The next morning I was sitting depleted on the breakfast table. Poking around at the half-eaten food I stared at some random point on the cloth. The information from last night was disarraying with my head and everything felt so complicated. I felt like someone had handed me a cat's yarn ball to untangle.
My thoughts were hindered by my phone which started vibrating violently flashing Tanner's name.
"Hello!" I mumbled.
"Where are you?" He said urgently.
"I am the B&B, why?" I sat up a little straight in my chair.
"Have you found anything at all there Kiara?" He said in a suppressed tone.
"I am on it, but what happened you are freaking me out right now," I said dropping the spoon.
"Oh! You're going to freak out just alright when I'll tell you that Nikolai just left for Goldbridge."
My eyes went wide and blood pressure dropped., "What?!!"
"Yes, he was here ten minutes ago and he is just so fucking terrorizing when he puts on that cop tone of interrogation, plus he has a gun."
"YOU told him?"
"You weren't here what choice did I have?"
"You could have said anything Tanner, that I went to visit my grandmother!!"
There was absolute silence on the other side, "Tanner?" I called out, assuming that the connection must have gotten interrupted, "can you hear me?"
"Yeah, yeah I am here, Nikolai is texting me for your address"
I rubbed my forehead and agitation, "how long do you think it'll take him to get here?"
"Well I am assuming he's taking the train so it should take him at least ten hours, but if he's driving himself then maybe six or seven at max"
I took a deep breath, "okay, I will talk to you later then"
I disconnected the line without a word and stood up to come back to my room. I took everything that belonged to Dorian in a bag and huddled it on my shoulder which gave me a pang of pain.
The next thing I did was to call Will, "Hey, meet me at the front?"
"What happened?"
"I'll tell you," I said as I made my way across the garden. I found Will waiting by the iron gates.
"Are you okay?" He asked
"I need the address to Ashford residence."
His eyes went wide, "have you lost your mind, after everything that I told you you still want to go?"
I nodded, "I don't have much time," I said and he caught on.
"What do you mean?" He narrowed his eyes, "my mother was indeed correct, your purpose is not to sell the house"
I cocked my head, "Lucy knew?"
"She had her doubt, she knew you were here for something"
"Well then alright, I am here to find out what drove Dorian to the edge, so much so that he took his life" I spoke without thinking and he shuddered.
"Dorian killed himself?"
"You didn't know?"
"We... No... Nobody knows. All we know is that his brother came here a few months ago"
Something stirred in my mind, "a few months ago, you say?"
He nodded. There was a lapse in the story, Wembley said Dorian's brother brought him back, and so did Will but The police records say that Dorian's brother has been in rehab for a year now. Something was very wrong in this and I had no idea what.
"Okay, just give me the address. Also here" I extended a paper towards him, "these are the numbers and names of my friends, just in case."
He took the paper and texted me the address, "and yes, while I am gone, if a man named Nikolai comes in, just don't tell him where I went." I paused, "Or I'll tell your father why you feel so tired in the morning and where all your pocket money goes"
His eyes widened, "what the fuck? What the?.... How. How do you?"
"I saw you paying that girl"
Just to be safe I sent him a picture of Nikolai and he agreed not to tell him anything about me.
I took a cab and showed him the address but he hesitated, "oh for fuck sake, DRIVE..!!"
Within fifteen minutes I entered an alone street with only a single house in view. "I won't ho ahead of this, you can pay less if you want"
I rolled my eyes and paid him extra while getting out of the taxi. I walked towards the house and looked at it. The lights inside were on and I could see the smoke coming out of the chimney. Will must have mistaken, this house was supposed to be empty.
Counting on my chances of being wrong, I waited along with the fence gate and saw a woman come out of the small wooden door, "Excuse me?" I called after her and she looked at me.
The look on her face changed from confusion to recognition as she stepped closer to me, "sorry to bother you... " I started but she interjected.
"I know you," She said and I stepped back slightly paranoid.
"I... What?"
"Sir, Dorian wouldn't shut up about you, and we have seen your pictures"
My heart thumped so hard at his mention that I felt it's going to pop out of my chest.
"I just want to know a few things," I said and she realised what I meant.
"Come in," She said and opened the fence door.
The house was completely rustic and the smell. Of delicious food wafted from the kitchen. The small lamps lit the living room as the skies grew black outside.
I was sitting on a couch with a cup. Of ginger tea when the lady came down and sat in a chair near me.
"I am Lydia and this is my husband Jonathan, we are the caretakers of the Ashford property." She gestured towards a man sitting in an easy chair.
"Thank you for the tea Lydia but I am a little short on time today, I just want to know what happened to Mrs Ashford?"
Lydia and Jonathan looked at each other, "got killed" He said flatly.
"What?" My mind blew in several pieces.
"People say different things, dear" Lydia added.
"What does that mean?"
Jonathan leaned ahead, "she died under mysterious circumstances, some say she was killed, some say she killed herself, some say she fell ill... "
"But what did Mr Ashford say?" I interjected.
"The man was a bloody mess, locked himself up after her death, refused to look at his boys, Poor Dorian kept weeping for a father but that man never bothered" Jonathan snarled.
"I hear he left shortly after Mrs Ashford died"
"Of course he did, I never believed a word he said, Moreover I think he blamed our dear Susanne for everything he was doing"
"Do you know anything about the boys, what happened to Dorian?"
"Oh..!! Our little master, he tried so hard to compose himself after his mother's passing, and the elder one tried to take care but you know how the young blood rushes through everything wrong"
I nodded, "is it possible for me to have a look around the house?" I asked, shooting my last shot.
"Of course you can my dear, Master Dorian, personally instructed us not to stop you from going inside" She smiled fondly, "after all you would have lived here if... " She paused and a lump formed in my throat.
"Can you tell me where's he...?" I trailed off and they looked at each other.
"I'll take you." Jonathan said standing up, "I will drop you at the mansion on our way back."
"Or maybe you can come by here before you go, I have to re-stock the mansion." She said to Jonathan and we both headed out.
It was the moment I was dreading. I had no memory of Dorian and me, but whatever it was that I experienced in the last few weeks was enough to wrench my heart.
I don't know how madly in love I was with him back then, but right now what I felt was something connecting. I was not sure if it was love; you can't bring back emotion as strong as love with the mention of a forgotten past. I was struggling in the back seat as Jonathan drove ahead.
Even if I consider my experience reality, it wasn't enough for me to love Dorian like I might have once done but it was completely untrue that I didn't feel anything. There might be a reason I felt so attached to him and his pain.
"We're here," He said stopping the car, "you wouldn't have to search a lot, just find an angel "
I looked at him and then at the iron gates that stood closed in the frosty winter. My steps faltered when I realised I didn't even have a single flower with me.
"Is there any place here where I can get a flower?" I asked crouching down at the window.
"The garden is filled with roses, feel free to pick as much as you like"
My steps felt heavy as I entered the shrieking iron gate, it was heavy and rusted. I found the garden and took some flowers, tying them with a soft stem I walked to the middle of the land, I saw a lake nearby which was getting thinly iced. The stones weren't together, they were scattered and I was fortunate enough to step directly towards Dorian's.
I didn't realise it before but as soon as I saw that name carved on the stone my heart sank and a whirlpool stirred inside my chest.
Dorian Kingsley Ashford
31' December 1986 - 2' July 2018
The best 'illusionist' of Goldbridge.
Loved by some, remembered by none.
The flood of pain rushed through my veins and into my eyes. As a drop after another tiptoed their way out of my eyes, I slumped down on the soil. I didn't know how to feel. The feeling of once loving him but remembering nothing surged a pain in my head and I broke down, "I am so sorry I couldn't help you." I took a ragged breath, "I am sorry I don't remember you."
At that moment I realised what would I give to get my memory back, what I would do to get Dorian what he wanted.
A resolve settled inside me with each passing minute that I spent by his grave. Looking at his name, and touching the stone I felt it, I might have lost everything, but I still have time to get what it would have taken to help Dorian. At least finding the truth would bring him peace.
He spent his entire life struggling because of what happened to his mother and I was sure of it now. All I need to know is that what happened to her. This way I can still help him
Now that I knew where he was resting, I cleared my tears and came back to Jonathan, "let's go"
He started the car and within minutes we were back at his house. My phone chimed in my pocket and I took a look.
It was a text from Will: that man is here, he has been asking for you, I have told him that you didn't tell us anything before going so he's waiting at the Tea Room.
How on earth did Nikolai come here within 5 hours? I hurriedly texted back: keep him there don't let him go anywhere.
"I'll take you to the mansion now, Lydia has kept the supplies in the car. "
"Supplies?" I asked
"Yes I have to re-stock the mansion with food and other supplies," He said but soon noticed the confusion. I didn't understand why they had to re-stock the house when nobody lives there. "The Elder Ashford is coming in tomorrow"
My head cocked, the elder Ashford?
"The fallout between these brothers was so bad that they lost touch for years, we are not even sure if he knows about his little brother Dorian," Lydia said as she handed Jonathan a bag full of bread and cheese.
"What do you mean?" I asked, "I thought... I mean I have been told that it was the elder brother who did the funeral."
"No, no... It was some old man, odd and very eerie, I don't remember his name, do you, Lydia"
"I would rather forget everything about him," She said.
"So Francis hasn't been here for years and he probably doesn't know that his brother, Dorian has tragically passed away?"
"Oh. Yes, we are afraid if it would be us telling him the news, I am horrified for it." Lydia said as a clear shiver ran down her body, but then she cocked her head, "did you say, Francis?"
"Y... Yes" I said, still trying to recover from the fresh piece of revelation, "Francis Ashford"
"Who's Francis?" Jonathan asked.
"Dorian's elder brother?" I said slowly.
"No... The name of Dorian's elder brother is Nikolai..." My eyes went wide and it took me a minute to process it, but just for the sake of eliminating any confusion, I showed them a picture of my Nikolai. They both perked up when they saw it, "yes this is him... Nikolai Ashford"