I rush up the stairs. Practically skipping. As I reach my floor I see someone standing in front of a door.
I can't tell if it's my door. You know what. It's probably my door.
"I'll look on the positive side. At least they aren't in my house." I mutter to myself.
As I get closer I make out the features.
Louis? What is he doing here?
"Hey Princess. Where have you been?" He says with a smile. A smile that falls when he sees me. "Hey what happened? Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not. Why are you here?"
"You've been quiet for a week. I wanted to check on you." He says softly. I'm getting deja vu. What is with everyone wanting to "check on me". It's fucking weird.
"Well as you can see I am perfectly fine. I'm in no mood to fight tonight so if that's all..." I say punching in the code to my door.
"Okay, I'll just leave you be." He says shoving his hands in his pockets.
"No... wait." I say, sighing to myself, "Do you want to come in? I've had a shit couple of weeks and today has just been the cherry on top. I really don't want to be alone right now."
I turn to face him and his face softens. "Yeah, sure. Sure Princess."
"Thank you." I say, my voice cracking. I open the door up and walk inside. Louis follows behind me.
"No need to thank me." He says.
"Do you want something to drink?" I ask heading into the kitchen.
"Are you sure you should drink right now?" He asks following me.
I let out a bitter laugh as I grab the bottles down from the cabinet, "No I probably shouldn't but I don't want to feel right now."
"And you're okay with drinking while.... while I'm here?"
"Yep." I say grabbing a cup and pouring a generous amount of whiskey into. "You wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything. Not anymore at least. Not since the deal." I say taking a swig.
I feel the burn trickle down my throat. I close my eyes and just let the warmth take over. This is disgusting, I should've put ice in here or something. I just need something to make this stop.
"I wouldn't have tried anything regardless of the deal Princess. Why don't we order a pizza or something? We can eat and drink while watching a movie, is that okay?" He asks like I'm going to break if he speaks too fast.
I'm so tired of being treated like I'm some fragile thing. I toss back the rest of the glass and pull out some ice.
"Sounds fine to me. Honestly right now I don't care. I just want this to stop. I want it all to stop." I say pouring more liquor over the ice.
I take another gulp and just try to forget. Forget Harry ignoring me. Forget Milly in the hospital. Forget I'm dangerous. Forget I'm a person. Forget, forget, forget. I just want it to stop.
Louis walks over and takes the glass from my hand, and sets it behind him. I'm really not in the fucking mood.
"Give it back. I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now."
"No, look I don't know what's going on and I won't ask, but I know that this," he says holding up the glass, "isn't going to help. Drinking like that will only bring more suffering Princess. Trust me."
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. "Okay. Let's order a pizza, find a movie, and drink together. I need to just not be in my head right now, Pretty Eyes."
"I can't drink. I drove here-" He starts
"Then stay the night!" I blurt out. Then I make a face. Did I just say that? What the fuck. I didn't even drink that much.
"Uh, I don't think-" Louis starts again.
"No stay. I mean it, you can sleep on the couch. I don't want to drink alone. I just need someone here with me tonight." I say understanding what I'm feeling.
I need a distraction. Otherwise I know it'll get worse and I won't be able to calm down. I can't be alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't trust myself to be alone.
I trust Louis enough to have him here. I can lock the door and have the knife by my bed. I want him here.
"Princess... Why don't we just see how it goes okay? I'll drink with you and if you decide you want me to leave I'll call a car. Now how do you like your pizza?" He says, pulling out his phone.
"I like pineapple." I say.
"Oh god no. You're kidding right?" He says with an exaggerated sigh.
"I will not hear any pineapple slander. It's good and you're just a coward who has never tried it." I say pushing myself up onto the counter.
He shakes his and holds the phone to his ear. While he waits for someone to answer he brings the glass of whiskey to his lips. He takes a long drink before placing it on the table.
"Yes hello? Ah okay..." he starts before trailing off into the living room.
Why did I like that? Harry said he was basically just the computer nerd, but they must feed them something else in England. There's no reason every European man should be that attractive, it's not fair.
Maybe it's the way he's dressed. His white button down is rolled up to his elbows and slightly unbuttoned at the top. He looks like he's ready to take down Wall Street. I don't know why but I'm kinda into it.
I blow a breath out and hop off the counter. I guess that's his glass now. That's fine. I'll just make a drink, I think I have some lemonade in the fridge. Vodka sounds better anyway.
If I wake up hating myself in the morning, I'll just blame Louis. Plus I didn't even have that much whiskey. It should be fine. I'm not mixing too much.
I grab some ice and the lemonade from the fridge. I hum to myself, trying to stay quiet.
I can't believe Louis is against pineapple on pizza. It's really not that bad. Sweet and savory go together very well. Maybe if I can get him to try some.
I pour probably way too much vodka into my glass and top it off with some lemonade. I spin around and grab a straw to stir.
Louis is still on the phone. I wonder what he's ordering.
I bring my straw up to my mouth and take a sip. Oh yeah. That's definitely just vodka with a splash of lemonade.
"All well." I shrug to myself. I walk out of my kitchen and see Louis pacing in the living room. I watch for a moment just sipping on my drink.
"Look mate I'm sorry, but I'll be out late. No, yes I know what I said. Things.... came up. It's non negotiable. I'll see you tomorrow. Yes, okay. You too. Yeah. Right, bye." He says huffing and putting his phone back in his pocket.
"Well that didn't sound like the pizza guy." I say, keeping the straw near my mouth.
"It wasn't. I had to make a call after I got everything ordered. Work stuff." He says walking over to grab his glass of whiskey.
"So was that Lucky Charms or the other one?"
"Other one meaning Harry? What he doesn't get a nickname?" Louis asks in a teasing tone.
"Hot shot or dipshit, either works. Is he still ignoring me or has he decided I'm worthy of being spoken too again?" I say rolling my eyes and taking another drink. I swallow hard, "You know what, no, I'm not doing that. I don't care."
"Sounds like you care Princess." He says finishing his drink. "It's okay that you care."
He leans through the cut out and grabs the whiskey and vodka. He sets them both on the table before pouring another drink.
"Well I don't care."
"Mmm well your not caring sounds awfully like someone who cares. I'm sorry I was mistaken." He says with a small smile.
"I'll cut you." I say, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Now that's no way to make friends. All I'm saying is if you care that Harry has been a massive jerk, that is okay. That bastard just disappeared, I'm upset about it." Louis says raising an eyebrow and taking another drink. He leans against the wall, looking relaxed.
"Who said I wanted to be friends?"
"I assumed you would. Since, ya know, we work together now. Which by the way I had no idea he was going to do that. He tends to just do shit without talking to anyone. It's really fucking annoying." He says taking another drink.
"He's just really fucking annoying. I don't even know what's going on. Are we actually going to work together? How does this work?" I ask, taking a big drink and shaking my head. I walk over and just pour vodka into my cup. I don't want to feel right now. How ironic. I went from dying to feel something to this.
"Well from my understanding. He wants your help with rouge members and in return Niall and I are at your disposal. I'm here to help you not get caught, transport your victims, take care of the body. Stuff like that." He says with a shrug.
I almost choke on my drink with how casual he says that. Louis laughs and holds his drink over his mouth to cover it.
"Sorry, sorry. I don't mean to laugh."
"You said that so casually. Does it not, freak you out or something?"
He gives me a kinda sad look, "Not anymore. Been doing this a long time Princess."
"I'm sorry."
"Let's watch that movie. Our pizza should be here soon." He says pushing himself off the wall.
I can feel the liquor in my cheeks. I need to change. I'm too hot now.
"One sec I need to change. I feel like I'm in the sun." I say walking to my room, lifting my shirt up as I go. "Do you want some sweats or something? I think I have some stuff." I yell.
"Uh no I'm good..." he says back.
I shake my head and throw my sweater over to the corner. Future Sage can deal with that. I don't wanna. I close the door behind me and lock it.
I quickly throw my pants off and slide on my sleep shorts and a t- shirt. No tank top tonight. Too much titties.
I stumble a little while trying to put my shorts on.
What the fuck. That's not fair. I didn't even drink that much. Oh wait. Did I eat earlier?
I laugh to myself. No wonder it's hitting me so hard.
"You okay?" Louis calls through the door.
"Yeah, fine. The alcohol is just hitting faster than expected." I laugh.
"Why don't we stop until we get some pizza in you."
"No fuck that. I don't think you're understanding," I say opening the door, "I want to forget about everything for just tonight. I don't want to think about anything besides how good pizza is." I say tapping against his chest.
"Sage-" Louis starts, I cut him off by putting my finger to his lips.
"No no no. I don't want to hear it. I know it's not good but this is how I'm choosing to cope tonight. So shut that pretty mouth and join me"
He sighs and shakes his head. He grabs my hand and brings it down to his chest. "Okay, okay. I'll join you."
"Good. Also it's Princess to you. Sage doesn't sound right. Makes it seem like I'm in trouble."
"My apologies Princess. It won't happen again." He says with a laugh.
A ring at the doorbell distracts us from the conversation.
"Pizza!" I say rushing past Louis to the door.
"Wait! Let me get it, I can still function like a person."
"That needs to change immediately." I huff waiting by the door.
Louis shakes his head and opens it. A young dude waits and holds out a huge box. Holy shit Louis where did you order this monstrosity from.
"Thanks mate. Here you go." Louis says taking the box with one hand and handing him a $20 with the other.
"Do you need change?" The boy asks looking at me. I watch his eyes look up and down my body.
Ewwww. I hate men. I just want pizza, not this. I try my best to cover my body with my arms as subtly as possible. I shouldn't have to do this. They should just learn some fucking manners. I'm in my own home for God sake. This isn't fair.
Louis must have noticed. He hands the box to me quickly and closes the door enough so I can't be seen.
"I'd suggest you keep your eyes to yourself mate. Keep the change." Louis' voice sends a shiver down my spine. It's deep and honestly kind of scary. He doesn't wait for the boy to answer, he just shuts the doors and locks it.
I stand there. Trying to process what just happened. And why I liked it.
"Come on love. Let's eat." He says, taking the box out of my hands.
I blink a few times before my feet decide to move.
"Um thank you..." I say softly.
"No need to thank me. Where do you keep your plates?" he says not looking at me. He opens up the box to show half pineapple, half cheese.
"I'll grab them," I say moving to the kitchen, "you just eat cheese pizza?"
"No not normally, but I didn't want to put meat on something we're sharing."
What the fuck. I can't help but smile a little.
"You remembered?" I ask, grabbing the plates. He reaches through the cut out and smiles, "Of course I did."
He takes the plates from me and places two slices on both of our plates.
"I could've just picked it off." I say walking back around to the table.
"And I can just eat cheese pizza." He says
"Whatever. Do you have a movie in mind?" I say taking a bite into the pizza.
"I was thinking of a comedy. Something to keep your mind off of whatever's going on." He says.
"It's up to you, pretty eyes."
He smiles and eats more of his pizza. "Do you have a favorite movie?"
"Yes but it's not exactly a comedy."
"Would you prefer that to watching something new?"
"You don't have to be so nice to me you know." I say picking up the cup of vodka and taking a drink. I hop up on to the table to sit.
"I'm not being nice because I have to Princess. I'm being nice because you deserve to be treated that way." He says eating more of his pizza.
I sit there just staring at him. I gulp down the rest of the vodka and grab the bottle. I can't do this right now. I don't want to unpack all that right now.
"Well I guess I better catch up to you." He sighs holding his hand out, "Pass the whiskey. I'm gonna regret this in the morning." He mumbles the last part to himself.
I grab the whiskey bottle and hand it to him. He holds it up to me, "To unhealthy coping and a hangover that's brewing."
"Thank you." I say holding my bottle up and clinking it against his softly.
He takes a deep breath and chugs. I do the same. I don't drink as much as Louis. I already feel like I'm fucking floating.
"Oh I can feel the headache tomorrow." Louis says setting the bottle on the table.
I can't help but laugh. I set my bottle down next to me. That's enough for tonight. It can still handle myself but I can't stop giggling.
"You have a nice laugh." Louis says before eating his pizza.
I feel my cheeks get hot. Nope. Nope nope. Well. Wait maybe.
"Thank you. You have pretty eyes."
"Let's go watch that movie." He says holding a hand out to help me down. I smile and take it.
Oooo I may have had too much. Walking feels like flying. "Louis don't laugh but I need you to hold my hand."
"You drank too much didn't you." He says with an amused look.
"No... I just feel like if you let go I'll fly away."
"Should I grab the bin?"
"No no I would rather die than throw up. We're okay." I say. "I just wanna sit and watch a movie. You pick though."
"Okay," he says, trying really hard not to laugh, "I'll pick. Can you turn on your TV for me? I'm going to clean up the pizza. Do you want anymore?"
"No, I'm okay for now. Maybe later. You don't have to clean up." I say laying on the couch.
Fuck me. The world is fucking spinning. Mistakes have been made.
"I'll be right there, Princess. Turn on the TV." Louis says.
He's so nice. Not like Harry. Harry's such an asshole. Why couldn't he just answer me or something. I don't understand why he went through all that effort. I just want him to pick up the phone.
Louis' laugh brings me out of my thoughts, "You okay?" He says looking down at me.
"Mistakes were made. How come you're okay? That's not fair."
"I wouldn't say I'm okay. Definitely spinning a little."
"It's only going to get worse." I whine, covering my face.
"Let's just watch a movie and try to relax okay? You'll be okay." He laughs a little.
I nod and grab the TV remote. I quickly turn it on and pass it to Louis. He laughs and sits down awkwardly.
I'm taking up the entire couch. I sit up quickly and my head feels like it's going to fly off my body.
"You can lay down, love." Louis says flicking through movies.
"Can I lay on you? I feel like I'm gonna fall through the couch." I say grabbing my head. Mistakes were definitely made.
"Of course." He says getting himself comfortable on the couch, "Come here." His arm lifts up for me to lay in his lap.
I hesitate for a moment. This is fine. He can't hurt you. He won't hurt you. You decide when it stops. I lay down my head against his thigh. I take a deep breath and wait for his arm to rest on me.
But it doesn't. I glance up to see it resting up on the top of the couch. I turn back to face the TV with a small smile.
They all seem to understand. I don't know how. I don't know if I want to know why, but it's nice to feel like this.
Louis chooses some random movie I've never seen and sets the remote down.
"Pretty eyes?"
"Hmm?"
"Was it easy to find me?" I ask sitting up. I lean against the couch facing towards him. Louis does the same.
"What do you mean?" He asks
"Harry said you're the reason he found me. You are like magic with computers."
"I don't know if magic is the correct word, but no it wasn't easy. It was actually a massive pain in the ass." Louis laughs.
"Okay, good. So you don't think anyone else can find me?"
"I don't think so. You covered your tracks pretty well. Plus now you have us. You're safe." Louis says, trying to reassure me.
"I don't know if I believe in safe. Regular people aren't even safe." I sigh.
I miss Milly. I want her to be safe.
"Do you want to talk about something?" Louis asks gently.
"No cause if I do I'll cry and you aren't supposed to see me cry." I pout.
"You're allowed to cry. We can pretend it never happened in the morning. It's better to get things out, yeah?" Louis says, trying to look at my eyes.
"Can you talk too?"
"How about I go first? I'm mad at Harry." He says with a sigh.
I shift closer to him and lay my head on the couch looking up at him talking.
"He doesn't think. He just disappeared one day. He didn't tell us he was leaving, he didn't say when he'd be back. He just left. I'm so tired of him doing shit like this. He's going to get himself killed and I don't think that matters to him. It's very frustrating to watch."
"He told me you did want him around me." I say looking down at my nails. I pick at the edges, "I'm not that bad, you know."
"I did say that but not for the reason you're thinking. I know you're not that bad, but I also know Harry is the most irritating fucker alive. I didn't want him to end up dead because he couldn't shut up." Louis explains.
I laugh and lay my head on his shoulder. "You're right. He's so annoying. I did consider it, I won't lie, but I figured that wouldn't be a smart choice."
Louis' body is stiff as he laughs a little. "It'd honestly be more trouble for Niall and I. I'm sure some of them would try to find you but in all honesty you could get away. That being said don't kill my friend please."
I can't help but laugh. I shake my head and do my best to fake a pout. Louis laughs too. He has a nice laugh. I like it.
"You have a nice laugh." I say tapping his nose.
"Thank you. You do as well. It's your turn now princess. What's bothering you?"
"Nooo we're laughing I don't wanna talk about that. Let's laugh more." I say covering my face.
"Nope come on. Let's hear it." Louis says pulling my hands away from my face softly.
He doesn't keep his hands on mine, but I reach out and hold his hand. I don't know why I'm doing this but it makes me feel better.
"Okay. Is it okay if I hold your hand?" I ask. Louis nods and rubs his thumb against my palm.
I huff and prepare to explain everything. "I'm also mad at Harry. I don't like that he's ignoring me. That's been bugging me a lot more than I'd like to admit. I don't care that he left, that's fine. I just expected him to tell me what the fuck was going on. I don't like being left in the dark."
"I understand that." Louis says encouraging me to go on.
"My friend, well I don't know what to call her. Her mom called me her daughter today and that really freaked me out. Then I realized I love them. Like all of them. A lot. And I don't know what to do about that. I can't help her either. She's stuck in that place and I can't even see her right now. She's only 8. She doesn't deserve this."
Louis squeezes my hand, but stays quiet.
"I hate that I'm useless. I hate that I feel so helpless. They are the only things that matter and I can't even be completely honest with them." I can feel the tears starting to fall.
Fuck I really thought I could do this.
"I know that I'm dangerous. I know how they would look at me if I told them. I can't tell them. Charlie is literally one of the people trying to find me. My whole life here is a lie."
This is not where I wanted this to go, but I can't stop the words from just falling out of my mouth.
"Nothing matters. I wake up just trying to get through the day. I don't see a point and before that didn't matter. It didn't matter if something happened to me. Now it does. Now I matter to people and I don't know what to do." I take a deep breath in and push away from Louis.
I stand up quickly and wrap my arms around myself.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from."
Louis stands up and walks over to me. I can still feel the alcohol buzzing around in my body, but I want more. I just want this feeling to stop. I hate it.
"Can I give you a hug? It sounds like you need one." Louis says softly. I nod and lean into him. This is a bad idea, he's gonna try something. I don't care anymore.
He wraps his arms around me. Keeping his hands above my waist. He's not trying anything.... he's just giving me a hug.
"You don't need to know what to do. Okay? None of us really know what to do. Taking it one day at a time gets old very fast, but it makes it seem manageable. You deserve to have those people. You deserve to matter, princess." Louis says softly.
His words make my eyes tear up again. What the fuck man. This is stupid.
"Stop being so nice to me. You don't know me. You don't know... I hurt people. I've hurt lots of people. I don't think I qualify to have that stuff."
"I don't need to know you to see what kind of person you are. I hurt people too, but no one who doesn't deserve it. You've saved more lives than you've taken, I'm willing to bet my life on that. There's a grey area between good and bad. That's where we are, but that doesn't mean we aren't deserving of the good. You deserve it just as much as anyone else."
I lean back and look up at him. He looks down at me and gives me a soft smile. I don't know why but I lean up and place a soft kiss on his lips. Louis' body stiffens before giving in to the kiss.
I move my arms up around his neck and deepen the kiss. I don't know what I'm doing but I don't want it to stop. I want to be distracted.
Louis' arms pull me in closer and hold around my waist. The kiss is slow and comforting. I don't want that. I bite his lower lip softly before kissing him faster.
The kiss heats up as Louis picks me up. A small giggle leaves my lips as he sets me on top of the couch. My hands move down his chest and start unbuttoning his shirt.
"Wait wait wait..." Louis says, pulling aways and holding my hands together. "We... We can't do this. You've had way too much to drink."
"I'm fine I know what I'm doing. Come here." I say pulling him by his shirt.
"No Sage. You aren't in the right state of mind right now. Trust me I would love to continue, but I'm not going to take advantage of the situation" Louis says sternly.
"You... You're right. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking..." I stammer realizing. I've had way too much to drink and I'm sad. I would have regretted it in the morning.
"You don't have to apologize. It's okay, princess. You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay. You've gone through a lot today. Why don't I help you to bed?" Louis suggests.
I nod and hop down off the couch. Louis holds my hand as I do. He stopped it. He didn't let me have sex with him. He is a good guy. A small smile finds my lips as we walk into my room.
"Okay let's get you into bed. Come on." Louis says pulling the blankets back. I yawn and climb into bed. Louis laughs and covers me up.
"There's a blanket at the foot of the bed-" I reach next to me to grab one of my pillows, " and here's a pillow."
"Thank you Princess. I'll be right outside if you need me okay? I'll lock your door for you." Louis says taking the blanket and pillow.
My eyes have started to close softly, "You already locked the front door, silly."
"I meant your bedroom door love."
"Oh okay.... that's okay. The room is really dark, did you turn the lights off?"
"Your eyes are closed." Louis giggles.
I open my eyes and see the bright light. I groan and pull the blanket over my head.
"Oh you're gonna have the worst headache tomorrow." Louis laughs before flicking the light off.
"Oh no. I forgot that's what happens. I don't want to have a hangover." I whine.
"You'll be fine. We can go get breakfast in the morning."
"Promise?"
"Of course."
"Okay goodnight, pretty eyes" I say snuggling into my bed.
"Goodnight princess." Louis says before the door clicks shut.
I don't know if I want to remember this in the morning, but right now I'm happy Louis was here. Tomorrow is a new day. A new day to work through everything. Milly is going to be okay. Charlie and Melissa are better. Kira is taking care of them.
I'm okay, for now. I can go to sleep and turn my brain off for the night.
I can deal with shit in the morning. Tonight I'm happy for my new friend.
_____________________________________________________________
Wow look at me a double update. I really love Louis. Sage and Louis besties for life......... 👀 ....... the tension I could make right now. I'm excited. But our girl just needed something....
Can we talk about Louis and what a gentleman he was. I think I'm in love with him so that's fun.
Anyway...... hope you liked this one. Not as much sad.... ☺️
Remember to drink some water, eat something, and treat yourself with kindness. You deserve the good in life too.