I spent the next few days in a haze wondering around the pack house. I wasn't really aware of myself. I tried to keep busy with various tasks like helping out in the kitchen, bringing Michael his tea, researching herbs in the library. It was coming up to the middle of May. The spring air was fresh with faint smells of flowers. I took to exploring the close grounds of the pack house on my own, shifting into my wolf and going for runs to escape my own thoughts. I didn't feel any different, but since our meeting with the werebears I often caught myself touching my stomach absentmindedly.
Clark knew something was off about me, but he didn't push too much. I avoided the conversation by avoiding him. I am sure he was hurt by that, but I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I was coming up to my nineteenth birthday in July. I knew he wanted to celebrate it with me, but I couldn't bring myself to plan anything like that. The words Rose told me repeated over and over in my head like a mantra. By the time I was celebrating my birthday I would be hurting from the loss of this supposed child I was carrying. It felt as though there wasn't much to celebrate.
I had put in a request with Cheryl for some pregnancy tests to come in on the May supply plane. I begged her to keep that information to herself, she agreed only if I told her what was going on. I had to tell her about my conversations with Rose. Cheryl was supportive, hugged me and told me everything would be alright. I had asked her if there was a chance the Gamma was mistaken, she had said there is always a chance, but probably not.
When the plane was unloaded Cheryl brought me the test in a small bag full of our usual monthly toiletries. I was grateful she didn't make a big deal about it. I moved quickly to our bedroom, went to the bathroom and locked the door. I took the pregnancy test and waited for the results. It felt like five minutes took about three lifetimes. I started at myself in the mirror, willing myself to call for Clark but I didn't. I had to hold it together.
When I finally turned the test over, it read positive and a ball felt like it dropped into my stomach. I started to cry. Suddenly I heard Clark on the other side of the bathroom door, "Charlotte, what's wrong?!"
I threw the test across the room and sunk to the floor, I started to rock back and forth, unable to stand. Clark broke the door down and picked me up from the floor. He brought me to our bed, wrapping me up in his body and held me close. I hung on to his chest like my life depended on it, as though I couldn't live without him. I couldn't talk yet; my body could only respond it deep sobs.
"Charlotte, darling you are scarring me, what is it?" he begged, I could feel his sobs start to form. I chocked out, "I'm pregnant." He scoffed, looking down at me but I didn't meet his gaze. I felt his heart sink in his chest, "You are sad that you are having a child with me?"
I shook my head, pulling his face to mine, "No, I am sad because this baby isn't going to make it." He stared down at me, shock on his face.
"What do you mean? How do you know that?" he cried out, almost angry that I would suggest it. I buried my face in his chest again, "Rose told me." I continued to sob, not able to say more then that. Clark cried with me, holding me as close as possible. We stayed like that for hours. Tabitha brought us my mother's mushroom and camomile tea at some point, leaving it for us on the dresser. At some point I fell asleep in his arms, him in mine.
Michael knocked on the door around supper time and brought us in some rabbit stew with bread. We ate it and returned to our bed, holding each other. We were no longer crying, but we could feel the sadness bouncing between us back and forth. I looked up into Clark's face, he met my eyes with his own despair.
"I am sorry honey." I whispered. He kissed me slowly, "You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you sure that the werebear is correct though? How do you know for sure?"
I sighed and rested my forehead against his shoulder, "She is a druid as well. Rose is the one who will train me in July. They can smell it, it would seem. I read about it, I talked to your mother as well. It seems it's all a part of their training."
He shook his head, "Well she could be wrong about this." I pulled him in and kissed him. "Clark, she isn't going to be wrong. You know that. She told me how to take care of us both when it happens." My voice shook as I said the words. He pulled me closer to him, I almost felt like I was going to melt into his chest and we would become one body.
At some point we slept, I felt the morning sun coming through the windows into the window. I was still in yesterday's clothes, so was Clark. I slipped out of bed and changed clothes. I snuck to the library and wrote an email to Marie. I told her about the meeting and about the pregnancy. I told her all about what Rose had told me and how Clark and I were feeling. I didn't even ask how she was. I didn't really care if it was Anthony who read it, I just wanted to get it out to her. I wanted the comfort of telling my twin my heartache and having her share it with me, even it was across miles. I sent the email and went to the sofa to read another herbology book.
The phone ran in the library; it was the pack house phone. I waited for someone to answer it, returning to my book. Amy came in to the library, breathing heavily, "Charlotte, the phone is for you." I looked up, not expecting it. I picked up the receiver and whispered a tentative hello into the receiver.
"Hello Charlotte, how are you?" I heard Anthony's voice. I stood up straight when I recognized his voice. "Hello Anthony, I am alright. Yourself?" I asked.
"Fine, fine. We just received your email. I suggested Marie give you a call, for a chat. That is if you have time for us." He mumbled, almost apologetically. I was taken aback, I wasn't expecting him to call me and offer any kind of support at all. "That would be wonderful. I would love to speak to her." I managed to say, tears started to come to my eyes again.
"Good, I am glad. Here she is. It was nice to say hello Charlotte. Take care." Anthony said shortly. I gasped as the phone was passed between two people and I heard her breath at the other end of the line.
"Charlotte?" she whispered. We both sobbed into the phone for a few moments, just repeating each other's names over and over.
"I miss you so much Char, it is so good to hear your voice." She finally told me through the tears. I smiled widely, "I miss you too Marie."
"I am so sorry about the pregnancy." She whispered, "Are you sure there is nothing to be done to keep it?" I hung my head, it was as though she could see me doing it through the phone, "I'm sure you and Clark are devastated."
"We are; I wasn't expecting to be pregnant this soon." I confessed. Marie giggled suddenly, "Well have you two been practicing?" she asked coyly. I sighed, "Yes, I suppose you can call it that."
Marie laughed, it was good to hear it. She sounded like herself, I was so relieved to hear her voice. "I know all about practicing." She told me, smiling, I heard Anthony shush her through the phone. "It makes Tony blush when I talk about sex. However, it happens to be one of my favorite subjects."
I laughed out loud, surprised she was saying that out loud with him just on the other side of her. I gathered up some courage to finally ask her, "So how are things going with Anthony?"
Marie paused, she sighed and inhaled deeply, "Things are getting better. Tony and I have been talking a lot more. He is coming around to my way of doing things slowly, aren't you sweetie?"
I heard a grunt in the background, followed by a low growl. "Are you sure?" I asked wearily, not sure if I believed that. "Trust me Char. I am doing better here. I have actually been meaning to call mother and father one of these days. I've been busy learning my Luna duties, my days are pretty full." She told me with confidence. She sounded like herself, I was cautiously optimistic.
"Any chance of a visit soon?" I asked. She groaned, "Probably not this year. Maybe next year. One step at a time." I nodded, so he was still controlling and possessive, but I was talking on the phone with her so that was progress.
"I should get going, Tony and I need to get going to a meeting. Charlotte, I want you to call me when it happens," she told me sadly, "We will be here for you and Clark every step of the way, I promise. Right Tony?" I heard Anthony say in the background, "Of course my love."
I sucked in a breath, "Ok, I'll call you." We hung up the phone, I sat back against the coach and mulled over the conversation we just had. Had I imagined it? Was that all in my head? How had I just had a twenty-minute talk with Marie, who actually sounded like herself. Anthony was still there, hovering over her and in control but she was still herself. She sounded happy, content, safe. I adjusted my glasses and opened my book back up, maybe this was a new chapter in Anthony's story.
Clark came to the library about an hour later. He didn't need to link me anymore to ask where I would be. He kissed the top of my head, asking how I was. "Good, I talked to Marie this morning." I told him.
Clark sat down with a thud on the sofa next to me, "Are you serious?" I nodded, "I know I was shocked when Anthony called me this morning. I had emailed her with our news. He called and offered for me to talk with her. We talked for twenty minutes. She sounded like herself, she was happy."
He studied my face with caution, "Are you sure?". "I know I was surprised too, I asked her how things were going with him. She actually called him 'Tony' several times, teased him on the phone. She told me a bit too much about their sex life, which I didn't need to hear and I could tell he wasn't happy she shared it with me." I told him with a laugh. Clark shook his head, "Well that I can understand." I kissed his cheek.
"I'm not sure how to feel about it. I know he is still abusive and controlling. I don't trust him at all but she does sound better then she did in the emails. I actually got to talk to her, she sounded like herself." I told him. Clark nodded slowly, "Alright. Well keep tabs on it all the same. It might be a honeymoon period. Anthony has a mean streak, so it might not last." I sighed and agreed. It could be that. I wanted to hope it didn't go back to the way it was before, Marie deserved to be happy.
Clark's eyes glazed over and I could tell he was getting a message. "What is it?" I asked. Clark stood up and kissed me quickly, "Rogues on the boarders between Ice Water and ours. Timothy says there are about four of them. They need me to go and lead the hunt." This was the first rogue sighting I had heard about since I arrived at Black Lake. I nodded, "Be safe honey." Clark nodded, he mind linked me and told me he would find me later. I knew as a Beta; Clark was way stronger then rogues. He was a very strong Beta, above average size. When he and Heath shifted their wolves were very close to the same size, Heath's just being pure black and Clark's being a very dark grey. It was curious, because when Samuel shifted his wolf was smaller then both his sons. It wasn't unheard of though.
Melanie came to me shortly after Clark left, asking me to join her in the conference room. I followed her, she had a very detailed map up on a bulletin board of our pack territory, she had red pins on it in various places. "The red pins indicate rogue sightings. I leave them up all year long to try and determine a pattern if there is one." She explained. I nodded, it made sense. "Each pin indicates one rogue, so if there are four like today, I put in four red pins. This way we can also indicate strength. If there is one rogue it's very different then if there are a dozen. We want to know if there is a rogue pack coming our way, we don't need that." She went on.
"Have we had rogue packs around here? I thought the attacks were a minimal, a few a year?" I asked. Melanie pointed to her pins, I could see there were about ten on it right now. "I am going to add the sightings from the werebears as well to our map, now that they are our allies. They told Timothy they had over twenty-five sightings since the beginning of this year. With the deaths they had during their hibernation we are starting to suspect the Ice Water pack is being targeted." She explained.
"I can see why they wanted us to enter into a treaty with them. Hibernation would be the perfect time to hit a werebear pack." I suggested, she nodded. "Their territory would be attractive to a rogue pack. It's how werewolves took down so many werebears throughout our histories. I suspect there is a pack, these rogues today are probably just scouts but Timothy, Clark and Heath have been discussing it. I know the Alpha and the Beta believe it is a possibility, that's why this treaty was so important to them."
"Are they targeting all werebears?" I asked, she shook her head. Melanie sighed sadly, "No, not all. Their cubs seem to be the top priority. Of the twenty-two killed so far this year seventeen were cubs or young of some kind." I frowned when she said that, "That's terrible."
Melanie nodded. Werebears carried their young for almost nine months like humans so when they loose a cub it takes well over a year to produce another one. Unlike us, we carry our pups for six months, we can potentially have two a year. For rogues to attack their young could have a lasting effect on their populations, which could greatly damage a pack's vitality. It pained me to ask, "How many have they lost before this year?"
Melanie shrugged, "We are not sure, but the Alphas have talked about it at length. Apparently they are desperate to get some help. Based on the reports I have been getting from the past few years it has been up to fifty per year of cub and young deaths due to rogue attacks." I winced at the numbers, that was so many children lost. It seemed there was probably a plan in place somewhere to effect the werebear populations. It would take a few decades to see the effects but it had already made a dent in their future vitality.
It could be random; I was no military expert but it happened every year it doesn't sound random. That sounds planned, perhaps by rogues, perhaps not. It was hard to say, there wasn't enough evidence.
"Do we have many deaths from rogues here at Black Lake?" I asked Melanie. She shook her head, "The last one was over ten years ago, it happened when an few Omegas were out gathering plants. We don't think they realized how far the had drifted to the boarder of our territory. One was killed, the other two made it back. Since then no deaths, we have rogues run through our territory, but not a large amount usually and not all the time." I sighed, I was relieved we were not being targeted, however it spoke volumes that the werebears were and we were not.
"I am glad we are cooperating with the Ice Water pack. I hope our warriors are able to help them with the rogues." I stated, studying Melanie's map. She was placing blue pins on it, to illustrate the number of rogue attacks in the werebear territory. It was alarming how quickly it areas on the map became concentrated blue. She nodded in agreement, "I believe this treaty will be mutually beneficial. Werebears almost went extinct because of werewolves. It's an honor to be a part of rewriting history and changing perspectives." I smiled at her. Melanie was a kind soul, she had a great respect for life, traditions and family. I was happy she and I would be working together through the years for our pack.
"Are you from Black Lake originally?" I asked her, changing the subject. I turned and sat down at the conference table. Melanie didn't take her eyes off the map, she continued to plug in pins as she answered, "Yes, Timothy and I are both from Black Lake. We grew up together, he is a year older then I am. He felt the pull before I did, when he was fifteen, I was only fourteen at the time."
"What was that like, to find him so young?" I studied her face, she seemed to be listening to me only half heartedly, but she still managed to answer, "It was alright. I didn't really know how to take it at first, as I felt nothing. He was just my friend."
Melanie turned and set the papers down she had been holding on the table and made eye contact with me, "Shall we have some lunch and tea?" I nodded. We left the conference room and went to the dining hall for some food. We filled our plates and sat at an empty table. We sat in silence for a bit before she continued to tell me about her mate, "When Timothy felt the pull, he came to my room and broke my door down, he was like a wild animal, almost losing control." I stared at her, not sure what to say.
She smiled at me and let out a laugh, "Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy for him now, but at the time I was a terrified fourteen-year-old girl who didn't understand why my friend was trying to bite me. Our parents sat down together and had a discussion. A few days later my father explained to me what was going on, at that time I didn't know a lot about the mate bond yet, I was still too young. My father explained to me that in a year or two I would start to feel the pull to Timothy, when I did I was to tell my parents immediately. Over the next year Timothy was only allowed to spend time with me when we had a chaperone present. It drove him crazy, he wanted to be alone with me so badly."
"That must have been intense for you. For him as well." I offered. Melanie nodded, "He kissed me once, I remember biting him and he liked it. I thought it was the grossest thing in the world." We both laughed out loud. Tabitha pulled up a chair to join us, she looked at the two of us confused.
"Oh, I am just telling Charlotte about how Timothy and I became mates." She told her. Tabitha laughed, "Right, I remember that well. He broke your door down. We had to sit through a few lectures about etiquette over the following days because of that, they were very boring."
I smiled at Tabitha. "Anyway, my pull came just before I turned sixteen. I started to smell cumin, I love cumin. I searched the whole pack house for it, it was making me so hungry. When I realized it was Timothy I couldn't stop myself and I leapt into his arms. He was so relieved I finally felt the bond he marked me right there. My father was not pleased." Melanie told us, laughing out loud as she blushed.
Tabitha sighed, smiling at both of us. "I wish I knew my mate. I am supposed to go to the exhibition next year. I can't wait." I nodded, finishing my plate of lunch.
"I had a very pleasant experience, but that isn't everyone's story." I said dryly. Tabitha raised her eyebrows at me, but I didn't elaborate. "I am sure yours will be a nice story though."
She smiled at me, "I hope so. My sister found hers when was sixteen. I was never so jealous in my life." I giggled, remembering how I didn't want to find my mate. I wanted to return to Red Rose to be left alone with my books and my thoughts. Now that seemed like years ago when in reality is was a matter of months.
"Time goes so fast, I'm sure it is only a matter of time before you look back on this conversation as though it is a million years ago." I told her supportively. Melanie and Tabitha both smiled.
I received a mind link from Clark, telling me they had tracked the rogues to a cave in the werebear territory. Apparently they had been hiding there for a while, as they had a camp set up. The rogues had fled the area when our warriors had caught their trail, leaving everything behind.
I was glad he was safe. I knew he would be, but it felt comforting all the same. I wanted to see him as soon as possible, I told him. Clark said they were combing the camp; they would be back before dinner. I told him I loved him and to be safe. Clark was so kind, he was so good, sometimes I still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew that was preposterous, that Clark was not going to turn into a monster overnight but it was still hard to believe I had come so far with him in a few short months. I never thought I would need someone like I needed him. It could be all consuming.
I was in our room when Clark came in. He was covered in dirt and sweat, yet he still smelled so delicious. I smiled at him as he came to me to give me a kiss before he went to the bathroom to clean up. I followed him in, watching him turn the water on, strip down and step in. I followed suit, shedding my clothes and pulling my hair up. I joined him under the warm water.
"I want to wash you, to take care of you." I whispered as I grabbed the soap and a cloth. He smiled at me, but didn't say anything. I scrubbed his back, shoulders, chest and legs. He was completed caked with dirt and dust. There were no blood or marks though, he hadn't been in a fight with anyone. I rubbed shampoo in his hair, massaging his scalp softly. He purred, enjoying that I was taking care of him. I kissed his shoulders as the water washed away any remaining soap, I drew him close to my chest as I encircled him with my arms.
"I love you so much my darling." He whispered. Clark turned around to face me, lifting my face to kiss my lips. "How are you feeling today?" He searched my face, concern in his eyes. I nodded, but did not smile, "I am alright. I spent the day in the conference room with Melanie discussing the rogue issues." I told him.
Clark frowned, reaching behind me and turning the water off. "You know that is not what I mean." I looked into his eyes and nodded. I sighed, "I am devastated. I am sad that I will loose this child to nature. I can't do anything about it and I feel powerless." My confession made me burry my face into his chest, letting myself shed a few tears. Clark pulled a large towel around both of our bodies and stood with me.
"However, I know it will not be our last child. I know what to expect and I am prepared for the pain. I know in my heart that you and I will have children one day, more then one. We will have a wonderful life together and I am not letting this destroy that." I told him sternly. His sadness subsided, he buried his face in my neck and kissed me sweetly. We shuffled to our bed and made love slowly, quietly. We comforted each other with our hands, our lips, our moans. There was nothing else in the world but my love for him and his love for me. We let go of our fears about the baby and embraced our future, knowing the best was yet to be.