood up. Did he save you from the accident?
"Excuse me-"
The man turned around and your eyes widened as you recognised the familiar person. His wide eyes took in your confused state before he took a step forward and began to shake you.
"What do you think you were trying to do? Are you really trying to kill yourself?"
"Seokjin? what are you doing here?"
He gave you a stupid look, "seriously? Are you trying to avoid my question? Tell me what were you just trying to do?"
"It's none of your business."
You coldly told him while looking away. He didn't have to pretend to be worried when he never actually did. Because if he did, you won't be in this situation or be this confused about him either.
Seokjin lets out a chuckle, "oh so giving me the same cold treatment huh? Do you think it will work?"
He crossed his arms, leaning closer than you wished he could. His body posture was rigid, his words were cold and his eyes were distant, almost like the night before when you saw him change himself.
"You treat me the same so why can't I?"
Seokjin growls to your surprise, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer.
"Stop testing my patience Yuna. You cannot act according to your mood just because you can't understand my problem."
"Then what is your problem? Didn't I ask you about it from the beginning but did you try to tell me so that I can at least understand and try to help you?"
"Help?" He scoffs, "Jungkook was right. You are too naive to be near us, we both are like predators who have done so much wrong and you, a prey, have no clue about it. You'll only end up getting caught in our trap."
You stare at him in bewilderment. Were both of your male friends possessed by some spirits? Or why were they losing their minds and behaving this way, towards you in specific? It hurt your heart to realise how much they kept hidden from you, despite your genuine concern to help or be there for them.
You pull out of his grip and scream.
"What the hell is wrong with you and Jungkook? What did I do wrong that the two of you are stuck on hurting my feelings without even considering our friendship? Why are both of you losing your cool, behaving like a different person now? I am so confused and it hurts like someone tore my heart into half."
"It means you don't know our true self good enough."
"Then show me!" You cry in frustration, messing up your hair from a bun to a tangled mess, "I told you I will try my best to understand, that I value our bond together. Why can't both of you see this side of my concern?"
Seokjin opens his mouth but closes his, his eyes going wide when tears start to spring from your eyes, trailing down your cheeks. You knew some people were staring at the couple on the street, arguing like crazy but you had no care left.
Then he softly sighs, "because Yuna, we both never had a true friendship. It was all about benefit and loss from the beginning, nothing like value or bonds exist in our lives. We know nothing of it. Beings sons of rich CEO's may sound like a dream but it's a nightmare, literally every choice taken for us is forced including friends. Friendship never existed for us."
Your chest tightens. No. You are not supposed to feel bad or guilty for telling your pain, only to realise how much they were suffering as well.
Friendship never existed for us.
"Do you mean the memories we made, times we spent together were all fake? Nothing but a business contract for Jungkook and you?"
"I am sorry Yuna. It was new and different for me, but not fake. I just don't know how to show my real feelings without fear of being judged."
You look at him, "then now? Have you always been so temperament? Why the sudden show?"
"You happened Yuna."
"What do you mean?" You frowned.
Seokjin sighed and shook his head.
"That's for another day. For now, let's head back to your home."
"Why were you here in the first place?"
He raised a brow as both of you began walking together.
"You ignored all my calls and texts after running out of the office with tears in your eyes. How could I not be worried?"
You hug yourself, trying to not let the memories haunt you back.
"I felt like collapsing Seokjin. Your behaviour was enough to stir my head for these past days but to top it, Mr Jeon fired me and Jungkook's marriage provoked me. Then he spurts out about my fath-"
You stop walking, the cold realisation hitting you. Seokjin stopped as well and scratched his neck.
"Tell me the truth Seokjin, were you knowing about my- him, from the beginning?"
"I-"
"Stop lying for once, please." You sob.
Then he sighs.
"Yes. In fact, I was the one who searched for your information on Jungkook's request."
You knew that from before, since the day you heard them talking in the office. But hearing it again made you feel pathetic and embarrassed. They probably looked down on you while you had no clue about your kin.
"Yuna I-"
"No. I am still hurt by how the truth was given to me so harshly. Your pity or apology doesn't help but make me feel worse so please, I want to be alone. I need some time to think if I want to forgive the two of you for all this mess."
Then you start walking and know that Seokjin was hurt by your response but you couldn't care. You were hurt enough that now, you wanted to take care of yourself first as Sora said.
You heard him ask, "then what about o-our friendship?"
You look back, noticing that Seokjin had an unsure and uneasy expression. He must have been expecting you to easily ignore their faults but he was wrong. Each time you did, every mistake was forgotten and ignored but not this time. So you said what you thought was right.
"Friendship? Didn't you say it never existed between us?" He paled almost frozen as you finished your sentence, "so it means our bond is also gone since it never meant anything for neither of you."
Saying that you gave him a last farewell glance before looking away with the promise to no longer look back or wait for anyone like you always do. It was time to stop caring about others and worry for yourself. The road could be tough and you might be alone but you won't stop now, not for anyone.
Not even for yourself.
A/N: Your thoughts are always welcome here<3