|3:15 a.m.|
You know what is worse than just crying? Trying to sob quietly so no one else can hear you.
That feeling of loneliness that builds up inside you when you can't help but to release the pain you hold in the form of tears and you really, really want someone to just come and hold you, and give you all the love you deserve, but no one can.
And in Taehyung's case, that someone couldn't.
More than four hours had passed since that unbelievable incident with Jungkook's parents had taken place. Taehyung had done everything he could to make his body and mind fall asleep for the night, to leave behind these dark memories and move on to dreamland, where you're numb to everything that is really happening to you. It's almost like running away. And Taehyung really wanted to run. But he couldn't, his stupid brain wouldn't let him, his watering eyes wouldn't want to shut close and invite slumber. So he tossed and turned, dampening the pillow on every side he faced.
He realized that this was the longest he had cried in his entire life. He had never before cried for four hours straight, and he couldn't point out just one main reason behind his misery. The earlier incident was definitely held responsible for some part of his sorrow, but not entirely. Maybe it was because he wasn't sure of what the near future held instore for him. Or maybe because he didn't have Jungkook to comfort him. Or maybe because he wasn't there to comfort Jungkook.
So many emotions flowed through him: Fear, Anxiety, Anger, Restlessness, Loneliness, Hatred, Love. The most prominent one of them all: Love.
As much as he wanted Jungkook's strong arms to tightly embrace him, he also really wanted to litter numerous kisses on Jungkook's face and see him scrunch his nose and smile like he always did when Taehyung did that.
He thought about the day they had had before Mr. and Mrs. Jeon had arrived. It was such a beautiful day. How perfect everything had felt right before he almost fell asleep in Jungkook's arms. It was almost amusing how quickly circumstances can change. How sudden life can be. And though, Taehyung felt like his world just collapsed before his eyes, he knew he would get through it.
They would get through this.
But, even then, this sense of reassurance wasn't enough to stop the waterfall of tears flowing down his face. He wondered if he would have any tears left by dawn.
In the room across Taehyung's, Jungkook laid still, staring at his bare ceiling. On any other day, the ceiling would've looked so gorgeous, like a purple galaxy, shedding Taehyung and Jungkook's favourite hue on their faces as they peacefully slept. But today, Jungkook didn't think it would be appropriate to have his room look pretty while Taehyung slept in an unfamiliar room all by himself.
Or maybe looking at the galaxy without Taehyung would only make him miss his boyfriend more, make the sense of emptiness within him grow stronger.
He had been crying all night too, but the sorrow he felt didn't show on his face. From afar, no one would even think the boy was sad. It would only be visible once one would go closer, and actually see the steady stream of tears flow down his face. His expression was cold and unreadable, but he still cried.
He wasn't really bothered by the incident that took place. It had happened so many times already, it was almost like second nature at this point. He had already wasted so many years crying and doubting himself as a person and his sexuality, he decided not to care about what his parents said anymore. Because obviously them saying he loved women doesn't change the fact that he is attracted to men. But he wasn't so confident about that fact a few years ago.
Jungkook had always known he was gay, from when he was a little child, and he thought it was normal: same sex relationships. But it was when he was around twelve years old, and he overheard his parents speak about how there were so many homosexual employees in their firm, did he start getting insecure about his sexual orientation. He heard his mother and father speak about how disgusting it was to get attracted to the same sex, how unorthodox the ideology was. They talked about how they were planning on firing every homosexual individual who worked in the office.
The conversation broke Jungkook's heart. Hearing such distasteful comments about his sexual orientation was something his twelve year old self couldn't handle. So, for a while he thought something was wrong with him, that he was abnormal, and he really wanted to talk to his parents about it but knew he couldn't. He was afraid they would hate him just like they hated the entire community.
But then he started questioning himself and wondered as to why it was wrong to love whoever you wanted to love. The question bothered him for a really long time before he finally thought of doing some research. On reading articles, and different sources of information on the internet, he realized that he was completely normal, that there was a whole community of people like himself. And that there was a whole bunch of people like his parents too, and they were called Homophobic.
For the years that followed, he stopped questioning his sexuality, but he also didn't talk to his parents about it. But when he turned fifteen, he knew he couldn't hide the truth any longer. So he talked to his parents, in hope that if they found out their very own son was gay, not only would they accept Jungkook for who he was, but also accept the entire LGBTQA+ community. But Jungkook was proved wrong, and once again with a broken heart he was left to question himself.
This time though, he really tried to change his sexuality. He went out with so many girls for a year, but realized that he could never love women. And since then, he has been fighting with his parents, and they've still been their old delusional selves. On the other hand though, Jungkook has truly discovered who he is, and is proud of himself. Obviously, he also has such a beautiful boyfriend, Taehyung.
This entire journey of growing flashed through Jungkook's eyes as he lay in his bed, in the same position for four hours. He really questioned why he had to get such terrible parents, and for a second he also questioned why Taehyung had to fall in love with him. He knew this incident with his parents going against his relationship wasn't going to be the only one. He knew Taehyung and he would have to go though so much, too much to actually live happily for the rest of their lives. But he loved Taehyung so much, and that was the reason why he really wished he could keep Taehyung away from this mess. But this wasn't just about him anymore, this was about them, and as much as Jungkook hated that, it was the truth.
He knew he had to be Taehyung's pillar of strength so without wasting a single second, he got out of bed.
Taehyung was so absorbed in his thoughts, he didn't hear the quiet click of the door opening. Neither did he hear the silent footsteps coming towards him. It was when the mattress' weight shifted beneath him that he realized someone else was in the room.
His back had been facing the door so he immediately turned around, "Jung-" His voice was a little louder than it should have been so Jungkook instantly kissed him to keep him quiet. He closed his eyes as he felt his own lips languidly move against the soft ones he loved so much. The feeling of finally being so close to Taehyung made two drops of tears roll down his cheeks. But this time, he let out tears of joy.
When they parted, he could clearly see Taehyung's face even in the unlit room. The boy's swollen, red eyes, puffy lips and the dried tears on his face. Jungkook caressed the side of his face as he pecked Taehyung's eyelids. He wiped the fresh tears with his thumb before he lied down on the bed and covered himself with the blanket.
The couple stared at each other and though Jungkook had so much to say to Taehyung, he didn't know where to begin. So he just started off by softly asking, "Are you okay Tae?" His voice was a mere whisper as he interlocked their hands and kissed Taehyung's knuckles.
"Do I look like I'm okay?" Taehyung joked, trying to make the mood a little lighter. He giggled a little through his tears and wiped them for good. He wasn't going to cry anymore.
Jungkook chuckled, "No, you look like a mess, and I hate seeing you like this." He still smiled but the sorrow in his eyes was evident.
"Are you okay?" Taehyung scooted closer to Jungkook so he could look at the younger better.
"I'm fine, really. This isn't new. I was more worried for you."
"So was I, and if you're fine, so am I." Taehyung smiled, a genuine smile.
Jungkook smiled back, "I'm sorry Tae, I-" Jungkook's sentence got muffled as Taehyung left a quick peck to his lips.
"You're the last person I need to hear an apology from. Don't say sorry, this is not your fault."
"I know but, all this pain you're feeling right now. All the crying you just did, it's because of me isn't it? It's because you decided to date me." Jungkook looked up to meet Taehyung's gaze. His vision blurry as he felt the tears make an appearance once again.
"And it was the best decision of my life." This short sentence was enough to make Jungkook's heart skip a beat.
"And I will stand by that statement for the rest of my life." Taehyung continued, wiping the lone tear falling down Jungkook's face.
"I cannot control who I love Jungkook, and I couldn't control the fact that I fell for you. And I don't regret doing that at all. I've felt more joy in our relationship than grief and I'm sure it'll stay that way, as long as you're with me. I know it's a difficult time and that it'll not get over tomorrow but I'm ready to face this with you. I'm not going to leave you alone when you need me the most. And I won't let you separate me from you when I need you the most." Taehyung paused, wanting Jungkook to process every word he said.
"You promised me we'll share the pain and joy, you can't push me away now love. I won't let you." Taehyung closed his eyes, moving closer to Jungkook and melting in the curve of his torso. He felt Jungkook wrap a tight arm around him and pull him closer to his chest. Taehyung smiled as he sniffed, letting the last tear roll down his cheek.
He felt Jungkook whisper in his ear, "Thank you. You're everything I need and so much more. I love you so much." Jungkook kissed Taehyung's cheek.
"I love you so much too Kook and you don't have to thank me."
With that, and a final peck on Taehyung's head, the two finally slept. A smile graced both of their faces as they forgot about everything and stopped stressing over what would happen when they wake up. Because they knew as long as they were standing together, they could tackle any problem.
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Thursday Update!!!
I didn't have a chapter ready for today and wrote this like 3 hours ago. So I really hope you liked it 🥺
Thank you so much for reading! I love you 💜❤
Take care lovelies
Stay safe, Stay home
~Love,
TheTaeBTSLover ✨❤❤