LISA
I was mopping the bathroom floor of Mr. Smith when his whole family was screaming at the living area and calling out my name. I got nervous because I thought something happened to them.
"Lisa! Lisa! Come over! Oh my God!"
Mr. and Mrs. Smith with their children sound excited.
What is it?
"Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Any problem?"
I asked. The whole family ran towards me and hugged me tight.
"Congratulations! We are so proud of you!"
They said and they're in tears.
They pointed the TV screen where my name is as the topnotcher on the bar exam result.
My eyes widened.
I worked hard for it!
God. You just don't know what I had to go through!
My tears of joy fell and the family embraced me again.
They ordered food to celebrate and even wired me a huge amount as their bonus gift!
I have been working for them as a cleaner once a week as one of my part-time jobs. It's been a year since Jennie and I broke up and I really tried to fight my emotions just to get this spot on the bar exam.
I worked in another firm as a clerk again when I decided to leave my old job.
I needed to have part-time jobs since I'm renting a small room apartment and it is too expensive.
I clean three homes once a week on my day off.
Also working as a food server and cleaner in a fast food chain after my shift from my regular job.
I am so lucky that the family owners are so good to me. But at the fast food, I experienced a lot of bullying and discrimination because I'm Asian.
There was a time that a white guy threw his drink on my face because I served a wrong order. It was not even my fault. I was just following instructions from the cashier. From that day on, I double check every order.
I cried so many times.
because of loneliness. I miss my family. I miss Jennie.
I miss our relationship. But what hurts more is every time that day I found out she's pregnant with another guy flashes on my head.
It made me lose my self confidence. I became really shy to other people, thinking that I am so low and small.
But every time I think of my parents' situation and my brother's medical needs, I go back to grind and work harder.
I also think of making Mr. and Mrs. Kim proud of me. Even Jennie and I are not together anymore, I still talk to them and I really felt loved. They even attended my graduation and both of joined me on stage to receive my diploma and medals when I graduated from Law.
We never talked about Jennie. They respected my pain. And I love them so much for that.
Jennie.
I still think of her. Every night. Every day.
I am worried if she gets to eat healthy meals especially now that she has a baby inside her tummy.
I wonder if Ji-yong took responsibility.
Is she having her regular check-ups?
I don't know what crossed my mind when I started to bring food at her doorstep every week. I always do it carefully as someone almost caught me. Maybe it was her helper.
I am still in love with her. Of course.
Just imagine you had this one woman who made you so happy just by falling in love with her and making her as your goal. You studied so hard because the thought of marrying her someday and having a family with her inspired you.
Then it all vanished because of one mistake.
But
I am still in pain. So much pain.
I am still doubtful of myself.
Still thinking I was never good enough.
Maybe I was never really good enough.
Because if I was, she wouldn't look for what's missing and what's lacking in our relationship.
At some point, I can't blame her.
I'm a boring person. I could not even bring her to elegant dates.
I just wish she finds a man who will love her wholeheartedly and can provide everything she needs and wants.
Jennie is a precious woman. A not so hard to love person. She deserves to have a good life.
Yes, she made a mistake but that's what life is all about,
make mistakes, learn from it and move on.
I taught myself not to think of her too much. There were nights that I flood myself with alcohol but it didn't last long. I didn't like its effect on me the next day. It did not even lessen the pain I have inside me.
I just kept myself busy working so I can send money to my family and provide for all my needs here everyday and for the bar exam.
I could not even afford sending myself to a review center so I just studied alone and Uncle Johan meets me here at my place or at some restaurants to mentor me and help me review.
I even experienced studying without electricity because I haven't paid my rent for a month, so the land lord cut it. But good thing, the next day I got some cleaning jobs, five houses in a day and I borrowed money from a good friend at the fast food.
Uncle Johan offered to pay for the review center but I refused. He had helped me before and it's too much already.
Someday, I am going to make this man proud of me. Someday, I will give them something as a gift and make them happy.
I fought the nights when bad dreams of me being cheated on appears and I would suddenly get up in the middle of my sleep and cry on my knees.
But I shouldn't be crying over a heartbreak.
I need to stand up and live my life until I reach my dreams.
Right after I got my license, I walked on the streets of New York and just felt the snow dropping on my coat. I just walk and walk until I reached the jewelry store where I always go to before and look for a ring for Jennie.
Staffs here know me as I have been here for maybe like ten times already.
"Hey! Lisa, congratulations! I saw on the news you're the topnotcher for this year's bar exam!"
The owner himself approached me and gave me a hug.
"Thank you, Mr. Harper."
I said and smiled.
"So, are you getting it already?"
He asked me and took the ring I have been eyeing to buy for my marriage proposal to Jennie.
But I was shocked when he took it from this locked glass box.
"Why did—. It's not there before."
I asked.
"Because I am reserving it for you when it's time to propose to Jennie."
He said and all the staffs giggled.
"So?"
He is asking if I'll get it.
I chuckled.
"No more proposal. We have broken up already."
I said and smiled. They all became sad.
"But if ever I'll find the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with someday, I will still buy that."
I told him.
He smiled at me and tapped my back.
"No problem. This can wait. I won't sell it to anyone, my friend."
He said and we laughed.
"Thank you, Mr. Harper. I'm going."
I said.
"All the best, Atty. Lisa Manoban. Again, congratulations and I am so proud of you!"
He said and I smiled.
I continued walking and the snow is becoming heavy.
I decided to treat myself a cup of hot spiced chocolate in a Mexican coffee shop at the corner of the street.
I got my order and started to sip and feel this hot drink. I took some newspapers and read some articles.
There's this guy, maybe in his 40s talking to someone over the phone on the table next to mine and he is having a problem with his lawyer. Oh. I have heard that his son was killed.
After the call, I didn't hesitate to talk to him.
"Hi. Are you okay?"
I asked.
"Yes. No. I am so disappointed with my lawyer. He is taking the case least of his priority and just getting money from me. I want justice for my son. But the parents of the suspect are so influential and powerful. And I felt he is not the one who killed my son."
He said and his eyes are becoming teary.
"I am sorry on what happened to your son, Sir.
I hope the case gets solved and you'll get justice.
Sorry? You said you think the current suspect is not the one who killed your son? Hmmm.
Maybe your lawyer needs to review again the whereabouts of your son a week before he was murdered?"
I said and he shook his head. So worried. He went back reading a newspaper too. I was waiting for him to respond.
He put the newspaper down and looked at me. Then looked again on the page and stared back at me over and over again.
"What's your name?"
He asked.
"I'm Lalisa Manoban, Sir. How about you?"
I said and offered a handshake. He took it and introduced himself as Willy Rogers. He's a labor attaché of USA in different countries. He was a lawyer too before.
"Is this you?"
He asked pointing at my photo on the newspaper.
I was surprised seeing my face. I didn't know the bar results are still on the news and I have a picture.
I nodded shyly.
"Lalisa?
Work on my son's case."
He suddenly offered. I am shocked.
"Wh—what? A—are you sure, Mr. Rogers?"
I asked.
"Yes."
He directly answered.
"Okay. I will. Don't pay me. This is my first time handling a serious case. I only used to assist clerical jobs on the law firm and I am mentored by Mr. Johan Kim."
I said.
"The Johan Kim was the one who mentored you? Jesus! I'll pay you million fucking dollars. Just win my son's case! Oh god. I can't believe a topnotcher is right in front of me now."
He said and I got energized!
Fuck.
I am handling my first case.