|CHAPTER 17|
Like the moon, people need to sprout.
Chelsea, Carl, and blake have been striding up and down making Anonymous preparations.
According to Carl, Leo, and I not knowing is for our good.
I haven't been nagging them on the details, I surmise when the time attains I shall find out.
I don't have most of my clothes here and so I asked Blake's mum if she would have time to pass through my house and get me some of my clothes after she is done with her work and she agreed.
I decided against that because she wouldn't even know what I wanted exactly. I texted her letting her know that I'll go get the clothes myself.
Lee: Hello, Mrs. Mae. It's fine I'll go and get my clothes myself, they're other things I need to get and I don't think you'll be able to know where they are exactly. Don't worry about me I'll be safe, and I'm sure about this.
A minute passes by and she replies.
Mrs. Mae: Alright lee, I'm practically in a meeting right now. Make sure to go with someone don't go alone and stay safe. I love you.
Lee: I love you too.
It took all the vigor in me to type I love you back.
I've gotten used to not being told: "I love you".
Those words are foreign to me. Of course, Blake, Leo, and I exchange " I love you's" with each other, that's natural but me letting it out to someone else? It feels weird.
*****
I asked Leo if he would accompany me to get my clothes from my house. He seemed a bit hesitant about me going there but then again his say wasn't going to change my mind either. Once I set my mind to something I never beat back, and that, he very well knows.
I couldn't ask Carl, Chelsea, or Blake. They seem busy with whatever they are planning and at this point, I am so tired of trying to find out what they are planning so I stopped imploring and bugging them.
They seemed pleased with my decision.
Eh, let's let bigons be bigons.
As they explain," it's for your good" I imitate Carl's voice.
I seemed to be making some sort of face because Leo snapped me out of my thoughts while laughing at me." please make that facial more often, you look pweeety" he utters the last word in a pungent girly voice.
I glare at the dupe standing in front of me and mumble a few words under my breath."How did I end up being best friends with such a dupe?" I wiggle my head and finally pipe up. "You coming with or not?"
"Yes-yes. Just give me a minute to use the bathroom I needa pee." He retorts while running up the stairs.
"You didn't have to announce your business" I yell audible enough for him to hear.
***
We pull up to my house. Leo parked the car beside the sidewalk and glanced at me before we both got out of his car.
I take a few deep breaths before walking to the door. I stop in my tracks when we reach the door. I unlock it and all the memories of Betty and I come flashing back, especially the last memory I have of her.
A tear falls on my cheek and I instantly wipe it off my face with my palm before Leo could notice it.
I take in another deep breath and ask Leo to follow me up the stairs to my room. He does likewise.
I get into what used to be my room and start gathering the things I need. I am so fast, I don't want to be inside the house for long.
It feels so suffocating, I think Leo noticed that I am panicking a bit. He gently reassuringly squeezes my shoulders and that gives me some peace of comfort.
I finish packing my stuff and I get all the toiletries I needed, not forgetting my photo album.
Okay so here's the thing about my photo album, it contains the only memories I have of my mum and dad. It has pictures of my mum and dad when they were younger. When my dad proposed to my mum. When they got married and even when my mum found out that she was having me and several other pictures of me and my Dad when I was only months old. He didn't look happy in the pictures though his eyes looked dark like they lost the only source of light that they had and his smile looked compelled.
Even if he didn't expect to have me under such circumstances, I know that they planned on raising me together and my Dad was shattered when he realized that my mum was not going to be in the picture. I can't indict him for how he operated, he had his justifications, he lost the love of his life and he probably didn't know how to go about raising me on his own. He could have at least tried to be strong for me, he could have at least let all the good memories he had with mum outweigh his problems. I guess we all take situations differently.
I was about to put down the photo album when a picture of Betty and myself fell out of the album. It was the time we were having court proceedings of Betty taking custody of me.
She asked my Nanny who was then taking care of me if she would take me out and I was so happy. I was dressed in a pink princess dress, and white flat pumps and my hair was tied up in a ponytail with pink candy ribbons to match my princess dress. I looked so adorable and happy. Looking at the picture forthwith I believe that the smile Betty had in this picture wasn't genuine.
Control by Zoe wees playing in the background
Early in the morning I still get a little bit nervous
Fighting my anxiety constantly I try to control it
Even when I know it's been forever I can still feel the spin
Hurts when I remember and I never wanna feel it again
Don't know if you get it cause I can't express how thankful I am
That you were always with me when it hurts I know that you understand
I don't wanna lose control
Nothing I can do anymore
Trying every day when I hold my breath
Spinning out in space pressing on my chest
I don't wanna lose control
I feel the sudden urge to hurl my core out. I immediately run to the bathroom and kneel beside my toilet and I let it all out. I hadn't even noticed that Leo was with me holding my hair while kneading my back. I roll out a piece of tissue and wipe my mouth with it and throw the piece of tissue in the toilet. Afterward, I flush it off.
I crouch at the wall while hugging my legs with my head buried in my knees. I don't even know why I am crying but I just feel like it. Tears are rolling down my face uncontrollably. Leo comes and crouches next to me and he nuzzles me without mumbling a word I needed the lull.
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