"Then I saw your face, your forgivin' eyes
Looking back at me from the other side
Like you understood me
And I'm never letting you go"
❀
- V -
"Jeongguka? You're going to America?" Taehyung gasped, depositing himself on the stool beside the kitchen counter, his eyes widening, holding onto a bowl of cereal.
"Shout any louder and my ear drums will get blasted," Yoongi muttered beside him.
"Sorry-" Taehyung lowered his volume. "Is it true, Jeongguka?" He looked at the youngest questioningly.
"Dae.." Jeongguk shifted in his chair, eyes downcast. "For dance training."
"See, I told you so!" Jimin wrung his hands in Taehyung's face. "I had overheard Namjoon hyung's call with PDnim!"
They had been practising come rain or shine, working their asses off to prepare themselves. Their overall performances were constantly being judged to select who would make the final lineup.
"But did they tell you why?" Taehyung pursed his lips.
"They said my dance is missing something- that's why-"
Yoongi snorted. "If his dance is missing something, then my dance is practically invisible."
Jimin rolled his eyes and turned to Jeongguk, "So, you'll be going alone?"
"Nobody is stupid enough to send a fifteen-year-old alone to the States," Yoongi shook his head. "Sejin hyung will go with him."
"I didn't know you were Jeongguk's personal answering machine, hyung," Jimin smiled, sarcasm dipping from every syllable.
"I just felt the need to exempt the child from stupid questions," Yoongi replied, unfazed.
"Exempt him from yourself," Jimin muttered under his breath, "How long will you be long for?" He asked turning to the youngest.
Jeongguk played with the ends of his shirt. Taehyung was going to secretly throw away that piece of clothing which was closer to becoming a cleaning cloth than an actual shirt. "A month and a half."
Taehyung's heart did a strange tremble. Like a wrench. That was a long time. He bit his lip before asking, "When do you leave?"
"Next week."
"Don't make me jealous, Jeonggukie," Jimin whined beside him, running a hand through his hair. "I'll go tell Hoseokie hyung, our maknae is going to the States without us!" Jimin swiftly got out of his chair and hopped towards the bedroom.
"His energy gives me vertigo at times," Yoongi complained as he got up from the counter, depositing his bowl in the sink, then picked up his backpack from the door. "Duty calls early today, see you later, troublemakers." He gave a mock salute and closed the door behind him.
Jeongguk still had his head down, not daring to look up. Taehyung could sense the gloom from afar. He put his fingers under Jeongguk's seat and pulled the chair closer to himself, bringing the younger next to him.
"Ya, Jeongguka-"
Jeongguk looked up like a deer caught in the headlights and Taehyung internally laughed at the reaction.
"U-uh, yes hyung?" Jeongguk asked, voice wavering.
"What's wrong?" Taehyung's voice was soft. Jeongguk liked to deal with his problems in silence, Taehyung knew the boy enough to understand.
"Nothing really," Jeongguk mumbled.
Taehyung put his index finger under Jeongguk's chin, turning it towards himself in one swift motion forcing Jeongguk to look at him.
"Tell me."
Taehyung looked into the dark orbs of the younger. He could see the fear floating around.
"Hyung," Jeongguk chewed his bottom lip, turning his face back down again. "I am a little scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
"Of going alone."
Taehyung remained silent, waiting for Jeongguk to elaborate.
"I've never gone out of the country, and that too, alone."
Taehyung understood this was coming from. He too had been scared out of his mind when he had moved to Seoul.
Scared of the vastness. Scared of the unknown.
To go to an unknown place, out of his country, without knowing the language properly, it was no surprise that Jeongguk was about to shit his pants.
But the younger was more resilient than he gave himself credit for.
"But you won't be alone, Jeongguka" Taehyung consoled him, voice patient, "Sejin hyung will be with you."
"But hyung-" Jeongguk whispered. "What if it goes to shit- or the company sends someone new- and none of you will be there-" his voice was almost inaudible.
Taehyung drew his lips in a line. He knew the younger seeked them for solace. How he slowly moved behind Seokjin's or his back whenever they faced something unfamiliar, or held onto Hoseok's arm when they visited someplace entirely new.
Taehyung put his arm around his shoulder, "Jeonggukshi," he smiled.
Jeongguk looked at him, his doe eyes shaking.
Taehyung noticed the way Jeongguk looked at him, as if he had all the answers to the mysteries of the world Jeongguk was thrown into. He hardly had any idea himself, but the way the Jeongguk's eyes lit up whenever he looked at him, his pleading eyes, asking him, questioning him, Taehyung wanted to personally move the heavens to find the answers he was looking for and present it to the younger on a platter.
"You are the bravest person I have ever met, you know," Taehyung rubbed a comforting circle on the younger's nape. "And you are afraid, hell I would be too, given the circumstance, but hey, there is no fear I can think of that our golden child cannot conquer."
Taehyung's eyes crinkled with the widest smile, even when his heart was slightly cracking from the sides.
"I don't know- if I can do this- I don't know what will happen- what if I can't train? What if they reject me?" Jeongguk mumbled.
"You don't have to know that," Taehyung shrugged.
Jeongguk looked at him with an unamused expression.
Taehyung chuckled before leaning in, "You only need to focus on one step forward." Taehyung's mind went back to the day he had received his first public criticism from one of the trainers at the studio and became a sobbing, sputtering mess, hiding in the washroom cubicle and called his father, crying to him that he was to going to fail. His father had consoled him, a little laughter in his voice when Taehyung explained the actual reason.
"Son, you should know that you need to be told when you are wrong in order to get it right, in order to be better," he had explained over the phone. "But if you are truly unhappy, tell me and I will come and take you back home right now, and we can something else for you to do, together, I know my child will good at whatever he chooses."
Taehyung had a fresh set of tears in his eyes. His parents had worked so hard, not to give him a life of lush luxury, but a life of comfort, where he had the freedom to choose his own path. Most people didn't. And here his father was ready to take him back and give him another choice, at his own expense. He could not be the one to disappoint his parents.
"Listen to me Taehyunga, you are afraid and unsure of what the future holds but you need to understand, you don't have to conquer the entire mountain right now, you don't have to worry about reaching the peak. Just breathe and take one step at a time."
He recited aloud to Jeongguk the words his father had said to him.
Taehyung ran his hand through the Jeongguk's ebony hair. "Jeongukka, whatever has to happen will happen, and we'll face it when it does, even if I am not physically next to you, you should know that I am always with you."
A small smile crept up the Jeongguk's lips.
"You promise hyung? You'll always be with me?"
Taehyung grinned. "Of course, Jeonggukshi!" He put his palm over his rib. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Now finish that toast, or else we'll be late and Hoseok hyung will kill you, and I am sorry but I can't help you in that department."
Jeongguk chuckled and picked up the piece of bread, giving half of it to Taehyung.
A week passed by in a jiffy and before Taehyung knew it, Jeongguk was already packing his suitcase.
"What time is your flight tomorrow?" Hoseok enquired, while folding the clothes Jeongguk had put out.
"10 am."
"You better sleep early today," Hoseok instructed.
Jimin stepped into the room with a few freshly ironed T-shirts. "Here, Yoongi hyung ironed these for you." He put them into Jeongguk's outstretched hands. "Miraculous, I know," he answered automatically looking their confused faces. "Trust Jeon Jeongguk to get Yoongi hyung to work."
"Jeongguka has to leave early," Hoseok narrowed his eyes at Jimin, "So, don't indulge him with videogames," then fixed his stare at Taehyung. "Either of you."
"Right, obviously," Jimin put his hands into a cross over his chest. "No late night game sessions."
"Traitor," Taehyung muttered and turned to Hoseok, gasping dramatically, bringing a hand to his heart. "Your words break my heart, hyung."
"My hands will break your bones if he misses the flight."
"Sheesh hyung. You're scary when you're angry." Taehyung lifted his hands in surrender and went back to helping Jeongguk pack.
After dinner and a very intense discussion about what Jeongguk should get back for them from LA, they shuffled towards their beds.
"I'll have a bath and sleep otherwise I'll get late in the morning," Jeongguk said picking up a towel.
"If you get sick, Jeongguka," Hoseok began.
"Yes yes, you'll break all my bones with your bare hands, I know."
"Cheeky brat," Hoseok smiled and climbed onto his bunk while Jeongguk closed the bathroom shut.
Taehyung lay on Yoongi's empty bunk, the elder had left for his night shift. He worried for Yoongi at times, with his erratic schedules, crappy diet, and his unyielding nature of never asking for help.
He sprawled over the duvet and heard the water gushing inside the bathroom.
Taehyung didn't realise it until today but he felt like a piece of his heart would be taken away when Jeongguk left. He would be in LA for only forty five days, give or take, and that might seem like a pretty short duration, but above all the bravado and speeches of 'no need to be afraid Jeongguka' Taehyung had no idea how he would get by without the younger being constantly in his vicinity. There was something about Jeongguk that Taehyung found oddly comforting. As he had concluded a month ago. The euphoria. Like magic.
The youngest was never good with words, and definitely had no idea how to console people, and unlike Namjoon or Jimin who always knew the right words to say to Taehyung, or Yoongi who could easily guess what was bothering him, or Hoseok who could categorise his problems into a list and provide ample solutions to each of them, Jeongguk just stared intently at Taehyung until Taehyung gave up and told his problems himself.
But there were fleeting moments when Taehyung's trembling fingers would be enclosed within a soft grip. A thumb rubbing a circle on his skin, and a sincere voice would whisper, "I'm here."
And that somehow seemed more profound than all the uplifting words in the world.
Jeongguk just existing in his world was enough for him. He did not need any words of encouragement, any speeches on self-esteem, or any adjudication of his problems. He just needed Jeongguk, to be by his side, hand close to his own, and life mostly made sense.
The question of getting by without the younger for 6 weeks made his stomach drop.
Because there was always a question of Jeongguk finding out his flaws that he kept concealed so perfectly and choosing not to be friends with him.
The trinket in his pocket burned.
What if in six weeks Jeongguk found another best friend, or realised Taehyung was slightly more crazy than he bargained for and then hated him when he returned?
His question were halted by the click of the bathroom door.
Jeongguk stepped out, a towel wrapped around his waist, and another one between his hands, drying his hair.
Taehyung's eyes were glued to the faint outline of the younger's muscles and how they rippled and turned with every movement. Jeongguk had become a sort of gym rat since the past few months and the effects were starting to show. Taehyung appreciated his hardwork, but why couldn't he bear to look away?
Jeongguk put on his shorts, then took some lotion into his hands, and slathered it on his arms, softly humming a tune to himself, making Taehyung gulp.
Wasn't the room a bit too hot?
Before Taehyung could get up, Jeongguk plopped himself onto Yoongi's bed, beside him. "Ah hyungnim," he breathed out, still wearing only his shorts and Taehyung felt a drop in his belly.
What even was that?
"I can't believe I am leaving tomorrow," Jeongguk spoke, his eyes closed.
"Nervous?" Taehyung asked, eyeing him.
"Might shit my pants," he admitted, making Taehyung chuckle. "On the other hand, I can't contain my excitement."
Taehyung hummed in agreement and they lay side by side for a few minutes before Taehyung decided it was now or never and he shouldn't be such a scaredy cat. "Are you sleepy, Jeongguka?"
Jeongguk turned to face him.
"Not really, hyung," he smiled.
"Then come with me," Taehyung sat up and swung his legs off the bed.
"Mwo?" Jeongguk propped himself up. "Where?"
"Just come with me," he pulled open the door in one jerk, making sure the it did not creak.
Jeongguk stepped out behind him, brows raised in question. Taehyung flicked his hand towards the main door. He walked ahead, and climbed up the stairs. Opening the door of the terrace, he led him straight to the edge.
Jeongguk stopped a foot away. "Are you going to push me off or something?" He questioned. "I don't want to die."
Taehyung rolled his eyes and slapped his arm. "Come here, drama queen."
Jeongguk laughed, and stepped right beside him.
They stood side by side near the edge, their hands resting on the rails, looking across the city. The small, green trees on the roadside swayed as the cool summer breeze hit them, carrying a sweet moist scent. The cityscape told stories in colours, from the neon rainbow lights to the golden glows behind the windows, making the dreamscape of the night.
This time tomorrow, Jeongguk would be in LA, and Taehyung would be alone. Moisture lined his eyes and he glared to keep his open to not let it fall.
If he started bawling like a baby right now, Jeongguk would probably laugh at him, and that would be utterly humiliating.
"I will miss you, Jeongguka," he croaked.
"Ah hyung, I will miss you too," Jeongguk grinned. "Who else would pull me out of bed at midnight to loiter on the terrace," he chuckled earning another swat from the Taehyung.
They stood in comfortable silence.
"You know Jeongguka," Taehyung ran his hand through his hair and turned to meet the younger's inquisitive eyes. "I'm glad you are my friend."
What was this?
A night of random confessions?
Jeongguk stared at him. The younger's hair swayed with the wind, his eyes glistening with the lights, and his tongue ran over lips making them moist.
He noted everything to memory, storing them away to be remembered for two months.
"True friends let you sleep," Jeongguk teased.
"Aish, you brat," Taehyung sighed. "Anyway," he straightened his back, "I am not disturbing you for nothing. I have to give you something."
Jeongguk's eyes sparkled as Taehyung brought out a small pouch from his pocket. "Here," he held it out in his palm. "I brought this for you."
"What is it?" Jeongguk questioned, taking the packet from his hand.
Taehyung rolled his eyes again. "Open it, pabo."
Jeongguk carefully tore the paper and pulled out a small plushy bear-shaped keychain.
Taehyung cleared his throat, "Well this is for you Jeonggukshi, you know- like a reminder- so that you don't forget me when you're away."
Taehyung stared at the younger and even in faint moonlight, anyone could see the slight pink adorning his cheeks.
"Ah hyung, you didn't have to-"
"I did," Taehyung cut him off. "You can hold onto this whenever you feel scared and you'll know I'll always be right by your side."
Jeongguk remained silent making Taehyung's stomach drop.
Was it too much?
Maybe he shouldn't have.
Now that he thinks about it, it does look a bit childish.
The first gift he bought for him and it's this.
Jeongguk was definitely going to laugh at this.
"Or um," Taehyung stumbled upon his words, his nerves getting frayed, "You could just leave it here- it looks a little actually-" he lets out a high pitched laugh. "I bought it without much thought- I was just crossing a flea market yesterday and happened to come across it and it seemed very cute and I thought I'll get for you- in case you get nervous- and you always say I look like a bear- and-"
Taehyung was engulfed in the smell of oranges.
He felt Jeongguk's arms around his torso.
"Hyungnim, " Jeongguk mumbled against his shoulder. "Gumawo."
Taehyung's heart stilled. Warmth enveloped his bones as he melted against Jeongguk. He brought his hands up, wrapped them around the younger, pulling him closer.
No words needed to be said.
Jeongguk's hug was stronger than anything Taehyung had ever known as if holding him wasn't quite enough, he had to feel every ounce of his being.
At that moment, even Taehyung did not know who for seeking comfort from whom. Jeongguk clung to him like a caterpillar yearning for the cocoon, to be safe within walls, protected, and so he was, within the arms of his hyung, and Taehyung clung to him, inhaling all of his scent hoping to bottle it up somehow, feeling utterly safe within.
"I really will miss you, hyung" Jeongguk mumbled, voice thick, muffled against the Taehyung's shoulder. "I don't want go alone."
Then don't go.
Taehyung laughed at himself for even thinking about such a crazy idea.
He had to go.
Withdrawing himself, Taehyung flicked the younger's chin. "How will I get by without having no one to trouble?"
Jeongguk's lips turned into a smile. "So you admit to troubling me?"
"No witnesses, no crime," Taehyung winked before getting shoved in the shoulder.
"But that's not all," Taehyung cleared his throat. "You see, to save myself from this predicament, I actually got something for myself too."
Taehyung took out another stuffed keychain from his other pocket. A white and grey rabbit.
"This is you," Taehyung grinned. "My muscle bunny! It will protect me from all my nightmares."
Jeongguk laughed throwing his head back and Taehyung smiled contently.
His eyes held all the innocence of the world.
Everything that his soul needed, Taehyung could find in the younger's eyes.
"Its getting late now," he sighed. "We should be getting back."
"Since when did you become such a stickler for punctuality?" Jeongguk smirked.
"Since I came to conclusion that Hoseokie hyung is fully capable of breaking our bones," Taehyung grimaced. "You have to wake up early, and I don't want to take the blame if you miss the flight."
"Ever the selfless one, hyung," Jeongguk chuckled as they shuffled towards the staircase.
Taehyung shrugged. "Gotta be humble. Without me you'll never learn."
"Without you, hyung-" he heard Jeongguk whisper. Taehyung stopped to hear better. But the words lost within the midnight breeze.
"Without me, what?"
Jeongguk shook his head and walked ahead. "Nothing."
"Yah Jeon Jeongguk, tell me!" Taehyung rushed to catch the younger. "Without me what?"
But before he could catch him, the younger had managed to sneak inside their bedroom, and sprang onto his bed, quietly giggling.
Taehyung got into his own bunk, and turned to face Jeongguk, who faced the wall.
When Taehyung's nightmares gave him hard time, or when Jeongguk's nerves didn't calm down easily, they usually sought each other out in the dark, clambering onto the other's bunk, hoping for a peaceful slumber.
And though Taehyung was not really an easy person to be sleeping next to, with him channelling the spirit of a starfish while he slept, his hands and legs had a mind of their own and landed in unforeseen places at night (Jeongguk's balls trembled in fear) Jeongguk was the only one who managed to sleep through whatever B-boying moves Taehyung pulled in his sleep.
Once Jeongguk slept, he slept like a Rhinoceros injected with a tranquilliser.
The fact that Jeongguk sometimes decided to sleep next to him gave him relief but there were other times, like the present, when even the small bunk seemed a bit too empty without the familiar weight of the younger beside him.
Taehyung squished an extra pillow in his arms. "Goodnight, Jeonggukshi," he whispered to no one in particular.
Tomorrow Jeongguk would leave, and Taehyung would be lying if he said it didn't make his heart clench a little more than usual.