giving you this because voicemail just hit 90k. i love you guys with everything in me. thank you.
tw: sensitive topics in this chapter.
everything just seemed to be going downhill.
I thought that everything was perfect and nothing could go wrong.
until last week.
the fans were blowing up about conspiracy theories about billie and I, more specifically me using billie to get the recognition I have.
of course billie had seen it but I'd told her I wasn't gonna let it effect me, even though I was crushed inside.
I kept saying I was busy when she wanted to hang out, because part of me was wondering if they were true.
I mean obviously I am in love with billie and I'm definitely not using her for anything, but the prank I pulled and the shit I comment and post is probably too much.
we hadn't even had sex since the night in the hotel room.
I couldn't let her see or feel the marks I'd left on my thighs.
I tried my hardest to pretend it wasn't effecting me but I was barely on my phone.
I was so close to deleting my accounts.
and then Gabriel got sick.
it wasn't anything more than a simple flu but because he was still so young and he was still so tiny, he needed to go into hospital for two days and Lisa was heartbroken.
he recovered quickly once the worse of his flu had worn off but she was too scared to go anywhere or do anything with him incase he got sick again.
mike had come over the other day and I forced her to come out with me just to go for some lunch, because she'd barely left the house since he'd been born.
id decided to go for a hike with claudia today, to get some fresh air and get out the house.
it was nice to be able to talk to someone who wasn't billie and didn't want to talk about fame or food or anything I didn't want to.
claudia was one of my best friends and she always seemed to know how to cheer me up.
when I get back, billie was laying on my bed, watching me as I come into my room.
we spoke about something I can't remember and I walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower, lock the door and my brain goes fuzzy and my vision goes blurry.
and then, everything went black.
billie's pov
there's something wrong with Gabrielle.
she's been distant the past few days and although Lisa and Mike have been busy with gabe, they've noticed it too.
I was too scared to say anything directly, in case we argued but I needed to make sure she was okay.
I couldn't have a repeat of New York.
gabby was currently on a hike and my mom had gone to pick me up some food and supplies before dropping them off to my house so I could go to my angel's house before she gets back.
we'd barely seen each other.
I know the shit people are posting on social media, especially the ones talking about her using me, are getting to her.
she probably think I don't know but I do.
I know my baby.
anything I do gets backlash from the public and I was expecting it and I can handle it but it seems the Gabrielle is finding it hard.
I wish my private life was more private.
I know they care about me but I'd been surrounded by people who'd used me in the past and gabby was far from any of those people.
I know she genuinely loves me.
she won't even let me buy her Starbucks.
whatever they might say, I dont give a fuck because she's mine and she's not going anywhere.
it bought some of her favourite foods, some flowers and some new hair straighteners i knew she needed and waited patiently on her bed, the bag on the floor down beside me.
Lisa knew i was here but gabby didn't.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
when my angel walked through the door she didn't even look towards the bed, kicking off her shoes and closing the door, beginning to strip out of her clothes.
"hi baby"
she spins around "oh it's you"
"the fuck you mean, oh it's you?"
"sorry, lemme shower"
I stand up and walk over to her "woah wait a minute, are you okay?"
"yeah why?" she furrows her brows and folds her arms.
"baby you look pale and you're shaking" I try and reach for her hands but she steps back and out of reach.
"look I just need to shower, wait here okay?"
gabby steps into the bathroom and closes the door and I hear the lock turn which is something she never does.
what's going on?
I hear the shower turn on and then a loud thud and my heart sinks.
"gabby are you okay?"
I can't hear anything but my stomach sinks and I know something is wrong.
I run over to the door and try to open the door, banging on it repeatedly, shouting her name.
"MIKE!" I scream "HELP!"
I try and kick the door but my limbs feel like jelly, like I can't move.
he comes into the room "gabby locked the door and I heard a bang and she's not answering"
"okay calm down step back" I stand back and Lisa rushes in, Gabe in her arms.
"what's going on?"
mike kicks the door but it doesn't budge and my eyes fill with tears.
"she looked sick and wanted to shower but she locked the door and then I heard a thud and I can't get in"
Mike kicks the door again and the door opens it but there's something in the way.
"GABBY" I shout, trying to squeeze through the gap. I peek my head through and she's laid on the floor, seizing.
"SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE!" I yell out, forcing myself through the gap.
as I'm about to touch her mike yells "WAIT!"
"Lisa call an ambulance, billie listen to me carefully don't touch her, okay?"
"but I need to help her" I cry out
"and you will, but touching her won't help. is there anything around her that she could hurt herself with?"
"her head is bleeding" I whimper, falling on my knees beside her and watching as her limbs shake rapidly.
"okay it's okay billie" I can hear the panic in his voice.
"is she laid flat?"
"yeah"
"okay, make sure she's breathing, okay? can you do that for me?"
"what do I do?" I ask in panic.
"talk to her billie" mike says "the ambulance is on their way, she's gonna be okay just talk to her"
"I'm sorry" I whisper, my hands itching to touch her "please baby you can't leave me"
her movements don't stop but i can't look away.
i feel like i'm watching her die.
this can't be happening right now.
"i love you baby please, don't leave me"
i can't even see with the tears in my eyes and i just have to kneel beside her and watch.
i hear sirens in the distance at the same time her movements begin to slow.
"she's stopped moving"
"okay billie, don't move her, is there any way you can open the door?"
"no" I glance around the room and she must've dropped right behind the door because the bathroom is big and she's right behind the door.
I hear movement outside the door but I don't make an attempt to move, carefully reaching for one of her towels which was placed on the toilet to cover her bare chest.
"you're gonna be okay" I whisper, leaning to carefully move a piece of hair out of her face.
"Billie can you hear me?" I hear a strange voice ask.
"yeah yes"
"okay, can you tell me if Gabrielle is breathing?" I reach to hold my hand over her mouth and I feel shallow breaths.
"yeah barely, I can't move her from the door"
"it's okay billie, what I want you to do is tell me if she is against the door, okay? we have the fire brigade who's going to get the door off so we can get to Gabrielle"
"uh her legs are against the door"
"okay that's okay, this is gonna be loud but we'll get in as soon as we can"
"please you have to help her"
"we're gonna help her, try and stay calm for me billie, okay?"
"okay"
I can hear what sounds like a saw and watch as the blade slowly inches down the door.
when the door comes off I see a crowd of paramedics rush in and I stand up. "thank you billie, wait outside for me, okay?"
I step out of the bathroom and stumble onto her bed, staring as the paramedics work around my girlfriend.
I reach to grab my phone from the table and fumble around to call the person I need the most.
he picks up on the first try.
"finneas" I whimper, breaking down into tears.
"billie, what's wrong?"
"gabby" I whisper "come quick"
someone from beside me reaches for my phone and I look up to see Lisa.
she even gives me a sad smile even tough she's crying and turns to talk to finneas.
"has she ever had a seizure before?" one of the paramedic asks us.
I turn to look at Lisa and she looks at me.
"I have no idea, she moved to the US like eight months ago but as far as I know she hasn't, I'll call her dad" Lisa says, ending the call to Finneas.
"is she gonna die?" I ask the paramedic, looking down to the others who are surrounding her.
"billie we're gonna do everything we can, okay? the most important thing is to get her into hospital okay? you'll know more once they've ran some tests"
I nod my head and just watch her, watch all the men surrounding her, watch her dying in-front of me.
I feel like this isn't even happening.
this can't be happening.
"okay her dad says she's never had one before"
"okay"
Lisa comes and sit's beside me.
"where's gabe?"
"mike's got him" she grabs my hand "she's gonna be okay billie, her dad is getting the next flight over"
"she can't leave me" I cry "she can't leave us"
"our angel isn't going anywhere" Lisa wraps her arms around me "I promise"
the paramedics manage to safely transport her to the ambulance and Lisa rides with her and I wait here for finneas.
when he arrives I jump into his arms and cry until I can't breathe and he calms me down but before we leave I rush up up her room and grab her phone and her favourite bear because I know she'll want it when she wakes up.
finneas drives me to the hospital and Lisa explains she's been moved into a private room and she's in the waiting room beside her.
I join Lisa in silence and all we can do is wait.
and wait.
and wait.
and wait.
when the doctor comes in he and explains she'll be okay and that her seizure was more than likely due to stress, which raised her blood pressure.
he also explains she has a small bleed on the brain but it will go away on it's own and we need to wait for her to wake up to see if she has any major concussion.
she's also severely dehydrated and hasn't eaten properly in a few days.
I'm so mad at myself for not noticing.
"can we go and see her?"
"give us a few minutes okay? I'll come and get you when she's ready"
Gabrielles pov
I try and blink my eyes open but the lights are so bright out.
my head fucking hurts.
I can hear a beeping and it smells weird.
I try to open my eyes and squinting at the bright light.
"hey my love" I feel a hand on my arm and I can smell my girlfriend and it makes me smile.
"bambi"
"you're okay love" billie kisses my cheek "get some rest love, okay? I know you're tired"
"where am I?"
"you're in the hospital baby"
"wait-what?" I try and sit up but billie stops me and I open my eyes to see a clearer picture.
why the fuck am I in the hospital?
my baby looks so tired.
"what happened?"
"you're okay" billie leans over and strokes my hair "you had a seizure"
"a seizure?"
what?
"yeah, you hit your head on the toilet when you fell but you're gonna be okay"
"when?"
"two days ago"
two days?
"I want my dad" I whisper, wiping a tears from my eye "can you call my dad?"
"he's here" billie whispers "he went to get some food from the cafeteria, he's here baby"
"I'm sorry" I whisper "you look awful"
she gives me a smile "you don't look too bad yourself"
"oh god, how bad do I look?"
"baby" billie laughs "you're still the most beautiful woman ever"
I narrow my eyes at her "we're not having sex"
billie laughs out loud and the door opens and I look up to see my dad walking in.
I'm so fucking glad he didn't just hear that.
"how's my little girl doing?" he places the cup of whatever he bought on the table and walks over to me, grabbing hold of my hand.
"my head hurts and I'm really tired"
"I'll go and let the nurse know you're awake" billie smiles, leaving my dad and I alone in the room.
"you really scared me there kiddo"
"I'm sorry" I close my eyes briefly "I don't even remember what happened"
"it seems like you haven't been looking after yourself"
"it was an accident dad I swear"
"I'm not angry with you, we almost lost you"
"really?"
"yeah but the doesn't matter because you're here now, the doctor will probably wanna talk to you"
"have you got my phone? I wanna text Lisa"
"of course, she's at home with gabe because billie and I wanted some alone time with you and gabe needs his mummy right now"
he hands me my phone and I see a bunch of notifications but I only care about texting three people.
Lisa
hi I'm awake
Hi love
I'll bring Gabe up to come
and see you later on
get some rest, okay?
okay
I miss you
I've missed you
of course I have to text my brother. I know he'll be aware of where I am and I need to let him know I'm alive.
bubba
I lived bitch
GABRIELLE
yes?
DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT
sorry lol
can i come see you tomorrow?
of course
and the most important; kai. they need to know where I am.
kai
ya girl aint dead yet mf
BITCH I'm gonna kill you
lmao why
because one minute you were
sending me memes and then
next news I have billie dming me
saying you were in hospital after having
a seizure???
I don't even remember
the doctor is here but I'll FaceTime you later
I love you
I love you more
once the doctor has been and done all the boring checks, removing the catheter which is very embarrassing, billie goes down to the cafeteria to get me some food.
when we're alone again, my dad comes over and gives me his amazing dad hug i've missed so much
"i love you dad" I breathe, tucking my head into his chest.
"i love you more"
"I'm sorry"
"don't be sorry" he lets go and sits down on the chair "how are you feeling?"
"weird, I haven't showered in three days and I just had a tube pulled out of my piss hole, so yeah, I'm doing great"
"tmi" my dad laughs "do you know what happened?"
"the doctors said I had a seizure because of a small bleed on my brain and I haven't been eating or drinking or just generally looking after myself"
"why haven't you been looking after yourself?"
"I don't know" I sigh and my dad looks at me, giving me his dad look.
"okay fine because people have been saying shit on social media and I've been too focused on gabe to give a shit about myself"
"I don't ever want you to end up in that place again Gabrielle, I know I can't come over everyday but you can call me, you know that, don't you?"
"yeah" I sigh, looking away "I didn't even notice anything was going bad"
"because you're not paying attention to what you and your body needs and what you need and it's time to look after number one. do you understand?"
"yes dad, I'm sorry"
"don't be sorry, you're just like you're mum you know"
"what, beautiful?" I tease and he laughs
"well yes and that you're careless and put everyone and everything before yourself"
"because it's the right thing to do"
"not until you focus on yourself, do you understand?"
"yes I'm not a kid anymore dad"
"if I need to talk to you like one for you to understand then I will, got it?"
"yes dad"
"that's my little girl" he ruffles my hair and stands up "look what billie brought you" he holds up my childhood bears and hands it to me, smiling.
"she brought this for me?"
"yeah he's been watching you sleep and keeping you safe"
"as he should be" I smile, putting him into my lap. "thank you" I whisper to my bear.
the nurse comes back with my water and I thank her "when can I shower?"
"I'll check with the doctors because we need to make sure you're okay on your feet, especially after being in bed for so long'
"okay because I stink"
"he's just dealing with another patient but I'll talk to him once he's done"
"thank you"
"hopefully you'll be able to go home soon"
"I can't wait, where have you been staying?"
"with billie in her spare bedroom, I'm going home on Friday"
"wait, what day is it?"
"Wednesday"
"okay, hopefully I can go home soon and you can come and see my new house properly"
"Lisa offered for me to look but I knew you'd want to show me"
"have you met gabe?"
"yes I have, he's adorable isn't he?"
"I miss him"
"I bet he misses you too, she'll be coming over later"
billie comes back into the room and my dad excuses himself, wanting to call Sarah to let her know i'm awake.
"have you been crying?" i ask billie and she nods "i just called finny and got a little emotional"
"come here" she sits beside me and takes my hand, keeping her head down. "i thought i'd lost you" she whispered, looking down at my hand.
"i'm not going anywhere"
"and neither am i" billie uses her other hand to reach for something in her pocket and pulls out a ring box.
"billie wait-"
"before you ask, it's not a prank" she cuts me off, looking up at me. "these past two days have been the worst, i almost lost you and i'm not gonna lose you again"
"you're the reason i'm breathing and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, i want you to marry me, i want to love you, wake up to you everyday, hold your hand in the street"
"i wanna have kids with you, and grow old together and watch you walk down the isle in a pretty white dress"
"so gabrielle anne winters, will you marry me?"
billie opens the ring box and i gasp at the ring sitting inside.
it's similar to the one i had made for billie, but it's perfect for me.
"yes" i whisper "yes i'll marry you"
billie kisses me despite my bad breath and holds out my hand, sliding the ring onto my finger.
"i can't believe you proposed when i smell like ass and im in a hospital bed"
"you always smell like ass" billie grins
"you are an ass" i look down at the ring on my finger.
it's perfect.
when i was a kid i'd imagined getting proposed just like in the movies or books, never would i have thought i'd be laid in a hospital bed.
but i wouldn't want it any other way.
we're engaged!
"and when we get home I'll be eating your as-" billie gets cut off when the doctor clears his throat in the doorway.
briliant.
this is kinda what I imagine Gabrielles ring to look like. if you don't like it, suck my toe.
I did some research on seizures but I haven't experienced one, nor has anyone else close to me. if you're wondering, the bleed on her brain was caused by high blood pressure, because of the amount of stress she was putting on herself.
a lot of the shit I write about comes from personal experience so this was a pretty hard chapter to write.