*As always, this story is on-going and changes will be made along the way
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**
Isabella
"I know I shouldn't have spent the night but he needed me, Rey," I leaned my head against my hand, "I couldn't help it,"
"I understand Izzy," she murmured on the other line, "But you know you're only hurting yourself,"
I sat in the bathroom leaning against the counter. I had gotten out of the shower and was changing back into my pants and a random shirt that Giovanni gave me to wear when Reyna called me. I left her a message last night letting her know that I wasn't going to be home and I would explain tomorrow. She didn't wait long this morning before calling me to find out what was going on.
I took a deep breath in to keep the tears that were forming from falling, "I don't know what to do,"
"You're the only one who can figure that out. I know you love Giovanni but I also know how much it broke you to find out about Casey's pregnancy. You said you couldn't watch him raise a baby with her,"
I couldn't. Every time I thought of them together, it sent me into an emotional frenzy that I couldn't control. I couldn't hold back the deep pain it brought me and the constant rolling anger. How was I ever going to get over that? I loved Giovanni more than I had ever loved anyone but nothing had changed and I was angry that I kept allowing myself to be pulled back into this.
The tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheek, "I can't put myself through that,"
"Then you know you have to walk away and for real this time," she advised, "The two of you are only making this harder on yourselves,"
I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break anymore but it did. Every time I was reminded of the reality of our situation, the pieces cracked even further and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had to make a decision and stick to it. I couldn't keep doing this to myself.
"I love him so much," I cried
"I know, Izzy,"
There was nothing that could be said to make this better. It didn't help that I loved him and he loved me back. The fact was I couldn't stand by him while he had a baby with another woman and that was the truth. That was never going to get easy to hear and it certainly wasn't going to be easy when the baby finally arrived. I had to accept that Giovanni and I were done for good.
Reyna and I said our goodbyes and I wiped away the rest of my tears. I stood up and reached for the shirt Giovanni left for me. I held it to my chest and breathed in the smell of him that lingered. It smelled like home to me and the tears formed again. I was breaking inside and I just wanted to make the pain stop. I pulled the shirt over my body and reached for the towel to wipe away the last of my tears. I had to contain myself before I left the bathroom. After finally pulling myself together, I slipped out the door and went over to the bed to pull my boots back on. I slowly ran my fingers over his bed. The memories of him and I together flooded back. The way he held me in his arms as I fit perfectly across his body. My head on his chest as it rose softly when he was in a deep sleep. I tried to stop my mind from wandering further but I couldn't hold it back. I thought back to the way he lay me down and took control of my body. His lips across my skin, his hands in my hair pulling it back as he entered me.
"Isabella?" Giovanni's voice broke me out of my walk down memory lane
I jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to face him as he stood against the door frame of his room
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said sheepishly, "Alvaro and Penelope are here,"
"I'll be down in a sec,"
He nodded and left the room. I took a deep breath in, preparing myself for what was coming next. I could be here for Giovanni a little longer but I needed to pull myself away. There was only so much pain I could put myself through and I had reached the quota. My heart would never be what it once was.
I grabbed my coat off the bed and hung it across my arm as I turned to make my way downstairs. The chorus of voices from the bottom got louder as I reached the bottom of the staircase.
"Isabella!" Penelope shrieked and walked over to me, pulling me in for a hug, "It's so lovely to see you again,"
"You too, Penelope," I pulled away and was surprised by how great she was already looking, "You wouldn't say you just had a baby, you look amazing,"
"First time wearing makeup in a couple weeks and it helps to have these bad boys sucking everything in," she laughed and lifted her shirt to show her high-waisted tights
Alvaro stepped out from behind her and leaned forward to greet me, "Didn't expect to see you here but I'm really happy you are,"
"Thanks, Alvaro," I smiled
"How's your dad doing?" He asked
"Oh, much better. He's been home for a while now recovering so thankfully everything is back to normal,"
"I'm so happy to hear that," Penelope reached for my hand and squeezed it
Giovanni was bent down by the couch before turning around revealing his nephew in his arms. He held onto the baby with such care and his dark eyes lit up at the sight of him. He was wrapped in a blanket and had the smallest beanie over his little head.
"Isabella, meet Mateo," Giovanni murmured and slowly walked over to me
My eyes swelled at the sight of him. He was the most precious little thing I had ever seen. His tiny hands peeped outside of the blanket and his eyes fluttered open.
"Oh my God, he is beautiful," I slowly reached for his little hand and rubbed my thumb over his soft skin, "Congratulations you guys,"
Penelope smiled, "Thank you. You should have seen how tiny he was when he was born. You wouldn't say given how huge I was,"
"He just seemed big because of how small you are Penelope," Giovanni joked
Penelope laughed and Alvaro strolled into the kitchen, "Coffee anyone?"
I politely declined the offer but both Giovanni and Penelope asked for a cup. Penelope went to assist Alvaro.
I couldn't take my eyes off Giovanni with Mateo. He was a natural as he held onto his nephew. My heart warmed at the sight of him and I longed to have the same. Seeing Giovanni with Mateo reminded me that at the back of my mind, I always wanted this and I wanted it with him.
But I couldn't have it.
He was going to have this but it wasn't going to be with me. The sadness consumed me and I suddenly felt the air around me become thin again.
"Please excuse me, I just need some air,"
I turned towards the door that led out onto the balcony from his living room. I pushed it open and was welcomed by the cold air brushing up against me. I took a deep breath in, filling my lungs with the air it needed. I leaned against the railing and tried to contain my emotions. I didn't expect to see Giovanni with Mateo. I didn't expect to react like this but I couldn't help it. It was the final straw for me.
"Isabella, are you alright?" Giovanni asked from behind me
I kept my eyes firmly on the building in front of me. I couldn't look at him right now. Not when I was on the verge of breaking down.
"I'm fine," I lied
He stepped forward and stood next to me, "No, you're not,"
The tears that had formed in my eyes escaped and I was consumed by my emotions. My heart was breaking and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"I think I need to leave," I murmured
"Leave?" He repeated, "Why would you want to leave?"
"Seeing you with Mateo just reminded me of what you and I will never have," I turned my head to meet his gaze, "I can't keep putting myself through this,"
I expected him to ask me to say. I expected him to try and fight for us again but instead, his eyes swelled with sadness and he whispered, "I know,"
He had accepted the reality of our situation just as I had to. There was nothing more for us to say or do. We were in this mess and it was time to start moving on, without each other.
"And I meant what I said last night. I will always love you Giovanni but I'm sorry, I've thought about it and I just can't watch you raise a child with someone else. No matter how much I love you, I can't put myself through that and we need to stop what we're doing because this isn't helping either of us,"
He reached out and pulled me into his arms. I buried my head in his chest and I allowed myself to cry.
"I understand, Isabella," he murmured into my hair, "I just wish things could have been different,"
"Me too,"