Eren's POV
Kissing in a public park: check! Eren mentally crossed out another of his bucket list items. Funnily enough he had been pretty quick with crossing out a lot more unusual and racy things while he still had simple things that most people did with their very first romantic partner left undone. It comes with being gay and having closeted partners I suppose , he thought to himself.
Having been forced to hide and having missed out completely on certain things could have made him feel bitter, especially as he now finally got to experience some and so discovered how much simple happiness he until then had missed. But he had since long decided that he would think of it as that he would now enjoy all those things double the amount instead while others might never truly understand and see how special they were.
Being with Levi gave him complete freedom for the first time in his life in this. Levi's give-no-shits-personality and outspoken nature both meant that the man couldn't care less about being seen out in public as well as that if he for some reason wouldn't like or was uncomfortable with a particular thing he would be sure to let Eren know. The direct and honest communication Eren knew that he could depend on from his partner allowed him to just do everything he felt like doing without having to worry and try to read or guess what he thought. It was incredibly freeing.
This as well as being able to just enjoy the moment without being distracted by the usual slight discomfort of being in his own home town seemed to now enhance every feeling... Soft and carefully tangled fingers in his hair that for a while tightened their grip - tugging gently at his scalp, the feel of the exposed skin of his boyfriend's neck under his fingertips, a soft humming sound escaping through the lips that moved against his. Everything was inviting him in and it seemed impossible to not want more. The pair pulled back slightly and Eren opened his eyes, meeting Levi's and momentarily getting blinded by the sun that stood high in the sky. The clouds had uncovered it so that it shine directly over the back of Levi's head, making his black hair seem slightly brighter than normal.
"Again" Eren smiled cheekily, looking at Levi's lips.
"We're in a park you horndog" Levi replied harshly but in sharp contrast to his words let his fingers travel sensually along the back of his neck.
"I'm not horny, I'm romantic" Eren argued. Levi pulled an amused look but one that only lasted for a second before he did as Eren wished and put his hand behind the other's neck, angled his head and let his eyes flicker down to his lips. The sight that lasted for a split second was madly attractive.
"I don't believe you" he mumbled under his breath and pulled him back in. Eren felt a sort of nervous excitement flare up inside as he felt the man tug him back towards him and as their lips once again met in a slow kiss.
"...You're just projecting your own emotion on me" Eren said under his breath with a hint of a teasing smile as soon as their lips parted. "I'm being romantic".
"Hmph, yeah?" Levi asked and moved his hands to Eren's lower back, right above his ass. "Okay, maybe I'm projecting a little bit. But who could blame me?" he said and marked his words through slightly squeezing his waist, seemingly holding back from outright groping him.
The teasing, flirty interaction they had going on as well as Levi's flattering behavior towards him while there were others around made him feel quite amazing. Something about how Levi was so unshy about showing that he wanted him and how obvious it was that he was proud of having him rubbed off and made him feel really good about himself... simple but effective. Although he usually took pride in being a person who didn't care much what other people thought of him he still obviously wasn't immune to flatter if it came from the right person.
"I've longed for this" Eren said.
"Hm?"
"Being outrageously in love in public" he smirked.
"Tsk" Levi said but with a smile tugging at his lips.
"Either way, we're doing at least half of these a favor" he said while slowly leaning down towards his ear and lowering his voice. "Don't you know that yaoi is the most popular genre with most women? Let them look" he said and winked before standing back up again. Levi let out an amused sound at Eren's little display.
"Yaoi?" he chuckled.
"Boy's love" Eren explained.
"Oh" he said, finally getting in on the joke. "Well... I'm hardly a boy" he just commented. Once again not reacting to what most people might have protested against and instead hilariously only to some minor detail.
"Okay look" Eren said as they started to walk again. "So they see a real hot and muscular guy they want to fuck, then they see an even hotter and cute guy they also want to fuck... And thus, seeing them fuck means double the fun" he explained while gesturing to them both in turn.
"Reasonable" Levi commented and seemed amused at his way of explaining. "Alright. Then they should go to a strip club".
"Oh yeah? Why, have you ever?" Eren asked interested.
"...Long time ago" Levi replied, looking as if he thought he had said too much.
"Hah, Levi! Hrm... Should I be jealous?" he asked, crossing his arms in a slightly over-dramatic manner that made it obvious that he was just teasing him.
"I had a really great guy stripping for me once that I'll never forget" Levi said. It seemed like a weird thing to say or even joke about to your significant other so Eren blinked in slight confusion for a moment. "...Just a shame that it just was over a camera and from his messy dorm room" he continued. "Can you believe I was just as mesmerized by his eyes as his ass?" Eren quickly picked up on the reference and couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"No I can't believe that" he laughed.
"No I'm serious" Levi smirked. "Enough to make me spend half my fucking salary on hotels just to keep admiring them". The weird way of complimenting him as well as simply seeing Levi joke about himself like this was quite special; Eren knew Levi well enough to know he usually didn't act like this around anyone else.
"Pfft, yeah yeah, you know just what to say... I bet you used to be a player" he fired back, rolling his eyes. His playful side that admittedly was quite big liked to pressure him a little like this. Levi gave him a quick look that seemed to try to asses his mental state behind the question before he replied.
"I've had a lot of sex" he bluntly admitted. "But I'm afraid I can't thank them for any verbal skills seeing as we never really talked much in my past connections". Eren blinked at the sudden change in their conversation and the fact that Levi were opening up about details like this. ...Plus, the confession effectively removed all reason to possibly feel jealous. He never really used to talk with his former partners, but he did with him. In a way that was much more powerful than any amount of sex... Everything he said and did to him just told him you're special .
He felt butterflies flutter in his stomach and he wondered once again how he had been so lucky to have such a man fall for him. Levi helped him to be able to trust in his feelings for him. And being able to feel secure in that helped him feel confident, strong and secure.
And as wonderful as that was, somewhere back in his mind a sort of warning bell also rang; the warning bell of the sole fighter. Once upon a time he had trusted just as much in his father. He had built so much of his sense of self, his sense of security and stability on him that when he had left them, all of that security disappeared in a second. And as much as it felt shitty and completely uncalled for to compare Levi with that asshat the experience had painfully taught him the important lesson to not only build his confidence, happiness and security based on another person, but also on himself, because you are yourself really the only definite constant in your life. He made a mental note to himself to try to spend some quality alone time soon, even though that didn't come entirely naturally to him. He wanted to make sure he also had strength and confidence in purely himself and he knew that was a skill that you needed to train and keep training.
That being said, there wasn't anything unhealthy about relying on another person for happiness and security if that wasn't the only big source of it, so right now he wholeheartedly let himself enjoy that luxury of such a person's company and attention.
They had decided to visit one of Levi's regular places, a pub a short walk away that was inspired by the old pubs of England; complete with the classic bar games, so called pub grub and the occasional live music.
"...Will there be anyone playing tonight?" Levi asked the bartender after having ordered beers for them both.
"Oh yeah, they'll start at six" the bartender replied. They seemed to be sort of familiar with each other.
"Okay, thank you" he nodded and they went ahead and sat down in a pretty dark and cozy corner further in the building. All the dark wood gave the place a quite different feel from most other places Eren had visited.
"Tea, pubs and going around calling me 'love'... admit that you have a little Englishman inside you" Eren commented with a glint in his eyes.
"Hmm. I did live in Essex in the South East of England for a while when I was younger, so I suppose I might have picked up some habits".
"No way!" Eren said, pleasantly surprised. He hadn't expected to actually be that on point in his observations. "Why did you move there?"
"I have some distant relatives living there" he started explaining. "I tried moving there to get to know them after having passed a rough period here, thinking of starting a new life for myself. But for some reason I never stopped feeling like just a passing guest so I took that as a sign to move back. There's no bad blood between us though. We still keep in contact from time to time".
"Wow, English relatives huh?" Eren just commented as he processed the new information.
"Actually they're mostly of French heritage, but yes. I still have a big part of my distant family in France but I don't know most of them".
"You're part French?" Eren asked, eyes widened.
"I haven't told you?" he asked while sipping on his beer.
"No! Hah, well this explains a lot" Eren joked. "Oh hold up, can you speak french?" A smile seemed to tug at Levi's lips from Eren's random excitement.
"Oui, je parle. Comprends-tu?*" he asked.
"Ahh! Oui, oui!" Eren said, holding up a finger in the air as if he had understood. Even he had to admit however that the pronunciation honestly had sounded more Spanish than French. Levi looked at him with a skeptical but amused look.
"Tu as ronflé la nuit derniére, mon amour*".
"Oh my god, that's hot" Eren burst out, covering his mouth; despite having no idea what he had said other than the last two words.
"Ah ouais?*" Levi said, raising his eyebrows.
"And oh my gosh, you a hundred percent were a player! Sacré bleu*!" Eren laughed. Now Levi apparently couldn't help but burst out in a small laugh.
"No one actually says that anymore" he commented.
"Aww" Eren said with a pout, "wie traurig*". This time Levi was the one to actually look fairly impressed.
"You speak German?"
"Ah, nein nein" Eren said, scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed manner. "Ehm hm... ein... wenig*" he replied while holding up fingers showing a small amount but made it sound like a question as he wasn't sure of the grammar or pronunciation. "My family is from Germany on my dad's side, but they're all fluent in English so I've never tried to learn it despite occasionally talking to them" he explained instead.
"Oh of course... Yeager" he said, snapping his fingers. "Wow, that shouldn't have come as a surprise".
"Right?" he said. His bad attempt at German had been quite embarrassing in hindsight so he took his first sip of the beer he had been neglecting so he wouldn't have to come up with anything new to say on the matter.
The beer tasted different from any he'd had before and the smell was even weirder. Not weird in a bad way, just not at all what he expected from a beer. It almost smelled fruity.
"Hah, is this really beer?" he asked.
"Why?"
"I don't know... it's like fruity or something".
"It's ale, a type of beer that typically taste a lot sweeter than the more common lager" he explained.
"Oh! Okay" he said and took a sip.
"Plus it's not a cheap German brand" he smirked.
"Hey" Eren laughed.
"No Germany make some of the best beers actually, but they generally make it more bitter and also mass-produce it, so some of the most common brands here are cheap and really bad. As always with alcohol there's a huge difference when the production is less than high quality".
"Hmm" Eren just hummed and took another sip. "Yeah definitely a lot less bitter than what I've had before" he agreed.
"Thought you would like it".
"I don't really mind it bitter though" Eren commented.
"No?"
"Yeah. I even bought Sazerac that time I went out last week" he admitted.
"Oh you did?" Levi asked, looking a little surprised. "That's a strong one. How was it?" he asked and seemed slightly tense with the subject. It wasn't surprising, Levi knew Eren hadn't been in a good place mentally that day.
"Well... Strong" Eren shrugged, unsure if it was good timing to discuss the emotions behind it any closer than that... but apparently he didn't have to.
"Eren, it might be uncalled for, but can I advice you?"
"Yeah? Sure" he replied a little surprised.
"Alright... This relates to one of the most important lessons I've learned so far in life. Don't drink to numb your feelings. When used properly alcohol is only here to enhance pleasure; not to escape discomfort. It's when you use it that way that it really can get addicting because the human nature loves easy escapes" he said, looking somewhat grim. "I would say that it's actually the same with sex, adrenaline, pain, gambling and all kinds of stimulating things in life; we should definitely use the ones we enjoy to our advantage but there's a real fine line between using and misusing pleasure".
"I see..." Eren said and nodded. He could feel that Levi was correct about this and it seemed a serious matter. He found himself biting his lip nervously. Life is fucking hard.
"Don't take it as a moral lesson because I couldn't give a flying shit if that was all there was to it. No this is self-preservation... self-care, if you will" Levi then added and Eren nodded slowly. "Of course there are exceptions. It could possibly be a good idea to use all kinds of methods to lessen pain or discomfort for a limited period of time for example but it really comes down to what kind of person you are and how you're overall doing in life at the time".
"That makes sense" he said. "When did you learn this lesson?"
"Well... many times over" he replied, saying both very little and a lot at the same time.
It might be because he was getting tipsy, but Eren suddenly started feeling overcome by sadness from again witnessing the subtle hints of loneliness and pain that now and then resided in Levi's eyes. The mental image of a young Levi struggling alone at the bottom through the death and misery that Eren had understood had marked the start of his life tormented him. And this advice he wanted to pass on caused additional thoughts to pop out... he had mentioned sex as one of the possible means to escape and had also admittedly had a lot of it but without really speaking to the other person. Did that mean that it had used to be sex triggered by trauma for him? Had it been the same with alcohol? Smoking? Money?...
Certain pieces suddenly seemed to fit together like a puzzle. Perhaps Levi really had been struggling with unhealthy addictions like that before, coming from a place of misery and loss. It made sense yet painted such a vastly different image of the man than the one he was used to. The Levi today that he had gotten to know had incredible control over himself and also used and lived life's pleasures effectively and naturally and it always seemed to be controlled and healthy. Everything from how deeply and intricately he was able to receive and give pleasure through sex to just simple thing like enjoying nice meals, nice views and his daily morning tea. He doubted that any of these things that he had seen was used in a unhealthy manner like that today.
"Do you have anything you still misuse to escape?" he dared ask. Levi didn't immediately reply, but the pause didn't seem to be out of a need to think through the answer but out of hesitation on whether to share it or not.
"I do" he finally replied after another sip of the gold colored drink. "Work".
Eren blinked in slight surprise. His work? He hadn't even thought of that as a possible risk.
"Oh" he just replied.
"I'd like to say I have it under control, but it's a part of me by now. See, many days I just wish would pass by as fast as possible. Then drowning myself in work works like a wonder... time passes quickly and it occupies my mind". Eren swallowed thickly. He was incredibly happy that Levi for some reason had suddenly decided to open up like this, but this was some real deep shit and so sudden. Although... when was he ever prepared for talking about emotions? He had no idea on how to respond and was sure he would say something stupid... But then he remembered what he appreciated so much about Levi's way of listening: he just took in what Eren decided to share and didn't make a big deal out of it nor try to avoid it... Just took it in.
"I suck at expressing myself, but thank you for telling me. I love you" Eren said, feeling really unsure of himself right then but also being very genuine.
"Don't worry, you're always expressing yourself perfectly clear. Your love language is physical contact" he said with a soft smile. Eren wasn't familiar with the concept Levi seemed to mention but it certainly seemed correct so he nodded. He felt relieved that Levi didn't seem to need more response than that from him for now. And once again he was impressed at how he seemed to be able to understand him better than he understood himself sometimes.
He didn't say anything more but for once found himself feeling that he didn't need to. They both knew they had mutual understanding despite the silence and it wasn't at all uncomfortable. He felt a small smile start playing on his lips and he looked down into the drink while reflecting on his feelings. If this wasn't a level-up of a relationship he didn't know what was.
"Thank you for making me talk" Levi calmly said after a while.
"I didn't do anything..." Eren blinked.
"Oh you've done a lot. Ever since the very first day you've allowed yourself to be raw and vulnerable with me. That natural trust will eventually help open up even the most stubbornly private guy" he explained with a smirk and Eren felt his cheeks heat up. He could sense that Levi again was correct and that Eren truly had helped him in the way he explained, but he also didn't feel like he earned that gratefulness because it wasn't like he had done it for Levi's sake... he had just done what came natural to him.
"...Stuff like that isn't hard for me" he therefore said.
"I know" Levi said. "Opposites attract was it?"
"Tsk, yeah, a hundred percent" Eren said, smiling and suddenly decided he'd had enough of sitting on opposites sides of a table. He scooted over on the C-shaped sofa. Physical touch as love language, huh? Yeah, guess so.
Losing himself in this man was so easy and it just kept getting easier the more he got to explore. They fit together so well that it almost hurt... or maybe that was just Eren being drunk and dramatic, he couldn't tell. The only thing he knew for sure was that he loved that hand with fingers that was now soft and carefully tangled in his hair and for a while tightened their grip, tugging gently at his scalp, the feel of the exposed skin of his boyfriend's neck under his fingertips and the soft humming sound escaping through the lips that moved against his. They pulled back from the kiss and Eren opened his eyes, meeting Levi's soft gaze back at him.
"We're in public" Eren said with a jokingly condescending look.
"Yeah? We're just being romantic" Levi smirked, mimicking Eren's own earlier words.
"No" he disagreed.
"No?" Levi asked.
"Well I'm not feeling romantic anymore... In fact-" he said and leaned slightly closer to him and lowered his voice, "if we were alone right now I would beg you to take me right here". He sat back up again, enjoying the shift in Levi's eyes. He felt how his own was brimming with both confidence and want.
"That look in your eyes... fuck, what are you doing to me?" Levi mumbled and pushed back a strand of his hair behind his ear. "I can't wait to take you home".
"Careful, or you might be the one who needs the long coat sir" he said with a small, confident smile and marked his words by putting his hand on top of Levi's thigh and squeezing slightly. "...Although I could take care of that" he added again in a low voice.
"What? You want to suck my cock slut?" Levi baited and made Eren bite his lip from hearing the crude words from Levi's lips.
"I want to gag on it" he replied, now slightly breathless.
"Alright, but I don't want any half-assed bathroom job this time. We're in my city now so I want you on your knees by my bed". Eren felt heat flare up inside from the provocative words and he had to shift in his seat as his body reacted.
"Please".
(A/N): TO ALL FRENCH AND GERMAN SPEAKERS OUT THERE... I'm sorry if I butchered that.
And to everyone else (hopefully okay translations... help me out please, native speakers):
"Oui, je parle. Comprends-tu?": Yes, I speak it. Do you understand (it)?
"Tu as ronflé la nuit derniére, mon amour": You snored last night, my love.
"Ah ouais?": Oh yeah?
"Sacré bleu": Old-fashioned/sometimes comical way of cursing, something along the lines of "Holy god!".
"Wie traurig": How sad.
"Ein wenig": A little.
Alright then, I really hope you enjoyed that chapter and that I'll see you again for the next! I plan to start updating every second Friday again now... but this first one will be one day off, Saturday the 4:th. Hope to see you there! 🤗