What has Anakin gotten himself into now? The thought keeps replaying over and over in Ahsoka's head as she makes her way through the Star Destroyer on her way to find Rex. She has no idea what could be serious enough for him to take such drastic action. It's not a mission, at least not one from the Jedi or the Council, or he would have told her. What she can't figure out, is what it could be. She's admittedly worried about Anakin. He's not been himself, and Obi-Wan – she flinches inwardly on his name – is right about Anakin being impulsive. Please be safe, Skyguy, wherever you are.
It's serious, though, or he would have taken her with him. But what could he consider serious enough to leave her behind? She should be there with him. She can't lose him, not him too. Memories of holding Obi-Wan's body burn in her mind but she forces them back. No, she's here for Anakin. For Rex. For her brothers. She should be out there with him, wherever he is. He can't take care of himself right now. She wishes things would just return to normal, but there is no normal anymore. Not without – she cuts off the thought there. It will do no good to keep thinking of him.
Rex is, not surprisingly, expecting her when she enters his quarters. It's the first time she's seen him since before the funeral. "Hey, Rex." She doesn't try to manage a smile. She couldn't, even if she wanted to. All she wants to do is crawl into a corner and bawl her eyes out. Again.
"I heard about what happened," he says, expression unusually grave.
"Everyone has, hasn't they?" she sighs. She can feel tears pricking her eyes suddenly, and she desperately blinks them away, trying to ignore the aching pit of longing in her heart. She misses those days when she, Anakin, and Obi-Wan has time to relax and be themselves, be a family. "But there's more for you to hear."
"What is it?" Rex asks, almost warily.
"Anakin decided to fake his death and disappear so he can do something," she admits, "But he doesn't want anyone to know. He didn't tell me why," she hastily adds at the look of almost horror on Rex's face. The captain seems to be on the verge of freaking out.
"Why? Where?" he demands, standing jerkily. "He can't – We just lost General Kenobi. What was he thinking?"
It gratifies Ahsoka that she's not the only one who is stressed – and maybe a little panicked – over what Anakin might be doing. She can't – refuses – to lose him. "I wish we could have helped him," she mumbles miserably, knowing even as she says it, that if he thought it too dangerous for her, or even any of the clones, to help, whatever he's doing must be incredibly risky. Maybe it is for the best that she remains here.
Rex exhales, slumping back onto his bunk and patting the place beside him. She takes the invitation, sitting down next to him. "So do I, vod'ika," Rex murmurs so quietly that she only hears because of her enhanced hearing. "So do I."
His words send a jolt of warmth through her, and she smiles faintly. Anakin will be alright. He'll come back. He promised he would, and he always keeps his promises. Until he returns, at least she'll still have Rex, her... other brother. She likes the sound of that.
***
Serenno is interesting, different than Anakin had expected it to be. And he also hadn't expected to actually end up here one day, much less during the Clone Wars, and of his own free will. Dooku's residence is beautiful – not that Anakin ever intends to tell him so – and much of it reminds him of Varykino, where he and Padme married. Perhaps they will be able to end this war soon, so he can go back to her, go back home. He wants to move to Naboo, taking Ahsoka with them, of course, and try to find a way to just live.
The pain of Obi-Wan's death is still too close, too fresh, and being here in a new place is like a breath of fresh air. He's no longer surrounded by memories, and the distance gives him some time to recover himself, to let go of some of his grief and move on. Except, he'll never truly be able to move on, just like he never truly moved on from his mother's death. This – this was something far deeper and more cutting. He and Obi-Wan did almost everything together, and Anakin truthfully doesn't know how to function without him.
Of course, being near Dooku means that he's constantly jumpy and on alert, but that's a good thing. The more time he spends puzzling over the Count's possible motives, the less time he spends mourning. After programming Artoo to keep watch all night for any nearby individuals or droids, Anakin resigns himself to a sleepless night in the guest quarters.
"Anakin."
He jerks at the sound of the voice – familiar, soothing – turning to see Obi-Wan looking at him, a small, warm smile on his face, one he only ever gives to Anakin. Desperately, Anakin studies his face, burning it into memory for all eternity, because it's never going to last. It never does. "Master," he chokes out, the words sticking in his throat. "Obi-Wan, please..." He doesn't know what he's begging for. Or actually, he does. He wants to beg Obi-Wan to come back, to stay with him. He wants to beg him to never leave him again.
"I'll be alright," Obi-Wan promises, a hand landing on Anakin's shoulder, warm and tangible. He reaches up, touching Anakin's face gently. "You have to let me go." He steps back, arms falling back to his sides.
Anakin can't hold back a cry at Obi-Wan's words and at the loss of contact. "No," he whispers stubbornly, a feeling of foreboding building within him.
A red lightsaber suddenly protrudes through Obi-Wan's chest, but he doesn't even react, still smiling as softly as he was before. Anakin screams. "No. No, you can't –!" Tears blur his eyes, but that doesn't prevent the image of Obi-Wan crumpling to the ground from being burned into mind. He tries to move towards him, finding himself frozen to the spot, whether from horror or shock or something else, he doesn't know.
"You should be more careful what you choose, boy," taunts Dooku, stepping from the shadows and twirling his lightsaber with a flourish. He's smirking, eyes a cold yellow. Anakin involuntarily takes a step back, fear clenching him in a vise. This is the man who cut off his arm, leaving him maimed for life, and he just...
"What have you done?" yells Anakin, finally dropping to his knees next to Obi-Wan's body, his former master's gaze empty and lifeless. It hurts. It will always hurt.
"You are fulfilling your destiny," Dooku replies, an eerie calm in his voice, though it echoes somehow, dark and sinister.
Anakin shakes his head desperately, mutely, unable to speak. He might have conceded to taking a Sith name, but that's not nearly enough to actually make him a Sith. He would never, ever betray Obi-Wan like that. Although... if it would be enough to bring him back? Yes, he would do it in a heartbeat. He would do anything to get him back, and though that thought should scare him, it doesn't.
"You are a Sith, Skywalker. You have always been one." His words are matter of fact, as if he's stating the obvious.
"Stop it!" screams Anakin, choking on a sob, tears streaming down his face. "Leave me alone!"
He wakes up with a cry, tears already blurring his eyes and falling unchecked down his face. He can't stop trembling as he sits up and buries his face in his hands. The room is completely silent, not to mention unfamiliar, but it's the quiet that feels like a knife ripping open a wound. It's far too silent, and he can't bear it. It reminds him too acutely of Obi-Wan's death, but he's alone. Ahsoka is all the way on Coruscant, so he can't go to her or Padme. It's only him and Artoo here. Never before has Anakin felt so desperately lonely and afraid.
***
Anakin struggles to brush aside his nightmare when dawn breaks the next morning, and he decides that any further attempts at sleeping are a fruitless endeavor. He straightens out his robes, waiting until the sun has risen before leaving his quarters for the small dining area. A waitress droid brings him breakfast and Dooku's apologies. Apparently, the Count is too busy with some political matter to come, for which Anakin is grateful. He doesn't think he would be able to see Dooku right now, not while the images from his nightmare are still so fresh.
When he's done eating, a protocol droid informs him that his new set of armor has arrived and is waiting in his quarters. Anakin finds himself mildly surprised by the news, though he probably shouldn't be. They need to move quickly, and his armor is, unfortunately, an important part of that. Dooku must have ordered it when they were in hyperspace.
Anakin turns to leave the room when the droid calls after him. "Sir, the Count has also requested that you change the kyber crystal in your lightsaber. You must not be recognized as a Jedi. When you are attired in your armor, I will escort you to his office."
He grimaces. "Okay," he says grudgingly before striding back to his bedroom. He really doesn't like the sound of this. It's as though Dooku is trying to erase all traces of the Jedi Anakin still is. It reminds him of his nightmare abruptly, but he forces those thoughts away. He cannot afford to dwell on it. Not now.
Anakin examines the armor carefully placed in his bedroom when he arrives. It will certainly conceal his identity, though it seems like an overkill in his opinion. A simple helmet would have been fine, but this? He shifts uncertainly, wondering how it will affect his mobility and dueling abilities. Well, there's only one way to find out. Taking a deep breath, he begins to put it on, piece by piece.
When he's done, he steps before a mirror, gazing at his reflection. He must admit that he doesn't mind being an intimidating figure, which he certainly is, especially right now. He curiously inspects his towering, black figure. Armor covers his entire body, and a black helmet, equipped with a vocoder, covers his face. A flowing cape completes the outfit.
It's – it's perfect. He can't deny the surge of satisfaction when he sees his reflection. No one will ever believe that Anakin Skywalker could be the masked Sith, who might not even be human. For the first time since Obi-Wan's death, a sincere – though slightly smug – smile flickers across Anakin's face.
Now, all he needs in his lightsaber. His gaze flicks towards the weapon in question, laying innocently on his bed next to a red kyber crystal. His brow furrows in thought as he strides towards it. He really doesn't want to change his blade color, since he doesn't want to be so closely linked to the Sith – not after his nightmare last night – but he can't argue with Dooku's logic. If he's going to dress like a Sith, then his weapon needs to look like a Sith's as well.
With a sigh, he uses the Force to draw his lightsaber into the air and take the components apart. He carefully withdraws his own blue crystal, pulling it to his hand. He looks at it for a long moment before his fingers close around it. He will not lose it, and at the soonest opportunity, he'll switch the crystals again. He doesn't want to have a red blade for even a minute longer than necessary.
Anakin lifts the red crystal into the air, delicately maneuvering it to the proper place before sealing all the components together. His lightsaber sails to his waiting hand, and he pushes the ignition switch. A red blade hisses to life. The weapon feels almost the same in his hand as before, but it also seems slightly off. It's not his crystal, and it was bled. He can feel it crying out in pain even now, and it's almost enough to hurt him. Anakin shakes it off quickly, tucking blue crystal into a concealed pocket in his armor, intending to keep it on him. Clipping his lightsaber to his belt, he leaves the room to join Dooku. This is one conversation he's not looking forwards to in the least.
The protocol droid escorts him down a number of halls – and through one turbolift ride – before they arrive outside the door to what must be Dooku's office. The Sith Lord is inside, dealing with some affair or other. Anakin doesn't really care what, and nor is it any of his concern. Dooku looks up when he enters, a pleased smile appearing on his face.
"It might seem a bit much, but it suits you very well."
Anakin snorts, "A bit much?" Despite being distorted by the vocoder, his tone still conveys his disbelief with the comment.
"Point," Dooku replies, raising an eyebrow, smirking slightly, "It still suits your name and the image we want to convey."
"True," Anakin agrees grudgingly, slightly uncomfortable with how his voice sounds. He sits down in a chair, taking in the sights of the office, for the first time. Dooku's mansion on Serenno is a place to be admired. If he didn't already know of the secret lake retreat on Naboo, then he might consider this heaven, if not for Dooku's presence. Even the Temple never seemed to have the same type of peace he thinks he'll be able to find here, or maybe it's just that there are no bad memories associated with the location. Again, other than Dooku, of course.
Either way, Anakin feels more peaceful here than he has since Obi-Wan died. Well, not in this room, of course, but here in the mansion. He still doesn't trust that Dooku doesn't have ulterior motives. He hasn't recovered from losing Obi-Wan, and he probably never will, but he hopes that the distraction of focusing on preparing to kill Sidious will be enough to dull the grief, if only temporarily. Dooku has spoken with him briefly about emotional control, and Anakin would be lying if he said he doesn't hope to learn the mastery Dooku spoke of. Focus on the here and now.
"I was thinking," begins Dooku, in an unusual tone. It makes Anakin suspect that he's about to suggest something, probably something Anakin won't like. The Count pauses just the right length so as not to aggravate him, but also to get his attention. "Since we may be forced to duel Sidious, it would be wise for you to be used to your armor. I think we should try sparring. It could give you insight on how to fight a Sith, and if you can beat me with ease, Sidious will not be able to defeat you."
Anakin stills, a mixture of shock and uncertainty flooding him, suddenly grateful for the helmet which conceals how much he pales at the mere thought. He's – he's scared of Dooku if he's being honest with himself. The Sith has caused him immeasurable pain, first cutting off his arm, and then, electrocuting him almost every chance he gets. So yes, Anakin is afraid of him. If anything, it's his fear which pushes him to be even more aggressive during their encounters. And maybe Dooku knows this. Maybe it's why he's suggesting it. If Anakin is to learn control, they have to start somewhere. It doesn't mean he has to like it.
What would he have to lose? He'll be able to practice sparring against a person instead of a training droid or MagnaGuard while channeling his emotions. He doesn't want to admit that Dooku has a point – it feels too much like conceding defeat – but at the same time, this isn't about who's right or wrong. It's about finding a way to destroy Sidious, which requires a team effort. Anakin isn't arrogant enough to assume that he'll succeed on his own, not with all the contingency plans the Sith Master has in place.
A sigh escapes him. "Alright. I'll do it." He tries not to sound as grudging as he feels.
Dooku looks inordinately pleased. "Good. We do not have much more time to prepare. The bounty hunters who will be participating in the tournament –" What tournament? "– should be arriving within the week. Two days later is the traditional Festival of Light on Naboo. Palpatine will be attending, and he will be under Jedi guard. The bounty hunters will kidnap him, and he will be delivered to us. We will finish him from there."
"It's a good plan," replies Anakin thoughtfully, "Provided everything goes according to plan."
"They won't," Dooku returns promptly, "I can assure you of that."
"Then we'll improve," Anakin states simply, "It's my specialty." He can't help but feel smug about that. Obi-Wan, he hopes, would be proud of him, of what he's trying to accomplish, and of what he's risking in the possibility of success. Since he's eternally getting himself into tight situations, he's constantly being forced to think on the spot to save himself and everyone around him. That's why he's so famous. He takes risks, and he's daring.
"I'm aware of your reputation, Skywalker," answers the Count, a hint of... is that condescension? in his voice, "And I do hope that your improvised plans won't cause more harm than good, especially since the stakes are so high."
"I can handle any trouble resulting from my plans," Anakin retorts, maybe too confidently. He can't always plan for everything, and he knows it, but that doesn't mean he won't pretend he can. He refuses to give Dooku this small victory. By the Force, mind games are hard. It's no wonder that he always uses his lightsaber first.
"Do not be too sure of yourself. It can be a weakness," cautions Dooku, "Now let's go spar."
***
"Remember one thing: never stop preparing for an attack from a Sith without a surrender or death," cautions Dooku as they take up their fighting stances. Anakin nods, tightening his grip on his lightsaber. Essentially, be careful because they might attack you with Sith lightning if they get disarmed.
The two circle one another, holding their blades at ready. Anakin attacks first, swinging towards Dooku. He blocks it, before sending a return strike towards Anakin's chest. Their lightsabers clash again, the speed of their attacks slowly increasing. Draw on your emotions. Channel them into your moves. Let them give you their power. Anakin lets Dooku's commands – the ones he gave on their way to the training room – run through his mind as he struggles to follow them.
It's much easier than he'd originally thought it would be, but he's by no means skilled in fighting like that. Not yet. He still struggles to view his emotions from a detached perspective instead of giving into them like he always does. It's impossibly hard to manage such power, but the feeling is still incredibly heady.
The red blades swing in unison as they spar, blocking and striking, parrying and lunging, each trying to gain the upper hand. They're locked in an intricate dance, neither party willing to give in. Anakin knows he probably won't win. He might be skilled, but Dooku is a master swordsman. He defeated both he and Obi-Wan on Geonosis. There's no reason he can't defeat Anakin alone, like he's done every other time in the past. He shies away from the thought as it arouses buried fear and anger.
Even if he loses, he won't go down without a fight. Anakin Force leaps over Dooku, trying to test the maneuverability of his armor, attacking again with a concentrated fury. He draws on his grief over losing Obi-Wan, and his hatred and anger for what Sidious is planning as well as his fury and fear of Dooku. The emotions surging through him give him power in a way he'd never thought possible. Now he's finally realizing what the Jedi have been missing.
They've let their fear of the Dark Side cloud their understanding of the nature of emotions, leading them away from the true path of the Light Side. The Light Side is not about hiding emotions; it's about accepting them. It's about acknowledging that everyone is mortal. No one is perfect. And love, he's beginning to realize, is the very center of it all.
Anakin dodges a thrust from Dooku's lightsaber barely in the nick of time. The duel is fast approaching an end. Love is the key. For the first time since Obi-Wan's death, Anakin allows himself to access his emotions for his brother. Despite his grief and pain, he still loves him, and now he reaches for those feelings, letting them flood him and fuel his movements. He's almost never allowed himself to feel it this deeply before; it makes the pain that much more cutting. It hurts – a lot – for him to think about Obi-Wan, but despite the ache, it also feels right to be letting his emotions go like this. And he keeps fighting, channeling his love for his brother into his movements, drawing on his skills with his lightsaber to push Dooku back.
Soon, he realizes that despite the constricting features of his armor, Dooku is on the defensive. He's becoming worn out, but he won't concede defeat. Narrowing his eyes, Anakin slashes towards Dooku's blade, hoping he can disarm him and end the duel. He sends a Force shove at him in the same moment. Dooku stumbles slightly, gracefully leaping aside and landing on his feet, but he drops his lightsaber. Smirking, Anakin calls it to his hand.
Letting out a deep breath, he lowers the blades, satisfaction surging through him. He did it. He beat Dooku. The Force gives him a warning, and he swings up his blade to block the next attack, but not fast enough. Dooku's Force lightning hits him, sending him flying backwards. He lands on the floor as agony runs through him. He'll never get used to the pain. A muffled groan escapes him as he lays there, partially stunned. It was only a quick blast, a pointed reminder, but it hurt. His mind momentarily flashes back to how their other encounters have ended, usually with Anakin experiencing even more pain.
Bracing himself for something more, he opens his eyes, tilting his helmet back to spot Dooku. The Count is standing over him, lightsaber clipped to his belt again. "Let this be a lesson for you, Skywalker," he warns, though not unkindly, "A Sith is never defenseless, and Sidious is just as skilled with Force lightning as he is with his lightsaber."
"Oh. Great," replies Anakin sarcastically, slowly pulling himself back to his feet. He senses no malevolent intent from Dooku but being in the same room as him is making his skin crawl.
"Which emotions were you channeling?" asks Dooku curiously, "You were much stronger than I've ever seen before."
A small, secretive smile hovers on Anakin's lips for a moment. "Love," he answers simply.
Dooku nods, looking thoughtful. "I think the Jedi truly underestimate the power of love," he comments, "It seems to be one of their biggest flaws."
"I agree," Anakin concurs, and he really does.
Despite the brevity of his lessons with Dooku, his eyes have been opened to a completely new perspective of the Jedi Order. If this sparring match was any indication, he's learning how to better harness his own abilities. And shockingly enough, he feels more balanced as well. It's hard for him to keep his emotions at arm's length all the time, but it also helps him sort through what he's feeling. For the briefest moment, Anakin feels secure and content. He no longer harbors any guilt over his secret marriage to Padme, especially now that he understands what love is about. Love is the essence of the Light Side, and as a Jedi, Anakin intends to hold onto it to resist the lure of the Dark Side.