CHAPTER TWELVE |
always be together
***
KAYLA'S HEART WAS in these hallowed halls. Lately every step in this school felt like saying goodbye and Kayla just wasn't ready to. She remembered last year how hopeless she became when her friends graduated. Let's face it, she sucked at change and as much as she always said she couldn't wait to leave McKinley, now she really didn't want to leave. There were so many memories here that she just couldn't let go of.
It was in the choir room where she came out to everyone and in front of Kurt's old locker where he admitted his sexuality to her. It was in the bathroom where Tina helped her clean off her first slushie and the auditorium where she sang Rachel a song. It was in the locker room where she tried to convince Sam he had a future and on the football field where she punched Finn square in the face. It was everywhere and all of a sudden it was all disappearing.
She just wanted time to stop.
Brushing away a few stray tears, she made her way into the choir room. It was littered with lilies which she knew was from Brittany's attempt to get Santana back. She told Brittany they were the lesbian of flowers and the blonde seemed to take her advice in bulk. She chuckled softly. She would even miss little things like that.
Tina came in with a huff, moving a vase off a chair so she could plop down in her frustration.
"I'm never going to New York. I have no plan. I just feel like a loser." Tina bowed her head, twiddling her thumbs together to distract herself from the fact that she was near tears.
"Like me?" Sam grinned, pulling her guitar over his shoulder and nodding Blaine over to the piano.
Kayla caught on, pulling her own guitar over her shoulder as she stated. "Like me."
< loser like me, glee cast >
Blaine sat behind the piano and played softly. "You may think that I'm a zero, but everyone you wanna be probably started off like me."
Kayla nudged Tina's shoulder as she began to sing. "You may say that I'm a freakshow, but give it just a little time. I bet you're gonna change your mind."
Sam came crooning in. "All of the dirt you've been throwing my way, it ain't so hard to take. Cause I know one day you'll be screaming my name, and I'll just look away."
Kayla stopped playing long enough to grab Tina's hand and pull her over to the piano for the chorus.
"Just go ahead and hate on me, run your mouth, so everyone can hear. Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down. Baby, I don't care. Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out, you wanna be, yeah you wanna be, a loser like me."
By the time the song had finished, Tina was wiping a tear from Kayla's cheek and pulling her in for hug. The last time she sang this song her birth mother was trying to reach out to her and she hadn't thought about Kris in a long time, but she hoped that her mom would be proud of her.
"Come with us to New York, please? You don't need a plan. You just need us." Kayla pleaded her best friend and finally Tina's resolve crumbled and she smiled.
"Okay. Let's do this."
←⧪→
"San!" Kayla yelled after her friend, chasing her down the parking lot.
"What, Rexy?" Santana quipped, opening her car door.
A little laugh fell from Kayla's lips. "You know you and Sue are the only ones that call me that and at first I thought it was because you were making fun of me and you didn't care that I had an eating disorder, but after a while it became a term of endearment somehow. Why is that?"
Santana shrugged. "I guess... it helps me remember how much you've changed. That you've gotten better."
"Don't you see how much you and Rachel have changed too?"
Santana scoffed, closing her car door and leaning against it instead. "Wow, great segue. Come here to lecture me about making your little Berry cry?"
"This isn't about her. It's about you. I know you, Santana, and you have never once wanted to be a Broadway star. You wanted to be a dancer and a singer, but not showtunes eight times a week. That's not you."
Santana rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything about me."
"Just like I didn't know you were hiding in the closet and you were in love with Brittany? Because as I recall, I was the only one there for you."
Santana seemed to freeze.
Kayla continued. "I get it. You're mad. You're mad because you're not with Brittany. You're mad because Rachel didn't trust you and you're mad at yourself because you haven't been the same since Finn died. I get it. But you can't keep closing everyone off because eventually you're not gonna have anyone."
Santana looked down at the pavement, speaking so softly it was almost a whisper. "I just wanted to have something. Rachel has you and the show. What do I have? A deadend job and no future in sight. I just wanted to be the one to win for once."
Kayla put a hand on Santana's arm. "And you will, but Funny Girl is not your dream. It's Rachel's. It's a dream she's had since she was a little girl and I think it's the last part of Finn she has left. She needs this, San. You don't."
"Why does she get everything?" Santana asked aloud.
Kayla laughed dryly. "You know, I think you and Rachel are so similar that you haven't even noticed it. You both have such a drive and you fight for what you want, but you're still those insecure girls from high school. She hides behind her talent and you hide behind insults, but you're just the same because you've spent the whole time envying each other when you could've been best friends from the start."
"I need to apologize, don't I?"
"She already apologized. Why haven't you?" Kayla countered.
"Because I hate admitting when I'm wrong."
"You were both wrong. It's time to make up." Kayla gave her a reassuring smile before she left Santana with her thoughts. She just hoped that maybe she'd fixed things for them.
←⧪→
Everyone stood behind the stage, listening to the video Artie recorded for Mr. Schuester playing in the background. She was holding Rachel's hand while her part played on.
"Me and your dad have a difficult relationship. I call him Mr. Slut. Ask him about it. Your mom called him a slut first. But despite that, your dad is one of the few people who have always accepted me for who I am and he saw me when no one else did. I know he'll do that for you too, kid."
"You love him, huh?" Rachel chuckled, nudging Kayla.
Kayla rolled her eyes. "He has his moments, but right now, yeah, I do."
Just then the video shut off and it was time for the closing number. Their last glee number and it only felt right to sing the first song that made them feel like a team. She remembered the full week they worked on that number and working with Rachel on the choreography. It was the first time she felt close to Rachel. It started everything for them and it was the perfect way to end it too.
< don't stop believing, journey >
Rachel took the first verse. She basically forced everyone's hand. She wanted to sing Finn's verse and they all let her. It made her feel closer to him and who were they to deny her that. Kurt came next, singing Rachel's old line and she watched in amazement because really, he had never sounded better.
Kayla stood next to Artie as he sang and she was brought back to their Regionals when they sang this and Quinn was mere steps from giving birth to Beth and it felt like her world was crashing down, but it wasn't. It was just beginning.
"A singer in a smoky room. The smell of wine and cheap perfume."
Kayla sat in Artie's lap the same way she had the last time they performed as she sang her line. "For a smile, they can share the night. It goes on and on and on and on."
She stayed in Artie's lap right up till the end when everyone got in formation and strutted towards the front of the stage, raising their arm in the air and dropping their heads at the last mark. As everyone finished and cheers erupted in the auditorium, Kayla jumped into Puck's arms, letting him twirl her around the same way he did the last time.
This was home.
←⧪→
Kayla took a deep breath as she exited the bathroom stall, her cap and gown perfectly secured. Rachel was standing at the sink waiting for her with a sure smile. She raised her phone up to take a picture of the younger girl and Kayla blushed in response.
"Rach, c'mon. Stop embarrassing me!" she pouted, trying to pull the cap further down to block her face.
"It's my job to embarrass you." Rachel rebutted as she put her phone away and stepped closer to Kayla, taking both her hands in Kayla's. "You look really beautiful."
"Really?" Kayla smiles at the ground.
Rachel nudged her chin up. "Forever."
"And always." Kayla finished, blushing as Rachel pressed a kiss to her cheek.
"Now let's go. You have a graduation ceremony to get to." Rachel grinned, pulling Kayla down the hall without another word.
Kayla was grateful the whole way through. Watching her friends graduate alongside her, hearing Rachel's cheers when her name was called and cheering for Tina when she announced she'd gotten into Brown, to now in this moment where all the seniors were sat in a booth at Breadstix having one last dinner together before they all went their separate ways. She knew it wasn't going to change all that much. She and Blaine would be living together and Sam was couch surfing with them until he could find his own place, even Artie would be in the city, but she wouldn't be seeing Tina for a long while now and she never prepared herself for that.
She sat next to Blaine and Sam, raising her glass of water into the air for a toast. She cleared her throat, already becoming teary-eyed as she spoke.
"You guys mean more to me than anything. You've made me who I am. You've taught me to be strong, to stand up for what I believe, to love myself and you guys are just my best friends and I know this really isn't goodbye for a lot of us, but for our Queen T, I wanna raise a toast." she turned her attention to Tina, sitting straight across from her.
"Tina, you were my first friend here and I never thought that I'd have someone like you in my life. Coming from what I did and meeting you, someone who has loved me from day one and lets me be myself and always supports me... I have had no greater honor in life than to be your friend and I'm really gonna miss you." Kayla paused, sniffling a bit as tears started free falling.
She sighed sadly, lips pursed in a frown. "But I'm really proud of you and you're gonna be amazing at Brown and I can't wait for you to come visit New York. So I prepared one last number for you guys. If you'll let me pull a Blaine real quick and serenade you all, that'd be great."
Chuckles fell from the table as Kayla approached the stage and sat at the piano. "Artie, Blaine, Sam, and Tina especially, this is for you."
< always be together, little mix >
She took a shuddered breath as she began playing the first notes. "We are friends for life. Hold that deep inside. Let this be your drive to survive, and just stand high and tall. Make sure you give your all, and if you ever fall, know that I'm right here."
She looked at Artie first. One of her first friends and they hadn't been as close as they used to be, but after the lock-in, they were on their way back. Most of her memories with Artie consisted of Tina because they used to be their own trio and most of the time she was just a third wheel to them, but they never made her feel that way. Above all, Artie had always made her feel welcome.
She turned to Blaine. It had been a rough year for them. He struggled a lot at the beginning with losing Kurt and everything else. Sometimes she wished she hadn't been so hard on him. He was drowning and she just let him go, but somehow he found an anchor and he made it back to the surface. In a way, she always thought her and Blaine were too much alike. They always got swept up in their emotions and they held on too tight to things. Their hearts were too big and maybe that's why them moving in together made the most sense. They understood each other in ways most people didn't.
Sam's eyes were locked on her and she watched him smile, returning the grin. Sam was her person. For a long time it was just her and Puck and then some weirdo with a Bieber haircut wormed his way into her heart and became her best friend. She still felt something for him. She didn't think that would ever change because by and large, he was the only boy she let herself fall in love with. She was glad he was coming to New York. She didn't think she could do anything without him.
She began the chorus. "We'll always be together. Don't you worry. I'll always be by your side. Don't you worry. The circle will never end. Just know that we'll meet again and we'll always be together, don't you worry. Oh, I am here."
As she played the last note she looked at Tina who was blubbering sobs all over the table and clutching onto Artie's chair with one hand and Blaine's cardigan with the other. Tears were falling down her face and finally Kayla let hers fall too.
Sam helped Tina out of the booth and just a look between the two girls had them running up to each other and immediately falling into a hormonal hug, each girl clutching the other's clothes and weeping into their shoulders.
"I'm never gonna forget you. I promise." Tina mumbled out into Kayla's jacket and Kayla didn't say anything. She just hummed and held on tighter to her best friend.
How lucky she was to have something so good it was so hard to say goodbye.
____________________________________
[A/N: yes, i'm sobbing right now. you can probably hear it across county lines. this chapter was so bittersweet for me because this was the end of Kayla at McKinley. i never imagine how much i could get attached to a character and i am so not ready to say goodbye to her. i wish i could keep writing this and her forever and ever. this was the end of an era, but we march on and start on the other half of s5 which is probably my favorite half. i am a Tested stan first, human being second. thank you all for supporting me and Kayla. we've hit 80k which is unfathomable to me and i'm almost to 400 followers! Monday is my birthday, so consider this chapter a present to you guys. remember, i'm taking a week off from writing after this, so i'll see you guys soon. also, Showmance episode of Gleek Please is up tomorrow, so check it out! i love you always 😭💗💗💗]
*edited 1/17/23
~ Dani