10 Hours Away | Harry Styles AU
chapter 57 - my remedy
Turning my head around, I saw him standing just a few feet away from me. He wore his favorite pair of jeans, brand new Vans, and a white t-shirt that made his strong arms visible for everyone.
Again, he laughed. He tilted his head back and his wonderful laugh made its way towards me. It was louder this time, making it more painful to hear it because I wasn't the reason behind his laughter. No, it was someone else.
I saw him putting his right arm over a girl's shoulder, it almost seemed to happen in slow-motion making it distressing to see. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail, which he gently pushed away so it wouldn't be stuck in between his arm and her neck.
My stomach turned the moment she looked at him, and he smiled back at her. Seeing only the side profile of her face, I automatically recognized her. This was the girl who had texted him. The girl whom I had looked up on social media.
This was Ruby.
I felt my face getting hot, and myself being on the edge of panic. Quickly I rushed to the ladies' room seeing that his sudden appearance, combined with how he behaved towards her, startled me. I didn't even care to look at the other girls who were exiting the bathroom stalls or fixing their lipstick in front of the mirror because I walked straight into a toilet and locked the door behind me.
My back was pressed against the cold door, and I stared ahead of myself. I had to process what just happened in the arcade hall; Harry was present with somebody else.
Closing my eyes, I tried to control my breathing which wasn't easily done. The harsh reality of Harry being here, knocked me down. Resting my hand on my heart, I felt it beating rapidly.
Harry being here with a girl overwhelmed me because I wasn't ready to see him with someone else. And what killed me the most, is that it looked like we had switched roles; he was okay with our break-up while I wasn't. He had moved on, while I was hiding in a bathroom stall.
I tried my hardest to keep myself from crying, even though I wanted to experience the breakdown. Not because I loved to cry, but because I had been holding back the tears for a long time. Nevertheless, I couldn't give in. Not right now. Not when I was at an arcade hall with my friend... and a date.
After taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes. I tried to convince myself I wasn't allowed to get upset over this since I had broken up with him. This was simply the aftermath I had to cope with, even if it would rip me to shreds over and over again.
Not only did I not have the right to cry because I was the one who ended our relationship, but I was also at the arcade with a date. I had agreed to go on a date with Thomas. Being torn because of Harry's presence wasn't fair for Thomas. He didn't sign up for a blind date with someone who was discomposed because of her ex.
My phone buzzed lightly; Mia had texted me.
Mia: Where are you? We're thinking about going to that new pizza place you went to some time ago. The boys are hungry. Are you coming? We're standing at the bar.
I couldn't be mad at Mia for mentioning the pizza spot Harry and I had been to. She had no idea I was still dealing with my feelings for Harry. Neither was she aware of him being here. Ugh... Tonight wasn't what I had imagined it to be.
Liz: Will be there in a minute :)
Putting my phone away, I realized I couldn't hide in here forever. Thomas was a nice guy and he didn't deserve to have his night ruined because of me. If Harry was able to move on, I could give this new guy a shot too.
Stepping out of the stall, I quickly washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. Thank God, I hadn't cried because then I couldn't hide how I was feeling.
Once I pushed the door open to exit the ladies' room, I stopped in my tracks. Harry stood right in front of me.
"Liz?" his voice cracked at the end. His face showed me he was surprised to see me here. Little did he know, I had seen him already.
"Harry." I said, trying to sound taken back as well.
"Didn't expect to see you here." Harry spoke up.
"Didn't expect to see you here, either." I told him. "Are you here with Dylan?" of course I knew he wasn't with Dylan, but I had to play pretend.
He stayed mute for seconds before he was capable of answering me. "No, Dylan is at home." Harry said. "What are you doing here?"
His question wasn't an easy one to answer. In the back of my mind, I argued with myself about which response would be fitting enough. I didn't know if I wanted to be totally honest and open with him, but I also didn't have a proper reason to lie about this double-date to his face. If I were to say Mia and Logan invited me, I wouldn't be lying but I wouldn't tell him the whole truth either.
"Mia and Logan invited me." I told him. And yet, I used the words without hesitation. But when I saw the girl with the auburn hair appeared from behind me and walked straight towards Harry, my nerves took control over my speech. "They also invited a friend to tag along, so I'm on a double-date." I added in haste.
He stiffened after the words left my mouth, but relaxed the moment the girl slipped her arm around Harry's waist. Her eyes met mine, but the look in her eyes wasn't intimidating. She had kind eyes, which made it hard for me to dislike her. She just stayed silent whilst Harry and I continued our conversation, which was extremely difficult because she could hear every word we said. She was clearly present, and Harry knew it too, I just waited on him to bring her up.
"A double-date?" he asked coming across as bewildered.
"Yeah, it was Logan's idea." I said airily.
"Your mentor's?"
"Mia's boyfriend." I corrected him. "But I see you brought someone with you instead of Dylan." I pointed out before he had the chance to do so. I wasn't going to walk away without bringing it up.
"Oh, yeah, I did." Harry said as he stumbled on his words. "This is Ruby."
Her smile was gorgeous, and I bet Harry thought so too. She politely reached out her hand to introduce herself, so I told her my name as well.
"Harry has told me so much about you." Ruby said with glee.
For a second I had no idea what to expect. He had talked about me to her? What had he told her about me? Also, why did she have to be so nice to me? It wasn't making this any easier.
"You're a good friend of him, right?" she then asked.
I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could reply to her. "Harry and I are certainly good friends." I declared with much hardship.
"He mentioned the two of you often hang out." Ruby let me know. I understood why she was saying all of this because it showed she had paid attention to Harry's stories. But hadn't he told her how we had been more than friends as well? I reckoned he didn't.
"Yes, we do." I confirmed with a fake smile. I questioned myself if we were still going to see each other after tonight. I predicted our next encounter would most definitely be awkward. "Well..." I began whilst feeling abashed. "I have to go. The others are waiting on me." I announced in a rush while pointing towards the bar.
I noticed Harry being unable to properly respond to the situation we were both in.
"It was nice meeting you, Ruby." I said, making sure I filled the silence.
"Likewise!" she voiced blissfully.
She is nice, my subconscious avowed.
"Have fun tonight." I uttered.
"Thank you." Harry said. "You too, Miller." he added almost inaudibly.
I whispered a soft bye before I turned around and walked away tormented.
Ruby was his first step into his recovery while I was still searching for my remedy.
Before the double-date ended, Thomas and I exchanged phone numbers. He told me he had a lot of fun tonight and he would text me tomorrow. He placed a tender kiss on my cheek before he hailed a cab and went to his apartment.
Instead of heading back with Mia and Logan to our floor, I told them they could already go upstairs. I noticed that being outside was what I needed right now, so I wasn't in the mood to return to my home.
"I had a lot of fun tonight, Liz." Mia said when she embraced me. "I hope you did too."
"Of course I did." I replied as she let go of me. Despite somebody's appearance, I did have a good time.
"Goodnight, Liz." Logan told me when he opened the door for Mia.
"Goodnight guys." I said, and they disappeared from my view.
Seeing that I was alone, I sat down on the staircase in front of my building. I closed my jacket because of the cold breeze that made its way through the streets of New York City.
Flashbacks of my conversation with Harry were taking control over my brain. I was reminded of the words we spoke and the gorgeous girl who was standing by his side. Had they stayed at the arcade till closing time? Were they still hanging out? Or had they parted ways after they had run into me?
I knew I shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about two people who were on a date. But with Harry being involved, it was hard to set those thoughts aside.
However, there was one way to keep me from thinking about Ruby and Harry. I thought of my family back in Belgium and how I had barely been in touch with them lately.
My book had been my main focus for a while now. The time difference didn't help either because when I was about to call them, I always realized they were already asleep.
So I grabbed my phone and wrote a long message to my parents and my brother. I explained what I had done the last weeks, and how I was feeling. I wrote more about my book than about my true feelings, but I knew it wouldn't be clever to even talk about this break-up. My parents didn't even know I had been dating someone on the other side of the world.
After telling them what I had been up to, I told them I missed them. I had never been the type to send something like that to my family, but the distance between us made me more sentimental.
The moment I pressed send, I heard someone exiting the building.
"Fancy seeing you here."
A smile crossed my face when I heard Carter's voice.
"Do you need a break as well?" I asked after a yellow cab rushed by.
"All day. Every day." he commented and sat down beside me. I saw how he reached for the cigarette behind his ear. "What brings you here?"
"I needed fresh air."
"You couldn't just open a window?"
"We both could." I pointed out. "I just didn't feel like being trapped between four walls." I said. "The stairs outside seemed like a better solution."
"A solution to a problem I assume?" Carter questioned me.
I chuckled and picked at my nails nervously. "I went on a double-date today." I told him.
"Look at you, Liz Miller!" Carter cheered instantly. "Does this mean you are moving on?" he sounded hopeful, which I wasn't.
"I hardly am." I proclaimed.
"Oh." he mouthed. It wasn't the answer Carter had expected.
"I don't understand why I thought I was capable of going on a date with someone new." I started while I shook my head. I was still amazed at myself for giving in. "You know, at first I didn't want to go on a double-date because I thought it wouldn't be fair since I still think of Harry. But then I was certain meeting a new guy would keep my mind off him, which worked out until I was reminded of my feelings towards Harry again." I told Carter. "I'm so stupid for thinking I could have a good time with someone else."
"You're not stupid, Liz. You went on a double-date because you wanted to give it a shot." he declared. "Right now you might not be ready, but time will fix your broken heart."
"Time won't fix a thing, Carter." I stated fiercely. "Not when I bump into Harry at the arcade with a girl." then my voice cracked and I immediately looked away.
I couldn't face Carter. Not when the tears were streaming down my face. I was tired, heartsick, and angry at myself for letting all of this happen.
"Shit, Liz. That's fucked up." Carter stated.
"It is." I sighed and wiped the tears away. "Life here wouldn't have been such an emotional rollercoaster if I had just ignored him the night he talked to me at Tom's Pub."
"You don't mean that, Liz." Carter said.
"Maybe I do." I voiced as the tears continued to stream and my throat ached. "I can't deal with this shit, Carter. Fuck." I spoke up, feeling dispirited. "I never thought breaking up with someone would be such a burden, but it is worse than I had in mind." I confessed. "If I had known I'd have to go through all of this, I'd have thought twice about getting to know Harry. He's on my mind the entire time, even when I don't want to think of him. And while he is, I have to make everyone believe he isn't. I tell people I am okay which is a lie because I worry all day long, I miss him like crazy, and I hate myself for falling in love with him." I revealed.
"You're saying all of this because you're angry right now." Carter replied as he tried to calm me down.
"I am so fucking angry, Carter!" I said loudly. "All of this should have been easy."
"Love isn't always easy, Liz." Carter protested, shutting me up. "Listen to me; Love comes in many forms. Some people are lucky and live happily ever after, while others have to fight battles to be with the one they love the most. You can't prepare yourself for love. You just fall. You don't get to decide who you fall in love with. You don't get to decide when you get to meet this person. You don't get to decide who will break your heart. You don't get to decide who mends it. You don't get to decide when they let you go. You don't get to decide when you're over someone. The only thing you can do is decide to move on with your life. It's a shame to waste your days being upset when the world can offer you so much joy. Every morning, you get to decide how you want to spend your day; do you want to be sad or happy? Do you want to put your life on hold or pursue your dream?"
Gently, he put his arm around me, pulled me closer, and I put my head on his shoulder as he talked to me.
"When you told me you were afraid of Harry meeting somebody else, I knew this day would come. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon." he said gingerly. "You love him, Liz. That's why all of this messes with your emotions. One minute you feel like you are getting better, while the next minute you're back to square one." Carter took a drag of his cigarette before the nicotine vanished in the air. "You and I both know you'd never regret meeting Harry that night. You'd experience everything again in a heartbeat. You simply wish some parts of your relationship happened differently." he said. "The thing is, you can't change the past. What's done is done. You can only look forward and try to spend every day as if nothing is holding you back – not even your broken heart." Carter voiced. "Surely, it won't always be simple because we all get sad. As long as you don't let yourself drown in sorrow, Liz."
Carter's words made me even more emotional. I couldn't stop crying. But, perhaps, that was a good thing. For a long time, I had bottled everything up which had led me to this moment. At the arcade, I was very close to having a breakdown but I forced myself not to give in. Being outside with a good friend of mine, it was unmanageable to suppress my feelings anymore.
"It's okay, Liz." he whispered. "You'll be okay."
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A/N: Hi friends :) please let me know what you think of this chapter in the comments! I'm curious! Don't forget to leave your vote. ♥ xo Lay