Trigger Warning: This chapter depicts attempted suicide.
Christine sat up with a gasp in her bed. The sudden movement caused her to groan in agony and reach for the thick blanket wrapped tightly around her. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only sign that she was alive. That and the physical pain that she was in. She felt like she had been ran over.
A creak in the chair across the room drew her attention. Maria adjusted in her sleep. She looked so small in the chair compared to her normal towering demeanor. Her face was puffy, and cheeks were stained from tears.
Which made her nightmares even more than that? They were true.
Amilla was gone, Christine was alive. All because Christine murdered her own sister.
She was a monster.
The bile in her stomach began to creep up her throat and she couldn't hold it in for much longer. She grabbed her IV drip and used it as a support system. She held in her scream of protest as she lifted her body out of her bed and onto the floor. Shuffling to the bathroom, she used her other hand to keep the contents of her stomach in her mouth. After locking the door behind her, Christine threw herself at the toilet. She barely managed to lift the lid before she vomited into the toilet. Her eyes watered from the violent convulsions, and she cried, unwillingly. It felt like an eternity before she finished. She groaned and leaned against the shower stall on the floor. Laying her cold forehead onto her arms, she began to sob.She could still hear the sound of the knife embedding in between her shoulder blades. She felt her shudder in pain once the initial shock wore off and she knew what had happened. She felt ashamed that she had stabbed her in the back, like the coward that she is. Instead of accepting that her sister was going to kill her, she killed her sister instead. There had to have been another way to stop her. Christine was just too weak to do it. Her blood trickled down her hand at first, then it felt like someone began to pour it all over her hands. She began to get sick again as she imagined the warmth and the metallic smell. Her hands began to get warm and she could have sworn that she felt it on her. Christine peeked up from her sullen state and saw that her something was dripping from her hands.
Blood.
She looked down and noticed that she had managed to rip her IV out and left a trail of blood. She located the needle, on the ground next to her, and stared at it. The thin piece of metal still had some blood on it from where it was in her arm. It lied still next to her, calling to her. She felt how inviting the needle looked and she wanted to welcome it with open arms. She wanted to feel the same pain that Amilla must have felt when Christine murdered her. Her body must have made the decision for her because all Christine could feel was the needle sitting in her hand, waiting for her next move. She held onto the handle of the needle for far too long before she used it like a handle to plunge into her wrist. Christine refused to cry out as she cut herself, she didn't deserve to. Amilla didn't cry so that meant that she didn't deserve to either. She gripped the handle harder as she stabbed at her wrist. Eventually her tears made it too hard to see, so Christine used the amount of pain she was in to guage where she was at. The stinging sensation slowly subsided and all she could feel was the pressure of needle. That wasn't enough for her, she needed to feel pain. She needed to be hurt.
The door handle jiggled and she could hear Maria calling her, but she was drifting. Christine tried to grab the needle in her other hand, but her fingers were numb and it made it difficult to grip. The needle slipped from her fingers and rolled towards the toilet. Christine used her other hand to reach towards it when the door was broken down. Christine didn't even look up, she kept reaching for the needle that she needed.
"Oh my God. Christine. What did you do?" Maria gasped.
"I can't-I can't reach it."
"Christine! What did you do?! Oh My God! Someone call the doctor!" She called out to the people in the hall. A small crowd had gathered around the room, but no one dared to come inside the bathroom. Maria was the only one brave enough too. She carefully maneuvered around the bathroom, grabbing supplies.
"Please, I need to reach it" She mumbled.
She tried to use the stall as leverage to stand up, but her foot slipped, and she fell. Maria rushed to her and got on her knees to tend to Christine.
"Why the fuck would you do this?" She wrapped the towel around her wrist and applied pressure. "Answer me. Why?"
Christine tried to yank her arm away from Maria, but her grip got rougher instead. When she realized resisting was futile, she turned her face away from Maria and closed her eyes.
"Don't go to sleep, Amara! Do you hear me? Don't go to sleep. I need you to stay awake"
Christine found the words to be no comfort. She wanted to welcome death, so that's what she did. The darkness began to creep in and Christine ran away from the light.
"Amara? Stay awake"
"Look alive, Christine!"
Christine ducked her head down as a robot began to shoot at them. Summoning a shadow wall around Clint, Steve, and her she took the time to grab one of Clint's backup magazines and put it in her gun. She glanced at her teammates to signal that she was ready, and they gave her the go ahead to drop her protective wall. She dropped the dome and Steve wasted no time hurling his shield at the android. Clint and Christine shot at the android until we heard the familiar whine and it plummeted to the ground.
"The next wave's gonna hit any minute. What have you got Stark?" Steve said.
By the time that they got to Steve, the city had rose even higher. Christine could feel how it was affecting her performance and she ran out of breath quicker than she normally did. She had to take a break while Steve gathered information from Tony. Plopping on the ground, she took the time to take deep, satisfying breaths. Clint mimicked her movements and sat next to her. He gave her back a comforting rub as he tried to catch his own breath. The rubbing motion helped her breathing and she was able to reciprocate after she caught her breath.
"Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city. That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear."
"I asked for a solution, not an escape plan."
"We have to make sure that we get everyone to safety before we can even think about the future." She said.
"Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We're going to have to make a choice."
"Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock" Natasha began.
"Not until everyone's safe"
"Everyone up here, versus everyone down there? There is no math there"
"There is no math when it comes to saving their lives. We either find a way to keep everyone safe or we die trying." Christine chimed in.
"I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it" Steve agreed.
"I didn't say we should leave." Natasha looks at the sky above us. "There are worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?"
"Glad you like the view, Romanoff." Fury's voice echoed in the earpieces. "It's about to get better." Christine tried to fight the smile that graced her smile when the Helicarrier came into view. "Nice, huh? I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do."
"Fury, you son of a bitch."
"Ooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"This is S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Pietro leaned over to Christine.
"This is what S.H.I.E.L.D. is supposed to be."
"This is not so bad" He shrugged his shoulders. Christine leaned over and bumped her shoulder into his chest.
"Let's load 'em up." Steve ordered.
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