"There comes a time when nothing is meaningful except surrending to love."
-Rumi
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"You do realize you ought to have been home before dark, do you?"
Em pursed her lips and waited until Dathan closed the carriage door. The driver may have ignored to look at them but he could definitely hear them, she could not possibly retort back while he was still within earshot.
Once the carriage started rolling away, she turned her eyes at him. "Your mother, my mistress, has given me permission to accept the countess' invitation. And there is no need for you to pick me up like I was some child."
"I happen to be your mistress' son. And you are an unwed woman, you cannot go around alone unchaperoned."
"Well, do you wish me to thank you? May I remind you that the countess has sent for me and has promised to send me home on their carriage."
"A carriage with Hanselworth." He scoffed. "If I knew any better, the countess wishes for you to ruin her son's virtue just so you could end up marrying the fool—also known as her son."
Em scowled, "How dare you say something horrible about the countess. She intend no such thing!" But when she thought on it, Dathan may have a point. Was it not the countess who urged her to visit the bell tower? And had she not argued her son to accompany her? But Margeary did not like her, that was said plainly. Why would she allow her son to make such a stupid mistake?
"You've gone quite. I thought you'd appreciate me coming here."
"I was just thinking. You are not entirely wrong." Em said.
"I am glad you can see where I am coming from."
"But, we have no proof that the countess orchestrated such a thing. So it is best to keep these thoughts to yourself. It is not like she forced Gideon and I to be alone."
Dathan's browse came together, "You and Hanselworth were left alone?"
"I..uh..it was just for a short period of time. Nothing happened!"
"There better not be, Em. Because if that man did something forcefully, I will challenge him to a duel."
She sighed, "Surely you will not go that far for me."
"Oh, but I can and I will." He sat back on his seat and composed a superior posture. "I will do anything to protect what is mine."
"I appreciate the thought, Dathan. But I am not yours."
"Have I not been led to believe we had an agreement?" He snapped. "You gave me your permission that we can, your words not mine, that we can nip here and there." His eyes locked with hers. "And so, I drove like a madman from Fairclough to the towers to pick you up. Because I want a nip here and there. That meant you are mine and I closely guard whatever, whomever that may be. I believe you feel the same way."
Em wanted to pull her hair until none was left. She should have thought well and hard before making a rash decision. But what's done is done. She cannot deny any longer that her body yearned for his touch and all the things he could promise. "We signed no papers, Dathan. We are not bound by law because of what we agreed. Also, I do not remember asking you to stalk me. How did you even knew where I was?"
"From Carol, of course. And I have to stalk you, Em. Or else how can I honor that agreement?"
"Well, I wish to make changes. No more stalking! From now on, you will know my whereabouts but to not interfere with them. Whether you knew whom I shall be spending those moments."
He leaned forward but kept a little bit of distance from her, "So you wish to tell me that we may engage in tryst while you do the same with some other man?"
"Dathan Davensport! What on earth are you talking about?!" She half-whispered and half-yelled. "I was not having a tryst with Gideon if that is what you are implying!"
"You gave me the idea. So how can I believe what you say, Em?"
"Well, it is the truth." But she couldn't stop the chill that crept on her. Could he tell she had been kissed moments ago? Her lips have been thoroughly wiped and any traces of her loose hair have been taken care of. Also, that kiss was unintentional, Gideon stole that from her. Which meant, she did not have a tryst with him at all. There was no need to be guilty. "You do not take me for a liar, do you?"
Dathan gritted his teeth. He was angry. "No, Em. Because I know you are a bad liar. But I can also tell when you wish to keep information from me just so you can avoid lying. And I believe this is one those moments. But what irks me is that, I was told by the countess herself that you were alone with his son. What was I supposed to think? I told you before, Em. I do not trust that man. When I learned he took you away since we attended their party, I thought you wished to neglect me."
"That was why you were so cold towards me when I was fetching your wraps?"
"Of course. How could you expect me to smile at you not knowing what that man could have done. But I do realize now that I should not treated you like that, Em. I should've talked to you instead of ignored you."
"I understand and yes, I accept your apology."
"Again, I simply do not trust him."
Neither does your brother. Her mind screamed. Surely that ought to tell her to veer away from the knight but she was too stubborn to listen and now, it was probably too late. Gideon has been part of her life and there was no removing him anytime soon. All because she craved for his kindness.
Her silence irked him. Thinking she was ignoring him now, he pulled her close and cut off any sound from her lips.
This kiss was rough and domineering. Em found herself trapped in strong capable arms while her breath was taken in an instant. She knew she should fight him back and push away. But found that she could not. Her hands grew limp and unmoving. She was captured yet freed at the same.
Freed from the reservations she thought she wanted. Those gentle and kind kisses from Gideon were nice but this...this was different. It had the same intensity and passion she found herself wanting. It was way different from what she thought she could live with all her life. This one has what she wanted: fire.
He relaxed his hold on her and gave her a moment to catch her breath. His blue-green eyes burned with lust.
"D-dathan..." she murmured. "I...I want it."
"What, Em? What do you want from me?" He whispered just above her lips. Letting her feel the warmth. "Tell me exactly."
"I...I..."
He kissed her again and all reason was lost. This time, he had taken all control from her. Unlike the first time they kissed, this one felt that he wanted her to know he owns her. That her whole being was at his mercy. And Em felt that she really was.
His lips have now travelled down her neck. The heat from his tongue erased whatever trace Gideon has left. And she found this immensely satisfying. Oh dear lord, I am such a harlot.
She had been pushed back on the seat while he gently squeezed himself against hers. Dathan was no gentleman, both in words and actions. He would say and do what his mind wanted. And right now, he wanted her.
Em could feel his hand gliding down her legs. Despite the layers of skirts she wore, she felt how warm his hands were. And the more he dug deeper, finding her skin, the more she burned. How could he do this? How could he make her feel things she never knew have existed? How could this man, her friend, lust after her and do the same?
If she'd known this man could bring such intimacy she should've waited patiently. However did she allow herself to be blinded by charm and kindness offered by the others? When all this time, this fire was what she wanted?
She looked at him and realized how much she wished to surrender for him. Mayhap, everything that she has. But what was left of her? She had nothing but spoils.
"Dathan..." she whimpered. "I'm...hot." Idiot. You ought to stop him. Screamed her mind. But her body took over and told her to just feel for now. Be free of any inhibitions and treat yourself to some pleasure. "P-please...more.."
She felt him smile but said nothing. He just kept his head bent against her neck and his hands did the magic. It did not matter that the carriage had stopped moving. They just assumed they have made it home and the driver decided to leave them be.
Between the moans and intense kisses, they managed to free themselves of their upper body clothing. Em successfully discarded his coat and cravat while he unbuttoned her dress and pushed the hem down to her waist. The moment Dathan hugged her the more heat erupted between them. Feeling her skin against his was a memory he would forever cherish.
"Em..."
"Dathan please...do not make me beg for more."
He captured her mouth for another explosion of emotions. He knew it was not the right place to take her yet she appeared not to mind. Her clothes are almost off of her and if he could just pull down her drawers, he might—
They both froze upon the sounds of footsteps. Their eyes went to the door, hearts beating wildly. Will they be caught?
But a knock pounded the door instead. "My lord? I have tethered the horses. May I go?"
It was the driver.
"Yes. And leave now."
"At once, my lord."
They waited until his footsteps faded. Once certain that he was away, Dathan knelt down and carefully pulled Em's dress back up.
"That was close." He breathed.
Em tried to breath as well but the panic was still bursting loudly on her ears. She tried to button her dress but her finger were shaking.
"Let me."
She turned around and gave him her back. Within moments, she was all covered up. She slowly turned back and kept her lips pursed.
"Em, I am so, sorry. I did not meant to force you—"
"You have not."
"But I could have stopped any moment. It was improper of me to take advances knowing full well we were headed home."
"You need not stop. I wanted it to happen."
"But Em, I could have ruined—"
"I am already ruined, Dathan." She snapped. "But not because of you. It was because I was reckless and naive. I made that mistake a long time ago and I am now paying for all I have done. I should have left and never came back. Life was starting to fall apart but then...then you...you were there."
"Whatever do you mean? What mistake?" He shook her shoulders, "I shall forbid you to go away, Emelia. I promised to make you mine."
She smiled sadly, "What a lovely promise that is. But I cannot allow you make it come true. You see, any moment now, I could be banished from here. Because I committed a grave sin."
"What we just did was not a sin. It was partly...of some sort. But I am more than prepared to take responsibility. I can ask my mother for your hand in marriage, if you will allow me. Just do not go."
She closed her eyes and felt the tears fall. "You are a noble's son. You cannot marry beneath your station."
"None sense! They made that rule for the heirs like my brother. I am only his spare. Nothing is expected of me. So stop using that excuse."
"It is a rather plausible excuse." She replied, her energy fading away. "I declined your proposal before and I will do so again."
"So you planned to lead me for nothing all along? Is what it? And now you are ending it? Why? Because of this?" He pulled her against him and took the words out of her mouth. This time, there was no room for tenderness, there was just lust. He was a man who had experienced pleasure from the many ladies of the world and he knew exactly how to reciprocate those things. He only let her go when she had catch her breath but he kept her close. "Did you just want me for the pleasure?"
"I...I could never.."
"What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?"
"Dathan...I want you. All of you." And the tears came back. "I want you so badly despite knowing I should not."
"Then stop pushing me away."
"I have to."
"No."
"Yes."
He sighed and hugged her gently. She cried on his shoulders as if he was the only person she could ever bare herself to.
"We could elope, Em. If you are that afraid of this place then let us go. To a far away place where they will never find us again. I have already forgiven you and my brother for being together in the past."
She just kept crying.
"I can turn my back from this family. They would not mind my absence."
"No. I cannot let you do that." She said between intakes of breath. "Your mother loves you and Lady Julianna! You cannot possibly abandon her."
Dathan sighed. "Then tell me, what can I do? I want to be with you and you want to be with me. And dare not say it is merely our station that stops you from loving me. Because I know you are more than that."
Em sighed. "You are right. I care naught if you were the heir of not, I do not mind if you were a noble's son or my mistress' second born. I wanted you." She wiped her tears and moved away from his arms. "I have cared for you even though I should not. I even craved for your touches and kisses when I am not supposed to. I am that selfish."
He gave her a gentle kiss.
"But I must stop right now, Dathan. Or I might ruin you."
"What does that mean?" He asked.
"The Duchess will soon send me away."
His brows came together, "My mother?"
"No." She shook her head. "Your sister-in-law, Lydia."
***
Supper took longer than it should. When it finally ended, Damian found himself walking outside. The evening chill always comforted him.
A servant emerged from the carriage house and made its way on the same path he was trodding along. "Good evening, your grace."
"Have you been sent on an errand? All the servants are un the house, why are you out here?"
"I drove your brother, your grace. We have just arrived."
"I see. Off you go now."
The servant bowed and left. Whatever did Dathan do now?
***
"Explain yourself, Em."
"Mayhap tomorrow. I am quite tired. If you would excuse me—"
He leaned against the door. "You are not leaving this place until you tell me exactly what is going on."
"I will tell you but not now. I have to think."
"What is there to think?" His eyes glowered. "Are you going to make up a story? What will it be this time?"
"I am not going to make up a story. I simply need to think how to tell you. Do not force it out of me now."
"You are worried how I would feel, is that it?"
She blinked. Is that what she was anxious about?
"Can you worry about yourself at least just once?" Dathan snapped. "You torture your very soul because you are anxious that I shall feel bad. I beg of you, Em. Do not worry about me right now. Just tell me the truth."
The truth was going to hurt him, bad. And if that happens, he will discard her. So in the end, she really was just worried for herself. She cannot tell him now because she still wanted him by her side.
"Give me time."
"No."
"Dathan, please."
"No."
"You cannot keep me here forever. The dowager will look for me."
"Then," he reached for door jam and locked it, "let her find us here. That way, I can compromise us both."
Her eyes widened, "You cannot do that!"
He crossed his arms, "What will you do about it?"
Em gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. What a stubborn man. Fighting against him is futile. So she did the only thing she could. She jumped from her seat, threw her kerchief at his face and reached for the door while he was distracted. Everything happened so fast and Dathan was not prepared to block her. In his panicked state, he tried to grab her body but Em had managed to unlatch the door and freed herself out. But by doing so, she fell down the steps face first.
"Em!"
She immediately rolled over and found her footing. "You stay there and dare not follow me." With a grunt, she whirled around and ran away.
Dathan cursed beneath his breath and got out of the carriage. His coat was still somewhere in the carriage but atleast he had donned his shirt back. He had no choice but wait for Em to tell him what was her reason for declining her. For now, he ought to find that bloody coat and get some rest. So he stuck his head back in and began reaching down the seats, mayhap they've thrown it there during the struggle.
His fingers brushed against a cloth and knew it was what he was looking for. With a little stretch, he groped his coat and managed to pull it out. Shaking the material in one hand, he closed the carriage door and turned around.
"Damian! You gave me fright. How long have you been there?"
His brother stood there, a mere few paces away from him. His hands were balled on his sides while his eyes threw him a sharp look.
"Long enough to witness Emelia's escape."
Dathan exhaled, "I can explain."
"You better do, brother."
"It is what you think it is, Damian. We were in a tryst, I should not say such things but you know me, I am no gentleman. And I wish to be upfront with you."
"You call that upfront? Pathetic. I'd say that was a lie. A whole bunch of it. What in the world has gotten into you? There is no way she would ever meet with you like that."
"I know it is hard to believe but Em and I have developed a far more intimate relationship. For a while now. And you are not stopping me. Not mother or father and not even our sister." Dathan pointed his finger at his brother and continued, "Unlike you, I can chose whoever I wish to marry."
"You wish to marry, Emelia?"
His younger brother smiled, "I do not wish to, Damian. I intend to."