Chapter 4:
Things often change. Maybe not always for the better, but change is an inevitable part of lahfe. Ah'm changing raht nah. Ah don't know hah exactly, but Ah know Ah am. Ah feel different abaht people, Ah feel different abaht mahself. Ah can't explain hah Ah know, Ah just do...Do Ah lahke it? No, but what can Ah do? Ah can't stop change, no one can. No matter hah much we may want to.
Later that evening, when the majority of the school was preparing for bed, Rogue was just waking up. She had been taken up to her room by teleporting with Kurt and had then fallen asleep the moment her head had hit the pillow on her bed. She had slept deeply and peacefully until a sudden pain in her head hit her sharply. Remy explained that it was a sign that her mind was under too much pressure and now she needed to rest it. He had then faded away so he could rest and that unfortunately meant that he couldn't block out the voices like he normally did. So, bearing in mind that her brain wouldn't be able to handle anything too taxing, Rogue decided to spend the next couple of hours listening to music, eating chocolate and doing nothing that required too much brain power.
She hadn't been doing nothing for very long before a knock came at her door. Rogue looked up from staring off into space and turned her gaze to the door. After a second, she took hold of the remote for her CD player and turned it off. Having a mouth full of chocolate at the time and being therefore unable to speak clearly, Rogue slipped off of the bed with a slight wince and padded over to the door. Upon opening it, she found Logan standing on the other side. She mentally gave a small sigh before wordlessly stepping aside to allow him entrance to her room. Once he was in, she gently closed the door until she heard a small click. So much for laying around doing nothing.
"I heard the music so I figured you were awake." He told her, sounding awkward. Rogue gave a slow nod and a small smile in reply...Then silence... "I just came just came to make sure you're all right, but I see the chocolate's out, so..." He joked with a forced grin, to which Rogue responded by giving and equally forced laugh...Another silence, longer this time...
Rouge shifted a little, the silence making her uncomfortable. She knew what Logan really wanted to ask her. He was just too nervous at what her answer would be. She laughed inside at the thought of Logan being nervous about anything. It wasn't normal for him to feel nervous and that in itself was making her feel nervous as well. Plus, she had several voices yelling inside her head and that along with the silence was starting to creep her out.
"Ah don't know whah ya scared me so much earlier." She said suddenly, intent on breaking the silence and getting the main question out in the open. "Ah was still shaken and totally exhausted and Ah guess Ah was kinda confused." She continued weakly, really pouring on the honey and using "poor, innocent Marie" to the fullest. And it worked like a charm and she watched as the big, bad Wolverine practically melted in front of her.
"It was my fault as well kid. I was too hard on ya, considering the situation." He admitted gently. However, that admission of fault was met by another period of silence, one caused again by Logan wanting to ask something but not knowing how. Rogue wasn't going to bring this question forward though. She didn't want to have to lie to him, not again. "Marie...What really happened to you?" He finally asked.
Rouge hung her head down and stared at her bare feet. Could she really tell him the truth? It would be nice to get things out in the open and maybe the others might actually be able to help...No, she couldn't. She didn't want to worry everyone even more and anyway, she was handling okay...Wasn't she? What if she did need some help? What if it was only a matter of time before she cracked under the pressure...Don't be silly! She'd be fine. Voices in her head yelled disagreements and discouraging words at her but she ignored them. There, she thought, that was proof in itself that she could handle everything. But was it something she could keep up? Maybe if...No, she could keep it up. But what if...No! No one needed to know.
"Ah told ya before." She murmured while keeping her head down. "Ah was jumped by a bunch of mutant haters."
"That's the story ya gonna stick with?" Logan checked, giving her one last chance to tell the truth.
"Yeah...Because it's what happened." Rogue answered quietly, her head remaining down. Logan studied her for a moment. She was lying, it was obvious. But without solid evidence, it was her word against his.
"Fine." He grunted eventually, trying his hardest to sound like he wasn't even slightly bothered by Rogue's unwillingness to tell him the truth. He walked across the room, heading back to the door.
Rogue watched his feet go by her own and lifted her head slightly once he was past her. She saw he was opening the door to leave and she felt a pang inside. Was he so disgusted and angry at her for lying that he was going to leave without even saying bye? Would he even talk to her in the morning? Fearing that this would be the case, Rogue decided to try and make peace.
"Naht Logan." She murmured softly. He froze halfway out the door and swivelled his upper body around to look at her. She'd gone back to staring at the floor again.
"G'night Marie." He replied just as softly before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. Once the door was closed, Rogue's shoulders sagged and she ran a hand over her face and through her hair. Why was she acting like this? She was being such a jerk! Lying, mood swings. It was all so unlike her. And that moment just then with Logan. That had been awful. She'd felt so uncomfortable throughout and not just because of the constant voices in her head. Just being around him had made her feel antsy, she just didn't know why.
A dull throb began to ache in her head again and she rubbed her eyes tiredly. She'd been thinking too much. She needed to go back to relaxing and eating chocolate. She moved back over to her bed and laid back down, once again wincing. The side of her stomach which had been hit by the stool was still horribly painful. She had checked it when she had first woken up. Her whole side was practically covered in an awful purply-yellow bruise. The cut above her eye stung a little but the small plaster she had over it at least meant it would keep clean and any knocks would hurt less. She shifted into the most comfortable position she could find before relaxing and letting her mind wander away. After an hour or so, without even meaning to, she fell asleep. Unaware of everything except what she was dreaming, two voices were free to talk inside her subconscious.
"How are t'ings goin'?" Remy questioned.
"She's getting worse Remy. Ah don't know hah much longer she's gonna be able to keep things normal." A different, new, voice replied.
"Do you t'ink it time to tell her dhe truth dhen?" he inquired.
"No, Ah've already told you. She can't know anything." The voice reminded. "Trust me, Ah've known Rogue since she was a baby and Ah know how she'll react. If she knows abaht it, she'll think abaht it. If she thinks abaht it, she'll concentrate on it. If she concentrates, it'll be harder to keep the barriers up. It's getting more difficult everyday as it is."
"Wha' if she figures it ou' on her own? Marie's a smart girl. Remy t'ink you sometimes forget dhat." He pointed out.
"Ah won't let her figure it aht. Just keep up the pretence that it's you who knows what to do and it's you helping her and everything will stay fahne. And, if something does go wrong, Ah've got an emergency plan. Speakin' of plans," The voice changed the subject. "We're gonna have to bump Rogue fahnding the real you up the schedule. Ah have to have more help with the barriers and, if everything goes to plan, he'll help, even if it's unconsciously."
"Fine." Remy agreed, though he sounded reluctant. "And anot'er t'ing Remy been meaning to talk to yo' abou'. Why didn' yo' let her tell dhe Wolverine 'bout anyt'ing? Dhe X-men may be able to help her."
"The X-men will treat her like a schizophrenic and pump her full of drugs and that's the last thing she needs. If her system is full of pills and junk then it'll make it harder for me to stay in control." The voice explained. "Whah do ya sound so disgruntled anyway? Ya know Ah'm doin' mah best to save her."
"Remy jus' t'ink you goin' 'bout it dhe wrong way." He replied with a slightly bitter tone.
"Well, Remy don't know half as much as Ah do, so Remy's opinion don't count." The voice shot back, irritated by Remy's dig. "Nah, if ya don't mahnd, Ah have barriers to maintain."
With that, the conversation ended.
"In dhis life,
One t'ing counts.
In dhe bank,
Large amounts.
I'm afraid dhese don't grow on trees,
You've got to pick a pocket or two..."
Rogue groaned out loud as she was woken the next morning by Remy singing loudly in her head. She propped herself up on her right arm and peered at the clock on the table beside her bed. 7:33am.
"Remy, would ya shut up!" Rogue muttered out loud as she sat up, her back slouched over.
"Wha'? Yo' don' like Remy's singing?" He asked in a mock offended tone.
"Not when ya singing a song in ya annoying accent when it's meant to be sung in a nineteenth century English accent." She grunted, again out loud without realising it, as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Whah are you singin' a song from Oliver anyway?"
"Oliver be Remy's favourite movie." He told her. Rogue froze in her actions and her jaw dropped a little in disbelief.
"Ya kiddin'..." She said into the silent room as more of a statement than a question.
"No, Remy bein' completely honest. It's been Remy's favourite movie since he was jus' a little boy." He insisted quite seriously. "Seen it more times dhan he can remember. Know all dhe songs by heart."
"Ah don't think Ah'm ever gonna know everything about ya even with ya in mah head." Rogue said good naturdely through a yawn.
"Marie?" Logan's voice came from the door moments before it swung open and he came storming in. Rogue stared at him with wide eyes, rather startled by the sudden appearance, as he glared around the room. "Who were ya talkin' to?" He demanded. Rogue paled as she realised she'd been speaking out loud the whole time. What with Logan's heightened sense of hearing, he must have been able to hear her easily through the thin wall that separated their rooms.
"Ah...Ah wasn't talkin' to anyone." Rogue answered with a slight stutter.
"I heard your voice. You were talkin' about some guy called Oliver." He told her, his voice underlined with a growl. Rogue held back a laugh at the fact Logan thought Oliver was a person.
"Erm...Ah was just...Talkin' to mahself." She made up hesitantly.
"Talkin' to yourself?" Logan repeated with a frown.
"Yeah. Ya know, just thinkin' aht lahd." She confirmed with a small smile , and what she hoped was, a casual shrug. Logan looked at her hard before glancing around the room again and giving a few sniffs. After a while, a growl escaped his lips and Rogue wasn't sure which emotion it was supposed to convey. Her guess would've been suspicion or something like that but she had to admit, it hadn't sounded angry or seriously negative. It sounded more like reluctant acceptance, concern and worry.
"You ought to watch it." He grunted to her. "Talkin' to yourself is the first sign of madness." After saying that, he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Rogue stared after him, not sure how to react. Being told something like that should usually be taken as a joke, but Logan had said it so seriously. Almost like he was actually worried she was really going mad. She continued to stare ahead of herself, lost in melancholy thought, until she heard Remy humming.
"Hmm hmm hmm hmm-hmm-hmmhmm hmm hmm..."
Remy..." Rogue said in a warning tone.
"You've got to pick-a-pocket or two!" Remy suddenly sang in a deep, opera-like voice. Rogue couldn't help laughing at him. She shook her head a little as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got to her feet.
"Ya better not be singing for the rest of the day. Ah've got classes and it'll be hard to concentrate with ya crooning away insahde mah head." Rogue scolded in a playful way.
"Remy be on his best behaviour. T'ief's honour." He pledged.
"Thieves have honour?" She grinned as she headed into the bathroom adjoined to her room. Having deadly skin had it's advantages; a personal bathroom was one.
"Course we do. Yo' never heard of Robin Hood?" He inquired. Rouge smirked at him a little and replied:
"Robin Hood,
What a crook.
Gave away,
What he took.
Charity's fine, subscribe to mahne.
Get out and pick-a-pocket or two."
Rogue found her lessons were surprisingly dull. Even Art had failed to catch her interest. Remy had kept his word and remained silent until Rogue had started to talk to him. She almost immediately regretted it though as he started to try and make her laugh. She had been on the receiving end of some strange looks throughout English and French as she sometimes couldn't stop a giggle escaping. Now, it was lunchtime and Rogue had retreated to a more secluded part of the school gardens so she could laugh without being given funny looks. However, Remy was no longer trying to make her laugh and instead had goaded her into singing songs from Oliver with him. She had objected stubbornly at first but Remy continued to beg her, saying that singing all parts just wasn't the same as singing with others. She eventually gave in, mostly because she was in a bubbly and kinda hyper mood. So, as Rogue pretended to read on the outside, she sang along with Remy on the inside.
"I'll do anyt'ing,
For yo' dear, anyt'ing.
For yo' mean everyt'ing, to me.
I know dhat,
I'll go anywhere,
For your smile, anywhere -
For your smile, ev'rywhere -
I'd see."
"Would ya climb a hill?"
"Anyt'ing!"
"Wear a daffodil?"
"Anyt'ing!"
"Leave me all ya will?"
"Anyt'ing!"
"Even fahght mah Bill?"
"Wha'! Fisticuffs?
I'd risk everyt'ing,
For one kiss - everyt'ing.
Yes, I'd do anyt'ing..."
"Anything!"
"Anyt'ing for yo'!"
"Rogue?" Hank's voice suddenly interrupted their song. Rogue looked up to see the big, furry doctor standing just in front, towering over her. "May I have a word with you?" He requested.
"Oh! Erm, sure." Rogue agreed, quickly closing her book and scooting up so she was sitting up a bit straighter. Hank sat down on the ground a respectable distance away from her.
"Rogue, the staff and myself have noticed that you've been acting very peculiar recently and what happened yesterday and how you've been acting today hasn't reassured us. You're teachers have been telling me that you've seemed very distracted in your lessons today." He said in his usual calm tone.
"Ah, er...Ah didn't sleep well last naht." Rogue fibbed, trying to ignore the swell of annoyance inside at the new knowledge that the teachers had once again been talking about her behind her back.
"I've also been told that at some points you would start giggling for no apparent reason?" He checked.
"Ah was just remembering something funny Ah saw on TV the other naht." She lied again, her annoyance flaring up a little more. It calmed again quickly though and she went back to just feeling nervous under the steady gaze of Hank. When he hadn't spoken for a few minutes, Rogue went to Remy for reassurance.
"What do ya reckon he wants?" She asked silently as hank began to talk again.
"Maybe he jus' wants to have a talk." Remy suggested.
"Ah'm not sure. It sounds lahke he's gonna go somewhere with this." Rogue sighed, half listening to Remy and half listening to Hank.
"Yo' jus' bein' paranoid chere. Remy's sure..." He began to say but stopped half way through when he and Rogue both heard Hank say something neither expected. "He wants yo' to see a wha'!" Remy gasped.
"Ya want me to see a what!" Rogue basically echoed Remy out loud.
"I want you to have a talk with an old colleague of mine who also works as a councillor." Hank repeated his last sentence for her.
"In other words, ya want me to see a shrink." Rogue grumbled, simplifying what Hank had said. She felt the annoyance flare up again but it quickly turned into anger this time rather than fading. A deep frown formed on her face and inside she began to panic a little. She knew what was going to happen this time. It would be what happened yesterday. So, since she knew what would happen, could she, maybe, somehow prevent it?
"Well, Doctor Makenzie is a psychiatrist, yes, but the Professor and I just thought that you might appreciate talking to someone who you didn't see everyday." He explained.
"Especially if that someone is a friend of yours who'll tell ya everything Ah tell him!" Rogue yelled before getting to her feet and running back towards the school. Upon entering, she charged through the corridors, intent on reaching her room without meeting anyone else. That out burst had been partly forced. It would've come on it's own eventually, but Rogue had wanted to leave while she still had a a certain amount of control left.
Miraculously, she managed to reach her room without coming across anyone else. She shut and locked the door after entering the room before letting herself slide down until she was sitting on the floor, her knees held up to her chest. She took in several deep breaths to calm her panting breathing and after a while, began to feel the anger inside ebb away.
"Dhat was a good show of control cherie. Very impressive." Remy praised gently in her mind.
"That was...Weird, to say the least." Rogue sighed as her head slumped forward tiredly. "Ah thought Ah was too old nah for such serious mood swings."
"It's a side-effect of dhe barriers. Increased emotions. Why'd you t'ink Remy was able to get yo' to sing wit' him so easily? Your emotions are all over dhe place. Plus, wha' wit' ot'ers always tryin' to get t'rough your mind and influencing your t'inking patterns, you're bound to go from a serious high to a serious low in a matter of seconds." Remy said, repeating after the Voice that Rogue couldn't hear.
"Can you believe him though!" Rogue exclaimed as though Remy hadn't even spoken. "They want me to see a shrink lahke Ah'm some sorta suicidal fruit cake!"
"You gon' go alon' wit' it?" Remy inquired sympathetically.
"Guess Ah don't have much of a choice." Rogue murmured, lifting her head and resting it against the door behind her. She closed her eyes and sighed before opening them again and then something caught her eye. Her bedroom window, opposite her, was open. She watched a small gust of wind made the surrounding curtains sway invitingly and a plan began to form in her mind. "But having said that," Rogue grinned as she got up and hurried over to the window, grabbing her coat from it's place on a chair as she went. "If he's comin' today, he's gonna have a wasted journey." She grabbed her purse off of her dressing table and put it in her pocket before climbing up onto it and crawling up to the ledge with a little difficulty due to her stiff and tender side. When she was squatting half out of the window, she looked down below. She reckoned she was a good ten feet away from the ground. Too far to jump and her bed sheets weren't long enough to make a rope that long to climb down. But maybe there was another way... "Remy? D'ya reckon Ah could trah teleporting again?"
"Yo' sure chere?" Remy checked.
"Definitely. Ah'm suddenly in the mood for coffee." She grinned. She could feel Remy grin back at her just before he began to talk her through the process:
Step 1) Focus and concentrate on the Kurt in her head.
Step 2) Focus and concentrate on Kurt's teleportation ability.
Step 3) Visualise where she wanted to reappear and keep the image in her mind.
Step 4) Do it.
It seemed simple enough. However, her head began to ache familiarly and it ended up taking her six attempts before she finally got it on the seventh. She vanished with the familiar bamphf and cloud of wispy black smoke and reappeared on the pavement, outside the school grounds, as intended. Unfortunately, she appeared about a foot above the ground and fell back down with quite a bump which painfully jarred her side. However, this slight mishap and the even slighter headache didn't even dent the extremely good mood Rogue was now in and she headed off down the street with a small spring in her step.
Rogue entered the neighbourhood where Joe's could be found unknowingly, her attention caught up in the game that had developed between herself and Remy. The street was pretty much deserted save herself and the odd passer by.
"Okay, Ah've got one. It's Judgement Day and God gives ya two choices. Ya can either stay in Heaven and be surrounded by bliss, happiness and all that stuff, or ya can go to Hell, be eternally damned, BUT ya do get to thieve and be with as many women as ya lahke. He needs an answer straight awahy and ya have to pick one or the other. Which would ya choose?" Rogue asked through a laugh.
"Hmm...Would dhere be torture in Hell?" Remy inquired.
"Yep."
"What kinda torture?"
"Oh, you know, your basic Satanic torture; poking, prodding, rabid dogs continuously biting ya butt." She listed, unaware of the other person on the pavement heading towards her.
"Hmm..." Remy hummed in though. "Where would yo' be chere?"
"Uh uh. Ya ain't gettin' aht of answering." She chided playfully moments before bumping into the other person on the pavement. "Sahrry." She murmured out loud, not bothering to look to see who it was. The person, a man by the looks of his build, didn't reply which caused Rogue to frown. "Can ya believe that guy? Didn't even have the courtesy to apologise." She muttered to Remy, stuffing her hands in her coat pockets. As she did though, she stopped in her tracks. "Hey! Where's mah purse?"
"Yo' sure yo' grabbed it before yo' left?" Remy asked.
"Yeah. Ah distinctly remember grabbing it and shoving it into mah coat...That guy!" Rogue cried, turning around to see the guy she bumped into further down the street. "No wonder he didn't apologise. He took mah purse and didn't wanna draw attention to himself! Well, he ain't gonna get away with mah money!" And with that said, Rogue ran forward a few steps before vanishing in a wisp of black smoke. She reappeared about a foot in front of the guy and was pleased to find that not only had she appeared with her feet on the ground but she also didn't have even a slight headache.
"Woah! How d'yo' do dhat?"
Rogue's eyes widened and her head whipped up in an instant. Her hands flew up to cover her open mouth and she gasped in surprise and amazement. That brown leather jacket, that messy dark brown hair, those eyes...
"It's you!" She practically yelled, an arm stretching out and pointing. "You're Remy!"