Everyone had returned. It was hard because people kept talking to me about things I know Alec wanted me to come with them and he thought I deserved it. Moira said she wanted to talk with me this morning and several other people said they wanted to talk to me and this wasn't good.
I got into the library and she was waiting for me. "Hi Willow, sit with me?" She said softly so I sat down across from her. She held baby Lilith in her arms and spoke quietly.
"What did you need to talk about Moira?" I asked her.
"I know you're thinking about going but I don't know if that's a good idea. To have the queen leaving the kingdom alone it won't survive without you. It's vulnerable to attack. Not only that, but even if you aren't fighting it's still easier for something to happen to you." She said and looked at me sadly. "I would feel better knowing that there is someone here I can trust who can look over Lilith while I'm gone. I thought I'd be okay leaving her before she was born but for some reason things changed. It's like I can't trust anyone anymore than I don't already. But I do trust you Willow, after all the maturing you have done I trust you a lot. Actually I trust everyone on our 'team' which is something I thought I'd never say. Yes, even Wallace. Though I already liked him a lot probably because he reminds me of me. So please rethink your decision. If not for my child then for your kingdom at least." She asked.
"I'll think about it Moira. Thank you for trusting me." I said. And baby Lith made a soft sound and moved in her mothers arms. I smiled and I walked away. Staying with Lilith would be good for me to learn how to take care of a baby.
I left the room but it was long before Rosalind confronted me. "Willow, I think you should stay in the kingdom," She said. I just nodded and wasn't sure if she'd say the same thing as Moira.
"I've been thinking about it," I told her. And I headed off to do some of the things on my agenda for the day. And a few hours I went by undisturbed. After lunch I was seated on my throne when Clerik came to speak to me.
"Willow, I have something I need to say and it's all I'll say," he said, it was the first time he has spoken to me since the day the cult leaders came to speak to me.
"I'll listen, Clerik," I told him. I knew this was going to be about the same thing everyone wanted to speak to me about today. I just didn't know which side he was on.
"What you did has made me lose all faith in you, and if you don't go and fight all my faith in you will be permanently gone," he said and turned walking away. I would have said something at least okay if there wasn't a large lump in my throat that seemed to suffocate me.
I was afraid of what Wallace would say or do so I went off to find Moira instead. She was in her room with the baby asleep in a small crib. "Moira can I talk to you?" I asked her.
"Of course," She replied.
"Clerik said, 'I made him lose all faith in me, and that if I don't fight his faith in me will permanently be gone.' What do I do? Moira you and Rosalind are right, I should stay and I'd love to look after your baby. It will be good practice. But I don't know what to do. And I haven't talked to Wallace yet I'm afraid of what he'll say," I told her I was trying hard not to cry now and it was getting late in the day it was getting harder to keep it together.
"Clerik is only one person. His opinions on you don't matter, not compared to what you think about yourself. I can understand where he is coming from and yes I agree that some of the things you do are disappointing." She said and I almost lost it there but I kept it together. "The only thing you can do is try your best and if that does not satisfy him enough then that's his problem because you have done everything you could. Clerik's intentions are good, but sometimes he fails to see things from other people's point of view and you can't change that about him. Do you truly believe Willow that you will be safe going with us?" She asked me.
"I don't know. I know Alec and Wallace will protect me. But I also think it would be nice to spend some time alone in the castle and keep control of the country. And I think it would be good to stay and take care of Lilith so I learn. I just don't know what to do," I confessed to her.
"I can't force you to do anything. But, and I know that you think that Alec and Wallace will protect you. But the truth is that's not a guarantee and I think they're very strong people but at the end of the day this is a cult we are fighting and we can handle it but nothing is for sure," Moira told me. I couldn't hold it together anymore.
"Okay thank you Moira," I said leaving the room quickly. I walked through the halls alone and quickly as the hot tears poured from my eyes, I was a failure in the eyes of everyone, of my parents, or two of my only friends, and I bet Wallace thought the same thing of me. I couldn't keep doing this. A servant came up to me and told me dinner was ready. I declined dinner and went out and hid in the garden alone for a while.
The sun started to fall and I decided it was time to find Wallace, he was the last person I wanted to talk to but also the one person I needed to talk to. I checked his lab first but he wasn't there which was unusual. I headed to our room next and I found him on the way there.
"Where were you?" He asked me concerned when I walked up to him, "You weren't at dinner I was worried," he said.
"I was in the garden," I told him. "Can I please talk to you?" I asked him.
"Of course love, what is it?" He asked.
"Wallace, Clerik is, well basically disowning me as a queen a person anything if I don't go and fight tomorrow. Moira and Rosalind want me to stay safe and stay here and Moira wants me to look after Lilith while she is gone. And Alec wants me to come and fight too, and Wallace I don't know what to do, please help me?" I asked him.
"I think you should stay," he said. "Your life and our child is far too important to risk for validation. I can handle it."
"Okay. If that's what you want," I said and turned to walk to our room trying to steady my breathing.
"What's wrong, dear?" He asked and started to follow me. I stopped again.
"Wallace. I'll stay. I'll take care of Lilith and I'll let Clerik disapprove of me. And I'll wonder if I ever see you again," I said, my voice breaking at those last words.
"You will see me again. I promise. I won't die for this." He said coming to stand in front of me and placed his hand on my cheek. I pushed his hand away.
"How do I know that? What if you never come back?" I asked him voice breaking again.
"Because I am trained to follow the strands of fate whichever way I choose," Wallace replied. I hated the things he said about fate.
"There's two Aasimar out there who hate me now. The literal gods probably despise me. I tried to do right but I couldn't. Your right I shouldn't go. But I lost a friend. A person no longer has respect for me." I started walking away again. "I can't have you walk away too."
"I'm not walking away from you. I'm doing this to remove the worries of your life and make it better for us," He said following me once again.
"And if you don't come back? What then?" I asked.
"I will, and if I don't then one of them killed me," he said smiling. How could he smile? It made me sick to think about him dying.
"What am I supposed to do? With this baby? Without you? What do I do while you're gone? How long will you be gone?" I cried.
"Raise it. Love it. Stay safe. I don't know. But I'll be back so don't worry." He said.
"What do I do about Clerik?" I asked as I opened the door to our room.
"Leave him be. He shouldn't demand a pregnant woman go into harm's way," Wallace replied.
"I can't get him to do what I asked before." I felt my fingernails stab my palms as I balled my hands into fists.. "I couldn't stop her from visiting my mother. She was supposed to suffer the same fate as me. She isn't supposed to have visitors. How is it fair that he chooses to visit her but no one ever came for me!" I just screamed loudly cause I had no other way to get it out. "I could hardly control him then how am I to do it now!"
"Through punishment. If he chooses to disobey the queen he must be dealt with. quietly. It's okay. We can put her in an egg and she'll remain there for as long as you wish entirely alone in a perfect prison. It'll be alright. This can be solved," Wallace assured me.
"Then you fix it Wallace!" I turned to run from him again but I had nowhere to go so I sat on the floor near our bed and I put my head between my knees and tried to steady my breathing.
"As you wish my love," He said, sitting on the ground and pulling me close.
"Wallace please don't leave?" I asked him.
"You know I wish I didn't have to. But this needs to be handled," he replied. I moved forward and held him tight.
"Please Wallace? Please don't leave?" I asked again.
"Willow. You know I will come back to you," he told me.
"No I don't! Wallace please?" I asked.
"Willow please, I don't have a single doubt that I'll return," He told me.
"I do. Now please don't go?" I asked again.
"They can't do it without me," He told me. I was sure they'd be fine without him, why would they need Wallace more than I did?
"Please?" I clung to him desperately and I repeated my plea to him. He pulled me closer and held me tighter.
"I'll be back as fast as I can," He said, giving me a kiss. I nodded and continued to plead with him as I started to cry again and held onto him tighter.
"It'll be fine. I'll return. Don't worry." He sat there holding me. I couldn't stop. I kept pleading with him.
"Let's take a break, love," he said and picked me up carrying me to the egg again. I pleaded with him the whole way there and held on to him tight. He tried to put me in the egg and I struggled with him but he got me in and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again we were in a tavern booth together. I crawled into his lap and hid my face in him. "It's okay love. we can be here together as long as you need."
"Never leave, I don't want to leave, I want to stay in here with you," I said into his chest.
"It'll be okay. I'll return," He kept trying to convince me but I was still scared.
"You said we stay here as long as I need. Then we stay, you stay. Please?" I said. He didn't reply and he sat there with me till I stopped shaking and crying and started to calm. That's when I asked. "Wallace? Please teach someone how to use this thing? Please someone that is staying? So I don't have to go to sleep at night without you?"
"Himiko will handle it love. It's already taken care of," He said. I nodded and gave him a small squeeze. "It'll be alright," he said and I nodded again. He just held me and I fell asleep in his arms.
When I woke up in the morning I was nervous about them leaving. I held on to Wallace tightly hoping he would change his mind and stay, but when I realized he wouldn't I let go for a second to get the stuffed Dragon he bought me. "So you have me with you," I said as not only my voice but my body shook. I gave him so many kisses I was so scared.
"Thank you love. I'll be back soon," he said as if it was a promise and kissed me before he left the room.